Princess_Gina Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 Why is caste such a big deal?? Your allowed to be friends with different kinds of people yet your not allowed to marry someone from another religion let alone marrying a sikh but which isn't of the same caste. I've never fallen in love,finally its happened to me,and I want to spend the rest of my life with this person but caste is a problem. My mom is okay with this guy,she really likes him,and my sisters like him too which is important to me...dad doesn't know but I'm too afraid to even tell him because I know for a fact that he won't agree. I've always obeyed my parents,their trust is the most important thing to me,they always tell people how lucky they are to have me as their daughter,and that I'd never do anything to hurt them,but now I'm stuck between the guy I love and my dad...I can't live without either. I been trying to come up with reasons why my dad should agree but I don't know what to say. And what should I do if my dad still says no?? :cry: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mugermach Singh Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 Fateh Ji. Timing is the Key. When you choose to tell them, pick your time wisely. Since the rest of your family is ok with it, your over half way there. If you are both within sikhi and so is your father then you have the angle of saying there is no caste is Sikhi, but be careful with this as conversations can stray quite eaisly. You have to remember that you parents biggest day's of happiness is when you were born and then when you are going to get married. If you dad says No, its not the end of the world, but slowly you should be able to convince him. It will take time, it wont happen overnight. But you have to get things out in the open, in the short future it will be difficult (if he says no, or it will be most exciting time if he says yes), but you must look at the end goal. Im not gonna go into the whole, you should or shouldnt have bf/gf cos that is irrelavent to this situation, cos whats done is done, there is no turning back. fateh ji 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsb Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 Mugermach: i agree with you. the bf/gf issue is irrelevant in my view, because it actually turned out to be love for life... my view has always been that unless you can make a pomise to yourself and Guru Sahib that this is THE person you wanna spend the rest of your life with, it's not okay as for the problem at hand, mugermach dfinitely hit it right on the head. unless you wanna elope in las vegas at the Sikh Casino Society (i made it up..dont actually look for it), you're gonna hafta tell him...that, or don'tinvite him... I'M jooooooking 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess_Gina Posted September 30, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 Yes,the bf/gf bit is irrelevant,we are way beyond that,we are committed to each other,he respects me as his wife. Your right M,its all about the timing,I had already decided that I was going to wait awhile longer,theres no rush,its just the idea of having to say it eventually that scares me and its constantly on my mind. I know I'm not alone,I've got people who will support me. I guess I need a father point of view or another girls point of view on how she would tell her dad and handle the whole situation. :? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mugermach Singh Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 i hope it all goes well for you. every situation is unique, becasue something happens in one situations, it doesnt mean that the same things will happen to yours. For example, if one parent was unhappy with the situation at hand, it doesnt mean that your parents will be. By all means, it is great to see a different angle to the situation, but as you know, only you know the real situation to the finest detail. Keep your hopes up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess_Gina Posted October 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 Thank you so much,means a lot! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherni-E-Punjab Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 First and foremost ..SSA, Second of all, the important question to ask is how long have you known this guy?? Simply a year ...over a life time matter is not enough...first impressions can lead you astray... The next thing..Personally my family is still caught up in that caste system and all the next punjabi drama...so marraying a guy out of caste..would not even stand a chance..Either I could leave off with the guy or leave my family... Personally my family is more over anything in this world..-as they are the ones who have made me who I am ... Perhaps ..the reasons and all the next stuff you could read on this thread...This girl was in the same situation...only it was out of religion/race and etc...So, some of the stuff may apply or not...But it will be helpful : http://www.sikhawareness.com/sikhawareness...ght=fundamental The thing is though ..you're in a different situation in a certain aspect-your sisters know it, most importantly your mom knows it... If your mom is with you ....Shouldn't SHE be the one to confront your dad ..and explain the situation through out ...and go from there??...If your mom knows it, I really think you aren't the one to confront your dad. NOW, its your mom's business to handle from there... But please ...The thing you should realize..no matter what whether your dad says yeh or no ...don't turn your back on your dad....as he is the origin of all this...LOL ..Get it my point??.. So, anyways if your mom knows it...its her responsibility to tell your dad..Not yours..!! Meanwhile, Keep it safe... and Take it easyyyyy!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess_Gina Posted October 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 Thanks for the reply,its great getting a girls view on it. I totally agree with you. Thats what makes it so hard,the fact that I've only got to know this guy,and I've known my dad for all my life. I can't chuck 20 yrs of my life back to him like that. But I also think that maybe my dad should be happy for me if I'm going to be happy with this guy right. Meri khushi ona dhi khushi... Yes my mom knows and I guess in a way she should be the one to confront my dad about it,but I think I should tell because it would put my mom in that position...defending me or my dad...shes always helped me out,she still is and I think she will when the time comes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 it is best to tell ur dad at some time - dont keep it hidden if he agrees with u then ur cool... but if he objects dont go against his descision - parents always do the right thing for their children - they never will tell them to take the wrong route if u do have to break with this guy then it would be best to do so - i admire ur understanding that you only known this guy for a short while and ur dad has raised u... dont break ur relationship with ur dad over a guy... ull regret it all ur life ull be able to find another husband - even tho it might take a long time to get over this guy.... but ull never find anyone to take the place of ur father in time the caste system will be a myth :twisted: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sardu Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 Why is caste such a big deal?? Your allowed to be friends with different kinds of people yet your not allowed to marry someone from another religion let alone marrying a sikh but which isn't of the same caste. I've never fallen in love,finally its happened to me,and I want to spend the rest of my life with this person but caste is a problem. My mom is okay with this guy,she really likes him,and my sisters like him too which is important to me...dad doesn't know but I'm too afraid to even tell him because I know for a fact that he won't agree. I've always obeyed my parents,their trust is the most important thing to me,they always tell people how lucky they are to have me as their daughter,and that I'd never do anything to hurt them,but now I'm stuck between the guy I love and my dad...I can't live without either. I been trying to come up with reasons why my dad should agree but I don't know what to say. And what should I do if my dad still says no?? :cry: Let me begin with this... Yeah ishq nahi aasaan, bas itna samjh lije ek aag ka dariya hai aur, dooob ke jana hai.. I hope u understand the meaning of this. if not, let me know, i will try to explain. and dost, Don't worry. be confident. If u believe that u have choosen the right guy, believe me ur parents would only want ur happiness more than anything else. I am fully agree with magermach here.. and would have said the same... ITs all about how well u manage... ur parents are precious.. they are equivilant to GOD for u.... and than there is ur life.. And GOD always help..... but he/she do take Tests.. This hard time is actually a test for u both.. Situation of these kind test u and ur feelings/devotion... its the time where u can understand each other well. ( more well ). So Make the best use of this situation too.. and just don't worry.. Be confident.. Be Papa/daddy ki acchi bacchi.. our wishes are with you... You will the happiness of your life... !! A Friend.! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jassa Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 i agree wid steel bangle.... this caste argument will only work if you are both within sikhi...because otherwise he'll just turn around and accuse you of picking and choosing... i hope the caste system does go....but while its still here...be honest with your parenst.... if you go through lives with your parents being happy for you you cant go far wrong...(unless they bit mash up themselves? :x ) but be honest....no guy/girl in the world can replace your family... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 jassa thats exactly wat i was thinkin about today!! lol i aint directing this towards gina... im talking in general u will get allot of kids nowadays doin their aashiqi - and most of the time they are mixed caste marraiges (not that this whole thing should exist in sikhi but u know wat i mean) so the time comes... they face the parents and say "hey dad this is my boyfriend - i wanna marry him "... ignorant dad will say (after the shouting / screaming / breaking pandey etc) "what caste is he?"... the caste will be different to what they are and the answer wil be a straight NO!.. then the sikhi card will be played... "dad theres no caste in sikhism blah blah blah".... dad will feel stupid or he will argue his case... the point being is that people will pick and choose sikhi when it suits them... funny how they dont remember that lust and emotional attachment is a sin in sikhi :twisted: another one is when a munda will bring a gori back home and argue "all humans are equal" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess_Gina Posted October 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 Guys do get it easier than girls. This one girl was threatened by her dad that she has to marry a jatt else he'd kill her,and then theres her 2 older brothers,ones living with a gori who's pregnant with his kid,not even married....other one is married to a chinese girl...the parents didn't have a problem with the boys but threatened the girl,how messed is that?? :x 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 gina - in asian familys theres more to this then just caste... the familys reputation and lineage plays a big part - people first think "what will so and so think"... "how will i show my face is my son marries her".. stuff like that. :? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hari Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 gina - in asian familys theres more to this then just caste... the familys reputation and lineage plays a big part - people first think "what will so and so think"... "how will i show my face is my son marries her".. stuff like that. :? This is exactly the kind of Maya-jaal that has to be broken away from. Who gives a damn what society thinks?What's society going to do for you?Panjabi are only interested in others nuksaan. To hell with backward social codes.I do and say what I mean to, when it is appropiate. I fear no rumour mongering...not any more. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil_princess Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 hey! well first of all may i say that the basic existense of sikhi was made because of inequality and injustice of the people, the CASTE SYSTEM! there should be none at all!! so i agree with steel bangle, in the fact that if your dad has a problem with that just pop that in somwhere, but i do know its MORE difficult than that... you can' t change an adult males view on life..... well it's hard. Well i can't give you taht much advice because im just a little girl to some people, how old are you? most likely in your mid 20s or older right, well you should be if you are thinking of marrying this person. But doesn't matter about that you are in love with this man and you should tell your dad. Your dad most likely will get upset that you have challenged his authority and that you stepped in a place of taboo for all brown girls. YOU know ur parents more than any of us, i think all you need is the confidence to confront him, do it in a time when you are not rushed or hurried, do it when hes not busy and your not busy, take your time but don't drag on hidding it. I know how my parents would react to this situation, so do you, so don't be tangled about the caste thing, you might never know, he might be happy that you found ya self a MAN! lol well keep on smiling ! and don't worry everything will go fineeeee!! and just build up the confidence and you can do anything, he is YOUR DAD he isn't going to kill you, so don't worry!!!!! one! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsb Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 "he isn't gonna kill you" me sure hope so...... cuz.. we all know what happened in vancouver.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil_princess Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 yeahhhhh that vancouver thing was an EXTREME case, i don't think Gina princess has that kind of dad, well i pray that she doesn't! plus ITS HER DAD i mean she should have the confidence and feel proud that she has a dad too look up to! she did say she will do anything for her parents! so why shouldn't they do anything for her? one 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess_Gina Posted October 2, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2003 Confidence is the key lil one,I don't think I have enough of it at the moment,hopefully I can work on that and go from there. Definately no rush. I'm only 20 and he's 22,so I've got time. Age isn't a factor,these days people get married early anyways,early as 17,but thats the least of my concern...I'm mature,finished school.and working,and we know we want to be together so... Anyways,I think I've got enough advice from everyone and its been helpful. Whatever is meant to happen will happen,so we'll see what happens. Thanks P.S- yea I do know my dad prolly better than anyone else,and I know for a fact he would so not kill me! Vancouver incident was sad...I read in the newspaper about a girl in London,16 yr old who was going to run away with her 18 yr old bf,and her dad cut her throat because she was too westernized... :roll: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAadmin Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 .P.S- yea I do know my dad prolly better than anyone else,and I know for a fact he would so not kill me! Vancouver incident was sad...I read in the newspaper about a girl in London,16 yr old who was going to run away with her 18 yr old bf,and her dad cut her throat because she was too westernized... Lucky you ji... Cutting an throat of an daughter is not always good idea... they should cut themselves because they are ones who are responsible for spending lack of time with their kids... oh off course the sad mentality is to work your arse off ie- overtime and then whine after "Oh sadiii kurii or munda bigaaar gayie"... what in the bloody hell you expect ??? :twisted: :twisted: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 You can't do anything if someone just want to cross the boundries. I can show you orphan messing up their own life. Who are we going to blame in this case? Its not right to blame parents for everything their childern do. We should be aware this fact that whatever these childern do is due to western culture influence and I've seen that most of the parents try to teach their kids their own culture because western culture is not culture but freedom of everything and anything and results are not good for most of them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shasterkovich Posted January 2, 2004 Report Share Posted January 2, 2004 Princess Gina, Will you let me have more details about the story of the father killing his daughter by throat-slitting for wanting to run off with a boy? I would appreciate it if you could post a link to a news article, or else give me some pointers (like roughly how long ago this happened) so that I can do some research to find the news articles relating to this story myself. Any more details you can remember about the story would be appreciated. Thanks! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shasterkovich Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 GUNS 'N' ROSES Used To Love Her I used to love her But I had to kill her I used to love her, Mm, yeah But I had to kill her I had to put her six feet under And I can still hear her complain I used to love her, Oo, yeah But I had to kill her I used to love her, Oo, yeah But I had to kill her I knew I'd miss her So I had to keep her She's buried right in my backyard Oh yeah, Oo yeah, whoa, oh yeah I used to love her But I had to kill her I used to love her, Mm, yeah But I had to kill her She ****** so much, She drove me nuts And now I'm happier this way, yeah Whoa, oh yeah I used to love her But I had to kill her I used to love her, Mm, yeah But I had to kill her I had to put her, Oo, six feet under And I can still hear her complain 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khalistani Singh Posted January 14, 2004 Report Share Posted January 14, 2004 Okay buddies...from my corny experiences I can say that there is not such thing as "True love"...its all false hope we put ourselves in...yeah we can meet someone, start caring for them like crazy and etc...blah blah...even if you don't have any "sexual" thoughts with the person you are currently with, are you like committed till like death does you two apart (gora line, but eh)...only marriage will bring you true commitment...the union of 2 souls...parents are not against love, they know how silly there children can be and get easily caught into such a thing...so 9/10 when there children say there in love, there like okay bs...and true Sikhs would never hold double standards, but the one who believes in caste...will most likely care about his daughter breaking the rules than his son...cause in any culture, its ashameful to see the daughter marrying out of their religion n etc...like ISLAM...but its okay for the son, cause she'll be "Coming" into the family...do I see any sense in this? No...because I sure as hell wouldn't let my son marry out of his religion likewise same with my daughter...but the thing is when your in love before marriage, you are subject to become weak and hurt cause you dont know if its "True" or real...(aka marriage)....after marriage...your love is ever lasting...but Punjabi parents still see this foolish because Gorayz take up divorces after having kids....and still try to "FIND" their true love...so this concept of love can be endless...and so back to the caste situation...each caste wants their son/daughter to marry into the same caste....why?...cause of PRIDE, excessive ego...or just cause your "bloodline" is filled with the same exact caste...or wuteva you want to call it....so going against your Dad, whose given you everything and anything during your lifetime may turn out to be a big mistake...if you cant complete his one wish to marry someone who he accepts...then i don't know...its not like hes forcing you to marry ONE exclusive person....Do I personally believe in Caste?...no...because even though its not like the Hindu caste system where we look down upon each other, it breaks us from becoming brothers and sisters and etc...and there are idiots in each caste, and I find Sikh brothers from every caste...that actually care bout sikhi...than rather then there stupid caste...and thats what Guruji basically wanted us to be...ONE, UNITED, TOGETHER...not seperated and etc...but the SGGS does tell us to obey our parents too....so your choice.... you are not even married to this guy, and yet you claim you love him, or do you love your dad, who you have known, and who has been there for you time after time in your life... My parents have always told me, not to hide anything from them...and I think you shouldn't either...sometimes time only delays things...love your parents...be open...develop the bond...you should be afraid of your parents, but not afraid not to tell them anything...THERE LIKE YOUR BEST FRIENDS!....lol but of course parents all are different...you know how to handle your case... If it dosent work out...its not the end of the world...hope everything works out though...Take Care...1 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amrikingh Posted January 14, 2004 Report Share Posted January 14, 2004 We shouldn't believe in the Caste System......i can't believe some of these sikhs why did Sri Guru Nanak ji sit in a low incomed carpenters house to have roti instead of malik bhago's ? duh wake up people he didn't do it for no reason he's here to teach you something he's also showing about "love" you can not only again pyar and respect from brahmins only but people from lowest castes aswell here's a extract from the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Let no man be proud because of his caste. For the man who has God in his heart, he alone is the true Brahmin. O stupid fool, be not proud of your caste, by this pride many sins arise. Everyone says there are four castes, but they are all created from the Lords seed (essence). All men are moulded from the same clay, but the potter has fashioned it into vessels of numerous forms. By joining the five elements, the form of the body is made, no one can say that the element is less in one and more in another" Ang 1128 SGGS 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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