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Kaur. S

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  1. Hi all, I need some help with extreme feelings of guilt and regret. Basically, I’m a 17 year old girl who sinned and lied a lot in my childhood. From the ages of 8-13, I would talk behind my friends back with others and then I woild go to my friend and tell them everything the other person said about them while acting like I never said anything even when I did. I betrayed the trust of many of my friends and hurt them. I feel so guilty now and I honestly feel so bad for how I’ve hurt others. For example, when I was a 12 year old in grade 7, I had a friend who I’ll call B for now, and basically B and I talked behind another girls back, I’ll call that girl N. I was friends with N but I guess I was angry at her so I gossiped with B. I then went to N and I told her what B said about her, all while acting like I said nothing. I lied and made it seem like B was a terrible person who talked about N and I made it seem like I was completely innocent. I even deleted some of the messages where I talked about N with B and showed N so it looked like i was a good innocent friend while B was a bad friend. I lied to B and told her that I told N that both of us talked behind her back. I lied many times and manipulate my friends. I feel so bad. At the time I didn’t even know how bad what I was doing was. I’m 17 years old now and I feel disgusting. I feel like the worst human being ever. At such a young age, I manipulated my friends, betrayed their trust, hurt them, and lied all the time. All while I thought I was innocent. I have apologized to those friends and they have kindly forgiven me. I feel like I deserve no forgiveness because I’m disgusting for my past manipulative actions. For the past three years, I think I have been a good person and have avoided gossiping or hurting anyone. I feel shame when I look at my parents because they always raised me with such good morals and values and they think of me as such a good daughter because I get good grades and listen to them. However they have no idea about the bad kid I used to be and how I used to betray my friends. I wake up every morning disgusted by myself and I don’t think God will ever forgive me. I had so many dreams of getting a good job when I grew up so I could help the world and I wanted to grow up and start a family where I could raise my future children to be good people but now that I’ve become aware of my past actions I feel disgusting and think I don’t deserve any of my dreams coming true. I hurt so many other girls and I don’t think Waheguru will forgive me because I sinned so much at such a young age. Please help and provide some insight on what you think. Thank you.
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