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HisServant

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HisServant last won the day on January 29

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About HisServant

  • Birthday 08/22/1997

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  1. I forgot to mention this but this has been happening a lot more as of yesterday - I remember I posted a pretty major experience about a year ago - where I hit this place which was like a bottomless pit of energy. Something very powerful. Beyond anything I've ever experienced. And it has life to it. It's not in a particular place - like you know when you see parkash, you can point out where you see it? Or if you hear shabad, you can say "I hear it in my head" or "above my head" or wherever you hear it? But this has no position. Neither inside nor outside the body. Yet it's more powerful and "vivid" than parkash or shabad. But no actual sight or sound. It's just "energy". It's there whether eyes are open are closed. It's there in meditation and outside. Even when I'm walking around at work, studying, etc it's always there. I don't know how to describe it yet but once I do I will post an update.
  2. I'm 23 lol. Hopefully I'll have a "mini me" one day but I'm not even married yet. But to answer the question - the physical aspect of the mind/body complex still lives life with complete passion. But what's different for me is there's less of a sense of "self". Like just dissolving. The system exists in one capacity but also does not exist. During meditation, the shift is more towards dissolution (every idea of "self" is completely gone - including the feeling of the body, dreams, thoughts - I won't get into this too much) but outside of meditation the shift is closer to a centre point. It's really hard to explain the spiritual side but the best way I can put it is having both sides of a coin coinciding. It's a lot easier to explain the physical changes in terms of personality and personal life expression because those can actually be explained using language and analogies. I'll be completely open and honest - I'm not very religious and I have been in relationships. I know this will likely upset a lot of people. But I have a lot of close friendships and some of those friendships have turned into relationships. The difference is that there is a lot more detachment when there are problems in a relationship. There's less or no heartbreak if the person leaves. This was not the case for me when the spiritual side was not as developed. I used to get very sad. But now I just let go. I'm not perfect. But things are a lot better. And in relationships, there is a lot more focus on the other person and keeping them happy. And the desire to make sure their needs are taken care of. The love is still there (I'm not an absent partner) but there is almost no fear and pain during the difficult times. Even with family - years ago - I did not have much care or concern for my parents. But over the years, I've developed a lot more love for them as well. There is a lot more of a desire to take care of them. But not an obsession or major attachment. For me personally - it's not like taking an anti-depression medication and being completely numb. I'm emotionless during meditation - but I live life with complete passion. I express joy and happiness. I have a lot of friends. I'm a social person and I like to be around people. I even put my foot down when it's needed and put people in their place. And I think these are all just normal aspects of life. A security guard can't sweet talk everyone - they need to put their foot down and show anger, even if they aren't actually angry. Even in Sikh history - there are a lot of examples of our Guru's putting their feet down and other times where they are expressing compassion for people. Not in an obsessive way - just living life with full passion but still being detached. They even had the best horses and thrones - maya wasn't "bad" - what was considered "bad" was the obsession with those objects. And as a father - I think this would help me be a better parent. There's more clarity when life problems come up and there is more sympathy and compassion. I actually look forward to having a family one day and raising a child or two. My detachment is a lot better in relationships but I know being a parent is a completely different ball game. I know I won't be perfect but meditation will definitely keep me more calm and stable. I do work in the emergency department of a hospital - and I do feel a lot more concern for my patients. There's a desire to go above and beyond to make them feel better (both physically and emotionally). There are times when things do not go well with a patient and I end up sitting in a quiet room crying and getting emotional. But not out of frustration - more out of sympathy and concern for the patient. I don't know if this is supposed to happen, but it's how I naturally react sometimes and I don't hold it in. Even with friends and family - I'm usually the one always asking people if they are ok or being the one everyone wants to vent to. But this could also just be my personality. It might not reflect the effects of meditation. I think what is "achieved" is the ability to not obsess and feel free. And there is a lot less stigma and prejudice. You often see people treat homeless people and drug users differently than they would treat any other patient. As healthcare workers, we're taught to stay away from those mental blocks but it's still a natural human instinct to make assumptions. I've noticed myself doing this a lot less. It's the same amount of concern and care for all patients regardless of how they look or how they are as a person. And finally - my productivity is out of this world - not falling trap to emotions has given me so much freedom to do so much more. - I work about 72-84 hours per week at the hospital (12 hour shifts, 6-7 days a week) - I am taking 7 university courses (I'm a straight A student with very high grades - I used to get very low grades years back) - I am also doing a healthcare certificate which most people work on full-time - Doing my realtor certificate which most people also do full-time - I also run my own small business and working on a second one About 5 full-time activities at the same time. We can do a lot as people when emotions are not in the way. I don't have to do any of these things and I'm not forcing myself or pushing myself, I'm just passionate for all 5 and want to do them. I decided to sacrifice a year and work on my credentials to open up the chances to a better future. Med school is competitive and I'm still working on becoming a doctor. It's a lot harder in Canada than it is in the US. Our schools typically have 5000-6000 applicants (each) and they take about 200 each. But in the meantime, I'm just doing what I enjoy.
  3. I appreciate the kind words. But also my views on ideas like this have really changed. I don't think there is a beginner or expert. Everything (god) is already there. There's nothing to look for. I want you to watch this next video carefully: ^^^ I think this can be compared to how we see people. Both objects in each scenario are the same, but they're perceived as different. Just like how we see people. On the physical surface, just bones, flesh etc - a biomechanical suit. Which is run by some sort of intelligence that has been shaped by a persons experiences (including previous lives), their upbringing, their family life, the "good" and "bad" things that have happened to them. Whether or not someone believes in "fate", it seems like it could still be argued that we don't have much control over our lives, even our own actions. If you had lived the exact same experiences as someone else, I think it would be likely that your actions would mimic them. So how can one be labeled as a "sinner" and one as a "saint"? During the heightened moments where everything is a bit more "clear" and the intuition is strong, it feels like I've just been living in "psychosis" my entire life. Just like when people see things that aren't there and they get sent to a psych ward for a mental illness evaluation. These are just my opinions in the current moment - things often change for me the deeper I go. ^^^ And then in this video, how god is viewed. When she hides the toy, the kid thinks the toy has disappeared and doesn't know where it is. But it's always right in front of her. Just like this - In spirituality - where is god? who is the sinner and who is the saint? Who is the atheist and who is the religious person? A lot of perceptions really change - In some of the sessions it feels like the universe in within the mind instead of the body/mind complex being within the universe. Everything just flips.
  4. As for physical measurable experiences - "parkash" is a lot stronger and feels like a "tool". If I'm ever tired, I just sit in the place where there's light (when I say light I don't mean a literal light but more of a light that's colourless but also can get very bright - I know it's probably hard to try and figure out what that would look like). But sitting in that spot feels refreshing for the physical body. The mind lets go of the body in a very different way now. It's like it just dissolves and then all that's left is space. It's a very easy and smooth process. Just like sugar dissolving into water. And then eventually gets to the point where all memories, thoughts and sense of self is gone. There's this experience that happens where it feels like the mind is going through mini explosion type phases. The deeper and longer I sit in there, the more of a shock I go into once I wake up. Waking up from that state and transitioning back into the body feels like entering tregun for the first time. It's a literal shock for a second or two until I remember who I am again. It's like being in two different worlds - the physical world where the body lives life and then being non existent. But even when the mind is with the physical body that "non-existent state" still exists. It's very difficult to put labels on it and describe it but the best way I can put it is "I exist but also don't". It's like being a ball of energy in a physical body. And at times it feels like what "I" am or could be also exists outside of the body. The part of the body-mind complex that takes in sensory information is a lot more in tune with subtle energies as well. I feel a stronger collection of energy around the head. It's very heavy. I don't know how to explain this. And then at times it feels like the entire universe is inside the mind. I lived most of my life with the perspective that the universe is external and outside of the body. They felt like separate parts. But now it's like "everything else" is inside the thing that feels like "me". So as a result, everything feels like it's "me". BUT at the same time "me" feels like it does not exist so it's as if nothing actually exists. Again, "illusion" is the best term but it still doesn't describe what's being processed by the sensory system. When I type all of this out it really does not make any sense but the experience itself makes sense when experienced. This is why I stopped telling my friends and family my experiences or updating on here. There's just no way to explain things anymore that make sense through language. Edit: And to add to all of this - only the experiences that have a "visual" or "sound" or some other form of connection to tregun can actually be described. Anything that goes beyond the senses or cannot be connected to tregun using an analogy can't actually be put in writing. They're experienced but then the mind can't even properly remember them.
  5. How's everyone doing? I miss you guys. I'm never on here as much as I want to. Just thought I'd post an update because a few people sent me personal messages asking how things are. bhagti isn't even bhagti anymore. everything in the physical world and the mind feels like a cluster of sensory information. just a bunch of lines, sounds and a compilation of "noise" making up a "world". It's like not even existing anymore. Even though there's a body, there's a mind and there's sensory input... it still feels like nothing exists. Illusion is the best word to use but that doesn't do justice. It's not something that can be conceptualized. But it feels like freedom. Life is just happening. It's like a state of flow. It's difficult to put it into words that make sense. The words are just concepts and descriptions and the one who hears the words creates an image based on their subjective experience and understanding of the world. How do you even know what other people are seeing and experiencing is the same as you? How do I know if I see colours the same as others? What if my version of red is green for someone else? What if my taste of sweet is sour for someone else? Everything's just a bunch of thoughts and sensory input. Everything's just been labeled by each persons intellectual faculty. Some of the craziest experiences happen. But what's most alluring is this experience of dissolution. It's like existing in one capacity but at the same time not existing. The other experiences just feel like "noise" or "entertainment". The inner and outer world feel like space and noise. But at the same time it's also quiet and empty. It's noise but also silence. Full but also empty. But also neither one of those concepts. I don't know who or what I am. I don't know what or who god is. Nor do I know if either even exist.
  6. ਅਖੀ ਬਾਝਹੁ ਵੇਖਣਾ ਵਿਣੁ ਕੰਨਾ ਸੁਨਣਾ ॥ To see without eyes; to hear without ears; I think this is the corresponding shabad
  7. Blessings to everyone. I am writing this today in a bit of shock and disbelieve but at the same time a lot of peace and satisfaction. These past few weeks/months had been a bit of a rough sail for me. I had lost a lot of faith in spiritual teachers. I had been hearing and seeing a lot of drama that didn't sit well with me. So part of me fell off the boat a bit. I was still listening to shabad and looking at parkash. But I wasn't putting effort in to try and move further. I was sitting still. Something even worse happened in my personal life a few days ago. A very subtle but very strong attachment got pulled away from me. An attachment I didn't realize was there but was really consuming my mind. I'm not going to lie, I lost my stability. I was upset. Angry. Lost. Confused. And it had been a very long time since I experienced a pain that made me upset like that. I began isolating myself and really letting my mind be consumed by shabad and parkash because I knew that was the only way out of the trap I had fallen into. I had to work extremely hard. But just now I was laying on the floor looking at parkash internally. I opened my eyes to look at the parkash that exists externally. Mind was clear, no thoughts. And I had a realization. "This parkash exists both outside and inside... Are my physical eyes the one seeing them?..... And then all of a sudden I felt this third area of space. A place that wasn't the internal body, nor the external world. It was this place in the middle. I think it was beyond the mind or some extension of the mind. And sitting in that space there was just parkash. It was like looking at a new world with a new set of eyes. The best way I can describe this is by using the term "non-physical" eyes. It's as if the parkash outside and inside had become one. I cannot describe the amount of peace and contentment the mind and body feels sitting in that area. I don't know if it's correct for me to stay in that space. But I just wanted to write this out with the hopes that maybe someone knows what this is.
  8. One day someone throws a stone at you and hits you with the stone. You ask yourself, “who am I angry with?” You are quick to respond, “I am angry at that person” However, it was the stone that hit you… not the person. Why aren’t you angry at the stone? You think, “I’m not angry with the stone because the stone had no intention to hit me. The stone is an inanimate object that was thrown by a person. So I am angry at that person”. Using that logic, you shouldn’t be angry at the person. You should be angry at their pain. … Because the person is just like the stone. Helplessly thrown by their pain.
  9. I'm looking for a job in Downtown Toronto this summer. My resume is pretty thick and I have a really wide range of skills and experiences. it's my last term of University and I'm about to graduate.
  10. I've been spending a lot of time recently observing how people react to conflict and other situations of tension. And I'm starting to see how carrying a certain perspective can either make or break your spirituality. Whether this perspective taking is developed through bhagti or whether you need to develop this perspective to do bhagti is beyond me (like what came first, the chicken or the egg?). But I've summarized it into a few different categories. Disclaimer: this is not a complete list and is solely based on where my current understanding of the world sits. I'm just sharing what my current perspective on human behaviour is. 1. Complete duality - During this stage, a seeker has absolutely zero perspective taking ability. Does not understand that the other person has distinct thoughts and feelings. The focus is solely on the actions of the other individual. Children often express this at the earliest stage of their development. As for adults, they may have developed and have a higher understanding, but the veil of ego is so deep that they do not understand the views of the other. During this phase, a person is susceptible to the most amount of conflict and/or hurt feelings. I feel like this is where people often sit when they start fights, lash out, throw chairs and get malicious... or are in a lot of emotional pain and grief by the actions of others. "I am completely separate from this person. This other person is angry. This person yells at me and makes me feel sad. This is a bad individual... etc". 2. Partial understanding - At this stage, the seeker understands that others have their own thoughts and feelings. Other people act according to their own thoughts and feelings. But the seeker still may not realize that those thoughts and feelings may be fuelled by an underlying set of desires or goals. This seems to often lead to people holding grudges, not communicating, pushing people they don't like away but the emotional pain from the actions of others is reduced. ie "This person is mad whenever I do not take off my shoes when I enter the house. These actions make them angry. And then they yell at me". 3. The beginning of perspective taking - At this stage, the seeker starts to understand that others have goals and desires that differ from them. People act according to those goals and desires. At this stage, a seeker would recognize that other people are angry for a specific reason. And they may work on avoiding the things that make that person feel a certain way. ie "This individual wants to keep their floor clean because their desire is to have a clean house. Therefore, if someone dirties their house, they get angry. I should take off my shoes whenever I enter their house so the floor does not get dirty". But the seeker may still react negatively if their is confrontation for a mistake on their behalf. ie If the seeker accidentally walks into the house with their shoes on, instead of apologizing, they may still work to protect their own ego and possibly still lash out in a negative manner". 4. A deeper sense of perspective taking - At this point the seeker begins to understand that other people's thoughts, goals and desires are influenced by a variety of factors. This may include cultural, societal and other norms. The seeker understand that people are heavily influenced by their upbringing and the seeker begins to put themself in the shoes of the other. And realize if they had been in that persons shoes, they may feel the same way. And this is where I see empathy *begins* to develop. And there is remorse for certain actions taken on behalf of the seeker. ie "If I also had the desire to keep my house clean and someone dirtied it, I would also feel angry." And instead of lashing out, there is remorse and a seeker would rather apologize for something accidental, instead of protecting their own ego. 5. Complete perspective taking - By complete, I don't mean this is the final point. I think the understanding of differing perspectives is infinite. But I believe this stage is satisfactory enough to understand where others come from in their actions, reactions and feelings. At this point a seeker understands that the factors which influence a persons thoughts, goal and desires goes beyond cultural and social norms. There are also past experiences, traumas, neglect, differing stages of maturity, and possibly an infinite amount of other factors influencing the other persons mentality. Some of these factors may be known and easily understandable, but others may be a lot harder to pinpoint and may not be observable at a surface level. ie "This person gets angry when their house is dirtied. If I accidentally dirty their house, I should clean up myself so I can respect their desire to keep their house clean." But also at this point the seeker may also be able to understand behaviours that are not normal. For example in the case where someone has OCD or is anti-social. Instead of being weirded out, they may be able to understand that maybe this person suffers from trauma or neglect. And their thoughts and feelings over certain situations are beyond their control. I see this as especially important in intimate relationships because you really get to know another person. If a partner has certain behaviours or reactions that are seen as very abnormal. The seeker would understand that these may be a result of issues from early childhood. 6. "There is no difference between you and I" - I know this may be a big jump. But I see this as a higher level of understanding where the seeker realizes that every person is physically just flesh and bones. If the seeker had the same life experiences, culture, and even past life karams as the other person... there is almost a complete certainty that they would react in the same was as the other person. There is a lot of freedom when the mind sits with this mentality. 7. Nothing exists outside of God - At this point, it's no longer a level of educational understanding. But spiritual awakening and inner realization. Where the seeker see's Waheguru's jot within every person. And see's the world as Waheguru's doing. All the plays of karma are Wahegurus doing. Again, this is more of a spiritual experience rather than a state of intellectual knowledge. I know the examples that I provides are pretty basic but I think it could easily be applied to other, more complex situations. ie a cult leader. - This person may be lonely, neglected as a child and be seeking attention. - They want to act as a guiding figure for other people but may completely misunderstand what other peoples wants and needs are. This list is infinite. But again, this is just my understanding at this point. I know it will get deeper and more complex as there is more spiritual growth.
  11. I pretty much never intervene in conflict but I think it’s necessary right now This portion of the site is dedicated to sharing experiences. Simple. No arguments, no treguni posts. Nothing. If you guys want to discuss something, send each other a personal message. That’s what a lot of us do. We talk directly with each other in private conversations. I would recommend doing the same, especially if it’s a personal issue. People who don’t believe in sharing their spiritual experiences, also usually believe in not reading about them either. People who don’t share, typically feel susceptible to their ego feeding off of the compliments. People who don’t read, don’t want their mind tricking them during their own meditation. I understand where some of you come from. That’s why if you share, make sure you remember it’s waheguru within you experiencing waheguru. And nothing more. And if you read experiences, make sure you do your bhagti in gurmat with Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji as your reference. Sharing will help you verify the validity. Sharing is what helped me progress. @Sat1176kept me accountable and @Lucky gave me guidance. We moved together as a family and all made progress. We all came to this site as beginners with little to no experience. We did not argue, fight or compete against each other. We cared and lifted each other with compassion. We changed each others lives for the better because we shared openly, kept each other accountable, shared our knowledge and made sure each and every one of us was doing well and on track. It was our love for one another that kept our bhagti strong. It’s hard to believe this family was formed over 6 years ago. Time really flies. That being said, I want this argument to end here. If you need to say something to one another, send a direct message. But I’m hoping the posts after this post will solely be about experiences and guidance rather than small talk and arguments. I want you guys to treat each other with love and respect. You are a sangat parivaar. Your bhagti will thank you later.
  12. A new realization emerged today -> The higher self is neither day nor night The higher self is neither left nor right... nor behind nor in front The higher self is neither man nor woman The higher self is neither human nor animal The higher self is neither cold nor hot The higher self is neither sound nor silence Shabad is heard within the mind, but who is the one perceiving shabad (anhad naad sounds)? Who is the one creating shabad? If the higher self were silence, who is the one who perceives the silence? Who is the one who creates the silence -------->>>>>>> If we are God, and God is us.... how can silence be God? We must be that thing that perceives both the silence and the noise God is right here, right now. The divine energy is manifest all around.
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