Practical Ways Of Avoiding Lust

[sevak]

Paapiman, I think somewhere Guru Sahib has said “Ek nari hoye jati.....” i really cant remember where it is.

Would recommend to get married for u.

[sevak]

10 hours ago, paapiman said:

 beautiful (and amazing) ladies are around.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

I think that perception needs to change. 

[Soulfinder]

19 hours ago, paapiman said:

@Soulfinder

 

Bhul chuk maaf

 

[seattlesingh]

On 8/5/2021 at 3:05 AM, sevak said:

Paapiman, I think somewhere Guru Sahib has said “Ek nari hoye jati.....” i really cant remember where it is.

Would recommend to get married for u.

bhai gurdas ji writes 

[paapiman]

On 8/5/2021 at 11:13 AM, sevak said:

I think that perception needs to change. 

What do you mean bro? Can you please explain further?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[sevak]

12 hours ago, seattlesingh said:

bhai gurdas ji writes 

Thanks for sharing & my sincerest apologies for jumbling up the words of Bhai Gurdas Ji. 

[apna]

19 hours ago, paapiman said:

What do you mean bro? Can you please explain further?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

That perception needs to change ..meaning

 "must avoid places, where plenty of beautiful (and amazing) ladies are around."  is your perception. This is your problem with kaam.

How about if the same kinda "beautiful and amazing lady' comes around seeking help and advice for sikhi to you. How do you react?  you avoid?  

to think that "avoiding places is the answer for controlling kaam, then you've got the wrong understanding and no control over your own kaam.  Someone who had control should freely be able to go to beach, pool, bowling, etc....because in these same places beautiful women will be present. how about the bus? transit? what you gonna do?  

Read some of the other gurmukhs earlier posts carefully and you'll see that it's all about controlling you inner-self and fighting your inner kaam demons when out anywhere in the maya world

[sevak]

 

[sevak]

[Trimandeep Singh]

On 8/8/2021 at 9:49 AM, apna said:

How about if the same kinda "beautiful and amazing lady' comes around seeking help and advice for sikhi to you. How do you react?  you avoid?  

to think that "avoiding places is the answer for controlling kaam, then you've got the wrong understanding and no control over your own kaam.  Someone who had control should freely be able to go to beach, pool, bowling, etc....because in these same places beautiful women will be present. how about the bus? transit? what you gonna do? 

Many gursikhs do avoid contact with the opposite gender because before reaching a certain avastha, one can fall into kaam's sharan easily. 

So, gursikhs say that one shouldn't chat or talk unnecessarily to the opposite gender, especially jigyasus. Just greet with a Fateh if you encounter someone.

Regarding the situation when a beautiful (in terms of appearance) girl approaches you, then the first thing one should do is think that she's the daughter of Guru Nanak Dev Ji. If you can successfully fit this in your mind, it would reduce your chances of falling into kaamic thoughts by large. 

(Seekers should definitely try this...not only stops kaamic thoughts but also improves your behavior and thoughts about others)

And obviously you are right in saying that just by avoiding travel and communication with the opposite gender, one can't get rid of kaam. We should always try to do jaap of Gurbani or mool mantar in our minds when we think that we are in a vulnerable situation.

Trimandeep Singh 

[dalsingh101]

2 hours ago, Trimandeep Singh said:

Many gursikhs do avoid contact with the opposite gender because before reaching a certain avastha, one can fall into kaam's sharan easily. 

On a normal societal level, as in Panjabi society, which most of us come from, this has also caused big problems, especially abroad. You get really innocent, gullible and naïve young people who then meet people from the other gender, and have absolutely no clue about how they are being manipulated. 

You might be able to avoid other genders and quoms in Panjab itself, but abroad, it's impossible. So when certain females finally get away from their families for a bit (like at uni) they either get manipulated by men, or just go wild. 

[paapiman]

1 hour ago, dalsingh101 said:

So when certain females finally get away from their families for a bit (like at uni) they either get manipulated by men, or just go wild. 

Could that be due to sexual repression of young ladies in our community?

What do you think is the solution for it? Don't you think one should be a bit older when they go to uni? Like 19 plus, at least?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[paapiman]

On 8/8/2021 at 12:19 AM, apna said:

That perception needs to change ..meaning

 "must avoid places, where plenty of beautiful (and amazing) ladies are around."  is your perception. This is your problem with kaam.

How about if the same kinda "beautiful and amazing lady' comes around seeking help and advice for sikhi to you. How do you react?  you avoid?  

to think that "avoiding places is the answer for controlling kaam, then you've got the wrong understanding and no control over your own kaam.  Someone who had control should freely be able to go to beach, pool, bowling, etc....because in these same places beautiful women will be present. how about the bus? transit? what you gonna do?  

Read some of the other gurmukhs earlier posts carefully and you'll see that it's all about controlling you inner-self and fighting your inner kaam demons when out anywhere in the maya world

Please watch the video below:

 

@Soulfinder

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[dalsingh101]

1 minute ago, paapiman said:

Could that be due to sexual repression of young ladies in our community?

What do you think is the solution for it? Don't you think one should be a bit older when they go to uni? Like 19 plus, at least?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

They are this age or even a bit older. 

I remember one female lecturer I had telling me about how some people (whites) had hired a male stripper for a female friend's birthday (also white), and had him 'surprise' the birthday girl in a relatively open location (you could do these things back then - I think it might have been the social bar at the uni). The lecturer told me that of all the people, the 'asian' girls (read brown) were noticeably the ones getting the most excited about it. These wouldn't be sulliyan who generally didn't go to the bar but Indian girls of various types.

I think repression (amongst other things) does play a part.   I think it's like starving a fat kid for some time, which gets them thin, but as soon as they are let out, they stuff their faces even more than they would have otherwise.  

 

[paapiman]

2 minutes ago, dalsingh101 said:

They are this age or even a bit older. 

Starting age bro? Most people are 17 or 18, when they start uni right?

How many years you guys do in High school in the UK? 4 or 5?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[dalsingh101]

3 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Starting age bro? Most people are 17 or 18, when they start uni right?

How many years you guys do in High school in the UK? 4 or 5?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Let just say someone goes through the system straight, without any resits:

At 16 they get their GCSEs. 

The 2 years A Levels: 

So they'll be at uni at 18. 

Plus I think telling guys to avoid girls (like you seem to be suggesting) does the same thing. The guys become clueless, and don't understand women. Then they look gay.

You might be able to avoid women in India, but in the west you can't, so it's no solution. Plus CP teaches to be conscious and aware of psychology (including female), you need to have experiences for this. 

 

But I think if you closet people, they can still be infantalised at even age 21, 25. People develop differently too. 

[Soulfinder]

46 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Please watch the video below:

 

@Soulfinder

 

Bhul chuk maaf

 

[paapiman]

46 minutes ago, dalsingh101 said:

Plus I think telling guys to avoid girls (like you seem to be suggesting) does the same thing. The guys become clueless, and don't understand women. Then they look gay.

Celibate Amritdhari Singhs (who are very serious with regards to their spiritual development) must definitely avoid contact with women (single, divorced, etc) as much as possible. It is not that hard to do so, even in the West. Just talk when required. Otherwise, stay away. Anyways, that would apply to a very small group within the Panth.

In the case of Sukha Maryada and Jhatka Maryda too, they are specific to the Nihang order within the Panth. Again these Maryadas would apply to a small group within the Panth. 

In general, we must not apply very high standards of Rehat to All Amritdhari Sikhs.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[paapiman]

1 hour ago, dalsingh101 said:

Plus I think telling guys to avoid girls (like you seem to be suggesting) does the same thing. The guys become clueless, and don't understand women.

Thinking of the ladies as sisters (in case one has no choice, but to interact with them a lot) will definitely help in interacting with them.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[dalsingh101]

4 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Thinking of the ladies as sisters (in case one has no choice, but to interact with them a lot) will definitely help in interacting with them.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

When they are trying to seduce you themselves. That's harder to do. Or when they are skanky and disgust you. lol 

[paapiman]

1 hour ago, dalsingh101 said:

The guys become clueless, and don't understand women

Watching Porn might be a big reason, why some young men are not able to interact confidently with women.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[paapiman]

4 minutes ago, dalsingh101 said:

When they are trying to seduce you themselves. That's harder to do.

Daas understands. That's why bro, we should try our best to not get into a situation, where a lady might try to seduce us.

It is even harder to control oneself, if the lady (along with being beautiful) is also a very nice person (good morals and ethics). Imagine, that lady trying to seduce you. Waheguru.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[dalsingh101]

4 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Watching Porn might be a big reason, why some young men are not able to interact confidently with women.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Yes, but also perhaps not being socialised with women healthily from a young age. Not being taught (or naturally understanding) differences in gender psychologies, especially evolutionary psychology. Seeing women as objects and not humans.  

Also (I think this is a big one), the breaking down of the representation of women as the romantic, innocent, noble, virtuous sex, that had been propagated by movies since they were pretty much first made (which objectified them); and starting to see reality outside of these falsely constructed stereotypes. Really we are talking about humans here, with all their foibles. 

The fact that we are explicitly told in CP to understand how women think is important. No where is it strongly implied that we avoid women, rather we control ourselves and know what we are dealing with. 

 

 

 

[dalsingh101]

8 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Daas understands. That's why bro, we should try our best to not get into a situation, where a lady might try to seduce us.

It is even harder to control oneself, if the lady (along with being beautiful) is also a very nice person (good morals and ethics). Imagine, that lady trying to seduce you. Waheguru.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

I disagree, I think you have to learn to do this. With time and experience. Then you understand these things, and then you can actually give advice to people (like your own sons in future for example). Otherwise you'll just be someone who has no experience trying to guide someone else who is clueless i.e. blind leading the blind. 

[paapiman]

1 minute ago, dalsingh101 said:

Otherwise you'll just be someone who has no experience trying to guide someone else who is clueless i.e. blind leading the blind. 

That's why we have people like you in the Panth bro. Daas will tell his son (if I have one), to go talk to uncle Dal about ladies...lol.

 

Bhul chuk maaf