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Ouka

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About Ouka

  • Rank
    Nayana Bacha||Nayani Bachi
  • Birthday 01/16/1965

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    France, Toulouse
  • Interests
    God, Music, Visual art, Travels, Humanity, Respect, Peace (nonviolence) .... LIFE !
  1. "there is a great enegry behind it, and if it is used correctly, it can be positive, if used uncorrectly, well you can watch the Jez Kyle show, Maury etc and see for yourself." I agree with that. Everything is easier and makes sense when it is used correctly. But when nobody never ever told you how to use it, even a stupid hammer, each one will do his best ... and actually, the best becomes the worse !! crushed fingers, spoiled self esteem It is strange to me when ou talk about this Maury woman .... not clear .... do you blame her ? What is the meaning of this example ?
  2. sorry, wrong manipulation ... my post was not finished ! I understand that it is also demanding to read this truth, to listen to it and to say something in return. What to say ? What would be my feeling and attitude if I was told that kind of truth ? These last days, since the post of "unknown bridge", I am thinking, meditating, and also shaken by emotions. Fear again, which becomes anger sometimes. But then I tried to change my position, to be "you", the one who are told this. Nirvair started to be less powerful ... But nirvhau is still harassing me. I blamed myself for telling the truth here. I blamed you all to be so silent in return. But I trusted, and my faith leads me. I feel very down, weak and have physical pains now, but faith leads me. "Continue. Try again, again and again. Nothing to loose anymore. Your ego is lost, anyway !" says a voice into my head ... I came on the forum again, and didn't find any other reply. "This is to improve your faith", I thought. So, I decided to start my studies about sikhism, and now I know why I am here. My intuition about sikhs is right. I read this about Nirvhau and Nirvair, about sikhs and the Mul Mantra : "Where fear and anger are, the word of the Guru is not there. Where the word of the Guru is, fear and anger can't grow up. Because of the secret of Mul Mantra, sikhs kept the light within them, despite the tortures and horrors they witnessed. And they also saw the light within the creation. Their challenge has been unconditional love instead the fear and the revenge. (Sorry for the translation, it may not be that good, but I read it in french) So yes, I am at the right place, and I knock the door again. I am aware that "incest" is something that carries fear, anger and shame in its wake. I am aware that people would prefer another topic, more abstract, less personal. But it is such a good topic to improve our faith, isn't it ? a personal and concrete topic that give us the opportunity to practice the teachings of Sri Granth Sahib , and can lead us to be a human, to know the goal of life. A personal and concrete topic that can lead me to healing, with your help. "In a fool world, that went through many words, pictures, communications, all together, and competitions, the Mul Mantra give us a strong identity. He roots us in a reality so powerful, so deep, that our lives become victorious, full of joy, of love and compassion, even in the most difficult moments." Saibhang
  3. Sat Naam First, thanks for your help, I found the sikhs of France on FB and they replied to me. I also found some french writings on internet, abour Sri Granth Sahib, so I started my studies. And i will never study as an intellectual, just with my mental. I will always related the words to the experiences, believe me ! So, actually, I need to come back about the post called "Yhe unknown bridge" I wrote a first post, and have been asked to share more. I did. Since then, the silence seems the answer to it. That is very hard for me and I observe myself going through my own Nirbhau and Nirvair. If I talked here, about my truth, it is only because I am motivated by "Akaal Moorat". And the Sri Granth Sahib says that this state, Akaal Moorat, can be reached only by the passage that leads us beyond nirvhau and nirvair. Is there another way then going through my fear and anger to get to Akaal Moorat ? I don't think so. How can we be led beyond something we would ignore, we would deny ? How to be led beyond something that doesn't exist ? What makes something real ? To acknowledge it. That is why I talk about it, even if it is horrible, unpleasant, disturbing. I acknowledge that happened to me, and my whole family still deny it. I talk about it, and people turn their head away from this truth. I feel like if I had aids. If I decided to talk about it here, it is because I felt that sikhs can stand this truth. It was my intuition. I trusted my intuition and wrote. And my fear is real, and anger can still come up within me, because of fear. I finally wrote : it is very demanding to me to tell this truth here, to people I don't know. And if it works out, if then nobody reject me, if people talk to me in return, and reach me, help me, rather than turn their head in the other side, if this time people open up to me, rather than ignore me, so I will probably heal.
  4. Sat siri akaal Sarbatdapala, As I'm knew here, I am introducing myself through different posts. Thanks for the inspirating post you sent, they give me this opportunity. You know I am french, so western, and the way I've been raised, the way I live, the way I think, is influenced by judeo-christianity. I never had a christianity education, I mean I received baptism, and that's all. Almost all, as I grew up in a society that is influenced by the "wrong" interpretation of the Bible. Experiences of my life led me to learn by my own, not only through books, but mostly through my body. I started to listen to the pain, to my illnesses, because I finally understood they are messages, the way our body talks the words of our unconscious, of our soul, spirit, heart ... these parts of us that can't talk with words. Once I read about resurection. Something happened, something I couldn't understand yet? I just felt something through my heart, and felt relieved? I also read about reincarnation, and I had experiences like it could be a connection with other lives I went through. Reincarnation explains me all this intuition and knowledge I am discovering, step by step, within my being. I think then, I don't have to learn, like I should put more beliefs into my mind, but I have to clean up my mind, and listen to what is left. To image this, I will tell a true story. It is always how I do, talking from my own experiences. I have a daughter, but with her father we split up when she was a baby. I raised her by my own, and as I was young and immature, this situation was very frightening for me. I couldn't tell this truth to no one as the grandmothers wanted to take my baby away from me. I had to hide my fear and so it changed into anger against my baby's dad. The way I was thinking at this time was as a victim. 17 years later, my daughter was going a very wrong, and dangerous, way, and I couldn't talk with her anymore, she didn't want to listen to me. I was so afraid that she could die, and felt so powerless. To feel powerless ... that is the best time to meet God, if we give up with ego and control. I did, and I prayed. I've been led then, and I started to look at my responsibilities in this story. I recognized then that I was still angry against her father. I meditated more and more, wrote some of my anger to let it go, and then, I discovered my fear again. I understood. I cleaned up this fear too, in forgiving myself ... I was young, afraid, I felt threatened, I certainly did my best at this time. Then I wrote a letter to my daughter, to tell her I've been wrong in relation to her dad, and I really told her my truth. I also talked to her about love, the real love that was still here, into my heart. This letter changed her direction, and she's still alive. This is to say that when we clean up rooms, when we take through away anger, resentment, revenge, the only thing we can see then in this clean room, clean heart, is Love. Because we are at peace again. This is resurrection for me. Reincarnation is related to the physical domain. Reincarnation comes from the Latin language, and means re = again or coming back to the starting point in = in carne = flesh carnatio = take weight So, incarnation means that the spirit comes into flesh, into the material, the concrete. Re-incarnation means that it comes again, and again ... Resurrection comes from the Latin word "resurgo", which means To stand up again, to recover, to reanimate, regain strength, regain your power. Some experiences put us down, and we can feel very miserable, hurted, angry, sad and so and so. We can feel as if we are a victim. Feel as a victim can be okay if we don't stuck on it. There is then a time to open up and listen to the meaning of the teaching we received through the event. If we touch this teaching, or better, if we clean up the anger, the reactions, then we are touched by the teaching, the Divine teaching. Everything becomes clear, right, understandable. We don't feel like a victim anymore, we don't undergo through torments anymore, torments of ego. We recover, we feel reanimated, strength comes back and so does the power on our own life. Resurrection is the abstract. It's an abstract way of death and re-live. It is about the death of ego, and re-live from the power of heart. When we think about death, we usually think about physical death, about the "carnis", the flesh, the meat. But there is another way to die. We can die to beliefs, which means we abandone them. We can die to arrogance, to vanity, etc, etc ... I think we need to die to ego's power, and re-live to the power of heart, within the body, within the concrete, within the flesh. That's unicity, I think, the real one. The story about Jesus is watched as a physical event. A concrete situation. So, people are, scratching their head to understand the trick, the magic, the miracle of the situation. They don't think about changing the context. Jesus talked the truth, and acted in harmony with his words (he was consistent) and when you do so, you disturb the others. Children do that, everyday, they are so true, but we usually laugh and say "Oh my God ! He is so cute !", or worse sometimes, parents scold, hit him, or threaten him. It is a way to crucifixion. We deny the words that come from heart, from a spontaneous talk. A child can tell you "You look uggly, I don't want to kiss you, you stink. This means he can feel something wrong with you, with your body? You may be ill, and you are not aware of it, or you may be to hard with the people around you, in being rude and demanding, or hard with your own feelings, never telling them to the people you love ... anyway, there is something wrong that makes your muscles of your face in a special position .. and you look ugly. It also makes your vibrations in a certain way, and you seem ugly. Beauty is a state; so is ugliness. Children can feel everything that is invisible to eyes, because they look at life with the eyes of heart : Innocence. Jesus looked at lofe the same way as a child, with innocence. Not naivety. Innoncence. So, it disturbed the people who hide secrets, like wrong things we do against fraternity, against humanity, against respect, against joy, against harmony, against peace, against the well-being of each one. With innocent eyes we can see the truth of everything, of everyone, we can see the light as much as the dark, and receprocally. As Jesus could see the dark things were doing some humans, those humans crucified him, which certainly means they denied his words coming from his heart. they silenced his words, the words that came from his heart, inspired by the innocence, therefore the Divine. A cross is a physical representation of a human. 1 - His vertical aspect : his animal aspect and his divine aspect, which may live in harmony together. The central point is in heart. It is where the marriage is possible. 2 - His horizontal aspect : his masculine aspect (Yang, sun, activity, day ...) and his feminine aspect (Yin, moon, passivity, night ...). The central point is in heart. It is where the marriage is possible. Denying the darkness of our acts, because of arrogance, selfishness, ignorance, etc, is a crucifixion. We deny the central point of our being ; heart, the marriage, the alliance. So we can't find Jesus within us. Jesus is Kristos, Kristos is Sun in greek. So, it is the light we need, the truth we are searching for. Everyone can call it as he/she wants, and the different cultures gave the light a different name. Then, centuries after centuries, people gave to the symbols an identity, they imaged them as human, and started to compare and fight to impose their on truth : the truth of ignorance :D So, resurrection vs reincarnation is that we need to go through, both of them, to understand the meaning of life, and to become a true human. We need to understand the concrete aspect as much as the abstract aspect. That is my idea of the subject, and all of this may be wrong it's up to each one to verify, through his and her own experience, within both of aspects : concrete and abstract. Waheguru
  5. I guess I breath dust of old posts, as I am new here now ... It's 5 am, and I couldn't sleep anymore. I felt alone again, so I thought it was time to visite this "new world" for me. I'm so curious and starving about a new way of thinking, talking and acting in life. N30 SINGH advised me to not feel awkward, so I do my best. If I feel awkward, then it is only my ego that is talking loudly into my head, like do the traders If I really want to discover the community you are, it is the best way to do it, reading your posts, and writing what they inspire me. Actually, they are very inspirating, which is comforting for me. "Can an experience change your conviction" is very inspirating, as I am going through experiences since ... ever I guess ! like every human, isn't it ? For me, to be spiritual means to be alive, and to be aware of that life through my being. To be spiritual means to be able to see the biggest, the farest, the deepest, the highest, and also the little details of a daily life, the simplest things, what's going on the closest of us. Let me develop As a child, I probably had my own convictions, made of my own feelings. I also had to eat and ingested the convictions of my parents, of my brothers and family, which started the digestive issues ! I was young and innocent, pure and true, as a child is, and didn't want to hurt nobody. As my convictions were based on my feelings (this is hot, this itches and so and so ...) I had to change them when my parents told me I was wrong, "and there is no discusssion ! " That is my first experiences that changed my convictions. Later I had experiences on different levels, in the physic/material, in the psychic, in the spirit. Of course, I like to share my experiences from the spiritual domain, but I think to share experiences from the physical/material, or psychic domains, is also very interesting ... actually, more demanding. Yes, it is pleasant to share the experience of an insight, of a moment of enlightment, or whatever we call them. I enjoy to tell mines and hear/read yours (thanks a lot HarjasKaur, for sharing yours) Alas, it is rare to share the experiences that changed our convictions in an unpleasant way. Because it is complicated. (I don't mean here that it is better or worse, I don't deny the valufe of any of them, don't get me wrong please) I had a similar experience, and know what is the light HarjasKaur is talking about. I remember the feelings she describes, and all what can't be described because there is no words. When I had this first experience, 4 years ago, the day after, I thought I would never tell it because people would think I'm mad. I was in Quebec, not with any natives who knows what is a "connexion" But 2 days later, I started to tell my experience, to a good friend first, of course ! Only 2 days. That means my fear, to seem as a fool, was weak, very small. Smaller than the experience of Love I had. I quickly thought that people could think I'm fool, or a liar, it was not so important. They wouldn't reject me, probably laugh at me for a while, and that's all that's it ! There are other experiences that change your convictions, and it is so difficult and demanding to tell them. Some people can never ever tell these kind of experiences. It seems that God leads me in the "demanding" direction. I am then mostly unpopular than famous. But it is my path, and I choose to serve God, so I accept what is on my plate The fact that people can think you are a fool, and laugh at you, is not so hard to deal with, it is not as hard than being fled, agressed because this true experience is hard to listen. There is an experience that changed my conviction, so deeply, I couldn't tell until now. This experience happened 44 years ago, and I told it on this forum in another topic (The unknown bridge). This experience is called "incest", and it changes your convictions for true, deeply, strongly, step by step, little by little. My conviction was that I could trust my parents, as they were the only one who could take care for me, it was their duty. It seems so natural, so logical, that the opposit is difficult to believe. For me, and for the people who hear this kind of experience. Then everyone feels uncomfortable, probably also you now, reading this. This experience can be thought as the experience of devi. But this is not the way I choose to see it. The shame would be too heavy, to strait, I won't be able to breath anymore. (Actually, it is what happened a few years ago, I started to feel like I was buried alive, that's why I've been searching for truth. I had no souvenirs for many many years ... a unconscious way to stay alive). My choice is to see this experience as the experience of God. But it is so "horrible", onerous, unthinkable. It does such damages inside, in the physical and psychical domains, it destroys so deeply the first conviction we need to grow up, the base, the foundation of the values : Trust. Confidence. Faith. That's why it is dificult to see the holy of it. The event is so hard to stand, because of betrayal, because of shame, because of anger, because of guilt, that people turn their head on the other side ... Yes, Devil can be so uggly that we forget to take care of the humanity, within and without us. And yes, it should not allow us to be distracted from the path of worship of the Highest. I try not to. But for this, it seems that I need you, I mean humans who will help me to change my conviction again, to turn it back to the point it was when I was a child, innocent, virgin/pure. How can I live in the humanity, the world of humans, if I can never ever trust someone ? and worse, my ownself. Because it damaged my self-confidence too. I can live with God, because I never ever felt judged there, but if I just live with God, which means in the spiritual domain only, it is to say that I would leave this body, this life ... like what HarjasKaur described : " I did not want my life anymore, so great was the Divine Glory. I wanted to just lose myself forever in the brilliant Light Presence of Divine Mother. Because I had nothing. I am nothing " I accepted my incarnation, consciously, so I want to walk this path through humanity, with the "gifts" I received from life, from God. And this experience is one of these gifts. It changed my conviction, and now that I am an adult, I try to change it again, into a conviction that woud provide me life, rather than death. So, when I read this : Reconciliation is in the Light which hides at the heart of all things. Not separate temporary identities, but actual merging into each other, so that the suffering of the lowliest becomes my own. When I can truly cherish without division, like a Divine Mother and like a Divine Father I can help to heal the causes of suffering. Just as the Light loves us, we are supposed to be the Light of Love in this world of darkness and ignorance. That is our purpose. That is why we are here. We are supposed to give ourselves away as a sacrifice of love to bring comfort and protection and peace to all who need. yes, when I read this, I think I understand the meaning, and I pray for that it can become true. How ? Because we go to the Temple each time we can ? Yes, also. Because we listen to God and meditate each time we need ? Yes, also. Because when there is someone who ask for help, someone who seems such a stranger to us, such a mystery, we answer : "Yes, come in "....isn't it what would say Gurmat, Buddha, Jesus ....? It needs humility to ask for help. It needs courage to tell our truth. It needs Faith to knock the door of your heart. It needs Faith to open it. I went to Temples from different faiths, philosophies, and I found comfort in prayers, I found hope again in listening the words which are talked, the promise of fraternity. But when it is time to act, to make our words come true, concrete, we feel afraid, awkward, hesitating. Both of us. The one who could help will find any reason to be busy somewhere else, and the one who asked for help will apologize and comfort the others "Don't worry, I'm fine !", and will feel sorry because he/she annoyed you. So, I think it is human to think about an experience that would show us, and convince us, how loved we are by the Divine. Yes, it is human and I wish every human could live this experience. It is such a wonderful experience. I also wish us all to live this experience, through our human hearts : feeling loved by another human, the same as if he or she was God. If we understand this, we will know that it can also be an experience that would change our conviction. And the reason I tell my experience here, the "ugly" one, is to give us a chance to change and become Divine, step by step, in the daily issues. I do it for me, and as I do it for me, because I need you, I do it for you too. There is not enough temples to go to, not enough priests to listen our truth, but there is enough humans to help each others. you may be the Temple I need today, the priest I need today, don't you ? So, "Can an experience change your conviction ?" Humbly, a human, just like you
  6. Salute received Jaikaara
  7. Yes, I hear you when you say to share more and more. I do my best to share more. This is very demanding to me. This post I wrote yesterday night, was demanding. I prayed and meditated after that, and my energy was so high all night long. So I will share more, the more I can for now. I know I have to tell my whole truth, to open up and love myself as I am, with that past which led me here. I know it is the only way to heal, to feel the presence of God more and more, into my heart, into my soul, into my body/temple. The difficulty for me is to be apart of the group, the human group ! More I open up and tell my truth, even with the shame I still feel, more I feel the presence of God ... and more I am alone here, in the culture I was born, in the rules I've been educated. I am a human too, and I need a community too, I need sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers. I need people I can trust and who listen to me for true, when I feel weak and vulnerable, angry and upset. It is right to feel weak, it gives strength, but in the culture I live, it seems annoying, exasperating, irritating. I'm complaining, I know ... the pain is still there, I'm aware of that. I don't deny that I am at the right place, at the right time. I am also aware that I create my own reality, my own path, led by God, and disturbed by my ego. I know how it goes to learn the meaning of life, I'm aware of certain rules now, Universal rules, Sacred rules. I think I'd like to be heard, even if I complain, and not rejected anymore. Okay ... I try Easier to start with the souvenir of that post about sex before marriage and adultery. I replied to this post, because I feel very concerned. (my heart beats strongly now ... my ego harasses me again ... Pray Ouka, pray ...) I don't know what would be my feelings if I had sex before marriage because I chose so. I don't know how I would feel if the adultery I knew was also my choice. I just know how trapped, into guilt and shame, I feel because both of them happened to me ... when I was 4 years old. It could not be my choice, of course, I was 4 years old. But then I am part of a story that needed to be hidden and forgotten. And I feel like Pandora and the box, where this truth is hidden. My family denies, since ever, even my mother. I was the one who made the adultery possible. This situation is so complexe, and so perverse. I had a true accident, a true injury, and everybody denied this around me, because I was also the culprit. My father talked to me to make this (wrong) event being normal, but at least a secret between him and I, because nobody would believe me, they would be jealous, they would reject me and I would be ALONE, I would hurt my mother and make her so sad ... It was scary for a ... child. And actually, it is true ! I felt rejected all this time, because there is a monster inside me, a monster that nobody wants to see, to face, to listen to. Can you imagine what is life then in a judeo-christian environment ? even with atheist parents ! I feel like I spent my life in a jail, and the jail in this secret I had to carry by my own on my shoulders. It is because I found God that I could get off the jail. (actually, the jail started to disappear when I realised that God is in everything, so was also the jail. If God is the jail, then there is no more jail, just an illusion of it So I started to feel free again. This was last october) This is part of my healing, of freedom, to tell my truth and being afraid of rejection again. But it is the only way I can heal, try again, trust again, with the fear about the risk to be betrayed again, judged again, rejected again, forgotten and ignored again. So yes, it is very demanding to me to tell this truth here, to people I don't know. And if it works out, if then nobody reject me, if people talk to me in return, and reach me, help me, rather than turn their head in the other side, if this time people open up to me, rather than ignore me, so I will probably heal. Life shows me now that it is time to take the risk again. The first time I did, I was 4 years old and my mother cut my mouth with a slap. It is similar to the story taught in the Bible, about "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". My mother cast the first stone. And here, and now, 44 years later, who will cast the first stone to me ? This was demanding, but I feel proud and brave, I did it. I walked one more step, with the help of God, God that I can see through you too. Waheguru Waheguru
  8. I finally made it lucky me ! II had no answer to this post !! :D
  9. Bonjour Hello Sat siri akaal I'm not sure where I should start this topic, post this message, so God will lead me again, for the best of everyone. My post is titled "The Unknown bridge" because it is exactly what is infront of me now. How many people were born in a country, raised by its culture and habits, beliefs and rules, and then had to change them all, for a new world, a new life, a new way of living ? How many ? Not much I guess. People who change their whole life are a minority. I think I am part of this minority ... well, I'm sure I am. Have you ever had the feeling that you came by bus to a place, with your family and friends, you got off the bus to visite around, and then the bus left without you ! So then, you were alone in a place you don't speak the language, you don't understand the rules, the meaning of their thoughts ... I do. I do had and have this feeling, since many many years, since I was a child. I did my best to learn how to live in this "world", and the teachings were hard, the lessons were painful. I could die, many times, but I didn't. A miracle, probably ... miracle of God, for sure. I hided and hushed up my truth all along those years. I can't anymore. I started to read posts here, and to exchange with some of them, just a few days ago, and it is like a relief for me. Hope is back. But how can I cross this bridge, as I can't see it well for now. I wish there is a bridge, I guess there is one, I bet there is one .... But it is the unknown bridge for the moment, because I never walked so far away from the culture, from the rules, from the beliefs of people with who I lived until now. No, I never walked so far, and now the world I left is a long long way return, a way I can't walk anymore because it is impossible to reclose my consciousness. I never walked neither in the new world, so I don't know how it is. I came very close to it, and it smells good, it seems good, it gives me a good feeling ... enough to attracte me more and more each day. I need to go there, to leave the world I know and to start a new journey, in a new world. This world is made of eastern people, and especially Sikh people. Why ? Ask God. He led me here. I already wrote about this experience, but there is so many little details ... like this one I didn't tell you yet : I was traveling through Canada, with my backpack and all my life in it. Everything was left, almost. Almost means I still had a little money from France because I'm visually impaired. I was traveling by my own, and for the first time through Canada, going west. I was also at the end of a year of fasting. I thought my ankles would break because of the weight of my bag ! And it was a long time I didn't speak english, anyway, the first time I heard the canadian accent ( I learnt english from UK, at school). If I tell you all those details, it is not to look like a hero, but then you can imagine how my sixth sense, my intuition, my perception were high. It is how we are when we are so vulnerable. And in this time of extreme vulnerability, I met a very generous single mom who hosted me for a while. One day we started to talk about India, as we both feel attracted to this country (she was also reading the biography of Ghandi). How we started to talk about sikhs, I don't remember, but then we both were ignorant about sikhs and sikhisme ! So, after our talk, I went on internet and wrote "sikh" on google pictures. Many people would search some definition, some writings, a map of India, I don't know, but not pictures. I did. I started to look at these portraits, one by one, slowly, very concentrated and open. And in a few minutes I felt so .... safe ! This was very surprising, ununderstandable, new, unexpected. But very true. I never felt so safe before, especially with strangers ! This was so wierd that I thought "God is behind this !" Now that I talk with you, I understand better, day after day. It is safe to talk the same language. Sacred language. Language of heart. I needed it and I probably walked my own desert to come here, like Jesus and so many others before me ! So, it looks like there is a bridge, which can take me to the other side. You all are this bridge, a bridge made of humans, of humanity. Tonight I find enough humility to ask for help. I already expressed that I would like to become sikh. Then I realised that in a way I am already sikh, because sikh means" disciple". I had no Temple where to go, so I realised that my body is the first Temple I am responsible for. Now I need to share more, to learn about sikhisme, of course, but not just that. It is not just a new religion I have to embrace, it is a whole new way of living. Because I appreciate the values of sikhi, I can feel them into my heart, I feel in harmony with them. I left everything, job, home, family, and traveled the world to find my home. I was homeless since ... not ready to tell that here ... anyway, since a very long time. I'm back in France, into a life I know and where I feel homeless again. Orphan. Sorry, I guess I can't finish this message now. I am crying. My fears are coming up, my ego is harassing me : 'Are you mad ? Nobody cares ! You gonna look stupid !" That is the story of my life, not being able to tell my whole truth before my ego cut my mouth. I need your strength, and don't know if anyone will understand that I need help. This is the Unknown bridge.
  10. This is so interesting, I'm discovering sikhi now, for true. I don't understand every word, like "bairaag" ... can you explain this one ? I took notes on paper, as it is so close to what I finally understood through my experiences and meditations. I mean, it is exactly what means marriage to me now. The four lavan makes so much sense inside of me. I feel better since I am talking with sikhs, about sikhism. So, it means my heart led me to sikhism because he knows. He knows it would be good for me. Yes, truly I'm surprised, when I read about Anand Karaj, because it is what meditation taught me, what experiences taught me. But I couldn't talk about it with anyone here. They are just not the same culture, no worse, no better, just different. I felt so orphan. I was, and I knew I was. So, to say I felt homeless was true. God leads me, and I am walking with open eyes since I told my ego to be the faithful dog he must be, instead being the Master ! Anyway, when I first read about sikhi, I was surprised because it was very close to who I am now. I remember very clearly that I've been thinking : "oh ! So I am already sikh !" Now I read about the way sikhi means marriage, and it is like it put words on my feelings. It is a relief, just like when you want to explain something very important to someone but you don't talk the same language. Very frustrating ! I think sikhi has a lot to offer me. I am drinking these words like I woud drink at a source. Okay, that was the expression of my emotion. I feel so touched when I read that sikh idea marriage doesn't revolve around sex. I know that too, even if I have not been taught by sikhism, but I felt so lonely, until now, when I said so around me. There is a strong pressure on sex attitude. Sex is THE purpose, in western style life, and probably more in France and mediterranean countries. I was born in France, and now I know that God makes the best "plan" for me .... but I was not aware of that for a long time, and the sexual pressure was hard to live, hard to bear, hard to fight ! I still feel hurted, like a soldier with scars, but I trusted God when I choose "no sex anymore". I knew there was another way, another path, another level. Complicated to live in a society where most of people don't think the same. When I say "no sex anymore", the reacts are amazing, and usually unfriendly. Even from women ! which is more surprising for me. I found my power back, good for me, but I heard myself being insulted, aggressed because of my choice. Only my talks with God gave me strength to continue. My faith grew up, day after day, and I accepted to live alone if it was the only way to serve God, to be faithful to myself, to respect the Divine God put into this Temple ... my body. I am responsible now for this Temple, and that is the most important. Of course, sometimes I felt very lonely, misunderstood, rejected, even by my own family, and I cried, and I suffered. Enough to grow more my faith into God. I've been searching, and felt discouraged sometimes as I thought I would never meet someone who has a different idea of sex and marriage. So, this sounds so important to be told, to be talked about, important to garden the precious seeds God gave to us, to make beautiful gardens, with high values. I feel grateful to share my experience, to tell my testimony, even with the fear to be judged again, or rejected again. It is important to take risks when it is about truth. I think it is what says the story of Khalsa women, isn't it ? I should do my best to seem perfect to get into a new community, to please my new friends, family. But my heart chose sikhism because there is no point to please, no place for appearances, no interest to lie. Yes, my ego can die, as it is unreal anyway ! but I feel like I had to answer to this post you offered us Sarbatdapala. Because it is a gift, for each of us. I think I'm very tired. I wonder if my talks are still wealthy ?! Bed time, for this part of earth ! Sat nam
  11. I do guys, I do ! and enjoy it so much ;)uka
  12. Sex is such a huge subject ... which I am trying to understand better. When we talk about sex, and we ask questions, we look outside, around us, in other countries, cultures, religions ... Maybe we should look inside. I personnaly think that sex lost its sacred sense. If you look at sex just on the physical dimension, then you will miss the biggest part of its meaning. Like the meaning of marriage. We usually approch things from the outside, with our eyes, what we see. You talked about the music, the videos, the TV .... a few years ago I understood that I couldn't change the world in fighting against, or being angry at it. So, I recognized my power, which is not to watch TV anymore, choose the music that is good for my well-being, choose the pictures I look at, because I am aware of the vibrations they lead to our soul. There is, and I think it is true for a lot of cultures and religions, a missing of teachings about sexuality. It seems not easy to talk about sex, especially into the family. My parents didn't talk to me about sexuality, and I can see that a lot of youths are just abandoned infront that door, with the untold message : "Good luck !" The fear of mammals is to be rejected from the clan. We are also mammals, so this fear is somewhere inside us ... probably still in our cells, and it acts on our thoughts and choices. I listened to men, young and less young, about their relationships, how it started, and it seemed to me very complicated to be a man ... complicated to be a woman too actually ! I think because of this unconscious fear, we reproduce a wrong comportement, the one we see around us. Nobody is to blame, it won't help for change. I don't when things started to get into the wrong way, but my idea is that it was a long time ago, probably at the beginning. It is related to duality, and the best way to find peace is to know the war, to find light is to know the dark. I don't mean we should all have sex before marriage. Actually, "having sex" is the problem. It doesn't mean nothing. It is like if we would say "having breath" ... no sense. There are so much fears about sex that everyone do his best, and actually the best is still wrong. We would probably enrich each others if we could talk freely about our needs, our fears, our feelings. Not talks from men to men, but talks from men to women, and women to men. I tried sometimes to talk about that, with friends, and they quickly felt very uncomfortable, became aggressive sometimes. I was disappointed because it could be very interesting to understand each other. A lot of problems of humanity comes from the difficulty to communicate, and also the difficulty to accept that "we don't know". Once I read this : "You don't know how much you don't know what you don't know". It is so true ! But arrogance is very high now. And the media drain this arrogance everywhere. Young guys, like young girls, watch and listen to the media, and then they think it is the reality. So, they start to change into a superficial person, they try to look like the model they see. But the model is false. It is not real life, we don't have to be strong, perfect, nice, muscular, wear perfums to hidde our real smell, and so and so ... that is false. So, when all this is already distorted, can you imagine what will happen about sex ? Because of wrong comportements, lies and silence, each one imagine what the other wants. We never check, we imagine and we don't ask. We imagine and we try do give what we think, what we imagine, even if for that we need to force our own self. I'd like to share this thought with you. If we know nothing about sex, and we imagine we gonna get married, then sex will become something very scary, because the unknown is scary. What would be then the solution ? Having sex before ? But if we have sex before marriage, with who will it happen ? What kind of women ? Do we considere then that there is a kind of women for ... testing ? Will it not damage the image of the woman, the respect for who the woman is ? Will we cut the woman in 2 parts ... duality again. The virgin and the whore ? And then let this lie being perpetrated again and again. Women are not whores, they are the lie men don't want to see anymore, since many many centuries. You see how a lie can become something that seems natural ?! The only way to learn something is the feeling. If you want to know what means to be burnt, you need to put your hand into the fire. Someoen can explain you, with words, for hours and hours, you will imagine, but never KNOW. In our period, we think that knowing is with mental, with our head. It is not. How do you know you are afraid ? Because you feel it into your body. So, if you want to know sex before you get married, what else can you do than havng sex with someone you may not love, with someone you may leave ! okay, I can share my own story. I'm from France, my parents are atheists, I had no education about faith, neither about marriage or sex. The first ime I made love with a man I truly loved, I thought we would spend our life together. It was just obvious to me. Was I naive ? Sure, of course I was ! I was innocent and young, and I trusted the older because I thought they were wise, I thought they would never ever abuse my innocence and my trustful. But then, this man left, to go to England, and he also left the relation, our relation, so he left me. It seemed very easy and natural to him. Not for me. I felt betrayed, in the deepest of my heart, of my soul ... and of my body. I said nothing, cried in secret, because around me nobody was shocked ! My injury was true, but I couldn't talk about it, and my pain became anger. Because then, I was not virgin anymore. So what ? WHore ? Yes, it was such a deep betrayal. So, you should think of that and ask yourself if it is what you want to do, to a woman ? I think we put to much attention, and pressure, on sexuality, on sex. If people have desire, sexual desire, they should eat less. I fasted for a year, and found out that the energy is so different, less aggressive. The desire is related to our ego. Ego is not the Master, but in many societies, it is ! Ego is the king ! Do you think a young girl, a virgin, wants you to be a sex bomb ? She is just like you, afraid infront the unknown. No reason to rape both of you with lies and wrong comportements. Don't rape the sacred into your respective hearts and soul. Two bodies, one soul .... I read so on the post about Khalsa women .... If the desire leads you, you'll be like an animal, focusing only on your instincts, forgetting your sacred dimension. You don't have to make love, you don't have to have sex, you need to prepare yourself to be grasped by Love, grasped by sexuality. Then you will be led by God, both of you. If you want to success, you are in the wrong way, you are on the way of ego. If you are afraid to be ridiculous, you are on the way of ego. If you worry about what think the others about your sexuality, you are on the way of ego. And you know that already. Another experience of mines I can share : the first time I went to a sikh Temple. It was my first time, and it was the unknown for me. I just knew a little about sikhism, enough to feel attracted to it. It was also in Canada, and my english was so so at this time. Can you imagine how impressed and scared I felt ? In the bus, which took me closer to the Temple, to the moment I would have to face this unknown, tears came out my eyes. I felt so impressed ! My heart beat so strongly ! It is so similar than the first time in sexuality ... I sat down and let the prayers do their good job inside my being, but I can tell you how mad was my ego ! When it was time to eat, at the langar, I just could cry on my chapati ! It was my ego. So yes, sexuality is very unknown, and it is why it is so sacred. With arrogance, we pretend to know what is sex, and we perpetuate wrong messages, wrong comportements. I talked a lot ... I can listen too !
  13. Hi there, I'd like to download a picture on my profile but I can't I work from a netbook, is that the reason ? and what is the difference between Kb and Ko ? Which one is bigger ? the pic I want to download is 62 Ko, in jpeg ... Thanks for your help
  14. Okay, that's a 10 years old post ... but time is an illusion, anyway ! I saw this post and felt attracted to read it, as I am a woman, maybe not a Khalsa woman, but a woman. Actually, I was thinking, meditating, a few hours ago, about my wish to become sikh ... and I was wondering who would decide that I am sikh, or not ? which human would know if I deserve to be sikh or not ? What kind of human can see through my heart and soul to see my truth, married to God's truth ? Sikh means disciple, it doesn't mean you belong to a country, a nationality, neither a religion. So, my meditation led me to the point that only God and I would know if I am a sikh, a disciple, a true servant of His reign. And then, in living my faith truly, people around me would see that light coming from my heart, from my soul. I didn't choose to become sikh, I felt embrassed by it, and by sikhism the first time I came in a Temple. Later, because this feeling was still so strong, so true, I asked sikh people how to become sikh. They told me to go to Amritsar and learn. Then I'll see the process. This is strange to me now, because it sounds like what I would have to do to become an engineer, or a teacher, or whatever that needs studies, brain studies. Something seemed wrong to me then .... to be sikh, so to be disciple, comes from our heart, not from the studies we stack into our head ! I wanted to talk about that here, and then I saw this post, about the Power of Khalsa Women. It is like an answer to me. You know, when I asked how to become sikh, it was to men, and only men answered me, and it was about doing this long trip to Amritsar, and about teachings for foreigners, probably in english ... I didn't contest, because I am a very respectful person, especially about rules of a religion I know nothing. But, now I need to tell my truth, the truth : I felt very disappointed and discouraged. India is a long way from Canada, where I was then, and I have a little money, but more then that, no one took time to listen to me, to my truth, no one tried to know what kind of journey I already done. So my feeling was "injustice". I denied it until now, until that meditation I had tonight, and until I read this post about women. My feeling was "injustice" because I already walked a long way, through my life, through my realities and illusions, through my experiences, through my fears, through my pains, through my joys too. What do I have to learn (and prove) to look as a sikh to other people ? What else more than I already learnt ? Through my life, my experiences, I learnt what is described in the post about the power of Khalsa women, and I understand so well, deeply, truly, what it means. I understand with my brain, my head, but also with my cells, with my heart, with my tears. The first time I came into a sikh Temple, of course I was impressed, because it is just so new for a french person, but I understood everything. I didn't read, on the screen, the translation of the prayers into english. I'm not english and reading all these words would have captured all my attention, all my focus. So, how would I have listened to God ??? I closed my eyes, and opened up my heart by facing my fears and my ego, and that was the way I finally understood the prayers. Not the words, in punjabi, but their vibrations through my heart. That vibration of Love. I felt Loved, by God, by Life, just as I am. In the langar, when it was time to eat, I couldn't as I was crying, alone infront my chapati ... poor chapati !! I know I can be better, and that's why I'd like to join the sikh community and share the practice of rules that would suit me, because they serve God. Anyway, if I don't live it, if I don't make it real, I will never know for true ! I know what means devotion and the gift in return has no price. I feel lonely in the christian style life, and never go to church because I feel like a stranger to these rules. So, would I stay alone ? Would I practice my faith and devotion alone, for the rest of my life ? because I have to go to Amritsar and learn. Will I be more motivated then ? Truly, sincerely, I feel very grateful to read this post because it changes my thought about sikhi. After the answer those men told me, I thought that maybe sikhism was very ... masculine, Yang, patriarchal. And so I was not sure that I should persevere. I don't feel comfortable with the idea that my baptism, to be part of the sikh community, should depend on men only. I don't feel comfortable with the idea that the baptism should depend on my possibilities to travel to Amritsar and go to this university for foreigners. I don't feel comfortable because it sounds very "human" to me, without this sacred dimension I can feel since I met God. And I don't deny that I can be absolutel wrong. The question of baptism is important to me too, as I've already been baptised, but I was a baby and nobody asked me if I felt close to that religion ! Now I can choose, consciously, but it seems like I have to prove something ... It sounds to me like an extreme to another I wouldn't say that women are closer to God than men, but I can say that my feeling, and experience, is that a woman is usually better listener than a man. I say "usually" because I know it is not true for every man, neither every woman. But communication is feminine, like action is masculine, and this post (Khalsa Women) is so brilliant to remind each one this reality. I was talking about differences that enrich people, on my post to introduce myself. So it is not a coincidence to read now that women and men are different, so they are "One" ... if they accept their differences. Otherwise, they are just confronting their own duality. To end this post, I would say that if to be sikh is a question of language and knowledges, practices and appearance, I'm not yet. If it is more about the language of heart, within a similar body as yours, I guess I'm already sikh which is a good new .... for me Yes, french can have a good sense of humour ! ... women too Sat nam
  15. Bonjour, I am french, living in France, Toulouse, and 47 years old ... I feel a bit old now that I read your introductions ! I'm here to learn about sikhi, to discover your culture and way of living, and share mine. I think differences enrich humanity. I have a lot of interests, as I still have a lot to learn, and some of them are : faith, drawing/painting, writing, playing guitar and singing, traveling, and eating dahl ! Pleased to meet you
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