Ouka Posted January 16, 2013 Report Share Posted January 16, 2013 Bonjour Hello Sat siri akaal I'm not sure where I should start this topic, post this message, so God will lead me again, for the best of everyone. My post is titled "The Unknown bridge" because it is exactly what is infront of me now. How many people were born in a country, raised by its culture and habits, beliefs and rules, and then had to change them all, for a new world, a new life, a new way of living ? How many ? Not much I guess. People who change their whole life are a minority. I think I am part of this minority ... well, I'm sure I am. Have you ever had the feeling that you came by bus to a place, with your family and friends, you got off the bus to visite around, and then the bus left without you ! So then, you were alone in a place you don't speak the language, you don't understand the rules, the meaning of their thoughts ... I do. I do had and have this feeling, since many many years, since I was a child. I did my best to learn how to live in this "world", and the teachings were hard, the lessons were painful. I could die, many times, but I didn't. A miracle, probably ... miracle of God, for sure. I hided and hushed up my truth all along those years. I can't anymore. I started to read posts here, and to exchange with some of them, just a few days ago, and it is like a relief for me. Hope is back. But how can I cross this bridge, as I can't see it well for now. I wish there is a bridge, I guess there is one, I bet there is one .... But it is the unknown bridge for the moment, because I never walked so far away from the culture, from the rules, from the beliefs of people with who I lived until now. No, I never walked so far, and now the world I left is a long long way return, a way I can't walk anymore because it is impossible to reclose my consciousness. I never walked neither in the new world, so I don't know how it is. I came very close to it, and it smells good, it seems good, it gives me a good feeling ... enough to attracte me more and more each day. I need to go there, to leave the world I know and to start a new journey, in a new world. This world is made of eastern people, and especially Sikh people. Why ? Ask God. He led me here. I already wrote about this experience, but there is so many little details ... like this one I didn't tell you yet : I was traveling through Canada, with my backpack and all my life in it. Everything was left, almost. Almost means I still had a little money from France because I'm visually impaired. I was traveling by my own, and for the first time through Canada, going west. I was also at the end of a year of fasting. I thought my ankles would break because of the weight of my bag ! And it was a long time I didn't speak english, anyway, the first time I heard the canadian accent ( I learnt english from UK, at school). If I tell you all those details, it is not to look like a hero, but then you can imagine how my sixth sense, my intuition, my perception were high. It is how we are when we are so vulnerable. And in this time of extreme vulnerability, I met a very generous single mom who hosted me for a while. One day we started to talk about India, as we both feel attracted to this country (she was also reading the biography of Ghandi). How we started to talk about sikhs, I don't remember, but then we both were ignorant about sikhs and sikhisme ! So, after our talk, I went on internet and wrote "sikh" on google pictures. Many people would search some definition, some writings, a map of India, I don't know, but not pictures. I did. I started to look at these portraits, one by one, slowly, very concentrated and open. And in a few minutes I felt so .... safe ! This was very surprising, ununderstandable, new, unexpected. But very true. I never felt so safe before, especially with strangers ! This was so wierd that I thought "God is behind this !" Now that I talk with you, I understand better, day after day. It is safe to talk the same language. Sacred language. Language of heart. I needed it and I probably walked my own desert to come here, like Jesus and so many others before me ! So, it looks like there is a bridge, which can take me to the other side. You all are this bridge, a bridge made of humans, of humanity. Tonight I find enough humility to ask for help. I already expressed that I would like to become sikh. Then I realised that in a way I am already sikh, because sikh means" disciple". I had no Temple where to go, so I realised that my body is the first Temple I am responsible for. Now I need to share more, to learn about sikhisme, of course, but not just that. It is not just a new religion I have to embrace, it is a whole new way of living. Because I appreciate the values of sikhi, I can feel them into my heart, I feel in harmony with them. I left everything, job, home, family, and traveled the world to find my home. I was homeless since ... not ready to tell that here ... anyway, since a very long time. I'm back in France, into a life I know and where I feel homeless again. Orphan. Sorry, I guess I can't finish this message now. I am crying. My fears are coming up, my ego is harassing me : 'Are you mad ? Nobody cares ! You gonna look stupid !" That is the story of my life, not being able to tell my whole truth before my ego cut my mouth. I need your strength, and don't know if anyone will understand that I need help. This is the Unknown bridge. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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