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bhattman

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  1. Waheguru ji Ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh gursikho.. i want your help in determining the simran stage I am in and where to start. First a bit of background.. Mona Sikh for lot of years but did a lot of path and attended sangat with Guru's kirpa. Had a huge setback last year personally and finally took amrit. In fact I should say that Guru took pity on me and gave me Amrit as i was begging. I love Gurbani and can read it for hours in a stretch. Have done more than 10 sehaj paths and my nitnem is very long(Guru kirpa) sometime goes upto 3.5-4 hours(including evening nitnem). I love adding banis to my nitnem and constantly keeps on adding them. I never though about Gurmantar simran even after taking Amrit. But few months into Amrit, I found that there is a movement(like circle or chakra you can say) in my heart on which I can attach Waheguru and do simran even while doing work(without speaking). In fact I did it multiple times. But still I fell back and did Gurbani path. Then I started simran in my heart again this year and it moved to nabhi(navel) quickly and few more days practice and then to space between eyebrows(read it as a trikuti chakra). Again left practice and read lot of Gurbani. My smiran practice is very irregular but i can switch to simran mode anytime, anywhere. I can do simran with noise also with 60-70% focus. Now I want to use my current stage and progress it from here. So which simran stage I am in (as I haven't come from traditional repetition of gurmantar but from Gurbani abhyaas). I have tried reading and listening to many texts/gursikhs but not sure what should be the way forward. Simran on chakras get very fast, sometimes not even comprehensible and i am not able to enjoy it for long. Simran on these chakras even I start slow becomes very fast. This is the reason I leave my simran practice. I just want to paise of Guru through waheguru. If simran is so fast, i am not able to comprehend and no love comes out of it. Sometime I do swaas swas simran, and it feels good to be slow but then body automatically switches to chakra simran after sometime. Besides that I feel some drum beats particularly with fan noise which i presume to be celestial sounds but I am not bothered about those noises. I just wantto connect with Waheguru ji. Another thing is that my 5 vices(especially krodh) are same as before. I feel I have made no progress on this front. Ideally as per my thinking, if I can meditate on trikuti chakra then I should have become more calm. Anxiety(sehsa in gurbani) is little less but almost similar to before. So what is the the point of simran, if my sehaj awastha is not reached and my mind is still unsettled. I feel I am doing simran more as activity (which is so fast) and thats why no progress on calming the mind. With haume, I can never reach brahm. So I am looking for suggestions on where to start practicing the simran. Am I doing ajapa jap(fast simran on chakras)? I feel ajapa jap can be done any time of the day but when I am sitting for a simran session, should I do swaas swaas slowly? Considering my current state, from where should you suggest to start. Remember I want to kill my haume and 5 vices also with simran.
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