harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Patni : Aasman Mein Taare Dekhte Huwe.. Bataiye Woh Kaunsi Cheez Hai Jo Aap Roz Dekh Sakhte Hain Par Ghar Laa Nahin Sakhte?" Pati : Main Nahin Bataunga...! Patni : Bolo Naa Please.. Pati : Padosan..! Bibi : Iss Hafte Hum Roz Cinema Dekhenge...Aagle Hafte Roz Shopping karenge..Sohar : Uske Next Week Roz Mandir Jayenge..Bibi : Wo kyu??Sohar : Bheekh Mangne Ke Liye..! PAPPU NE BAHUT TAPASYA KI.. BHAGWAN KHUSH HUWE... Bhagwan : Pappu Beta, Kya Chahiye..? Papu : Ek Naukri, Badi Si Gaadi...Aur Dher Saari Ladkiyaan.. Bhagwan : " TATHAASTU " AAJ PAPPU GIRLS SCHOOL MEIN BUS DRIVER HAI..! Biwi : Kal Aapne Phir Apni Girlfriend Ke Saath Movie Dekhi..? Miya : Kya Karein Darling..Aaj Kal Ki Movies Family Ke Sath Dekhne Ke Qaabil Kahan Hain!! Biwi : Kya Baat Hai..Aaj Mere Photo Pe Photo Kheenche Ja Rahe Ho? Patti : Kuchh Nahin, Aaj Mere Sarr Pe Wild Life Photography Ka Bhoot Sawaar Hai! Pati : Bhagyavan...Kaha Ja Rahi Ho..? Patni : Aatm Hatya Karne..!Pati : To Itna Make-Up Kyun Kiya Hai..?Patni : Kal Subah Aakbar Mein Photo Nahi Aayega Kya ..! Do Terra Ke.."Aatma Haatya".. Paila : Jaaldi Aur Aacha.."Gale Mein Rassi Dal Kar Fan Par Latak Jao..!" Doosra : Aaista Aur Bayanak.."Gale Mein Varmala Daal Kar Zindagi Bhar Miya-Biwi Ban Kar Latke Raho..!! Bibi Aur Suraj Ek Jaisa Kyoon Hai..? DONO KI TARAF AAP AANKH UTHAA KAR NAHI DEKH SAKTE..! KISI SATPURSH NE KAHA HAI.. "SUKH" Aadmi Ko Utna Hi Milta Hai, Jitna Usne Punya Kiya Hoga...! Aur.... "SHANTI" Utni Hi Milegi Jitni Uski Biwi Ki Marzi Hogi...! Ek Pagal Ne Doosre Pagal Ki Jan Bachai.. Doctor Ne Usey Office Bulaya Aur Kaha.. Tumne Uss Pagal Ko Pani Ke Tub Se Nikal Kar Ye Sabit Kiya Ke Tum Normal Ho...Lekin Afsos Ke Aaj Subah Usne Rassi Se Latak Kar Phir Khudkushi Kar Lee.Pagal : Ha, Ha, Ha Woh To Meney Usey Sukhane Ke Leye Latkaya Tha..! Ladka : Hum Dono Kuchh Waqt Saath Reh Lete Hain..!.. Agar Vichar Mile To Shadi Kar Lenge... Aur Agar Koi Galti Hui To Alag Ho Jayenge." Ladki : Tab Galti Kis Ke Paas Rahegi.. ? PItta : Beta, Aaj Tak Tum Ne Koi Aisa Kaam Kiya Hai Jis Se Mera Sar Ooncha Ho? Beta : Han Pittaji, Ek Baar Aap Ke Sar Ke Neeche Takiya Lagaya Tha, kya Bhool Gaye..? Delhi Mein Ek Kutti Raat Ko Raaste Par Akeli Ja Rahi Thi... Raaste Mein 5/6 Kutte Mile... Kutti Ghabra Gai...... Kutto Ne Kaha... "Aap Aaram Se Jaiye Aur Dariye Nahin... Hum Kutte Hain Aadmi Nahin....! Chhotu : Swamiji, Aisi Patni Ko Kya Kahenge...Jo Gori Ho, Lambi Ho, Intelligent Ho, Badiya Looking Ho, Patti Ko Samjhe Aur Kabhi Jhagda Na Kare..? Swami : MANN KA WEHAM, BETA..!! Magician : I Will Now Cut This Man's Wife In Two.. Man : What Kind Of Magic Is Dis Bhai, Turning One Problem Into Two..! EK Aadmi Ne Mithai Ki Dukan Kholi...Bahar Ek Ishtihaar Lagaya..."Ek Naukar Ki Zaarurat Hai Jisko Diabetes Ho" VITAMINS IN APPLES..! Apple Se "Vitamins" Milti Hain, Vitamins Se "Power" Power Se "Work" Hota Hai, Work Se "Paise" Paise Se "Marriage" Hoti Hai, Aur Marriage Se "Wife" Milti Hai.. Wife Se "Tension" Bhi Milta Hai, Aur Tension Se "Depression". Depression Se "Death" Le Beta...Aur Khaa Apple..! Japan Main Do Dost They....Ek Ka Naam Tha “Jo” Aur Dusrey Ka Naam Tha “Wo”Ek Din “Jo” Ke Pas "JIN" Aa Gaya.. “Jo” Ne Dar Kar “Wo” Ko Awaz Di...“Wo” Bhag Kar Aya... "JIN" Ko Dekh Kar “Wo” Ka Intqal Ho Gaya..Bus Usi Din Se Hi Kehte Hein…“JO” DAR GAYA, “WO” MAR GAYA..! English And Hindi Always Contradict:-English : The Sooner The Better..Hindi : Jaldi Ka Kaam Shaitaan Ka Hota Hai..English : Think Of The Devil, And The Devil Is Here..Hindi : Badi Lambi Umar Hai Tumhari, Abhi Tumhe Hi Yaad Kar Rahe Thei..English : Dont Wait, Fight For Your Rights..Hindi : Sabar Ka Fal Meetha Hota Hai.English : As Wise As An Owl..Hindi : Ullu Ka Pattha! Gud Night! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Madrasi Jokes... What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu? I, Iyer, Iyengar. What’s the opposite of Gopalakrishnan? Comepalakrishnan. How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu? Ready….Steady…..PO! What do you call a really colourful Tamilian? Rangamannar Rangarajan. How does a Tamilian introduce the tennis superstar Lendl? Ivan Lendl (Ivan = ‘he’ in Tamil). What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built? Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won't it stand?) What is the opposite of Subramniam Swamy? Subramaniam Didn’t See Me. A lady arrived at the Madras airport after spending 36 hours in transit. She was fully exhausted after such a long trip with her 6 young kids. Collecting many suitcases, the family entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, “Ma’am,” he said, “Do all these children and this luggage belong to you?” “Yes, sir,” the lady said with a sigh. “They're all mine.”The customs agent began his interrogation: “Ma'am, do you have any weapons,contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?” “Sir,” she calmly answered, “if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.” James Bond comes out of British Airways at Chennai, goes to his waiting driver and says,“I’m Bond, James Bond. James to you”.For which the driver replies “I’m Subramaniam, Bala Subramaniam. Balls to you…” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Indian student in the USA It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said. 'Very good!' Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?' Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.' She heard a loud whisper: 'Screw the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.' Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!' Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.' The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 A fight between a wife and a husband... A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel". .The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter. . Husband: "The window won't open! That's a maintenance matter !" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 SAY YOUR PRAYERS ONLY IN ENGLISH In case of an emergency, speak only in English !! Never say prayers in any other language! U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om. When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?' They replied "Because he kept saying, 'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 On loot maar 2 Sardars bank lootne gaye, Par gun bhool gaye�Phir bhi bank loot liya Kaise??? . . . . . . . . . Bank Manager bhi sardar tha. Bola �I trust you, gun kal dikha dena�============ �Santa ke pita USA se aaye. Pita: teri maa kahan hai? Santa: Woh toh marr gayee! Pita: Saale tune mujhe bataya q nahin? Santa : Maine socha aapko surprise dunga =================���Sardar: Raat bhar train mein neend hi nahin aayee, upar ka seat mila tha�Dost: Toh exchange kyun nahin kiya Sardar: Arrey bewakoof, kisse karta... neeche ke seat pe koi bhi nahin tha. �=================����Sardarni: Lo, light chale gayee Sardar: Light chali gayee toh kya, fan chalu kar Sardarni: Lo, kee na wahi sardaron-waali baat, Agar fan chalu kiya toh mombatti bhuj nahin jayegi? =============�������If sardar want to dial 9449494494, how will he dial........? .. .. ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ... .. He will first dial ..... 94494 and then press "REDIAL"..................... ================ �Sardar: Yeh kela (banana) kaisa diya? Shopkeeper:Ek Rupiya. Sardar: 60 Paisa ka deta hai? S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega. Sardar: Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela de de........ ================ One day a Sardarji was talking with his friend.... Santa:�I and my wife�have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we�will not be able to communicate with�our child. Friend: Is it?! Why? Santaji: We have adopted a Telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months! ============= Santa: Parso meri biwi kuwey mein gir gayi, bahut chot lagi thi, bahut chilla rahi thi. .. Banta: Ab kaisi hai woh? .. Santa: Ab theek hi hogi -�kal se kuwey se aawaz nahi aa rahi hai.. � Cheers! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 On punishments A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!""Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness," Sardar replied."In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.""Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face."If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it" And what is your second wish?" the Sheikh asked.Sardar smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!! "SINGH IS KING"....." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 On Alcoholics Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi.....the taxi driver figured that they were not in their right minds......so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off after a while and told them : "we have arrived"...... The first man gave him money..... the second one thanked him..... but the third one....he slapped the taxi driver..... The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have realized that the car didn’t move an inch.. so, he asked the third man: "what was that for?" The third man replied: "control your speed next time you got here so quick you almost killed us....." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Poems Written By Husband And Wife..! (This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of resorting to physical force...! WIFE: I wrote your name on sand, it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.HUSBAND:God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi. He saw me in the dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU. WIFE:Twinkle twinkle little star You should know what you are And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far. HUSBAND:The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you? WIFE:Roses are red; Violets are blue Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don't feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but outside, laughing at you 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Hahahahahahahah.... Ek admi ne apne Padosi ko sms kiya... . Dear Sir , Aapko jara sa bhi andaza nhi hai lekin aapko ye jaan kar hairaani jaroor hogi aur gussa bhi aayega ... ki aapki knowledge mei aane diye bagair , I've been using ur WIFE .. I used it double than u ordinarily use it...... I used it day and night ....! I really felt that my requirement for it was more than yours but it is not morally Okkey for me.... And I must confess when I was wrong morally as well as legally.... But I am sure that you will excuse me for my such naughty act... As otherwise also u were equally keeping it unused... Logically there's nothing wrong if I grabbed the opportunity but it is against social values and moral values... All expenses on your pocket and I am enjoying it for free.. If you agree , (only if u agree ) from now onwards I am ready to bear 50% expenses or money spent on ur WIFE. or with no other option I will get my own.. I could have continued like this for ever without letting u know anything but hope u'll appreciate my honesty and won't take any action against me.. I m also feeling very guilty .!!! . . . . Neighbour just shot his wife and he was going to house of person sending sms .... He received another sms.... . . . . . Sorry AUTO CORRECT app. On my phone made it WIFE... Actually it was about ur Wi Fi connection . Regards. .. ........!!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2014 A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began shouting greetings to her: "Hello! How are you?! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you." When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter approached the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "Well, I'm really surprised to see you!" the woman exclaimed. "How have you been?" "Oh, I'd been doing pretty well since you died, actually," her husband replied. "I married the beautiful, young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I have been traveling all around the world. In fact, we were on vacation in Cancun when I went water-skiing today. I fell and hit my head, so here I am. What a bummer! Anyway, how do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied. Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . or there will be Hell to pay! NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the lung-disease: "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" (45 letters). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2014 I AM A “PUCCA” INDIAN I am an Indian ... and these my following “virtues” make me more so. When the shampoo bottle seems to be over, I pour some water in it, shake it, and use it for another bath. That for me a toothpaste isn't over until I've entirely flattened it out and started rolling it up from the back. That I buy broccoli and avocados for 300 Rupees, but still ask for some dhaniya patta for free. That I don't just recycle gifts, I recycle the gift-wrapping paper too. Our home has fine bone china crockery which is used only when guests visit. That I worry about price of gold without any reason of buying it! That I will beat the crap out of my remote to make it work but not change the battery I get so disappointed if the pani puri guy doesn't give a free sukha puri in the end when I ask for one. That I won't have my breakfast and starve myself if I have been invited for a lunch buffet. That when my T-shirt gets old, I use it as night wear, when it gets older, I play holi in it & then I use it as a pochha. That I ask for extra oregano and chili flakes from the Dominos guy, so that I can use them later in Maggi. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2014 As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. The Queen turns to President Obama: "Mr President, please accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control." Obama, always trying to be "Presidential" replied: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2014 Wife is like a tv Girlfriend is like a mobile At home u watch tv but when u go out u take ur mobile no money, u keep ur old tv got money, u change ur mobile sometimes u enjoy tv but most of the time u play with ur mobile tv is free for life but for the mobile, if u dont pay, services will be terminated tv is big and bulky mobile is cute, slim, curvy and very portable operational costs for tv is minimal but for the mobile it is often high and demanding most importantly, mobile is a two-way communication ( u talk and listen ) but with the tv you must only listen ( whether you like it or not ) but remember..... Tv’s dont have viruses but mobiles often do . 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singh123456777 Posted February 21, 2014 Report Share Posted February 21, 2014 I AM A PUCCA INDIAN I am an Indian ... and these my following virtues make me more so. When the shampoo bottle seems to be over, I pour some water in it, shake it, and use it for another bath. That for me a toothpaste isn't over until I've entirely flattened it out and started rolling it up from the back. That I buy broccoli and avocados for 300 Rupees, but still ask for some dhaniya patta for free. That I don't just recycle gifts, I recycle the gift-wrapping paper too. Our home has fine bone china crockery which is used only when guests visit. That I worry about price of gold without any reason of buying it! That I will beat the crap out of my remote to make it work but not change the battery I get so disappointed if the pani puri guy doesn't give a free sukha puri in the end when I ask for one. That I won't have my breakfast and starve myself if I have been invited for a lunch buffet. That when my T-shirt gets old, I use it as night wear, when it gets older, I play holi in it & then I use it as a pochha. That I ask for extra oregano and chili flakes from the Dominos guy, so that I can use them later in Maggi.Lol 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) Arrested for laughing...!! This is from an actual trial in the UK. A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defence was:- When the lady boarded the bus i couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon".. I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:- "William's stick did the trick".. Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:- "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".. The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing Edited March 10, 2014 by harsharan000 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) An old man in his farm.... An old man owned a pond on his farm, lined with fruit trees. One day he went there with a basket to get fruits. On reaching, he found some young ladies swimming in the pond They went in deep water to shield themselves n said: We wont come out until u leave. Old man: I'm not here to see u swim naked or to get u out of the pond naked. I'm here just to feed the Crocodile in the pond ! All the women rushed Out. Moral: No matter what age, Men can think really fast when it comes to women...... Edited March 10, 2014 by harsharan000 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2014 Gujarati Funeral ..... Excellent One...U must read.A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha , I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.. The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly. Love Smita. PS: If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Valuable information ON Marriage 1. How BEDROOM smellsAfter MARRIAGE: 1st 3 yrs---perfumes, Flowers, Chocolate, Fruits.. After 3 yrs---Baby powder, Johnsons Cream and Lotions, Baby oils.. After 15 yrs---Zandu Balm, Vicks, Iodex, Relispray.. After 40 yrs---Agarbatti... 2. Four stages of marriage:Mad for each other, Made for each other, Mad at each other Mad because of each other 3.What's Marriage?Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans That Destroys All The Six Senses And Makes The Person NON Sense..! 4. Definition Of Happy Couple -HE Does What SHE Wants. SHE Does What SHE Wants. 5. Wife to Husband: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command. Husband replies: Exactly darling! It's a computer, not a Husband..!!6. 'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."- Shakespear "Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes, Can Shorten Ur Life."- Shakespear's Wife7.Wife to Husband Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati taw mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hun. Awesome reply: Husband : Arey pagli, Blood Relation may shaadiyan kahaan hoti hain.. !!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
das Posted March 20, 2014 Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 the latest ones are funny. Thanks for sharing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) SOMETHING ABOUT TEMPLES AND INDIA An American decided to write a book about Temples around the World. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China . On his first day he was inside a Temple taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Japan . There, at a very large Temple, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby priest what its purpose was. He told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France . In every Temple he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 Per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone. He arrived in India , and again, in the first Temple he entered, there Was the same golden telephone, but this s time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Priest, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many Temple. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in rest of the world price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" Readers, it is your turn........ Think ....before you scroll down... ............ ..................... ......... ........ ......... .......... ......... . ............ ......... .......... ......... ..... ............ ...................... ......... ........ ...... .............. ......... ............ ......... ......... ...... ............ ........... .......... .......... ......... ...... ............ .......... ........... ........... ........ ...... ............. ......... ......... ........... .......... ....... ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... ............ ......... ......... ......... ........ ....... The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call ". This is the only heaven on the Earth. KEEP SMILING Edited August 13, 2014 by harsharan000 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) Pakistan Health Issue A Pakistani resident in the US phoned his burqa clad Mom in Pakistan. Khan: "Ammi, I have a big problem; I got AIDS. What shall I do? Will I come back home, to our native village? Mom: Son, don't do that; don't come here! Khan: Why Ammi? Mom: If you come here, your darling wife will catch AIDS. And from your wife, it'll spread to your brother, And from your brother to the maid, And from the maid to your Dad, From Dad to my sister (your aunt), And from your aunt to her hubby, And from her hubby to ME, And from me to our chauffeur, And from the chauffeur to your sis, And if your sis catches AIDS, the whole damn village will catch AIDS! It won't be very long before village after village, and then whole country goes down with aids! In the name of Allah & for the sake of the Kaid-e-Azam, you HAVE GOT to save Pakistan! So please do not come back, my beloved son..........!!!!!!!! Edited August 13, 2014 by harsharan000 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2014 Psychology class It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage. Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it. Then, the professor changed the cake and kept some bread. The male rat ran towards the bread. This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time. And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat. Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction. Then, one of the students from the back rows said: "Sir, please change the rat. She may be his wife ! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) A question of dogs..... British: Can u swim? Indian: no British: then a dog is better than you, because it can swim Indian: Can u swim? British: yes of course Indian: then what is the difference between you and the dog? Edited August 15, 2014 by harsharan000 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harsharan000 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) A question of donkeys.... Bristish: why are you indians so different in colors, look we are all white .... Indian: Horses are diferent in colors, donkeys are all the same... Edited August 15, 2014 by harsharan000 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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