lostsikh

Right now i am thinking that for so many years i have had these mental blockages thoughts that are distrubing me which is based on my desire to just have sex with a good looking blonde gori. I know it sounds disgusting but i feel like if i let this desire out just once. I am hoping it will clear out my thoughts and i will have a fresh start in my life free these blocks described. I have stood naked infront webcams and chat lines and what differences does it make if i just do it once in ral life. I feel like these thoughts are like a something stuck in my nails which need to be pulled out or like a pin stuck needing release or like the uncomfortable feeling before doing vomiting. I would like to is being a virgin really important ? Does it even effect persons spritualty ? I mean can't have i have a fresh start after letting my dirty desire out in real life and afterwoods leading a Gursikh lifestyle ? I mean i have seen so many people who have done worse things then me like conning people drugs everything and they became amritdhari gursikhs afterwoods. What are sangats views on this please post or pm me i really need gudience with this after this thought i which i have written.

Thank God this is just thoughts at the moment and nothing partical has been done. It is really scary listening to this.

Bro you are right it is nasty to look at those images on google images on herpes. It is sickening a right turn off. Anyways i am happy yet disapointed as i was talking to my fav sex chatline girl and long story short i was reading her reviews which another caller gave. So before she used to say i am her fav caller stud etc. When i asked her who was better me or him she said both of you as he has been on for 10 years and i have 5/6 years. I feel so disapointed that i used to jerk over her and have fantsies over her and wasted time and money over her. But it is safe to say i don't ever feel like using chatlines ever again. This is one of my strongest vices every time i saw her online on the page i would you know go for it call her but after this experince never again. I am so glad that i am free from her and this is a step forward to my chatline addication. Thank God Waheguru

Today i broke my fast (physical action) after 2/3 weeks it felt like a build to nothing after the pleasure was over. A little bit by bit grows into this which happened today me using a chatline. During the last few days i was again watching porn and looking at profiles again then today it exploded by using the chatline especially when i saw my fav operator online. It is worse when i am home alone and nobody to stop me. But i need to fix up on this. Even though now i feel dirty and worthless after commiting this flith act.

Bro you are right last night got too much. I will try to control these urges and you are correct after a few mins the pleasure is gone and it feels horrible as it just the build up which is the misguide. You are right last night as i typed her number last night i felt like i was throwing away everything i have done good like my bhagati and good karams. I couldn't go through with it. I don't mind getting married but i think i have a Blonde white girl feitsh as i always get turned on by it whenever i see one outside in public place. I worry even after marriage i will have the same problem. I have felt like this since last 13 years. The smartphone pc is making me watch this flith and destroying me

Oh Waheguru i screwed up again tonight. I got tempted to look at webcams and one thing led to another as my fav girl was online today. I made the mistake of looking at a escort page and in madness ended up sending her a text for a meet up. But luckly i got no reply as it is late night message and i will block her number just in case. The temptation urges were very very strong she was a blonde just the type i fantise about. As i shoot my load i couldn't go with it. Oh i feel so dirty now and ashamed of it. And i don't have the strength and i can't let my sikh idenity be destroyed by this. These are thoughts are right now that are troubling but only Waheguru can save me

Bro you are right i will try to listen to more katha and try a different Gurdwara for good sangat

Bro the only true sangat i found is on here so far. I can say what i am thinking. And katha is good is i like and religious books as well. It is hard to find good sangat but see how it goes

Bro i live in the Uk. You are right i will try to read more gurbani, listen to katha etc. I will also try to find good sangat. Its just that i have no friends at all. I have been a lonley person since last 13 years. I have no social life. I never go out to clubs pubs etc. At the local gurdwara i have always get annoyed cos the ladies or sewadar make unpleasent comments and i don't like going there cos of it. I mean these lustful thoughts come and go and they don't distrub me 24/7. Luckly i keep my full kes bread and don't eat meat or alchool. I do try to do paath but i get critised for it as my mum sister say it is making me more angry hate filled egostic etc.

Bro thanks for the link You are right i will look into it. Also i don't have a good relationship with my disfunctional family. I also get angry quite quickly as well. It is like i am meant to be felt like i have no voice. Or that my views are not valued. I give a example i have a few people i really don't get along with at all believe me via family. Everytime i see one of them or vists at home. I expected to behave in a very friendly way even though after he or she has left my parents make big talks oh he said this she said that. And if i don't talk in their way i get curcifed as soon as the person has left. For these reasons i get angry and my mum is the worest one it is like she makes herself a victim in all of this. She makes my life hell over these people saying oh you don't know when we might need somebody. I believe in Waheguru alone. These circle of abuse from home has made me view girls as escorts. Like when going for aranged marriage a boy is asked his wages job education etc. This nasty views by families have created this idea or thought about escorts. I have been through a horrible childhood at school and watched abuse at home. Everytime i would make a mistake as all kids would do. I would be given hell. Mum always says "if you are wrong i will not take your side." "I don't want to make you a theif criminal" This has made me feel horrible as i have seen kids and family members who despite being wrong, their mum and dad don't say nothing. This has created more hate inside me and towards people i don't get along with. And nowdays it is soo much tension at home and i stay away from they in my room whenever my parents are at home.

Bro thanks for the link. After reading it i have got more knowledge on the subject. Like i say at the moment so far in my life i have been lucky that Waheguru has saved me from carrying out my thoughts in real life action. Also it has been thoughts that were and have been creating these urges. Another thing is that i am afraid that if i did pay for it (sex). It will become a bad habbit like drugs,sharaab,cigerates,gambling etc. So that is another con side that has put me off paying for it. I am a religious person but these thoughts do sometimes annoy me from time to time. I did see a good looking dastar wearing girl working in a pizza shop which i was visting. If i was given a chance to marry i would have jumped at it. Also i wish you do get married and settle as you have been a good friend to me so far to talk about this issue.

Bro thanks for replying i am very grateful. I will try to do these step by step. I have never done Amritvela ever in my life. I usually just my nitnem whenever i feel like it. Also if you don't mind me asking are you single or married ? These tips given by you are amazing compared to just thinking about sex all the time and dealing with. Like you said Ardas is the best key for it

Bro you are 100% right i have so far never ever discussed this with anyone. Especially any Sikh's at all as i normally talk and act religouis and it would destroy my image as well. I have noticed that if i increase my nitnem it usually is ok. But if i see a blonde female all hell breaks inside me. Like the most closest thing i have done is ask a girl out for a drink and she said no i felt broken like a glass. Also i find myself flirting with female more as well

Also bro i have never had a girlfriend in my life and never had a social life no friends. And i even had a weird dream this week that i got married and it was my first time for sex so i was standing naked it was day 2 of my the marriage. and overnight the wife becames very suddenly visbly heavly pregant and it was so messed up. I was like who's baby is it and how is it possible.

Bro thanks i am happy to join and share my daily views. You are not being rude you are 100% correct about STD AIDS. It is the urges get really strong and yesterday when writing the post i was feeling blinded into just paying for the real thing rather than webcam,chatlines etc. I have recently signed up for CBT and said i have urges but i have been referred to another orgainsation and am on the waiting list.

Wjkk Wjkf I am in my late 20s struggling with kaam a lot. I do a bit of paath as well and want to take amrit but waiting for things like career to be sorted first. Especially as i am writting this as today i missed my nitnem i feel weaker than before. I have struggling with it since i have been 15 and its getting to the point where i have spent money on webcams,chatlines (my fav girl has been offline for a while) and watching porn. I am now having very strong urges to vist a escort as i am still a virgin. I spent and waste time looking online for one and pics. I am ashmed as i act a gursikh infront everyone but i have this hidden part of me. I know this is wrong but i just want to flush out of my system as i have many health problems like sinus,migraines,headaces etc. I get very turned on seeing any blonde female and that makes it worse for me my kaam thoughts . Everytime i shoot off or do something like that you know i feel really really bad that i go the gurdwara asap that i take a packet of sugar and £1.25 do chaur sahib over maharaj than i fall in the same narak again and again. I mean i would like to get married to a gursikh and take amrit but this unfufilled desire is something i need help with. Please help me anyone reading this as i am really ashmed to talk or even metion this to anyone !!!!