:cry: I have lost interest for the world, powered by love for the lord. i long to be able to go within to truely meet the lord. i am never satisfied or content because i dont indulge anymore, so i am always thinking of the lord, wishing my doubts and seperation could at last come to an end.
When i am content, i feel infinite love for the lord, and nothing else. the moments i feel of bliss, i give to the lord. i am now abstaining from everything, so the only time i might feel bliss is when i listien to music, which i wish i could stop also in order to only live off the love of the lord through meditation.
i am a beginner meditator, so instead of dying daily, i suffer daily. i do not compensate for the loss of sensual pleasures through going within, rather, i endure pain my mind inflicts upon me. i merely get better at concentration, but if there is any bliss, it of course isnt strong or lasting.
im a senior in high school so things are really tuff.
i really dont know how long i can keep this up, i just put faith in meditation.
all i do is do a good simran mantra and noticing the blackness in front of me, attempting to do both at the same time unwaveringly.
i wonder, how many of you just plain love the lord, and at times have no other urge but to meditate?
i really feel like im suffocating, but i love the lord so much, i wont wait for the benefits of meditation before i quit all sins, but its hard.
idk, i try to meditate every second i can, but how long should it take before it starts to actually bring bliss, bliss that can replace greed anger lust.....
its usually said that once in deep meditation, all bad tendencies vanish instantly due to the higher level of attraction.
how many of you can actually meditate this well? i put my entire life in the faith of meditation, for i feel like a dirty slave of the mind, and i cant do what my soul truely urges for.
i will continue this divine uncontent as they call it, are any of you on this hard path to love?
:cry: