Unmarried and Pregnant

[lively123]

I am a 36-year-old Sikh woman living in the UK and have been in a relationship with an Indian man for ten years. This is the only relationship I’ve ever had, and we are in love. We are unmarried and have lived together for two years. Only my immediate family are aware that we are in a relationship and living together. He has never met my extended family and they do not know that we are in a relationship. We were thinking about getting married later this year but had not made any plans or announcements. We recently found out that I am 10 weeks pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I am unhappy as it is out of wedlock.  

 

I am worried that my family will be very disappointed in me and the choices that I have made, and I fear losing their respect and their trust. I also worry about what all my extended family and everyone I know will think about me. I worry about society’s judgement of me as an unmarried pregnant woman.

 

I worry about being judged, criticised, and demonised as having no morals. I know that people will gossip about me, and I will bring shame on my family and ruin my reputation as well as my family’s reputation. As a result of this shame, I feel the best option for me would be to have an abortion at this stage. I feel that this will help protect me and my family's reputation.

 

My plan for later this year is to marry the same man and to have children but I don't feel I am able to continue with this pregnancy as it is out of wedlock. He wants to keep the baby and he will not support me if I were to have the abortion.

 

What should I do?

[paapiman]

22 minutes ago, lively123 said:

I am a 36-year-old Sikh woman living in the UK and have been in a relationship with an Indian man for ten years. This is the only relationship I’ve ever had, and we are in love. We are unmarried and have lived together for two years. Only my immediate family are aware that we are in a relationship and living together. He has never met my extended family and they do not know that we are in a relationship. We were thinking about getting married later this year but had not made any plans or announcements. We recently found out that I am 10 weeks pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I am unhappy as it is out of wedlock.  

 

I am worried that my family will be very disappointed in me and the choices that I have made, and I fear losing their respect and their trust. I also worry about what all my extended family and everyone I know will think about me. I worry about society’s judgement of me as an unmarried pregnant woman.

 

I worry about being judged, criticised, and demonised as having no morals. I know that people will gossip about me, and I will bring shame on my family and ruin my reputation as well as my family’s reputation. As a result of this shame, I feel the best option for me would be to have an abortion at this stage. I feel that this will help protect me and my family's reputation.

 

My plan for later this year is to marry the same man and to have children but I don't feel I am able to continue with this pregnancy as it is out of wedlock. He wants to keep the baby and he will not support me if I were to have the abortion.

 

What should I do?

Why can't you just marry him now? If he wants to keep the baby, then he should have no problems in marrying you now.

Is he a Sikh?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[sevak]

53 minutes ago, lively123 said:

 

[sevak]

ਸਮਝ ਨਹੀਂ ਆ ਰਿਹਾ | ਕੈ ਮੈਂ ਕੀ ਲਿਖਾ |

There are more wiser ppl here. Who will give u advise. 

[Soulfinder]

57 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Why can't you just marry him now? If he wants to keep the baby, then he should have no problems in marrying you now.

Is he a Sikh?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

I agree with this veer ji as our bhen ji is in a really tricky situation right now. 

 

@lively123Bhen Ji everyone makes mistakes so rather than waiting later on why not get married at a local registry office as then you will be legally married.

[dalsingh101]

If you've been together this long, I don't know why you don't get hitched? I know umpteen marriages that haven't even lasted as long.  

10 years is more than long enough to know if the guy is a keeper (unless you have a brain deficit). 

I'm just wondering if you're not disclosing something important, like him being a musalmaan? 

[kdsingh80]

You are already 36 . Better to go for child. Most people these days forgot that human body have limitations  and there is biological clock. What is worse Having some taane from biradri or being childless for life. 

[Kaur10]

Do marriage now,  save the child. Disclose wedding now,  and disclose the birth of child 12 weeks after the actual birth.  

Would it be possible for you to move out of the area? Tell family what happened,  they know about physical relationship.

  Going to work,  would post later.

[Kaur10]

It is very tricky situation. It would be better if you could get some help from your mother or sister for sorting things for you.  First pregnancy is never easy,  on top of that you are unmarried and hiding from society. Moving away from known people would be the best thing,  i think.   People do many things to sort out problems in their life.  

I know one couple in uk. I am assuming that  the girl got pregnant after engagement, and they both must have discussed with their families and arranged marriage within days.  They were known to my in laws and told everyone that the planetary stars are good now or after few years,   so better do now in rush rather than waiting for the right time in future. Baby  was born less than 8 months after the wedding. 

  It is both of your mistake,  not just yours.  Ask your partner to help you.  Don't take stress! 

. 

[SunnySingh]

On 6/20/2021 at 4:23 PM, lively123 said:

I am a 36-year-old Sikh woman living in the UK and have been in a relationship with an Indian man for ten years. This is the only relationship I’ve ever had, and we are in love. We are unmarried and have lived together for two years. Only my immediate family are aware that we are in a relationship and living together. He has never met my extended family and they do not know that we are in a relationship. We were thinking about getting married later this year but had not made any plans or announcements. We recently found out that I am 10 weeks pregnant. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and I am unhappy as it is out of wedlock.  

 

I am worried that my family will be very disappointed in me and the choices that I have made, and I fear losing their respect and their trust. I also worry about what all my extended family and everyone I know will think about me. I worry about society’s judgement of me as an unmarried pregnant woman.

 

I worry about being judged, criticised, and demonised as having no morals. I know that people will gossip about me, and I will bring shame on my family and ruin my reputation as well as my family’s reputation. As a result of this shame, I feel the best option for me would be to have an abortion at this stage. I feel that this will help protect me and my family's reputation.

 

My plan for later this year is to marry the same man and to have children but I don't feel I am able to continue with this pregnancy as it is out of wedlock. He wants to keep the baby and he will not support me if I were to have the abortion.

 

What should I do?

Pen Jee if one plays with fire, one should be consciouss that one can get burnt. 

So both of you knew, that living in relationship does have the chances of getting pregnant.

And if you were confident and strong then, then be the same now and face whatever you have to, with dignity.

You may evade somehow the so called society, but have you ever thought of what face will you take when yamdoots or Dharam Rai  ask you for killing a life? 

And there you will be all alone, nobody will stand beside you. 

Have you ever thought of that?

You say you are a sikh woman, then, did you forget Waheguru is all omnipresent and was aware of this your relationship? If no shame then, what shame now?

See, what is done is done, do not get things worse by killing a life.

Marry ths man now, and let the people talk as much as they want, nothing lasts forever, it is your life, to the hell with the so called society.

What matters is your morality and self respect.

Believe it, having a child in one´s arms, is such a blessing, a most loving act, that no other relationship can be ever compared to it. So start making plans to have this baby by all means, and be grateful to Him for this blessing, of having a child.

Nothing happens just like that, the child has to come as it is so destined at a particular time, so please it is a benti, do not do anything which will make you incurr in heavy karma, and for which you alone will have to pay. Aapay beejeh aapay khaae.

Lastly, be bold, be strong and above all thankful to Him, there is no such thing compared in having a child. 

It is one of the biggest blessings, which one can have.

Stay blessed.

Sat Sree Akal.

 

 

[Jageera]

A little late but heres my 2cents.

On 6/20/2021 at 11:23 PM, lively123 said:

I worry about society’s judgement of me as an unmarried pregnant woman.

Then get married. Many girls have gotten pregnant and a marriage was arranged fast,no problem but as another poster asked,is the man a Sikh?You just mentioned indian man.

On 6/20/2021 at 11:23 PM, lively123 said:

As a result of this shame, I feel the best option for me would be to have an abortion at this stage.

Why shame now,no shame during 10years together unmarried? And your answer to cover this "shame" is to end an innocent life?He/She already has a heartbeat at this age.

On 6/20/2021 at 11:23 PM, lively123 said:

My plan for later this year is to marry the same man and to have children but I don't feel I am able to continue with this pregnancy as it is out of wedlock. He wants to keep the baby and he will not support me if I were to have the abortion.

Why ask this question here when you have made up your mind to commit murder to cover up your own actions?Are you looking for approval,sympathy or a group hug session?Looks like the man has higher moral values than you as he doesn't want his child to be murdered.By your post you seem more concerned about yours and your families reputation and "honour" more than the life of your own child in your belly.

On 6/20/2021 at 11:23 PM, lively123 said:

What should I do?

I'll tell you what you Should Not do for your own sake. Please Don't kill the child. He/She is your OWN flesh and blood. He/She is already your family member. Its murder and a very big sin and it will haunt you for the rest of your life and you will have to pay for this evil karma,no escaping it if you proceed with abortion. Either get married or put the child up for adoption,I'm sure are many couples that would love to adopt.It's the right thing to do.

Im sure you will read this and i hope you will update us on your final decision although i doubt you will.