Dear Kaur ji,
Sorry to hear what you are going through but I hope you will hang in there. I once found myself in a situation somewhat similar to yours and out of frustration sort of reacted in the way you are now i.e. losing faith.
Though being a kesa dhari sikh, praying daily and trying to live my life as a good person, I was not versed deeply in sikhi as you mention yourself (this is what I believe has led to your unfortunate loss of faith). So when I hit rough patch in my life, i just could not understand it. Why me? What had I done wrong to deserve this? I just could not get it. I was angry. And I had lost faith for I while.....
But in hindsight, what I was more than anything was confused. I was very fortunate to have the right people around me to help me get through this period but most of all I had the kirpa of my guru to shine light on my ignorance. If not for guru's kirpa, who knows where I would be today.
What I realized was that we as sikhs, as taught from the time of Guru Nanak ji, must accept the will of god unquestioned. For there is happiness in the acceptance of His Will. You mentioned that you do Japji, then you must know that Guru Nanak ji said therein repeatedly,
jo tudh bhaavai saa-ee bhalee kaar.
Whatever pleases You is the only good done,
too sadaa salaamat nirankaar.
You, Eternal and Formless One! ||16||
Just remember what Guru Arjan Dev ji went through when the Mughals were persecuting him. Imagine the life the guru ji lived; worshipping god, teaching others the path to god, doing seva and simran, and there is just no end to the list. Then there comes this unthinkable period in his life. If the guru had been like some us (read me) he could have started blaming god or doubting god and even embracing Isam. He could have gotten of the hook easily and not just that but have gotten untold wealth and property as well. While the Mughals were pleading their case, god certainly didn't present himself before Guru Arjan and put forth his case. But Guru Arjan had bounties of something else.... that something was faith. Everbody is familiar with what toture Guru Arjan Dev ji had to bear. But the guru had only one thing to say:
thaeraa keeaa meethaa laagai ||
Your actions seem so sweet to me.
har naam padhaarathh naanak maangai ll
Nanak begs for the treasure of the Naam, the Name of the Lord.
Have faith in the will of Waheguru
