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Guest Kuldip

Marrying Daughters To Far Away Lands

Would like to open a community forum to discuss the following huge problem in our Punjabi Sikh community. It is not being addressed in proportion to its immense magnitude and consequences. Are we brave and bold enough to tackle this growing social problem, uncomfortable and difficult though it may seem?

A. How to identify and avoid deceptive conduct by the Boy's side before marraige and therefore avoid the girl going through consequent pain and suffering at the hands of the Boy and/or in-laws. More so, where this occurs on an international level where unsuspecting girls are lured into western countries under false pretences and promises. Far far away from parents, relatives and support structures.

B. If for some reason the above (A) has failed and the girl has been married under deception and taken abroad to a western country. This can be a huge problem. It usually commences with emotional or physical or a combination and perpetrated by the Boy and/or in-laws. The girl may have little knowledge about local laws in a foreign land. May not be fluent in the local language and is unable to communicate issues to the authorities. She may be on a spouse visa and is so very dependent. Perhaps unable to speak to any outsider as being held just at home to do domestic work. Unable to talk to her parents or others, she slowly and slowly she succumbs to her controlled state as being normal! A sign of mental illness. What can the Sikh community or society in general do for these most vunerable members of our community?










We have to think Hard and Honestly about this and map meaningful solutions through short, medium and long terms measures. This to be done through open and frank forum discussions, focus groups, workshops and other strategies. A story can be written and a movie can be made. The masses need to be properly educated in true Sikhism from grassroots upwards. The perpetrators be placed on an International Name and Shame register so that they do not repeat the act.






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It's both ways these days. There have been a fair few girls who marry some dog over here (in the UK) and then separate at the first legally convenient opportunity to get with some romeo that they were having a romance with backhome. 

Strange how the marriage only became insufferably unbearable once separating couldn't compromise their chance of citizenship here.....hhhmmmmm

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  • 1 month later...

If you plan to marry anyone (regardless of if they live in the same city or country as you) you must do back ground checks on them as people will only tell you there good side.  You can ask someone random at their local gurdwara to see what they know about that boy/girl and their family.

You mention the person moving may have little knowledge of local laws or language.  I would suggest that the person moving (before they leave) must understand the language first and have a safe/confidential point of contact in the new city they can go to to talk about any issues or if they are feeling lonely (this can be a relative, friend, or charity).

Here's a useful site article on verifying people online http://disc-digitalsecurity.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/bitesize-guide-verifying-new-virtual.html


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  • 2 months later...

I think now if you want to marry any body and bring then to the UK they have to pass an English test so the language barrier shouldn't be a problem in reporting abuse. As a parent (in UK for example) it's your responsibility to make sure your child is ready to be married ie has a job to support somebody from abroad while they adjust to life here, is not in another relationship, doesn't have any substance abuse problems ie drug or alcohol. Also the other parent (in India) should have the same responsibility and make inquiries into the family they wish there child to be joined with. Almost every village has someone who is abroad and could make a visit to the family. 

If people don't get blinded by the belive that happiness can only be found abroad and that nri kids are soft and don't  tell lies we wouldn't have this problem.


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