Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'waheguruji'.
Found 1 result
I want to ask for your advice about things happening in my life. I am going through a tough time. I would really appreciate your effort in helping me. The thing starts from here. I and my family had to fly to Chandigarh, India in 2015. I had completed my 10th Grade back then and here, I got admitted to a school in 11th Grade. It was the hardly 6th day of school while a girl was already in deep relation with a guy, as I observed being it my first day in the school. I was really naive and never had talked much with any girl. Their relationship was, don't know why killing me and making me jealous. I even felt something weird in my abdomen area. I used to ignore that feeling. I always had a feel that this girl will propose me soon after their relation get over. I had a feel to stop and be with her. It was all in front of my eyes when they did dirty romance in the class itself. I just wanted her to be with me. Though a relation meant nothing more than talking to me. And it really happened. She figured out that he was in relation with another girl at the same time. She was broken heart. As she had said me her brother for two-three times, I thought of helping her. I made her happy during the classes and counselled her with how a great career will help. Ways she can become well reputed in her life. It was fine for me to talk those things. In December 2015, she proposed me for a relation. Since it were exams going, I ignored her and kept talking to her normally. The guy who left her was her second. She went back to her first in January while again proposed me in February. I was confused and as I was leaving school next month, I told her that I'm leaving the school. This kept going, I didn't leave the school due to admission process of India. As days passed she started coming close to me. I always distanced her, I used to say that I belong to a Sikh family and we do not have this type of things. Yes love exists, but not like hers. I told her that we love inner self, we love Shri Waheguru, and we love true people. But this type of teenage love is not something I would like at all. And came June 2016. She visited my home. The next day, I got to know that she has made out (kissed on lips) to both the guys and have been a bit more than that with her second. I got a shock. I thought of asking her about it. I messaged her, she ignored it all like nothing happened. I got shocked even more. Somehow that moment, I was losing myself. She told me something even more haunting. She said she has a hole in her heart. That's why she have been in relation with guys and she will be dead in few months. I was almost dead at that moment. She was nothing more than a friend, but still, she killed me with it. A few minutes later, she said it was a fake report. I was again confused, stressed and in a dilemma again. I asked her to either make me cry when I'll meet her, or I'll never talk to her. She messaged me okay she's going to actually die in few months. I lost my self. My control. My brain was haunting me. Pictures of me in Gurudwara, Mandirs and temples was visible. I thought of praying everywhere. She played with me at that moment. Instead of talking to myself, I kept talking to her, all day and all night. I didn't get much sleep. I started realizing in mid-June that it's wrong. Something is wrong. I remembered a park me and my friend passed through. It had garbage a bit and wasn't managed. So it was haunting me to leave that park soon or I'll have bad time. I started remembering that moment. It was just before reaching the park when my friend told the truth about her. In mid June, I was destroyed. She was playing with my emotions. She was controlling me, manipulating me and haunting me about her death. And I was getting into the trap. I belong to a middle class family. I do not have enough money to buy a computer, but I have performed great in computers and she knew I'll have a great future. Infact future was the only thing I always talked about. She knew my weakness, my future. It was 22nd or 23rd June when I went to Gurudwara Sahib of my hometown in Punjab. Just a visit to it cured my everything. I messaged her that I do not want anything between us. I did a mistake of calling her on July 1. That was the biggest mistake. I thought she's a girl and I do not want to destroy name of Punjabis in front of her eyes. Her both ex-boyfriends were not Sikh. I thought I shall not make her cry. She visited my home. I was fully lost after watching her face. She told me to kiss her neck. I do not know why, it felt like she had drugged me. I did as she told. Then she kissed me on my lips. For 2-4 seconds and 4-5 times. I pushed her back everytime she did. Nothing was in control of me. I was all lost. I now had commited a sin. I used to think Shri Waheguru left my body. I used to think my body is no more pure. I started hating myself. I applied numerous chemicals on my lips. I tried to visit my village to apply soild on them. I couldn't visit it. I even now, think that I have lost the divine me. Soon school started but I tried to keep a distance. She started showing her anger and expressing her true face. I went into a shock again. I started remembering my depression again. It grew every minute. Deep in my mind. I started getting thoughts that God will punish me for making her cry. I could see her express so much. I kept quite. I ignored almost every feel I got that she's acting. I never heard my innerself. It came the day when I said, I won't talk to her at all. She was in so anger, she started cursing me. She said I will get bad dua. She made me depressed to the fullest. I was so stressed that after few minutes I used to call her asking if she's fine. I used to get terror thoughts that she's no more. I completely ignored myself. Soon my friends started asking me what happened. Moreover, my teaches said that I must not roam much with this girl. They said you are so well charactered person. But I even ignored them. My parents too said that the girl isn't okay. Keep her to friendship only. She was completely controlling me. She when she will die, I will have to name my daughter her name. Whenever I tried to stop talking to her, she've been manipulating me. She said God listens to girl. She said I do not know about this world, she lied that her mother have been out of ICU and she knows what death is. To all my brothers reading this, I would also like to tell me that I used to get Chemistry classes from a Muslim teacher. He tried to manipulate me too by saying god will punish me for my sins. I became so depressed. I knew nothing. My parents asked me what happened. Even I wanted to cry, I could not even cry at all. No tears. I forced myself to cry; only few tears might have came out of my eyes for few seconds. I want to hug my brother like friends, nobody helped me. I tried talking to my school Vice Principle, she didn't listened to me. I tried to get every help I could. I messaged my sister everything and told her to tell everything to mom, even the kiss she did. She came to my home again. She hugged me and my mom saw that. She hid her tears but I noticed them. Those were precious tears that have helped me come out of her trap. I stopped talking to her. She was really cool and made new friends. I even now burn a lot inside when she talk to so many guys. I stopped going to school. My grades went from 90% to fail. I failed in almost every subject. This was what she actually wanted. Her grades have gradually improved. I was her only competitor. She now tops in the school. It has been 4 months and I do not know what is happening to me. Today, 19/09/16 was my physics exam. I am sure I'll get zero in it. I was elected as Head Boy of the school. I thought I am no more eligible because of my exam result. I went to Vice Principle, and returned my Head Boy badge. I thought she would understand and will say to reclaim it when I'll feel like I am eligible. I told her what happened. She said she do not have time for these things and please leave the badge here and go. I left, said Good Afternoon and left. Now, I am all lost. My studies, my parent's trust, my respect, my passion and my track. I have even lost my Shri Waheguru ji. I have nothing today. I will be 18 next month. But I do not have anything. I lost my self respect, my purity, my divinity. She is all cool. She does not care at all. Today, I slept during my exam while she was continuously writing. I could not even get a shoulder to hug. I do not have brother. I never let my parents know how hurt I am. Though they know what happened with me. But I never let them know what I am facing. I just wanted an advice from someone who is close to Guru Granth Sahib ji. Tears will never come out of my eyes. But when I did paath in July, I could feel tears. How pure Gurbani is. But I felt like I should not make Gurbani sahib impure. I stopped doing it. All I could do is ask for your advice. Please help me veero.