Some Fundoou HumpyDumpy

[JOYce]

This article is also posted on another discussion group on the portal so please dont make any confusions. I hope U all will also improve such definations as per UR viewpoint Hope 2 hear from U

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:

1. Cigarette :

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs :

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage :

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce :

Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture :

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference :

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise :

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears :

The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary :

A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room :

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy :

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic :

A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile :

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office :

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn :

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. :

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience :

The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat :

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist :

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist :

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :-

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser :

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father :

A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal :

A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss :

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician :

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor :

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer :

One who gets paid for reading such things...... J J J

[JOYce]

"The Twenty Commandments"

1. If you feel far away from God, guess who moved?

2. Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there.

3. What you are is God's Gift to you. What you become

is your gift to God.

4. I am God's Melody of Life and He Sings His Song

through me.

5. We can never really go where God is not, and where

He is, all is well.

6. No matter what is happening in your life, know that

God is Waiting for you with open Arms.

7. God Promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

8. Do your best and then sleep in peace. God is Awake.

9. God has a Purpose and Plan for me that no one else

can fulfill.

10. The Will of God will never take you to where the

Grace of God will not protect you.

11. We are responsible for the effort, not the

outcome.

12. We set the sail; God makes the wind.

13. Begin to weave and God will Give you the thread.

14. When God says "no", it's because He has something

better in store for you.

15. The task ahead of us is never as great as the

Power behind us.

16. Prayer: don't bother to give God instructions,

just report for duty.

17. It's my business to do God's Business, and it's

His Business to take care of my business.

18. Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace

amid the storm.

19. How come you're always running around looking for

God? He's not lost.

20. God put me on earth to accomplish a number of

things; right now, I'm so far behind I will live

forever.