HisServant

I appreciate the kind words. But also my views on ideas like this have really changed. I don't think there is a beginner or expert. Everything (god) is already there. There's nothing to look for. I want you to watch this next video carefully:
^^^ I think this can be compared to how we see people. Both objects in each scenario are the same, but they're perceived as different. Just like how we see people. On the physical surface, just bones, flesh etc  - a biomechanical suit. Which is run by some sort of intelligence that has been shaped by a persons experiences (including previous lives), their upbringing, their family life, the "good" and "bad" things that have happened to them. Whether or not someone believes in "fate", it seems like it could still be argued that we don't have much control over our lives, even our own actions. If you had lived the exact same experiences as someone else, I think it would be likely that your actions would mimic them. So how can one be labeled as a "sinner" and one as a "saint"? 
During the heightened moments where everything is a bit more "clear" and the intuition is strong, it feels like I've just been living in "psychosis" my entire life. Just like when people see things that aren't there and they get sent to a psych ward for a mental illness evaluation. 
These are just my opinions in the current moment - things often change for me the deeper I go. 
^^^ And then in this video, how god is viewed. When she hides the toy, the kid thinks the toy has disappeared and doesn't know where it is. But it's always right in front of her. 
Just like this - In spirituality - where is god? who is the sinner and who is the saint? Who is the atheist and who is the religious person? 
A lot of perceptions really change - In some of the sessions it feels like the universe in within the mind instead of the body/mind complex being within the universe. Everything just flips. 
 

As for physical measurable experiences - 
"parkash" is a lot stronger and feels like a "tool". If I'm ever tired, I just sit in the place where there's light (when I say light I don't mean a literal light but more of a light that's colourless but also can get very bright - I know it's probably hard to try and figure out what that would look like). But sitting in that spot feels refreshing for the physical body. 
The mind lets go of the body in a very different way now. It's like it just dissolves and then all that's left is space. It's a very easy and smooth process. Just like sugar dissolving into water. And then eventually gets to the point where all memories, thoughts and sense of self is gone. There's this experience that happens where it feels like the mind is going through mini explosion type phases. The deeper and longer I sit in there, the more of a shock I go into once I wake up. Waking up from that state and transitioning back into the body feels like entering tregun for the first time. It's a literal shock for a second or two until I remember who I am again. 
It's like being in two different worlds - the physical world where the body lives life and then being non existent. 
But even when the mind is with the physical body that "non-existent state" still exists. 
It's very difficult to put labels on it and describe it but the best way I can put it is "I exist but also don't". It's like being a ball of energy in a physical body. And at times it feels like what "I" am or could be also exists outside of the body. 
The part of the body-mind complex that takes in sensory information is a lot more in tune with subtle energies as well. I feel a stronger collection of energy around the head. It's very heavy. I don't know how to explain this. 
And then at times it feels like the entire universe is inside the mind. I lived most of my life with the perspective that the universe is external and outside of the body. They felt like separate parts. But now it's like "everything else" is inside the thing that feels like "me". So as a result, everything feels like it's "me". BUT at the same time "me" feels like it does not exist so it's as if nothing actually exists. Again, "illusion" is the best term but it still doesn't describe what's being processed by the sensory system.
When I type all of this out it really does not make any sense but the experience itself makes sense when experienced. 
This is why I stopped telling my friends and family my experiences or updating on here. There's just no way to explain things anymore that make sense through language.
 
Edit: And to add to all of this - only the experiences that have a "visual" or "sound" or some other form of connection to tregun can actually be described. Anything that goes beyond the senses or cannot be connected to tregun using an analogy can't actually be put in writing. They're experienced but then the mind can't even properly remember them. 

Blessings to everyone. 
I am writing this today in a bit of shock and disbelieve but at the same time a lot of peace and satisfaction. 
These past few weeks/months had been a bit of a rough sail for me. I had lost a lot of faith in spiritual teachers. I had been hearing and seeing a lot of drama that didn't sit well with me. So part of me fell off the boat a bit. I was still listening to shabad and looking at parkash. But I wasn't putting effort in to try and move further. I was sitting still. 
Something even worse happened in my personal life a few days ago. A very subtle but very strong attachment got pulled away from me. An attachment I didn't realize was there but was really consuming my mind. I'm not going to lie, I lost my stability. I was upset. Angry. Lost. Confused. And it had been a very long time since I experienced a pain that made me upset like that. 
I began isolating myself and really letting my mind be consumed by shabad and parkash because I knew that was the only way out of the trap I had fallen into. I had to work extremely hard. But just now I was laying on the floor looking at parkash internally. I opened my eyes to look at the parkash that exists externally. Mind was clear, no thoughts. And I had a realization. "This parkash exists both outside and inside... Are my physical eyes the one seeing them?..... And then all of a sudden I felt this third area of space. A place that wasn't the internal body, nor the external world. It was this place in the middle. I think it was beyond the mind or some extension of the mind. And sitting in that space there was just parkash. It was like looking at a new world with a new set of eyes. The best way I can describe this is by using the term "non-physical" eyes. 
It's as if the parkash outside and inside had become one. I cannot describe the amount of peace and contentment the mind and body feels sitting in that area. I don't know if it's correct for me to stay in that space. But I just wanted to write this out with the hopes that maybe someone knows what this is. 

Thank you @Sat1176. You and @Lucky were the one's who always kept me motivated and on my feet. Your posts back in 2014/2015 gave all of us a big push. So much of my learning came from this site. 

I am working on getting myself back on track. I just had my first session of actively listening and focusing on shabad again. I keep remembering this: ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥
Right now it feels like shabad is coming from every direction. Like a circle. It also feels like a bubble of energy. I feel so stable right now. I don't know if this is what this tuk is referring to. 
i’m working on building discipline again. just focusing on shabad by itself while going about the day is making so much of a difference. I'm also realizing a lot about myself right now. 
i think the reason why I fell off is because I was given some bad advice a few years ago. Someone told me that I should only do simran in life and not focus on kirat. I was a kid back then. I put myself in a mindset where I was doing a lot of simran but falling behind on work/school because of the advice I was given. I eventually had a wake up call when I needed to fix a number of things. I also witnessed/experienced a lot of drama a few years ago with people who I thought were strong with their bhagti and other Sikh groups. I didn't like how they treated people + the number of fights/arguments. So much happened over the years that I got a little pushed away. And then getting back into things was hard because there was the underlying fear that if I no longer felt any anxiety, I would not have any drive to do any work. When I was going hardcore I felt no extreme emotions and no anxiety at all. 
I think my mind created a trap for itself. But i think it’s also what gurbani calls “bemukh”. shabad is there but actively choosing not to listen. Literally turning your back away from the guru. 
I feel so much better right now. i haven’t been this calm and stable in i think years. I know once i stop listening all the stress and pressure is going to come back. But i don’t think i have the discipline to maintain constant focus yet. 
It's going to take time
I appreciate this site right now because it's helping me track changes + there's accountability. 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

I am working on getting myself back on track. I just had my first session of actively listening and focusing on shabad again. I keep remembering this: ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥
Right now it feels like shabad is coming from every direction. Like a circle. It also feels like a bubble of energy. I feel so stable right now. I don't know if this is what this tuk is referring to. 
i’m working on building discipline again. just focusing on shabad by itself while going about the day is making so much of a difference. I'm also realizing a lot about myself right now. 
i think the reason why I fell off is because I was given some bad advice a few years ago. Someone told me that I should only do simran in life and not focus on kirat. I was a kid back then. I put myself in a mindset where I was doing a lot of simran but falling behind on work/school because of the advice I was given. I eventually had a wake up call when I needed to fix a number of things. I also witnessed/experienced a lot of drama a few years ago with people who I thought were strong with their bhagti and other Sikh groups. I didn't like how they treated people + the number of fights/arguments. So much happened over the years that I got a little pushed away. And then getting back into things was hard because there was the underlying fear that if I no longer felt any anxiety, I would not have any drive to do any work. When I was going hardcore I felt no extreme emotions and no anxiety at all. 
I think my mind created a trap for itself. But i think it’s also what gurbani calls “bemukh”. shabad is there but actively choosing not to listen. Literally turning your back away from the guru. 
I feel so much better right now. i haven’t been this calm and stable in i think years. I know once i stop listening all the stress and pressure is going to come back. But i don’t think i have the discipline to maintain constant focus yet. 
It's going to take time
I appreciate this site right now because it's helping me track changes + there's accountability. 

I agree bro. slowly getting back on track. 
I think it will take time to figure out a balance. But hopefully I'll get there. 
 

I am working on getting myself back on track. I just had my first session of actively listening and focusing on shabad again. I keep remembering this: ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥
Right now it feels like shabad is coming from every direction. Like a circle. It also feels like a bubble of energy. I feel so stable right now. I don't know if this is what this tuk is referring to. 
i’m working on building discipline again. just focusing on shabad by itself while going about the day is making so much of a difference. I'm also realizing a lot about myself right now. 
i think the reason why I fell off is because I was given some bad advice a few years ago. Someone told me that I should only do simran in life and not focus on kirat. I was a kid back then. I put myself in a mindset where I was doing a lot of simran but falling behind on work/school because of the advice I was given. I eventually had a wake up call when I needed to fix a number of things. I also witnessed/experienced a lot of drama a few years ago with people who I thought were strong with their bhagti and other Sikh groups. I didn't like how they treated people + the number of fights/arguments. So much happened over the years that I got a little pushed away. And then getting back into things was hard because there was the underlying fear that if I no longer felt any anxiety, I would not have any drive to do any work. When I was going hardcore I felt no extreme emotions and no anxiety at all. 
I think my mind created a trap for itself. But i think it’s also what gurbani calls “bemukh”. shabad is there but actively choosing not to listen. Literally turning your back away from the guru. 
I feel so much better right now. i haven’t been this calm and stable in i think years. I know once i stop listening all the stress and pressure is going to come back. But i don’t think i have the discipline to maintain constant focus yet. 
It's going to take time
I appreciate this site right now because it's helping me track changes + there's accountability. 

I agree bro. slowly getting back on track. 
I think it will take time to figure out a balance. But hopefully I'll get there. 
 

I agree bro. slowly getting back on track. 
I think it will take time to figure out a balance. But hopefully I'll get there. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

I agree bro. slowly getting back on track. 
I think it will take time to figure out a balance. But hopefully I'll get there. 
 

I am working on getting myself back on track. I just had my first session of actively listening and focusing on shabad again. I keep remembering this: ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥
Right now it feels like shabad is coming from every direction. Like a circle. It also feels like a bubble of energy. I feel so stable right now. I don't know if this is what this tuk is referring to. 
i’m working on building discipline again. just focusing on shabad by itself while going about the day is making so much of a difference. I'm also realizing a lot about myself right now. 
i think the reason why I fell off is because I was given some bad advice a few years ago. Someone told me that I should only do simran in life and not focus on kirat. I was a kid back then. I put myself in a mindset where I was doing a lot of simran but falling behind on work/school because of the advice I was given. I eventually had a wake up call when I needed to fix a number of things. I also witnessed/experienced a lot of drama a few years ago with people who I thought were strong with their bhagti and other Sikh groups. I didn't like how they treated people + the number of fights/arguments. So much happened over the years that I got a little pushed away. And then getting back into things was hard because there was the underlying fear that if I no longer felt any anxiety, I would not have any drive to do any work. When I was going hardcore I felt no extreme emotions and no anxiety at all. 
I think my mind created a trap for itself. But i think it’s also what gurbani calls “bemukh”. shabad is there but actively choosing not to listen. Literally turning your back away from the guru. 
I feel so much better right now. i haven’t been this calm and stable in i think years. I know once i stop listening all the stress and pressure is going to come back. But i don’t think i have the discipline to maintain constant focus yet. 
It's going to take time
I appreciate this site right now because it's helping me track changes + there's accountability. 

I am working on getting myself back on track. I just had my first session of actively listening and focusing on shabad again. I keep remembering this: ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥
Right now it feels like shabad is coming from every direction. Like a circle. It also feels like a bubble of energy. I feel so stable right now. I don't know if this is what this tuk is referring to. 
i’m working on building discipline again. just focusing on shabad by itself while going about the day is making so much of a difference. I'm also realizing a lot about myself right now. 
i think the reason why I fell off is because I was given some bad advice a few years ago. Someone told me that I should only do simran in life and not focus on kirat. I was a kid back then. I put myself in a mindset where I was doing a lot of simran but falling behind on work/school because of the advice I was given. I eventually had a wake up call when I needed to fix a number of things. I also witnessed/experienced a lot of drama a few years ago with people who I thought were strong with their bhagti and other Sikh groups. I didn't like how they treated people + the number of fights/arguments. So much happened over the years that I got a little pushed away. And then getting back into things was hard because there was the underlying fear that if I no longer felt any anxiety, I would not have any drive to do any work. When I was going hardcore I felt no extreme emotions and no anxiety at all. 
I think my mind created a trap for itself. But i think it’s also what gurbani calls “bemukh”. shabad is there but actively choosing not to listen. Literally turning your back away from the guru. 
I feel so much better right now. i haven’t been this calm and stable in i think years. I know once i stop listening all the stress and pressure is going to come back. But i don’t think i have the discipline to maintain constant focus yet. 
It's going to take time
I appreciate this site right now because it's helping me track changes + there's accountability. 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

It has been a very long time since I have been on this site so I hope everyone's doing well. I had another big experience recently that I needed to share. 
But before I do that I need to be honest - I vow to always be as transparent as possible - I am never going to pretend as if bhagti has always been perfect or pretend that things are going well right now. I have been off track for a while now. That is somewhat why I am not as active anymore. Also because I have been extremely busy. But my bhagti is not as good as it used to be. 
I still hear shabad 24/7. I still see parkash. But I do not actively keep myself focused and because of the lack of focus I feel stress. My emotions are stable for the most part. No extreme bursts of happiness or negative emotions. But sometimes extremes come. But stress is a big issue I deal with these days - I work more than double full time on my business and I am also taking 7 courses at a time (5 is a full course load)  while managing a lot of other stuff. It's a lot - a lot of people tell me it's not humanly possible but somehow I do this and manage straight A+'s. But nonetheless - I live a very busy and high stress life now. And bhagti is low but the base you guys helped me develop has helped me manage everything I have to deal with. 

ok now as per what the experience was:
- I was going through a few days where there was A LOT of pressure on me. I was about to hit rock bottom. Felt very anxious and thought I was going to get crushed. 
- For the first time in a long time I started intensely focusing on parkash. I fell asleep while focusing. 
- I went into a dream phase. When my bhgati was good I would never have dreams. But I have them on a normal basis now. I started having dreams when I fell asleep that day. 
- The dream was very bad. The dream had everything bad/negative/stressing me out. My biggest problem/stressor was the main focal point of the dream. 
- Long story short - I found a solution and my first thought was "all of this is in my control”. 
- For the first time in my life I began lucid dreaming. At that point I was able to disconnect my non physical self from the physical. I don't know how to explain it. Or if I'm using the right terms.
- After this point it becomes very difficult to explain what happened. But I essentially was moving at an extremely fast pace. Not my physical body but the mind/non physical body or whatever you call it. Don't quote me on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying to use analogies to explain what it was like - but it felt like how souls might travel at death. Maybe I'm wrong. but that's how I would imagine it. 
- I began a very intense focus in a very infinite place. I was unaware of my physical body. Nothing but parkash and shabad were there. It was an empty void. 
- There was absolutely no concept of time, space, physicality. It was nothing. 
- Whatever I could feel was vibrating. This vibration was so strong it was like an intense shredder destroying anything that existed of me. Like being sucked into a blackhole and disintegrating. The sounds were so loud. Like an entire nuclear explosion. 
- It was very short lived - I started having thoughts and within a few minutes (maybe seconds - time was not there). It ended. 
But - just like that one experience I had years and years ago - the bottomless pit of energy was there. I still do not know how to describe it. I want to try and understand what this is. But I know seeking answers will not be easy on that. I keep wondering "was that 'god'?". The first time that experience happened it completely changed my life. And having it a second time (even though it was not as intense) was still a lot. Like the opposite effect of trauma. 
When I woke up - my physical body and mind felt a level of relaxation I have not felt in a long time. I was fully stress free. I was so chilled out. I previously had a headache that was not going away. Even that was gone. 
--> What assured me of the validity was the fact that the lucid dreaming phase was in my control. Even the transmigration phase felt like a choice. It definitely was not a dream from that point on - I was neither awake or asleep. Remaining focused while the sound/vibrations also felt like a choice. The only thing that wasn't a choice was the sound/vibrations happening.  Those were coming from somewhere. Everything was merging into one. 
 
I want to get myself back into the level of practice I used to have. I am an adult now. I am in school and also working full time with so many other responsibilities. I know that is not an excuse but I fully understand why it is hard for a lot of people. My teenage years were good. I am happy a base/level of knowledge was developed during that time. And this random big experience was a bit of a wake up call. It's like waheguru literally dragging me by my feet and forcing me back into bhagti. that's what it literally felt like. like being picked up and thrown into this bottomless pit. whatever it is. I still haven't fully understood what that is. 
I hope I can get my practice back to where it used to be. I am making small changes. but I know it will take time. 
In the meantime just know I appreciate all of you guys a lot. Everyone who has given me tips and advice over the years. Everyone who has guided me. Given me feedback and even challenged my experiences for validity. It is always a challenge trying to figure out what experience is valid through "gurmat" vs the games/tricks the mind plays.  
So much love and respect to all of you. 
 

I'm not 100% sure if this has been discussed before - I am not the best at navigating through sites like this so forgive me if it has. 
I recently bought a fluoride filter that also turns water more alkaline. This filter here actually https://www.amazon.com/RESTORE-Alkaline-Water-Pitcher-Long-Life/dp/B011M7AQPS
So far it seems great. The first cup I had tasted pretty bad, I'm assuming I just needed a moment to adjust. But after that it started tasting good and my body felt a lot different as well. And a few hours later my tongue started to feel sweet - the same way it does after simran. Nothing major though.
I have heard that fluoride free/alkaline water is good for clearing spiritual blockages. Does anyone know if this is true? Or does anyone know any resources that have information on this? There are a lot of hippies online that claim it but I can't seem to find anyone who knows what they're talking about. 
 
Edit - I have also switched to fluoride free toothpaste. Avoiding it wherever I can. 
 

If I'm honest, my punjabi is extremely weak so I struggle with Punjabi katha... especially Bhai Sewa Singh Tarmala. When I do understand it's mind blowing though. 
 
If anyone could translate the technique that would be great. Just a brief overview. I think I understood a good junk though.

I just don’t see why amrit vela on the other side of the planet would have an effect on someone who’s no where near that place. 
From personal experience. Sounds starts blasting loud in both ears as soon as the sun goes down and stays that way until sunrise. I don’t know anything factually beyond that. 
And then there’s the view that it’s always amrit vela when you’re always internally drinking amrit. I can’t speak more of that because I’m not at that point yet. 
I would suggest taking some time out to do simran when the sun is down. But if it’s not a possibility for you, don’t make it an excuse not do simran. Just make sure you’re doing it. 
I live in Canada and when it’s around midnight in Punjab, it’s around 1-2 pm here. That’s the point in the day where I can just barely hear the sounds and it’s also the time when the sun is the highest in the sky. 
So just from personal experience I can’t see the correlation between punjab’s amrit vela and my own bhagti. Maybe that’s just me though.