When It Is Right To Raise Voice?

[Guest harleen]

I belong to a sikh family.And according to sikhism beliefs it is said that we should not tolerate injustice.My dad's younger brother (my chacha ji) has always helped us financially . Our house's daily needs and study expenditure was afforded because of the money he provided. He left his 2 teenage children and wife because of some miaunderstanding which i dont know.They all live in a foreign country. My chacha ji visits after few years only.He is a very impatient type of person and gets angry easily.My mom has always served him whenever he visits sincerly.Few years back he had beaten my mom because she didnt gave him food in fancy utensil.I was young and coudnt able to help.Nor does my grandmother and grandfather helped. His past few visits were accompanied by his so called gfs whom he wanted to marry.we served them too.this type he wants to marry a widowed rich woman.but during his latest visit he said to us that we should bring food and morning tea to his room upstairs.my mom has vericose vein problem in her leg due to which she cant move much.and whole day i am. School.my grandfather is no more and grandmother is old.sometimes my dad did that job.but i dont think is good ....i mean elder brother doing this or m i just exxagrating things? This tym my mom grandmom and he had huge fyt he demanded his half share in house which he legally owns but at present we dont have money to give him that much.he also wanted all the stuff that he bought for us.he abused my mom and even tried to beat her but grandmom stopped him.now he dont want to listen a word against his upcoming wife i dont know why .she is also not good.she is clever and make misunderstandings among us .but now m confused what should i do.should i refuse him whenevr he orders us like servants.? Or i should accept things as god's wish? Should i raise my voice against him and his wife ? But they are elders and nobody willl. Support me.my dad never speaks no matter how wirse the situation is and nobody supports my mom .nobody gives credit for her unconditional sewa.please suggest

[CdnSikhGirl]

I belong to a sikh family.And according to sikhism beliefs it is said that we should not tolerate injustice.My dad's younger brother (my chacha ji) has always helped us financially . Our house's daily needs and study expenditure was afforded because of the money he provided. He left his 2 teenage children and wife because of some miaunderstanding which i dont know.They all live in a foreign country. My chacha ji visits after few years only.He is a very impatient type of person and gets angry easily.My mom has always served him whenever he visits sincerly.Few years back he had beaten my mom because she didnt gave him food in fancy utensil.I was young and coudnt able to help.Nor does my grandmother and grandfather helped. His past few visits were accompanied by his so called gfs whom he wanted to marry.we served them too.this type he wants to marry a widowed rich woman.but during his latest visit he said to us that we should bring food and morning tea to his room upstairs.my mom has vericose vein problem in her leg due to which she cant move much.and whole day i am. School.my grandfather is no more and grandmother is old.sometimes my dad did that job.but i dont think is good ....i mean elder brother doing this or m i just exxagrating things? This tym my mom grandmom and he had huge fyt he demanded his half share in house which he legally owns but at present we dont have money to give him that much.he also wanted all the stuff that he bought for us.he abused my mom and even tried to beat her but grandmom stopped him.now he dont want to listen a word against his upcoming wife i dont know why .she is also not good.she is clever and make misunderstandings among us .but now m confused what should i do.should i refuse him whenevr he orders us like servants.? Or i should accept things as god's wish? Should i raise my voice against him and his wife ? But they are elders and nobody willl. Support me.my dad never speaks no matter how wirse the situation is and nobody supports my mom .nobody gives credit for her unconditional sewa.please suggest

First of all.. beating your Mom because she didn't serve him with fancy dishes... come on! There is NEVER NEVER NEVER excuse for beating anyone. Sounds like your uncle thinks your Mom is just a live in servant and not a human being. If she is being physically beating by this guy, someone must step in before she ends up in hospital for not cooking the perfect roti!

As for the house I can not answer... if its half in his name I dont know what you can do. A lawyer would be a good step. No judge would ever consider gifts in kind to be refundable to the person who gave them. That would cover the contents but the house itself if its in his name too youd have to see what legal aenues you could follow.

But please help your Mom! She does not deserve to be beaten at all! Let alone for petty things like not serving in fancy enough dishes or serving food in bed upstairs. She is not a hired maid. And if you let it continue she could easily end up in the hospital or worse!

edit: to add is there a safe place your Mother could go to stay when your uncle comes to visit? Like with her sister family or something?

Edited May 23, 2015 by Satkirin_Kaur

[paapiman]

I belong to a sikh family.And according to sikhism beliefs it is said that we should not tolerate injustice.My dad's younger brother (my chacha ji) has always helped us financially . Our house's daily needs and study expenditure was afforded because of the money he provided. He left his 2 teenage children and wife because of some miaunderstanding which i dont know.They all live in a foreign country. My chacha ji visits after few years only.He is a very impatient type of person and gets angry easily.My mom has always served him whenever he visits sincerly.Few years back he had beaten my mom because she didnt gave him food in fancy utensil.I was young and coudnt able to help.Nor does my grandmother and grandfather helped. His past few visits were accompanied by his so called gfs whom he wanted to marry.we served them too.this type he wants to marry a widowed rich woman.but during his latest visit he said to us that we should bring food and morning tea to his room upstairs.my mom has vericose vein problem in her leg due to which she cant move much.and whole day i am. School.my grandfather is no more and grandmother is old.sometimes my dad did that job.but i dont think is good ....i mean elder brother doing this or m i just exxagrating things? This tym my mom grandmom and he had huge fyt he demanded his half share in house which he legally owns but at present we dont have money to give him that much.he also wanted all the stuff that he bought for us.he abused my mom and even tried to beat her but grandmom stopped him.now he dont want to listen a word against his upcoming wife i dont know why .she is also not good.she is clever and make misunderstandings among us .but now m confused what should i do.should i refuse him whenevr he orders us like servants.? Or i should accept things as god's wish? Should i raise my voice against him and his wife ? But they are elders and nobody willl. Support me.my dad never speaks no matter how wirse the situation is and nobody supports my mom .nobody gives credit for her unconditional sewa.please suggest

Do ardaas at amritvela, at the feet of Satguru Sri Guru Nanak Dev jee Maharaaj. He will definitely show you a way.

You can do the jaap of the following shabad. It has to be done 25 times, after afternoons for 5 Tuesdays.

ਵਸੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਪਿਆਰਿਆ ਵਸੁ ਮੇਰੇ ਗੋਵਿਦਾ ਹਰਿ ਕਰਿ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਮਨਿ ਵਸੁ ਜੀਉ ॥

Dwell, O my Beloved, dwell, O my Lord of the Universe; O Lord, show mercy to me and come to dwell within my mind.

ਮਨਿ ਚਿੰਦਿਅੜਾ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਗੋਵਿੰਦਾ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਵੇਖਿ ਵਿਗਸੁ ਜੀਉ ॥

I have obtained the fruits of my mind's desires, O my Lord of the Universe; I am transfixed with ecstasy, gazing upon the Perfect Guru.

ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਸੋਹਾਗਣੀ ਮੇਰੇ ਗੋਵਿੰਦਾ ਮਨਿ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਅਨਦੁ ਰਹਸੁ ਜੀਉ ॥

The happy soul-brides receive the Lord's Name, O my Lord of the Universe; night and day, their minds are blissful and happy.

ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਅੜਾ ਵਡਭਾਗੀਈ ਮੇਰੇ ਗੋਵਿੰਦਾ ਨਿਤ ਲੈ ਲਾਹਾ ਮਨਿ ਹਸੁ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥

By great good fortune, the Lord is found, O my Lord of the Universe; earning profit continually, the mind laughs with joy. ||3||

You can also do jaap of the following shabads, along with mool mantar. First, mool mantar then the shabad, and then mool mantar again.

ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

Sorat'h, Fifth Mehl:

ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਰਖਵਾਰੇ ॥

The Word of the Guru's Shabad is my Saving Grace.

ਚਉਕੀ ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੇ ॥

It is a guardian posted on all four sides around me.

ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮਿ ਮਨੁ ਲਾਗਾ ॥

My mind is attached to the Lord's Name.

ਜਮੁ ਲਜਾਇ ਕਰਿ ਭਾਗਾ ॥੧॥

The Messenger of Death has run away in shame. ||1||

ਪ੍ਰਭ ਜੀ ਤੂ ਮੇਰੋ ਸੁਖਦਾਤਾ ॥

O Dear Lord, You are my Giver of peace.

ਬੰਧਨ ਕਾਟਿ ਕਰੇ ਮਨੁ ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਪੂਰਨ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਬਿਧਾਤਾ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

The Perfect Lord, the Architect of Destiny, has shattered my bonds, and made my mind immaculately pure. ||Pause||

ਨਾਨਕ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਅਬਿਨਾਸੀ ॥

O Nanak, God is eternal and imperishable.

ਤਾ ਕੀ ਸੇਵ ਨ ਬਿਰਥੀ ਜਾਸੀ ॥

Service to Him shall never go unrewarded.

ਅਨਦ ਕਰਹਿ ਤੇਰੇ ਦਾਸਾ ॥

Your slaves are in bliss;

ਜਪਿ ਪੂਰਨ ਹੋਈ ਆਸਾ ॥੨॥੪॥੬੮॥

chanting and meditating, their desires are fulfilled. ||2||4||68||

ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥

Bilaaval, Fifth Mehl:

ਤਾਤੀ ਵਾਉ ਨ ਲਗਈ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਸਰਣਾਈ ॥

The hot wind does not even touch one who is under the Protection of the Supreme Lord God.

ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥

On all four sides I am surrounded by the Lord's Circle of Protection; pain does not afflict me, O Siblings of Destiny. ||1||

ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਭੇਟਿਆ ਜਿਨਿ ਬਣਤ ਬਣਾਈ ॥

I have met the Perfect True Guru, who has done this deed.

ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮੁ ਅਉਖਧੁ ਦੀਆ ਏਕਾ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

He has given me the medicine of the Lord's Name, and I enshrine love for the One Lord. ||1||Pause||

ਰਾਖਿ ਲੀਏ ਤਿਨਿ ਰਖਨਹਾਰਿ ਸਭ ਬਿਆਧਿ ਮਿਟਾਈ ॥

The Savior Lord has saved me, and eradicated all my sickness.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਭਈ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਏ ਸਹਾਈ ॥੨॥੧੫॥੭੯॥

Says Nanak, God has showered me with His Mercy; He has become my help and support. ||2||15||79||

Waheguru jee kaa Khalsa

Waheguru jee kee Fateh

Edited May 24, 2015 by paapiman

[CdnSikhGirl]

He NEEDS to remove his Mother from this situation as this man has obviously think its HIS right to have her serve him and is giving her no other worth. She is not his servant and definitely does NOT deserve to be beaten for not serving food on a fancy enough dish? really??? This is what happens Paapiman, when women are devalued and made to think men are God over them. It breeds this sense of superiority in men and thinking its their right to beat women if they don't do everything just so or answer every becking call. Yes its a minority of men and not majority but this is serious.

Next time this man comes to their place, they have to take the Mother somewhere else to stay - like other family etc because next time she could end up in the hospital or dead for not making a perfectly round roti! This is serious!

[Singh123456777]

Do ardaas at amritvela, at the feet of Satguru Sri Guru Nanak Dev jee Maharaaj. He will definitely show you a way.

You can do the jaap of the following shabad. It has to be done 25 times, after afternoons for 5 Tuesdays

Why can't people do it on Wednesday or Monday or Saturday? Why Tuesday?

[dalsingh101]

One of the things this illustrates is the downside of relying on wealthy relatives for security. This often leads to contempt on their part which inevitably turns into abuse.

[kdsingh80]

He NEEDS to remove his Mother from this situation as this man has obviously think its HIS right to have her serve him and is giving her no other worth. She is not his servant and definitely does NOT deserve to be beaten for not serving food on a fancy enough dish? really??? This is what happens Paapiman, when women are devalued and made to think men are God over them. It breeds this sense of superiority in men and thinking its their right to beat women if they don't do everything just so or answer every becking call. Yes its a minority of men and not majority but this is serious.

Next time this man comes to their place, they have to take the Mother somewhere else to stay - like other family etc because next time she could end up in the hospital or dead for not making a perfectly round roti! This is serious!

As usual you are seeing this just Man-woman issue . The father of the OP who is elder brother also serve his younger brother food now please tell me this man is not valuing his elder brother too why? Indian culture give very high importance to elder brother .

The issue is this man is just an arrogant because of his money power and he think he can treat his elder brother family as he like

[CdnSikhGirl]

As usual you are seeing this just Man-woman issue . The father of the OP who is elder brother also serve his younger brother food now please tell me this man is not valuing his elder brother too why? Indian culture give very high importance to elder brother .

The issue is this man is just an arrogant because of his money power and he think he can treat his elder brother family as he like

Yes but he's not beating up the younger brother!!!

[kdsingh80]

Yes but he's not beating up the younger brother!!!

, May be he has still little respect for elder brother .There are cases of Sons beating fathers so anything can happen in family fight

[CdnSikhGirl]

, May be he has still little respect for elder brother .There are cases of Sons beating fathers so anything can happen in family fight

But he is for sure beating the Mother! So something MUST BE DONE about it before she ends up in the hospital or worse! Don't think about maybes... rather than saying 'he might be beating the brother too' do something about the one we KNOW was being beaten! She should be removed from the home when that guy is there to protect her!

[Koi]

If he even lays a finger on your mother or grand mother, beat him within an inch of his life!!!!!!!!!

After Guru Parmeshwar, worship your mother. Honestly, beat him, until either his face breaks or your fist breaks.

[paapiman]

Why can't people do it on Wednesday or Monday or Saturday? Why Tuesday?

Bro, check it out below - Granth - Gur Shabad Sidhi by Srimaan Shaheed Bhai Saab Bhai Mani Singh jee Maharaaj.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/61582880/Gur-Shabad-Sidhi-Shardha-Puran-Granth-Bhai-Mani-Singh-Ji-Punjabi

Waheguru jee kaa Khalsa

Waheguru jee kee Fateh

[BhagatSingh]

Few years back he had beaten my mom because she didnt gave him food in fancy utensil.

Who told you this? I'm fairly certain you aren't getting the full story here. Talk to your Chacha ji directly and ask him what problems he is facing in the family and what is causing him to lash out. And listen closely to what he says and doesn't say.

The only way to fix family feuds is to clear up misunderstandings. Often times people don't say what they are feeling (because no one really listens) and then these feelings just build up like steam in a pressure cooker.

How old are you?

[BhagatSingh]

As usual you are seeing this just Man-woman issue

Lol this.

The issue is this man is just an arrogant because of his money power and he think he can treat his elder brother family as he like

I don't think this is the full story. I don't think anyone's really talked to the guy.

OP is not getting any info from him or anyone else. She's most likely being told this stuff by her mother. Notice how OP's family is all innocent and victims, it's not their fault, they do unconditional seva. Clearly does not have the full picture here.

[CdnSikhGirl]

No matter what the story is... there is no excuse to lay a finger on anyone... are you saying she might have done something to actually deserve being beaten up? No matter what has been going on, she is in danger.

[BhagatSingh]

No matter what the story is...

Are you saying we should ignore the facts? Are you saying conflicts are resolved ignoring how the people feel and think?

The full story is very important here. Without knowing what's happening with each of the family members involved in the feud, you cannot resolve the feud. Without knowing what's causing someone to lash out, you cannot stop them from lashing out.

[CdnSikhGirl]

Obviously they need to find out... but it sounded like you were suggesting that maybe she deserved to be beaten because of something she did. Nobody ever deserves to be beaten.

As far as I know we are not Islam... (Islam actually does allow beating of a 'disobedient' wife).

Please say you are not suggesting that something she did brought it on her and she deserved it. Because nobody ever deserves to be beaten.

And in the interim, she needs to be removed from that situation until its resolved. She should not be anywhere near this person because next time she could end up in hospital or dead.

[BhagatSingh]

Obviously they need to find out... but it sounded like you were suggesting that maybe she deserved to be beaten because of something she did.

No that's just your over-active imagination. Read any of the posts here, nobody is suggesting this, except for you.

Nobody ever deserves to be beaten.

Are you saying people should just accept torture and oppression and not fight back?

I am a pacifist, a strict proponent of living peacefully and with understanding. But even I can see there might be circumstances where violence is justified.

As far as I know we are not Islam... (Islam actually does allow beating of a 'disobedient' wife)

If this isn't your attempt to bring your personal agenda in other people's threads, I don't know what is.

Here we have someone who is suffering because of a family feud and all you can go about is your own agenda. Do you think that is showing respect to the OP?

You would appear to be a lot more nicer and respectful if you simply stick to the topic.

[CdnSikhGirl]

The topic is the Mother is in danger... until this can be figured out she needs to be moved to a safe place whenever he is around, before she ends up in the hospital... or worse.. dead!

You seem to be avoiding the issue that she is in very real danger!

Yes they need to work it out... but until it is... she needs to be kept safe. Initially anyway just bringing up the issue will likely push him over the edge, and he may well lash out at her even more. No matter what the reason is... at this point she needs to be protected until its worked out. She cant be left in the same place with this man. Or she very well could end up severely injured!

Edited May 25, 2015 by Satkirin_Kaur

[Singh123456777]

Bro, check it out below - Granth - Gur Shabad Sidhi by Srimaan Shaheed Bhai Saab Bhai Mani Singh jee Maharaaj.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/61582880/Gur-Shabad-Sidhi-Shardha-Puran-Granth-Bhai-Mani-Singh-Ji-Punjabi

Waheguru jee kaa Khalsa

Waheguru jee kee Fateh

Dhanvaad veer ji

[Guest das]

"Guest Harleen" please proceed with what paapimann has suggested.

1. Do the following shabad da path 1 Mala (108 beads) everyday whenever you get time. And then do Ardas to God/Waheguru.

2. Tackle the solution tactfully. Do not argue and try to keep your mom away from him.

At last, SHAME to some people on this thread who are just dragging this into debate This vs That. If you can help anyone then post; otherwise keep your mouth shut for God's sake. Show off your debating skills somewhere else.

[jaikaara]

Leave all the anecdotes and get your mom to appraoch the NCW (National commision for Women) here is the complaint form :

http://ncw.nic.in/onlinecomplaintsv2/frmPubRegistration.aspx

let me know if its not working our or some other problem , i know someone in delhi who might help.

[Harman deep singh]

On 5/23/2015 at 10:23 AM, Guest harleen said:

suggesI belong to a sikh family.And according to sikhism beliefs it is said that we should not tolerate injustice.My dad's younger brother (my chacha ji) has always helped us financially . Our house's daily needs and study expenditure was afforded because of the money he provided. He left his 2 teenage children and wife because of some miaunderstanding which i dont know.They all live in a foreign country. My chacha ji visits after few years only.He is a very impatient type of person and gets angry easily.My mom has always served him whenever he visits sincerly.Few years back he had beaten my mom because she didnt gave him food in fancy utensil.I was young and coudnt able to help.Nor does my grandmother and grandfather helped. His past few visits were accompanied by his so called gfs whom he wanted to marry.we served them too.this type he wants to marry a widowed rich woman.but during his latest visit he said to us that we should bring food and morning tea to his room upstairs.my mom has vericose vein problem in her leg due to which she cant move much.and whole day i am. School.my grandfather is no more and grandmother is old.sometimes my dad did that job.but i dont think is good ....i mean elder brother doing this or m i just exxagrating things? This tym my mom grandmom and he had huge fyt he demanded his half share in house which he legally owns but at present we dont have money to give him that much.he also wanted all the stuff that he bought for us.he abused my mom and even tried to beat her but grandmom stopped him.now he dont want to listen a word against his upcoming wife i dont know why .she is also not good.she is clever and make misunderstandings among us .but now m confused what should i do.should i refuse him whenevr he orders us like servants.? Or i should accept things as god's wish? Should i raise my voice against him and his wife ? But they are elders and nobody willl. Support me.my dad never speaks no matter how wirse the situation is and nobody supports my mom .nobody gives credit for her unconditional sewa.please suggest

Mind if I interfere?

You aren't ready yet 

Just like a baby bird who can't fly 

U need to properly grow wings first before achieving freedom 

For now solve your matter by saying sorry or saying sweet words and wait for chance 

Can your family manage without chacha ji? 

Its better to sit and solve problem and need to swallow pride just serve him if necessary (u and God knows that you have done nothing wrong but still)

But real cure is in Reciting Gurbani 

And Sikhs when they are in trouble do katah prasad and put their ardaas in mighty lord Guru Granth sahib g Charan kamal

 

Well actually I gave advice  only coz I had similar matter or maybe worse 

Between how about performing ardaas with katah prashad and taking hukamnama from Guru g

 

Godbless

 

 

 

[Harman deep singh]

aoukhee gharree n dhaekhan dhaeee apanaa biradh samaalae 
He does not let His devotees see the difficult times; this is His innate nature. 

haathh dhaee raakhai apanae ko saas saas prathipaalae 
Giving His hand, He protects His devotee; with each and every breath, He cherishes him. 

prabh sio laag rehiou maeraa cheeth 
My consciousness remains attached to God. 

aadh a(n)th prabh sadhaa sehaaee dhha(n)n hamaaraa meeth 
In the beginning, and in the end, God is always my helper and companion; blessed is my friend. 

man bilaas bheae saahib kae acharaj dhaekh baddaaee 
My mind is delighted, gazing upon the marvellous, glorious greatness of the Lord and Master. 

har simar simar aanadh kar naanak prabh pooran paij rakhaaee 

Remembering, remembering the Lord in meditation, Nanak is in ecstasy; God, in His perfection, has protected and preserved his honor.