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Perspective Taking and Spiritual Growth


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I've been spending a lot of time recently observing how people react to conflict and other situations of tension. And I'm starting to see how carrying a certain perspective can either make or break your spirituality. Whether this perspective taking is developed through bhagti or whether you need to develop this perspective to do bhagti is beyond me (like what came first, the chicken or the egg?). But I've summarized it into a few different categories. Disclaimer: this is not a complete list and is solely based on where my current understanding of the world sits. I'm just sharing what my current perspective on human behaviour is.

1. Complete duality - During this stage, a seeker has absolutely zero perspective taking ability. Does not understand that the other person has distinct thoughts and feelings. The focus is solely on the actions of the other individual. Children often express this at the earliest stage of their development. As for adults, they may have developed and have a higher understanding, but the veil of ego is so deep that they do not understand the views of the other. During this phase, a person is susceptible to the most amount of conflict and/or hurt feelings. I feel like this is where people often sit when they start fights, lash out, throw chairs and get malicious... or are in a lot of emotional pain and grief by the actions of others.  "I am completely separate from this person. This other person is angry. This person yells at me and makes me feel sad. This is a bad individual... etc".

2. Partial understanding - At this stage, the seeker understands that others have their own thoughts and feelings. Other people act according to their own thoughts and feelings. But the seeker still may not realize that those thoughts and feelings may be fuelled by an underlying set of desires or goals. This seems to often lead to people holding grudges, not communicating, pushing people they don't like away but the emotional pain from the actions of others is reduced. ie  "This person is mad whenever I do not take off my shoes when I enter the house. These actions make them angry. And then they yell at me".

3. The beginning of perspective taking -  At this stage, the seeker starts to understand that others have goals and desires that differ from them. People act according to those goals and desires. At this stage, a seeker would recognize that other people are angry for a specific reason. And they may work on avoiding the things that make that person feel a certain way.  ie "This individual wants to keep their floor clean because their desire is to have a clean house. Therefore, if someone dirties their house, they get angry. I should take off my shoes whenever I enter their house so the floor does not get dirty". But the seeker may still react negatively if their is confrontation for a mistake on their behalf. ie If the seeker accidentally walks into the house with their shoes on, instead of apologizing, they may still work to protect their own ego and possibly still lash out in a negative manner".

4. A deeper sense of perspective taking - At this point the seeker begins to understand that other people's thoughts, goals and desires are influenced by a variety of factors. This may include cultural, societal and other norms. The seeker understand that people are heavily influenced by their upbringing and the seeker begins to put themself in the shoes of the other. And realize if they had been in that persons shoes, they may feel the same way. And this is where I see empathy *begins* to develop. And there is remorse for certain actions taken on behalf of the seeker. ie "If I also had the desire to keep my house clean and someone dirtied it, I would also feel angry." And instead of lashing out, there is remorse and a seeker would rather apologize for something accidental, instead of protecting their own ego. 

5. Complete perspective taking - By complete, I don't mean this is the final point. I think the understanding of differing perspectives is infinite. But I believe this stage is satisfactory enough to understand where others come from in their actions, reactions and feelings. At this point a seeker understands that the factors which influence a persons thoughts, goal and desires goes beyond cultural and social norms. There are also past experiences, traumas, neglect, differing stages of maturity, and possibly an infinite amount of other factors influencing the other persons mentality. Some of these factors may be known and easily understandable, but others may be a lot harder to pinpoint and may not be observable at a surface level. ie "This person gets angry when their house is dirtied. If I accidentally dirty their house, I should clean up myself so I can respect their desire to keep their house clean." But also at this point the seeker may also be able to understand behaviours that are not normal. For example in the case where someone has OCD or is anti-social. Instead of being weirded out, they may be able to understand that maybe this person suffers from trauma or neglect. And their thoughts and feelings over certain situations are beyond their control. I see this as especially important in intimate relationships because you really get to know another person. If a partner has certain behaviours or reactions that are seen as very abnormal. The seeker would understand that these may be a result of issues from early childhood. 

6. "There is no difference between you and I" - I know this may be a big jump. But I see this as a higher level of understanding where the seeker realizes that every person is physically just flesh and bones. If the seeker had the same life experiences, culture, and even past life karams as the other person... there is almost a complete certainty that they would react in the same was as the other person. There is a lot of freedom when the mind sits with this mentality. 

7. Nothing exists outside of God - At this point, it's no longer a level of educational understanding. But spiritual awakening and inner realization. Where the seeker see's Waheguru's jot within every person. And see's the world as Waheguru's doing. All the plays of karma are Wahegurus doing. Again, this is more of a spiritual experience rather than a state of intellectual knowledge. 

I know the examples that I provides are pretty basic but I think it could easily be applied to other, more complex situations. 

ie a cult leader.

- This person may be lonely, neglected as a child and be seeking attention.

- They want to act as a guiding figure for other people but may completely misunderstand what other peoples wants and needs are.

This list is infinite.

But again, this is just my understanding at this point. I know it will get deeper and more complex as there is more spiritual growth.

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  • 2 weeks later...

What about if someone is demented enough to try and aggressively and physically attack you for some petty reason like road rage, argument at work etc.? Then all these theories go out of the window and survival instincts prevail. 

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4 hours ago, dalsingh101 said:

What about if someone is demented enough to try and aggressively and physically attack you for some petty reason like road rage, argument at work etc.? Then all these theories go out of the window and survival instincts prevail. 

True veer ji thats 100% correct. Its hard to follow everything in reality but if someone can do it he is true mahapursh in todays and age.

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11 hours ago, Soulfinder said:

True veer ji thats 100% correct. Its hard to follow everything in reality but if someone can do it he is true mahapursh in todays and age.

We should also consider that people with experience in such situations are better placed to advise. Our dharam doesn't seem to encourage us to passively go like lambs to the slaughter.

Things like race attacks are real, and people acting excessively pious in the face of such reality don't help in my opinion. 

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  • 1 month later...
On 3/5/2020 at 5:29 AM, dalsingh101 said:

We should also consider that people with experience in such situations are better placed to advise. Our dharam doesn't seem to encourage us to passively go like lambs to the slaughter.

Things like race attacks are real, and people acting excessively pious in the face of such reality don't help in my opinion. 

What you’re referring to isn’t piety but it’s weakness disguised as it. A real pious person wouldn’t hesitate to knock someone’s head off but also wouldn’t harm a fly. That’s what I learned from Guru Gobind Singh Ji. Common sense is more important than acting like a religious person.

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