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harsharan000

Just For A Laugh...

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Husband to wife :- Today is a fine day
Next day he says :- Today is a fine day
Again next day, he says same thing - Today is a fine day 
Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband :- Since last one week, you are saying this ‘today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?
Husband :- Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave you one fine day”.

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The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

Gomer was exultant. "It went great!

First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

 

 

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

 

 

 

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a admin cut is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a admin cut is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, she called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a admin cut is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."

 

 

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings."

With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"

The Devil brought forward a chair.

"Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart.

Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole."

And the idiot went to heaven.

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Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

 

 

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous.
"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"
She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."
So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.
"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

 

 

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.
" Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.

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Intelligent Husband 
.
Wife was busy in packing her clothes. 
.
Husband - Where are you going ?
.
Wife - I'm moving to my mother. 
.
Husband also starts packing his clothes. 
.
Wife - Now where are you going ?
.
Husband - I'm also moving to my mother. 
.
Wife - And what about the kids ?
.
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother. 
.
Clothes unpacked.😉😄😄😄
Pls read n donot delete u will have a smile on your face😃😃

Short Facts......

☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀

Wife : "why are u home so early?"

Hubby :  "My boss said go to hell!" 
😆😋
         
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Doctor : How is ur headache ? 
Patient : she's out of town.
😄

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
       (1) Mobile
       (2) Automobile
       (3) TV
       (4) Wife
Because, there is always a 
better model in neighborhood 
😉

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
      
Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:

All girls are devils, 
but my wife is the queen of them.

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Q - Why can't Women Drive well? 🚗
Ans - Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them.. 
😁          
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day.. 
😂
           
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

The woman who invented the phrase ...
"All men are the same" 
was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.
😝
           
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen. 
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened....
😜😜
           
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Wives are magicians........

They can change anything into an argument.
😆😜
           
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY? 
A very INTELLIGENT man replied: 
Women don't have a wife!
😜😜😆😜

◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to women who can handle it...
😃😄😀😛😜😝😉😎😍😘

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On 10/16/2019 at 10:53 PM, harsharan000 said:

No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
       (1) Mobile
       (2) Automobile
       (3) TV
       (4) Wife
Because, there is always a 
better model in neighborhood 

😂 This one really got me laughing. Good one.

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A Rich Gujju Had An Accident in his New BMW.


The cops came in and gujju says sadly, "Officer Maari Brand New Car "
Cop: U all Gujju's materialistic nature makes me sick.

You are so Blinded by Money

that you Don't Even Realise your Left Arm has Gone in d Accident.
Gujju looks at his Left Arm and Shouts... 

"O Siiiit .... Maari Rolex...!!!


😜😂😝😜😂😝

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A father helping his son to complete his home work.....

son has to list 50 animal's name ....

look how nicely this father helps his son

 

 

 

One of the best jokes I have ever seen...  😂😂😂

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