rps_son_narayan

Sat veere, thnx fr such a detailed reply, I agree that dukh brings you closer to god and he can be seen only by a bairagi heart, heart which longs for him, I have seen him giving a pause status to all my pains, otherwise things could get worse. Fateh

thnx Sat and Jaikara veer ... @ Pal 07 - veere easy to say....I m not expecting u to help,,,I jus wann my fellow singhs to be aware of tests we can encounter (I know its my fight bro)

WJKK WJKF, Hi all, I have been visiting sikh awareness from quiet a while now and need to ask some experts about parakh going on in my life. We were a very normal sikh family and everything was going good, I use to go to a gym, study and got a decent job in an MNC in India. Back in 2008, my elder brother took amrit and asked me too take it too, but I was hesitant on taking it because it would block me from doing bad deeds (there is discipline, Rehat in a sikhs life which is difficult to follow). One day in 2008, I was going home on my two wheeler and met with a accident and felt the near death experience. Not a single scratch on me but scooter was almost ruined, that day I felt that this could have been my last day and Jamdoots would have taken me to dharamraaj. In a week's time , I took amrit and started the wonderfull Nitnem daily, 5 banis without taking amrit are difficult to recite, but with power of amrit you start a liking for it. We bought a new home. Me , my elder bro, my father were 3 members earning now...chardikalla was in now, my mother being the house wife. at this time only my mom was not an amritdhari. We were amritdharis, but not pakke guru ke singhs, some times I missed my nem, listened to songs, I m young n unmarried and naturally liked making new friends and was inclined towards sunder roop, but not in a bad way, just in a normal way. till 2012, everything in my life was going exponentially well. But things started rolling down, My mother was diagnosed with Kideny failure, she took amrit a year before her problem.....she lost her senses for 1.5 months , her hemoglobin went down to 4.5, and we took her ICU 2 times till now, she undergoes painfull dialysis 2 times a week till now. My elder bro, recently married was diagnosed with TB, which blocked his food pipe and he was not able to swallow raw food, he is still undergoing his treatment and his problem is 80% cured with Guru's grace. My father, being a old guy is taking care of expenses for my mother, which is like much more than my monthly salary, with my salary, I can bearly take care of my self. but money is not a problem here. All this streesed me out and I am a hypertensive guy now, I recently developed a high heart rate problem. Doing night shifts and a stressfull job is taking toll on me. Watching my mothers left arm, which takes two 4 inches long and a wide needle 2 times a week (very painfull) , chops off my desire to live. All relatives have run away, they are just mere spectators now. I continously devolpe some pain in my body, I am used to it now, Hospital is not a new thing for me now. But all this prompted me towards guru, I listened to Giani thakur singh ji's guru granth sahib katha, watched all mahapurukhs videos on youtube. Took my mom to darbar sahib once, been there 7 times in last year. after all this I realised that our condition halted, its not going bad anymore, but still its not going positive. We are in a loop, I will feel stressed till my mom is not well, which is almost impossible. One imp thing : Since my childhood, our family used to visit a mahapuruk, Sant narayan singh ji moni, u can search for him on youtube, he is pooran sant like a Son of guru gobind singh ji. some times sant ji comes in my dreams and assures that everything will be good. But when I wake up, everything is same, I also used to get dreams of shaheed singhs. I also went to Hansalli sahib and had darshan of Mahapurukh Ajit singh ji, but I was not able to tell him my issues , just did ardass there and came back home. My point is that I am fed up now, some times I feel I can do sava lakh mool mantar (which i have just started) n save my family, but whom to save, I am myself a suffering from depression now. I know this path is difficult, but sometimes you dont have the answer and have to jus bow down to Hukam of akal purakh ji. please do ardass payreo......Fateh