Unmarried and Pregnant

[lively123]

I am a 36-year-old Sikh woman living in the UK and have been in a relationship with an Indian man for ten years. This is the only relationship I’ve ever had, and we are in love. We are unmarried and have lived together for two years. Only my immediate family are aware that we are in a relationship and living together. He has never met my extended family and they do not know that we are in a relationship. We were thinking about getting married later this year but had not made any plans or announcements. We recently found out that I am 10 weeks pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I am unhappy as it is out of wedlock.  

I am worried that my family will be very disappointed in me and the choices that I have made, and I fear losing their respect and their trust. I also worry about what all my extended family and everyone I know will think about me. I worry about society’s judgement of me as an unmarried pregnant woman.

I worry about being judged, criticised, and demonised as having no morals. I know that people will gossip about me, and I will bring shame on my family and ruin my reputation as well as my family’s reputation. As a result of this shame, I feel the best option for me would be to have an abortion at this stage. I feel that this will help protect me and my family's reputation.

My plan for later this year is to marry the same man and to have children but I don't feel I am able to continue with this pregnancy as it is out of wedlock. He wants to keep the baby and he will not support me if I were to have the abortion.

What should I do?

[GurjantGnostic]

4 hours ago, lively123 said:

I am a 36-year-old Sikh woman living in the UK and have been in a relationship with an Indian man for ten years. This is the only relationship I’ve ever had, and we are in love. We are unmarried and have lived together for two years. Only my immediate family are aware that we are in a relationship and living together. He has never met my extended family and they do not know that we are in a relationship. We were thinking about getting married later this year but had not made any plans or announcements. We recently found out that I am 10 weeks pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I am unhappy as it is out of wedlock.  

I am worried that my family will be very disappointed in me and the choices that I have made, and I fear losing their respect and their trust. I also worry about what all my extended family and everyone I know will think about me. I worry about society’s judgement of me as an unmarried pregnant woman.

I worry about being judged, criticised, and demonised as having no morals. I know that people will gossip about me, and I will bring shame on my family and ruin my reputation as well as my family’s reputation. As a result of this shame, I feel the best option for me would be to have an abortion at this stage. I feel that this will help protect me and my family's reputation.

My plan for later this year is to marry the same man and to have children but I don't feel I am able to continue with this pregnancy as it is out of wedlock. He wants to keep the baby and he will not support me if I were to have the abortion.

What should I do?

The baby's life is far more precious than appearances lovey. If you abort now, then marry this man, then have his babies it will be with the Karam of your first ...

You are fortunate to be with the man you love, and for him to want you to keep it. 

Suck it up Tigeress and just take the timing on the chin. 

It's not going to be perfect according to anyone's expectations, so just do it and save your baby. Let the Ahankar die and the baby live friend. 

I support people's right to choose and all that I do. But you are in a blessed position, just be blessed. 

[GurjantGnostic]

For many reasons this may be your only chance at a baby friend. Your only concern is for your spiritual, emptional, physical health. Your baby is already doing Naam Jaap in your Gurudwara. You are both precious. You are Guru Gobind Singh Ji's daughter. His grandchild does Simran inside you. Nobody's opinion matters. Jo bole so nihal, Sat Sri Akal. 

You were married to man according to the real laws of this place ten years ago. That's the secret you keep not that you are now blessed with a child. So just address the first secret and be free. 

Yes. There are conventional prescribed methods for going about things as taught by the Guru Sahiban. That is what we promote, because it saves you, people like you from being in tough positions, and we must promote the highest way. That way, is intended to serve you. Just because your life has deviated from the "optimal prescribed" path doesnt mean you are not a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh Ji and that you are not now and forever blessed. 

[GurjantGnostic]

Think more about how to raise them in Gursikhi and if you have time and ability for another or not. 

If your man will not take Amrit, let it be he not stand in your way when it comes to what you teach and demonstrate be enough. 

I know it isn't perfect but this is your moment Bhenji. Be happy. Be proud. We should all congratulate you. Don't let fear stain your moment. When they're born you will wish you felt no moment of shame or doubt. You need not. Be joy. 

[GurjantGnostic]

Congratulations beautiful Bhenji. 

[GurjantGnostic]

Come back and talk about bebes!