asd Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 I was wondering if anyone else out there been having difficulty finding a partner? This has been a problem for about a year and half. I been passed over by at least 20 amritdhari kuria in this time. have they become picky or more demanding lol ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SURYADEV Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 modern women eh, too much womens lib. have you told them that you have a 'lal book', uni education and plenty of zameen back in India? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 asd, what were their reasons for rejecting you, if you don't mind me asking? Suryadev, it's not about being modern. We all have our reasons for accepting or rejecting a rishta. What is lib? It goes both ways these days.. Amritdhari men are very picky too. I've heard of Amritdhari bibian who got rejected by Amritdhari men because they had facial hair! Since when did we start rejecting people for following their dharam? Some other issues amongs Amritdharis are caste issues. A friend of mine told me about a Singh from the UK who couldn't get married because he's from a chamar background! What has the world come into?! Then he had to go to India to get married.. If I remember correct he got married to a non-Amritdhari. Lately I've heard of many Punjabi couples who've got divorced within 2 years. One of the marriages only lasted for a few weeks, so I'm just wondering why (some) people rush into a marriage and don't think about the consequences and the future? I know this is totally off-topic but it could be interesting to discuss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SURYADEV Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Lib = womens liberation. All that feminist stuff. But thats another thread. A man not going for a women with a beard seems quite reasonable. Who here thinks that a lady with a beard (, and lets not use euphemisms like 'facial hair'!) is sexually attractive?? As a bibi/sister/member of sangat with a beard is fine. but most men do not want a bearded girl as a mate. Simple as that. Its not about rejecting someone because of their dharma but because the guy doesn't like her physical features. Isn't that the main reason why we choose or reject partners in the first instance? apart from the whole host of other reasons that apne have. But back to asd's predicament....... oh.. by the way: welcome to the forum, asd!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 (edited) Suryadev, it is about rejecting a girl who's following her dharam. There's a big difference between a woman with a beard (hirsutism) and a few hairs here and there. If an Amritdhari man can't accept a woman with facial hair, what was his reason to chak Amrit in the first place, if he can't accept the Rehats given by Panj Piare? Maybe looks is the main reason for you to get married or not to get married to a woman, but to other people things like Rehat, spirituality, nitnem are more important than looks. Edited June 5, 2011 by G.Kaur Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mithar Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Lib = womens liberation. All that feminist stuff. But thats another thread. A man not going for a women with a beard seems quite reasonable. Who here thinks that a lady with a beard (, and lets not use euphemisms like 'facial hair'!) is sexually attractive?? As a bibi/sister/member of sangat with a beard is fine. but most men do not want a bearded girl as a mate. Simple as that. Its not about rejecting someone because of their dharma but because the guy doesn't like her physical features. Isn't that the main reason why we choose or reject partners in the first instance? apart from the whole host of other reasons that apne have. But back to asd's predicament....... oh.. by the way: welcome to the forum, asd!!! some facial hair on a woman is not a beard. If singhs will start rejecting girls because of something so small, then why do Sikh men feel bad when they are rejected because they are not clean shaven? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 (edited) Another thing Suryadev, there are always topic's on forum's on men complaining about women who don't want to marry keshdhari men. Women who want clean-shaven "sikh's". But why is it okay the other way around? The fact is that every human being has hair all over his body except under his hands and feet. Read a biology book if you don't believe me. These are the only 2 places where you don't have hair. Some people have very light hair color so you don't notice the hair while other people have dark hair and you can see it easily. If we as a kaum can't accept women with facial hair (women following rehat given by Guru Gobind Singh Jee) phir sada ki rehgaya? What's the point of our religion and taking Amrit then? I don't know what men's problems are. Maybe they've seen too many bollywood movies? Edited June 5, 2011 by G.Kaur Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Suryadev, attraction towards people doesn't necessarily have to be psychical features. A person can be very attracting because of her/his charm, personality, intelligence etc. People choosing a life-partner only because of their looks is ridiculous. What are they going to do if the spouse get's hit by a car and you can't even recognize their face after the accident? Are they going to divorce their spouse because now he/she isn't attractive anymore? What are people going to do when the wrinkles starts appearing, the black hair become white, you get cellulite here and there. Are people going to divorce their spouse's when this happen and find a "new, younger model"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 Suryadev, attraction towards people doesn't necessarily have to be psychical features. A person can be very attracting because of her/his charm, personality, intelligence etc. Well in arrange marriage case there is no way one can know the personality of his/her partner.Even in love marriages people just show their fake personality and only show their true colors after marriage.Only the people who actually lived witha person know what kind of person he/she is. People choosing a life-partner only because of their looks is ridiculous Well I agree that over concern about partners looks is ridiculous but looks do play a part ,tell me if 33-34 year old man with 80% white dhara approaches an amritdhari bibi of 28-29 then what He/she is going to do.I am sure that in arrange case The girl or her parents may get shocked after seeing the pic and in 99.9% of cases rishta is going to be get rejected.Similarly an amritdhari man is hardly going to accept 120 kg woman. What are they going to do if the spouse get's hit by a car and you can't even recognize their face after the accident? Before and after marriage are two different things ,just tell me if a husband or wife loose his legs or arms after marriage then what his/her partner is going to do? a good partner will not leave him or her but the same person before marriage is hardly going accept a spouse who has already lost his/legs or arms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 5, 2011 Report Share Posted June 5, 2011 (edited) The fact is that every human being has hair all over his body except under his hands and feet. Read a biology book if you don't believe me. These are the only 2 places where you don't have hair. Some people have very light hair color so you don't notice the hair while other people have dark hair and you can see it easily. I agree with you that hairs are all over the part of body,but how much hair is normal for women on face?I heard this issue is raised more by Sikh women living in west ,is it because some abnormal hormonal food women are developing more facial hair? We all should remember that in South asia there are very poor people and millions of women don't go to beauty parlour yet 90% Girls/women don't have any visible hairs on face . Edited June 5, 2011 by kdsingh80 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asd Posted June 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 @G.Kaur... Most of them don't give a reason. some say age, some say they are not ready (huh!!!) even they are looking, some on caste. I was even open to the idea of moving for her and even divorced girls. curiously its disturbing how much superficialty and materialistic they seem.. I understand that guys do it too but am talking about myself. I lived my whole life with sikhi in heart never even went after girls, actually never had much interest until was 25..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 6, 2011 Report Share Posted June 6, 2011 @G.Kaur... Most of them don't give a reason. some say age, some say they are not ready (huh!!!) even they are looking, some on caste. I was even open to the idea of moving for her and even divorced girls. curiously its disturbing how much superficialty and materialistic they seem.. I understand that guys do it too but am talking about myself. I lived my whole life with sikhi in heart never even went after girls, actually never had much interest until was 25..... If you don't mind then could you please tell what is your age? Are you in India or outside India? If you are Outside Indian then why can't you marry a girl from poor Sikh family from India.You will get good wife while her parents will get good son in law who is ready to accept their daughter without dowry.If what you are saying is true then stop chasing these type of Girls .kepp them waiting for their millionare Amritdhari which may never come Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chatanga1 Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I was wondering if anyone else out there been having difficulty finding a partner? This has been a problem for about a year and half. Ive had a lot of problems in finding another wife. Some girls just cant bear then thought of sharing me with another woman. What is the world coming to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Well in arrange marriage case there is no way one can know the personality of his/her partner.Even in love marriages people just show their fake personality and only show their true colors after marriage.Only the people who actually lived witha person know what kind of person he/she is. Well it depends on what kind of arranged marriage you go into. Some people talk to each other, go out etc. before they get married and then they get to know each other. Other people don't even get a chance or aren't allowed to talk and only talk when the family is there and they eat ladoo and mithai together at the girl's house. But again you never get to know a person once you've lived with them. I agree with you that hairs are all over the part of body,but how much hair is normal for women on face?I heard this issue is raised more by Sikh women living in west ,is it because some abnormal hormonal food women are developing more facial hair? We all should remember that in South asia there are very poor people and millions of women don't go to beauty parlour yet 90% Girls/women don't have any visible hairs on face . Women can develop excessive hair growth on their bodies due to different things; hormonal imbalance, either they are born with too much testosterone or it could also be from all the chemicals (parabens, phthalates etc.) that are in shampoos, creams, make-up, conditioner, toy and food. There could be other reasons too.. In the western world there are more parabens in products, phthalates, the environment, pollution and other things that could have an effect on the hormonal system for men and women. This is why we see girls who get into puberty at the age of 7, boys who are born without their private parts (well they are there but you can't if it's a girl or a boy), men whose sperm quality is decreasing, and women who get hirsutism. In my opinion, it doesn't matter how much hair is normal for women, because the fact still remains that Amritdhari's are not allowed to remove hair from their bodies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Ive had a lot of problems in finding another wife. Some girls just cant bear then thought of sharing me with another woman. What is the world coming to? While you are at it, why not look for 3 wives instead of just one? Aren't you allowed 4 wives and then you'll get 72 virgins in heaven, or do you only get that if you become a martyr? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 In my opinion, it doesn't matter how much hair is normal for women, because the fact still remains that Amritdhari's are not allowed to remove hair from their bodies. This is a difficult question ,there is big difference between abnormal and normal.No matter what we say abnormal people are not accepted by society.Just turn this question if any Amritdhari man develop hair on his entire face nose,forehead,everywhere then how many Amritdhari bibi's will accept that man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I agree that there's a big difference between what is normal and abnormal, but who cares about what society and other people think of you? Well I don't. If I was going to worry about if people think I'm a pendu or they like me, then I wouldn't have time for anything else in my life. I can't answer for other people, but are you saying that if a man or a woman has excessive hair growth on their body they should remove it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I agree that there's a big difference between what is normal and abnormal, but who cares about what society and other people think of you? almost everybody care about society ,that is why we wear good clothes and present ourself in good manner.If there is jhagra going on in a home and suddenly some mehmaan come then most of people just forget Jhagra and start smiling only to resume it later,why? because we don't want that people think bad about you. If I was going to worry about if people think I'm a pendu or they like me, then I wouldn't have time for anything else in my life. May be you are an exception .as far as time is concerned almost 99% do care and have time .It depends on level of care, some care not too much but a little bit some care too much I can't answer for other people, but are you saying that if a man or a woman has excessive hair growth on their body they should remove it? I just leave that decision on that indivisual ,if he/she is mentally strong then don't do it.but don't blame the others for not accepting you because society hardly accept abnormal people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 almost everybody care about society ,that is why we wear good clothes and present ourself in good manner.If there is jhagra going on in a home and suddenly some mehmaan come then most of people just forget Jhagra and start smiling only to resume it later,why? because we don't want that people think bad about you. May be you are an exception .as far as time is concerned almost 99% do care and have time .It depends on level of care, some care not too much but a little bit some care too much I just leave that decision on that indivisual ,if he/she is mentally strong then don't do it.but don't blame the others for not accepting you because society hardly accept abnormal people There's a difference between looks and the situation where you don't want other people to interfere or to know about your family problems. I'm not an exception. Lots of people don't give a damn about what other's think of them, and we even have members here who don't care, and I think you know who I'm talking about, lol. Regarding kesh and society I have already written my opinion, so I don't think I need to repeat myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalsingh101 Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) The topic that's been opened up here is a fascinating one. How much we are influenced by society and why some people couldn't care a toss whilst others are malleable by societal pressure like plasticine. I do remember hearing a lecturer talking about studies that indicated that women were more susceptible to such pressures. I know you get the occasional exceptions but what I've generally seen seems to confirm this notion? Mind you. These days it's hard to meet blokes who aren't sheep either. Edited June 8, 2011 by dalsingh101 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 (edited) There's a difference between looks and the situation where you don't want other people to interfere or to know about your family problems. O.K I give you other example .tell me why in the all urban cities of world people abandoned or are abandoning traditional clothes for western clothes? is it because people have developed mentality that if they wear traditional clothes they will be considered as backward or pendu's.One thing always surprises me that when leaders of powerful countries meet they all wear western dresses barring few ,why? is it not because they want to show the world how modern they are? I'm not an exception. Lots of people don't give a damn about what other's think of them How many of these have been in abnormal situation.I was in.I had growth problems in late teens and early 20s ,and I had baby face too,people use to laugh at me no one use to take me seriously .The effect of that was terrible on my mentality .thank god my height increased and beard came at the age of 23-24.I coulkd had committed suicide Its easy to say don't care about society when you are normal but very difficult when you face it.I just advice people don't say we don't care about people because there may be a day when god could put you in situation when only you can realise this Edited June 8, 2011 by kdsingh80 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Yeah that's true, but things have also changed in the last 5-10 years. For many years there was only adverts on TV, in magazines, posters, movies etc. about women and what they should look like, weight-loss, make-up, hair removal, surgery etc. But in the last few years men have also started thinking about "is my nose too big, do I look fat, am I too hairy". I'm not joking, lately there have also been programs on TV about men and their self-esteem and the pressure they are under from the society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Kdsingh, I'm not telling you this to boost my won ego, but I don't wear western clothes. I don't care if people think I'm a pendu for not wearing trousers and shirts. I've even had family members and door rishtedar telling me (indirectly) that I look like a pendu because I wear a suit when I live in Europe. I couldn't care less what people think of me. In India most people think you are a pendu if you wear suit and you are cool if you wear western clothes. I was at my mami's sisters house in Ludhiana and she said that her daughter think it's too hot to wear a suit (!) in Punjab in the summer so instead she's wearing tight jeans and a t-shirt. Seriously some people need to get a grip and stop acting like/and pretend they are some Europeans. Why are we denying our own identity? What I see here in my country is that the Indian girls think it's embarrassing to wear suits in public (like at a Nagar Keertan) but the Pakistani girls are very proud of wearing their shalwar kameez. Why aren't we proud of our background? Why are we trying to pretend something we aren't? I can understand you've had a hard childhood because the kids were bullying you, but I think we've all been through hard times in our lives, and I guess it's just a part of being a human. It comes with the packet "life", lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.Kaur Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Who said I was normal? I've just learned in the last few years not to care about what society and people think of me. There are more important things that I have to worry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdsingh80 Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I can understand you've had a hard childhood because the kids were bullying you, but I think we've all been through hard times in our lives, and I guess it's just a part of being a human. It comes with the packet "life", lol LOL I did not have a hard childhood problems My father dropped me out of school and I completed my studies though correspondence.The real Problems I faced was when I was 18 because I use to look like 13 .Moreover my father felt severly ill so I have to manage many things where people especially elders never took me seriously Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts