Sadh Sangat Ji,
I don't know what to go into much details, as I am ashamed that I am even writing this. But I want to know what the opinion of the sangat is. Fast forwarding into history. I took Amrit in the early 2000s, later I ate a samosa which had meat in it, possibly halal meat as I was living in a muslim country. I ate it accidentally, thinking that a kurait is already committed I started eating meat.
Moreover, since I was living in a muslim country, I became lax on keeping my kirpan bcoz of all the security hotel, check points that I had to pass through. Eventually frustrated I re-took amrit, but then again ate meat thinking that it is a controversial subject and there is no evidence in Gurmat. After this I got married to a non-amritdhari girl. I again became lazy on keeping my rehat due to sangat. I then moved to Canada and re-took amrit, however as I was working and lack of sangat I did a major mistake cut my beard. This happened several years ago.
Now, this year I suddenly contracted a disease in my body. I came to realize that this disease is caused due to my forgetting of God. Now for several months I have been keeping amrit vela, keeping nitnem and listening to extra banis and extra simran. I want to take amrit and get back into the panth. I hope Guru can forgive me and give me one more chance in this Sikhi school so that I can pass out in my life or maybe perhaps now I am destined to nark or hell. Is there any hope infant of me? I dont want to give full detailed story to panj, as i am ashamed of myself and fear that they will refuse amrit to me.
