I thank you for your kind advice, and realise I have not really given enough information to explain what I am thinking.
When we married, we agreed that we would let the children decide on their religion when they were older, and bring them up as good people as you suggested. My husband is not a practicing Sikh. I am a practicing Catholic. My mother in law lives with us. She was born a Punjabi Sikh and practices Sikhism, Hinduism and also beloved in superstions, astrology and I think often confused tradition with religion.
As my husband and I have not tried to impose our religions on the children their religious experiences are largely from being with my mother in law. Their understanding of Sikhism is that you put money in the box, have prasad and langar. She will take them to the Hindu temple and do similar. She also used to steal from shops, but when my children started copying I took them to apologies and pay and after that they all stopped.
We like everyone else have difficult times. Just teaching children right and wrong does not help them deal with this. In these situations, my belief in God is my strength. For them to be told by their grandmother that these are due to washing clothes
on Tuesday and Saturday, having a bathroom above the kitchen or because people were bad in a previous life are not helpful.
I have read about the Sikh religion and I agree it is good but I do not want to convert. I want to respect elders but I cannot allow my children to be confused. My husband has a lot of health problems. I try to encourage him to go to the Gudwara with limited success. I want him to tell the children about the Sikh religion when he is well as my knowledge is mainly academic. I want to teach them the Catholic religion to guide them away from superstitions and idolatry. I believe both Sikh and Catholic believe in this.
As said earlier, I wish to respect my elders and I want to take Sikh beliefs into account in making decisions for my family. I do not want to make decisions based on Hinduisim, superstition or other beliefs. I do not know and cannot find information as to whether my mother in laws concerns about funerals are based on the Sikh religion and wanted to find out from a practicing Sikh
Thank you for your help