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Love and Marriage


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source-sikhnet.com

Love and Marriage and all that stuff!

(fictional story)

Every year Steve goes and sees Baba jee in India, he welcomes him and says, "Son, didn't you have different partner last year? Last year you brought a wife with you, this year you have a girlfriend, where is your loyalty. Pick one partner, marry them and commit your whole life to them. Forget about divorce, forget about other partners, marriage is for life."

Steve replies, "Dear Baba jee, I stuck it out for a whole year, but I just didn't love her. I love my parents and my brother, I would die for them if I had to. I liked my wife, but when I asked myself if I would die for her, the answer was no. I didn't love her so what was the point of carrying on that farce? Now I'm much happier with my girlfriend, than I ever was when I was married."

Baba jee laughs, "So you love your girlfriend do you? This thing you call love is born out of your mind, and whatever joy grows from the mind, will one day be uprooted and leave a big empty hole full of sorrow. Last year you told me you loved your wife, this year you tell me you dont. What will you be telling me about your girlfriend next year? You come to me and ask how to get peace of mind, you say `Baba jee, show me how to experience the inner light and bliss.' Well the first rule is that when you steal people's hearts and throw them by the wayside, then you turned your back to the light and drove at lightening speed back into the dark tunnel. And along the way you picked up hate, bitterness, anger and all the negativity that comes with it. Was it worth diving back into the dark quicksand of misery because you left something called `Love' in there?"

Steve's head drops slightly ashamed of himself, "Baba jee, I get lonely, I need someone to fill the emptiness in me. It is true I have had many partners and once the initial attraction faded, my committment faded too. You dont understand Baba jee, my whole culture teaches me `True Love' is the ultimate goal and its OK to get a divorce because we all make mistakes right?"

Baba jee puts his hand on the Steve's shoulder, "Listen son, the `True Love' is experienced inside. It is not born from sexual attraction in the mind. It has no source, it is always around, when you are pure and empty of ego then this love and joyful energy can rise within you and take you to the bliss and light you ask for. Our aim is not worldy love, our life was given to us for much more than that. Our life is for service. Serve Waheguru by serving the saints. Serve Waheguru by clothing and feeding the poor and needy. Serve one and all, become the dust of their feet, empty out your ego, forget about `I want a woman, I want love' forget about `I wants'. Your marriage partner is your spiritual partner. One is alone, two are the holy congregation and the praises of the holy congregation have no end. You WANT love from your partner, but you should GIVE love unconditionally, you should serve them as if they are the Guru. Then you will experience the True Love."

Baba jee continues, "Guru Amar Das Jee tells us that the true husband and wife are the ones who have two bodies but one soul. That is True Love, that love is not born from the mind so it never dies and never leaves sorrow on departing. Son if you are NOT committed to marrying and serving your partner, then do not go out with them, do not break their heart, do not get caught in emotional attachment. If you understand that husband and wife are the holy congregation, then sit together and meditate together on Naam, sing the praises of your Creator together. Speak sweetly, be humble, be truthful and most of all respect each other. Be prepared to die for anyone whether you love them or not because you love God. Marriage is for developing spiritual love, forget about worldy love that comes and goes with the seasons."

Steve says, "Sat Bachan_your words are true, very true. "

...........

......keep sharing, caring, loving and learning

-- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Shabad Hazaray, Guru Nanaak says, "You are found in all the temples." The Sikh has a spiritual practice that allows him or her to see God in everything-no matter what the package or the form. So of all the religions on the planet that could handle an inter-religious marriage, Sikhi seems to be the one that could actually do it without creating any conflicts between the marriage partners. The Guru is so tolerant, and the Siri Guru Granth Sahib contains all divine wisdom. All religions are based are on spiritual truth, and the Guru contains all of it. So, from a spiritual perspective, conflict wouldn't be possible-as long as both partners were truly engaged in their spiritual progress.

Where conflict occurs (and you'll have to forgive me, I'm quoting from a poor memory) is where the Guru talks about how a person of dharma and a person of maya can't walk hand in hand together. It isn't possible. It's like a man on a donkey trying to catch a tiger. So-for a spiritual Sikh to marry someone who isn't interested in their spirutal growth (Sikh or not) - that's where a true conflict exists.

As for the marriage ceremony, it's SOOOO brilliant, because a Sikh doesn't marry his or her partner, a Sikh marries the Guru and the temproal marriage of wife and husband become one of the primary spiritual disciplines that brings one to a deeper underanding of the Guru's words. This totally turned thousands of years of aestheticism (I know I spelt this wrong-sorry) on its head. Up until then, celibacy was a requirement for spiritual advancement, and a requirement of men, mainly, because women weren't deemed "evolved" enough to be spiritual. (If a woman prayed really hard, she might have a chance to be reborn as a man and then begin to understand God.) So the Guru changed all that and elevated the status of a woman and the status of marriage to the level of being one of the highest spiritual practices people could do. This is so key in understanding the Sikh marriage ceremony because it symbolizes that both parties are (1) marrying the Guru and (2) surrendering their married life as a vehicle for the Guru to instruct them and guide them. In this sense, then, the only people to marry in front of the Guru should be those who are willing to take on that commitment of the the spiritual discipline.

But again-the culture of the Punjab and the spirit of the Sikh sometimes conflict and the spiritual practice, the commitment of all of this gets lost in tradition.

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sat sri akal

what connection has steve with punjab

i would like to understand the last line of that last paragraph

"culture of punjab.........spirit of sikh .........."

??

From what I get is....culture of Punjab..is where people drink dabb ke...eat non veg a lot...so that hinders spiritual growth...

Steve must be the son of some Punjabi immigrants...who changed his name to an angreji name...

I guess...

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sat sri akal

what connection has steve with punjab

i would like to understand the last line of that last paragraph

"culture of punjab.........spirit of sikh .........."

??

I feel

Steve is prolly the son of an immigrant sikh ...who is aping an angrej by adopting a western name and their culture

culture of Punjab and spirit of sikh.....see the current trend in Punjab is....something like...that generally punjabi culture is associated with drinking and all hunna and eating non veg which hinders the growth of sikhi...then the trend ....."U become a Man ...if u Drink" etc etc....such things mislead the youth...

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