Marrying Your Cousin Not A Good Idea......

[dalsingh101]

Think he is referring to Khatri Sikhs who are sometimes called "Bhapas" by non-Khatris. Marriage between cousins was common amongst the Khatris of Pothhar and NW frontier. Wattaa-Sattaa was also common amongst them as it was amongst the Muslim population in those areas. Living amongst Muslims, many Hindus and Sikhs adopted their customs.

What about the Sikh 'Khatris' of Panjab proper? Do they have cousin marriage practices?

There needs to be an Akal Takhat edict?

Edited October 9, 2010 by dalsingh101

[Mr Sardar]

[REMOVED]

Edited December 10, 2015 by sarbatdapala

[dalsingh101]

I was looking at the younger generation in my family and I noticed cross caste marriages are a norm now. We now have a broad selection of all, except so called 'low caste'. Once the older generation die out, I doubt anyone will have much objections to this taking place either, as long as the person is respectable.

If using the term bhappa causes yet more internal resentment between Sikhs (which I imagine it to do), then we should refrain from using it.

Edited October 10, 2010 by dalsingh101

[amardeep]

Thank you for that paper sarbatdapala. A very interesting read. I was surprised to see that its more common among the educated sikhs. I would presume that first cousin marriages were more common among the illiterate uneducated people

Edited October 10, 2010 by amardeep

[dalsingh101]

20% of the community was married to first cousins......

Flippin' heck.

[laalsingh]

Let them have fun. Don't worry. It is 'their cousins'.

[Mr Sardar]

[REMOVED]

Edited December 10, 2015 by sarbatdapala

[G.Kaur]

I don't see a big difference between marrying your cousins and marrying someone you've called paajee/bhainjee. Today we see a lot of young people calling each other paajee or bhainjee and then they get married. How disgusting is that. I mean, what are you going to tell your children "5 years ago your mother was my bhainjee, and now she's the mother of my children".

Please have some respect for the words you are using.

I've had numerous discussions about this with my Muslim friend, and she said in Islamic culture it doesn't mean you're someone's sister if a guy calls you a sister, it's just a polite way of talking to each other. Hmm I'm wondering if the same thing has started in our culture?

Edited June 10, 2011 by G.Kaur

[kdsingh80]

G.Kaur

In earlier times unknown boys and girls don't use to talk but now they do.Tell me if Sikh man meets a sikh woman 2-3 times at Gurdwara or anywhere and out of respect He or she said Bhaa ji or bhain ji and later He found that it is the same girl with whom his parents are arranging his Rishta then what? Should he or she decline that Rishtaa because he or she said bhaaji or bhain ji even if they are perfect for each other?

Edited June 10, 2011 by kdsingh80

[G.Kaur]

I'm not goin to tell people what they should do, I just told my opinion on this issue.

[SikhKhoj]

Just don't call anyone phenji or phaji unless you really feel like it.

Honestly, the thing is about TREATING others as you would brother/sister (i.e. not look at them with lust etc), while there still are so many people saying phaji/phenji and then going in relationships/marriages. So saying phenji phaji while still having wrong intentions is just wrong.

Most Punjabi Sikhs don't marry into dadke and nanke, however I have seen a rising trend in Punjab of marrying in nanke (even dadke), however thats always against family wishes.

Only Sikhs that intermarry within families are the Khatris. Many Pakistani and Afghani Sikhs are Khatris and that explains them marrying their cousins. Another thing, Sikh community in Pak and Afghan is very small, nobody from India wants to marry their daughter in those countries, so they are forced to marry within families.

Edited June 10, 2011 by SikhKhoj

[G.Kaur]

Just don't call anyone phenji or phaji unless you really feel like it.

Honestly, the thing is about TREATING others as you would brother/sister (i.e. not look at them with lust etc), while there still are so many people saying phaji/phenji and then going in relationships/marriages. So saying phenji phaji while still having wrong intentions is just wrong.

Most Punjabi Sikhs don't marry into dadke and nanke, however I have seen a rising trend in Punjab of marrying in nanke (even dadke), however thats always against family wishes.

Only Sikhs that intermarry within families are the Khatris. Many Pakistani and Afghani Sikhs are Khatris and that explains them marrying their cousins. Another thing, Sikh community in Pak and Afghan is very small, nobody from India wants to marry their daughter in those countries, so they are forced to marry within families.

That is exactly my point.

One of the few things I like in Punjabi culture is that everyone in your dadke and nanke are your family or door rishtedar.

[SikhKhoj]

Not only that, all surrounding villages are door rishtedaars too haha

[G.Kaur]

Haha no they're not, unless they are from the same (caste) background as you. Otherwise they're low caste people. (Punjabi mentality, not my personal opinion)

In my nanke pind all the chamars live outside the pind near the bus-stand, the few chir and bahman families live in the pind with all the rest. The pind next to my pind is a pind with people from chamar background. The 2 pinds used to be one pind many years ago, but then people split because they didn't want to live with the chamars. Idiots!

[G.Kaur]

British definition of a family member (from UK visa application)

A “member of the applicant’s family” is any of the following persons

(a) the applicant’s spouse, father, mother, son, daughter, grandfather, grandmother, grandson, granddaughter, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece or first cousin; (NB: “first cousin” means, in relation to a person, the son or daughter of his uncle or aunt);

( B ) the father, mother, brother or sister of the applicant’s spouse;

© the spouse of the applicant’s son or daughter;

(d) the applicant’s stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother or stepsister; or

(e) a person with whom the applicant has lived as a member of an unmarried couple for at least two of the three years before the day on which his application for entry clearance was made.

The Punjabi definition would be:

All the above + everyone from your mom's and dad's nanke and dadke, everyone in your pind, your mami's sister's husband's brother's wife's sister's son, your cousin's cousin's husband's cousin's niece's husband's mami, your puffar's sister's husband's sister's daughter-in-law's cousin, your mom's cousin's wife's nephew's wife's massi's daughter.

Edited June 11, 2011 by G.Kaur

[SikhKhoj]

Ohi main kehnda, people from same 'caste'.

Yes, chamaarli is usually seperate from other castes. Just sad, seperate gurdwaras and shamshaans too.

[ipledgeblue]

Ohi main kehnda, people from same 'caste'.

Yes, chamaarli is usually seperate from other castes. Just sad, seperate gurdwaras and shamshaans too.

Yes but at least chamars aren't aggressive in preaching against sikhs cultures/castes/tribes. The people that are aggressive in anti caste preaching also have their own gurdwaras and also special paghs. (Hint, its not Singh Sabha gurdwara, but its usually the other gurdwara in a town/city)

Edited June 13, 2011 by londondajatt

[dalsingh101]

London why don't you go to Jattworld.com? You'd probably be more at home there and find more like minded phudhus?

[SikhKhoj]

LoL Khatris usually are firmer in their beliefs in Sikhi than Jatts. Jatts dominate pinds where 80% Sikhs are monas, yet you will see all Khatris in cities with Sikhi saroop.

But indeed, JattWorld would be a good place for you.

[Mithar]

edit

Edited June 13, 2011 by Mithar

[ipledgeblue]

London why don't you go to Jattworld.com? You'd probably be more at home there and find more like minded phudhus?

Oh did I touch a nerve? You'd probably be more at home on sikhsangat.com with all the jatt hating insecure clowns!

[kdsingh80]

Oh did I touch a nerve? You'd probably be more at home on sikhsangat.com with all the jatt hating insecure clowns!

What a Joke ,Large number of Sikhs living outside India,perhaps 80% are jatts ,why will they hate their own caste

[ipledgeblue]

What a Joke ,Large number of Sikhs living outside India,perhaps 80% are jatts ,why will they hate their own caste

In western countries you get jatt sikhs who hate jatts because they have been preached that by "sikhi" preachers. Whatever you're taught sometimes sticks when you are young.

[dalsingh101]

Seriously, consider sodding off to Jattworld, you'll get appreciated there by like minded pendus.

You've got a whole forum dedicated to your 'vibe'. Leave Sikh forums for the preservation and discussion of Sikh values/ideas please.

Edited June 14, 2011 by dalsingh101

[Mithar]

In western countries you get jatt sikhs who hate jatts because they have been preached that by "sikhi" preachers. Whatever you're taught sometimes sticks when you are young.

London Dha Jatt Jee, were you a Jatt in all your previous lifetimes? can you say for certain that you were even a Punjabi in your previous lifetimes? for all you know, you (like me) could have been a Chura or Chamar or Chandaal or Brahmin or even a Chinese man or woman? This body is very temporary which we(Soul) wear and discards like cloths. The body and the caste associated with the body will eventually become ash. Then your soul (based on it`s karmas) will get another body which for all we know might not even be a body belonging to the Jatt caste. So what use it is being proud of being Jatt? If you need to be proud, then feel proud of our Gurus, Bhagats and Shaheeds and try to emulate their extraordinary Jeevans.

With the exception of Bhagat Dhana Jee, none of the Bhagats were Jats. As a humble Sikh would you not sacrifice yourself just to get a chance to bow to the charan dhoor of Bhagat Kabir Jee (a Julaha) or Bhagat Ravidas Jee (a Chamar) or would your proud Jattness prevent you from doing that?