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HisServant

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Posts posted by HisServant

  1. I forgot to mention this but this has been happening a lot more as of yesterday - 

    I remember I posted a pretty major experience about a year ago - where I hit this place which was like a bottomless pit of energy. Something very powerful. Beyond anything I've ever experienced. And it has life to it. 

    It's not in a particular place - like you know when you see parkash, you can point out where you see it? Or if you hear shabad, you can say "I hear it in my head" or "above my head" or wherever you hear it? 

    But this has no position. Neither inside nor outside the body. Yet it's more powerful and "vivid" than parkash or shabad. But no actual sight or sound. It's just "energy". It's there whether eyes are open are closed. It's there in meditation and outside. Even when I'm walking around at work, studying, etc it's always there. 

    I don't know how to describe it yet but once I do I will post an update. 

  2. On 1/14/2021 at 5:56 PM, Sehaj said:

    @HisServant Waheguru Ji this is amazing. Do you have children? I always wonder how one remains being a solid and loving parent to younger children in particular, when reaching this stage?

    I'm 23 lol. Hopefully I'll have a "mini me" one day but I'm not even married yet. But to answer the question - the physical aspect of the mind/body complex still lives life with complete passion. But what's different for me is there's less of a sense of "self". Like just dissolving. The system exists in one capacity but also does not exist. During meditation, the shift is more towards dissolution (every idea of "self" is completely gone - including the feeling of the body, dreams, thoughts - I won't get into this too much) but outside of meditation the shift is closer to a centre point. It's really hard to explain the spiritual side but the best way I can put it is having both sides of a coin coinciding. It's a lot easier to explain the physical changes in terms of personality and personal life expression because those can actually be explained using language and analogies. 

    I'll be completely open and honest - I'm not very religious and I have been in relationships. I know this will likely upset a lot of people. But I have a lot of close friendships and some of those friendships have turned into relationships. The difference is that there is a lot more detachment when there are problems in a relationship. There's less or no heartbreak if the person leaves. This was not the case for me when the spiritual side was not as developed. I used to get very sad. But now I just let go. I'm not perfect. But things are a lot better. 

    And in relationships, there is a lot more focus on the other person and keeping them happy. And the desire to make sure their needs are taken care of. The love is still there (I'm not an absent partner) but there is almost no fear and pain during the difficult times. 

    Even with family - years ago - I did not have much care or concern for my parents. But over the years, I've developed a lot more love for them as well. There is a lot more of a desire to take care of them. But not an obsession or major attachment. 

    For me personally - it's not like taking an anti-depression medication and being completely numb. I'm emotionless during meditation - but I live life with complete passion. I express joy and happiness. I have a lot of friends. I'm a social person and I like to be around people. I even put my foot down when it's needed and put people in their place. And I think these are all just normal aspects of life. A security guard can't sweet talk everyone - they need to put their foot down and show anger, even if they aren't actually angry. Even in Sikh history - there are a lot of examples of our Guru's putting their feet down and other times where they are expressing compassion for people. Not in an obsessive way - just living life with full passion but still being detached. They even had the best horses and thrones - maya wasn't "bad" - what was considered "bad" was the obsession with those objects. 

    And as a father - I think this would help me be a better parent. There's more clarity when life problems come up and there is more sympathy and compassion. I actually look forward to having a family one day and raising a child or two. My detachment is a lot better in relationships but I know being a parent is a completely different ball game. I know I won't be perfect but meditation will definitely keep me more calm and stable. 

    I do work in the emergency department of a hospital - and I do feel a lot more concern for my patients. There's a desire to go above and beyond to make them feel better (both physically and emotionally). There are times when things do not go well with a patient and I end up sitting in a quiet room crying and getting emotional. But not out of frustration - more out of sympathy and concern for the patient. I don't know if this is supposed to happen, but it's how I naturally react sometimes and I don't hold it in. Even with friends and family - I'm usually the one always asking people if they are ok or being the one everyone wants to vent to. But this could also just be my personality. It might not reflect the effects of meditation. I think what is "achieved" is the ability to not obsess and feel free.

    And there is a lot less stigma and prejudice. You often see people treat homeless people and drug users differently than they would treat any other patient. As healthcare workers, we're taught to stay away from those mental blocks but it's still a natural human instinct to make assumptions. I've noticed myself doing this a lot less. It's the same amount of concern and care for all patients regardless of how they look or how they are as a person. 

    And finally - my productivity is out of this world - not falling trap to emotions has given me so much freedom to do so much more. 

    - I work about 72-84 hours per week at the hospital (12 hour shifts, 6-7 days a week)

    - I am taking 7 university courses (I'm a straight A student with very high grades - I used to get very low grades years back)

    - I am also doing a healthcare certificate which most people work on full-time

    - Doing my realtor certificate which most people also do full-time

    - I also run my own small business and working on a second one

    About 5 full-time activities at the same time. We can do a lot as people when emotions are not in the way. I don't have to do any of these things and I'm not forcing myself or pushing myself, I'm just passionate for all 5 and want to do them. I decided to sacrifice a year and work on my credentials to open up the chances to a better future. Med school is competitive and I'm still working on becoming a doctor. It's a lot harder in Canada than it is in the US. Our schools typically have 5000-6000 applicants  (each) and they take about 200 each. But in the meantime, I'm just doing what I enjoy. 

  3. On 1/8/2021 at 12:12 PM, Ragmaala said:

    @HisServant welcome back again and thanks for updating. I was wondering where did you disappear to. Its been amazing to see your exponential progress from a beginner to this...Its inspiring so please post from time to time. 

     

    I appreciate the kind words. But also my views on ideas like this have really changed. I don't think there is a beginner or expert. Everything (god) is already there. There's nothing to look for. I want you to watch this next video carefully:

    ^^^ I think this can be compared to how we see people. Both objects in each scenario are the same, but they're perceived as different. Just like how we see people. On the physical surface, just bones, flesh etc  - a biomechanical suit. Which is run by some sort of intelligence that has been shaped by a persons experiences (including previous lives), their upbringing, their family life, the "good" and "bad" things that have happened to them. Whether or not someone believes in "fate", it seems like it could still be argued that we don't have much control over our lives, even our own actions. If you had lived the exact same experiences as someone else, I think it would be likely that your actions would mimic them. So how can one be labeled as a "sinner" and one as a "saint"? 

    During the heightened moments where everything is a bit more "clear" and the intuition is strong, it feels like I've just been living in "psychosis" my entire life. Just like when people see things that aren't there and they get sent to a psych ward for a mental illness evaluation. 

    These are just my opinions in the current moment - things often change for me the deeper I go. 

    ^^^ And then in this video, how god is viewed. When she hides the toy, the kid thinks the toy has disappeared and doesn't know where it is. But it's always right in front of her. 

    Just like this - In spirituality - where is god? who is the sinner and who is the saint? Who is the atheist and who is the religious person? 

    A lot of perceptions really change - In some of the sessions it feels like the universe in within the mind instead of the body/mind complex being within the universe. Everything just flips. 

     

  4. 22 hours ago, HisServant said:

    Blessings to everyone. 

    I am writing this today in a bit of shock and disbelieve but at the same time a lot of peace and satisfaction. 

    These past few weeks/months had been a bit of a rough sail for me. I had lost a lot of faith in spiritual teachers. I had been hearing and seeing a lot of drama that didn't sit well with me. So part of me fell off the boat a bit. I was still listening to shabad and looking at parkash. But I wasn't putting effort in to try and move further. I was sitting still. 

    Something even worse happened in my personal life a few days ago. A very subtle but very strong attachment got pulled away from me. An attachment I didn't realize was there but was really consuming my mind. I'm not going to lie, I lost my stability. I was upset. Angry. Lost. Confused. And it had been a very long time since I experienced a pain that made me upset like that. 

    I began isolating myself and really letting my mind be consumed by shabad and parkash because I knew that was the only way out of the trap I had fallen into. I had to work extremely hard. But just now I was laying on the floor looking at parkash internally. I opened my eyes to look at the parkash that exists externally. Mind was clear, no thoughts. And I had a realization. "This parkash exists both outside and inside... Are my physical eyes the one seeing them?..... And then all of a sudden I felt this third area of space. A place that wasn't the internal body, nor the external world. It was this place in the middle. I think it was beyond the mind or some extension of the mind. And sitting in that space there was just parkash. It was like looking at a new world with a new set of eyes. The best way I can describe this is by using the term "non-physical" eyes. 

    It's as if the parkash outside and inside had become one. I cannot describe the amount of peace and contentment the mind and body feels sitting in that area. I don't know if it's correct for me to stay in that space. But I just wanted to write this out with the hopes that maybe someone knows what this is. 

    ਅਖੀ ਬਾਝਹੁ ਵੇਖਣਾ ਵਿਣੁ ਕੰਨਾ ਸੁਨਣਾ ॥

    To see without eyes; to hear without ears;

     

    I think this is the corresponding shabad

  5. One day someone throws a stone at you and hits you with the stone.
     
    You ask yourself, “who am I angry with?”
     
    You are quick to respond, “I am angry at that person”
     
    However, it was the stone that hit you… not the person. Why aren’t you angry at the stone?
     
    You think, “I’m not angry with the stone because the stone had no intention to hit me.
     
    The stone is an inanimate object that was thrown by a person. So I am angry at that person”.
     
    Using that logic, you shouldn’t be angry at the person. You should be angry at their pain.
     
    … Because the person is just like the stone. Helplessly thrown by their pain.
  6. I've been spending a lot of time recently observing how people react to conflict and other situations of tension. And I'm starting to see how carrying a certain perspective can either make or break your spirituality. Whether this perspective taking is developed through bhagti or whether you need to develop this perspective to do bhagti is beyond me (like what came first, the chicken or the egg?). But I've summarized it into a few different categories. Disclaimer: this is not a complete list and is solely based on where my current understanding of the world sits. I'm just sharing what my current perspective on human behaviour is.

    1. Complete duality - During this stage, a seeker has absolutely zero perspective taking ability. Does not understand that the other person has distinct thoughts and feelings. The focus is solely on the actions of the other individual. Children often express this at the earliest stage of their development. As for adults, they may have developed and have a higher understanding, but the veil of ego is so deep that they do not understand the views of the other. During this phase, a person is susceptible to the most amount of conflict and/or hurt feelings. I feel like this is where people often sit when they start fights, lash out, throw chairs and get malicious... or are in a lot of emotional pain and grief by the actions of others.  "I am completely separate from this person. This other person is angry. This person yells at me and makes me feel sad. This is a bad individual... etc".

    2. Partial understanding - At this stage, the seeker understands that others have their own thoughts and feelings. Other people act according to their own thoughts and feelings. But the seeker still may not realize that those thoughts and feelings may be fuelled by an underlying set of desires or goals. This seems to often lead to people holding grudges, not communicating, pushing people they don't like away but the emotional pain from the actions of others is reduced. ie  "This person is mad whenever I do not take off my shoes when I enter the house. These actions make them angry. And then they yell at me".

    3. The beginning of perspective taking -  At this stage, the seeker starts to understand that others have goals and desires that differ from them. People act according to those goals and desires. At this stage, a seeker would recognize that other people are angry for a specific reason. And they may work on avoiding the things that make that person feel a certain way.  ie "This individual wants to keep their floor clean because their desire is to have a clean house. Therefore, if someone dirties their house, they get angry. I should take off my shoes whenever I enter their house so the floor does not get dirty". But the seeker may still react negatively if their is confrontation for a mistake on their behalf. ie If the seeker accidentally walks into the house with their shoes on, instead of apologizing, they may still work to protect their own ego and possibly still lash out in a negative manner".

    4. A deeper sense of perspective taking - At this point the seeker begins to understand that other people's thoughts, goals and desires are influenced by a variety of factors. This may include cultural, societal and other norms. The seeker understand that people are heavily influenced by their upbringing and the seeker begins to put themself in the shoes of the other. And realize if they had been in that persons shoes, they may feel the same way. And this is where I see empathy *begins* to develop. And there is remorse for certain actions taken on behalf of the seeker. ie "If I also had the desire to keep my house clean and someone dirtied it, I would also feel angry." And instead of lashing out, there is remorse and a seeker would rather apologize for something accidental, instead of protecting their own ego. 

    5. Complete perspective taking - By complete, I don't mean this is the final point. I think the understanding of differing perspectives is infinite. But I believe this stage is satisfactory enough to understand where others come from in their actions, reactions and feelings. At this point a seeker understands that the factors which influence a persons thoughts, goal and desires goes beyond cultural and social norms. There are also past experiences, traumas, neglect, differing stages of maturity, and possibly an infinite amount of other factors influencing the other persons mentality. Some of these factors may be known and easily understandable, but others may be a lot harder to pinpoint and may not be observable at a surface level. ie "This person gets angry when their house is dirtied. If I accidentally dirty their house, I should clean up myself so I can respect their desire to keep their house clean." But also at this point the seeker may also be able to understand behaviours that are not normal. For example in the case where someone has OCD or is anti-social. Instead of being weirded out, they may be able to understand that maybe this person suffers from trauma or neglect. And their thoughts and feelings over certain situations are beyond their control. I see this as especially important in intimate relationships because you really get to know another person. If a partner has certain behaviours or reactions that are seen as very abnormal. The seeker would understand that these may be a result of issues from early childhood. 

    6. "There is no difference between you and I" - I know this may be a big jump. But I see this as a higher level of understanding where the seeker realizes that every person is physically just flesh and bones. If the seeker had the same life experiences, culture, and even past life karams as the other person... there is almost a complete certainty that they would react in the same was as the other person. There is a lot of freedom when the mind sits with this mentality. 

    7. Nothing exists outside of God - At this point, it's no longer a level of educational understanding. But spiritual awakening and inner realization. Where the seeker see's Waheguru's jot within every person. And see's the world as Waheguru's doing. All the plays of karma are Wahegurus doing. Again, this is more of a spiritual experience rather than a state of intellectual knowledge. 

    I know the examples that I provides are pretty basic but I think it could easily be applied to other, more complex situations. 

    ie a cult leader.

    - This person may be lonely, neglected as a child and be seeking attention.

    - They want to act as a guiding figure for other people but may completely misunderstand what other peoples wants and needs are.

    This list is infinite.

    But again, this is just my understanding at this point. I know it will get deeper and more complex as there is more spiritual growth.

  7. On 2/13/2020 at 2:36 PM, Sukh_preet said:

    I am so sorry for the late reply but I was trying to figure out the ans to ur question, all this while. These circles as I sit for meditation are like circles of light ( light waves) in my vision. In my mind.

    As I sit for meditation I hear Sahej dhunn and see these waves - sometimes outwards other times inwards or like feel earth rotating ( I mean something is rotating- the circular motion). I don't know what it is, or if it means anything. 

    Thanks in advance

    any colour? 

  8. A new realization emerged today -> 

    • The higher self is neither day nor night
    • The higher self is neither left nor right... nor behind nor in front
    • The higher self is neither man nor woman
    • The higher self is neither human nor animal 
    • The higher self is neither cold nor hot
    • The higher self is neither sound nor silence
      • Shabad is heard within the mind, but who is the one perceiving shabad (anhad naad sounds)?
      • Who is the one creating shabad?
      • If the higher self were silence, who is the one who perceives the silence? 
      • Who is the one who creates the silence
    • -------->>>>>>> If we are God, and God is us.... how can silence be God? We must be that thing that perceives both the silence and the noise

    God is right here, right now. The divine energy is manifest all around. 

     

  9. On 1/6/2020 at 10:12 AM, ragnarok said:

    @HisServant could you tell us more about the technique of just observing yourself?

    It's a technique called advaita vedanta. I aim to stay with my own "awareness". When I started years ago, I would ask myself a series of questions:

    "who am I"

    "Am I this body?.... If I lost my arm, am I still me?.... If I'm still me, how does this body define who I am?.... Am I these thoughts?.... These thoughts come and go and are eventually forgotten... how could I be these thoughts?"

    I would go as deep as I could go. And eventually I'd get to a point where there would be just pure awareness, thoughtless and just observing any sensory information that came in, no judgement or interpretation. Current day, I typically don't need to start with those questions. I can jump straight into the awareness and stay with it day and night. But this has taken years to develop. I do the same with shabad and parkash as well. I observe the experiences that arise and it helps me merge into them. 

    I get rid of all attachments to theories and techniques by forcing the mind to stay unbiased and non-judgemental. 

  10. On 1/2/2020 at 6:47 AM, Jageera said:

    @HisServant Love reading your posts, this and others before.Always wondered what happened to you as you dropped off the radar.You become a doctor yet?👨‍⚕️

    I don't understand what you mean by shabad and parkash? And do you do simran out loud or internally?

    lol I was gone for a while eh? I'm not a doctor yet. I'm still applying to med school and just waiting to see what happens. There were times where I went through a lot of worry about my career but now I've been able to sit with the internal realization that waheguru is the one in control. Whether the med school acceptance comes or not is on God. In one moment, beggars become kings and the next, kings become beggars. I've always been a very paranoid and anxious person. But it's been so relieving being able to remain laid back and focus on one day at a time. 

    Shabad - sound of god's voice. It's an internal sound that's heard once you're at a certain point in your progress. Parkash - is somewhat/sort of like a light. I'm not going to get into any further details because I don't think these things should be described publicly. It's better to experience them, and then have them confirmed by someone who's decently far into their spiritual journey. 

    On 1/2/2020 at 6:47 AM, Jageera said:

    And do you do simran out loud or internally?

    I don't do much chanting anymore. I do sometimes, usually in sangat. But most of the time I can just tune into shabad and close my eyes to look at parkash. And then just let the mind melt into them and go from there. There's a technique called rom rom Simran that I do use a lot of the time to give myself a bit of a booster. 

  11.  

    On 12/31/2019 at 8:57 AM, Guest Thank you for sharing bro said:

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING. It seems just a glimpse of WAHEGURU. I read similar experiences in many books. Don't know if you could read punjabi but an audio book is available too. The name is 'bandinama', available on you tube and online , it is really worth reading. Do you know any true sant present now in punjab?

    Regards

     

     

    You're welcome, friend. I actually do have a copy of bandiginama at home but I've never read it, it's been sitting in my house for at least 7 or 8 years. The reason why I wanted to avoid reading it was because I don't want the perception of other people's experiences to affect my own. Some people agree with this idea and others don't. But that's just how I've wanted to approach my own bhagti. I've heard it's filled with a lot of gems though. I may read it one day when I feel ready. As for saints - I do have a few in the western world who I am learning from. As per India, I don't know anyone directly. @Sat1176 posts some great videos sometimes and those kathavachiks usually have their phone numbers attached. But I always recommend approaching anyone with caution and making sure everything is in-line with Gurbani. And do not let yourself get attached. 

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