Laura

Well, we've talked about it without success. He stoped being evasive with his speech and said that yes, he is human and yes, he looks at other woman but keeps denying that he was looking at any the other night (which is what started the argument). I've gone through this many times before with him, he got a little better about it but as you all see he still does it. I have observed myself and observed that I am not just obsessing about something that isn't there and probably seeing what my jelausy wants me to see, but it really does happen!! I swear, even when I think he might be looking at a atractive girl I ussualy don't care until I see him do it over and over again. Basicaly, I've doubted myself enough to know the difference between having a distorted view from jelausy and soemthing that is happening right in front of my eyes... Is it possible that he really doesn't realize of what he does to the point of just truly believing he doesn't? what is going on. This is a very inteligent man, and I mean VERY INTELIGENT, how could he not notice? Anyway, I might end the relationship, not just because of this of course, although I am trully tired of it, he also has other issues and talks too much about religion for someone that carries it like this. He is older than I too, I'm 23 and he is 50. The more I learn about sikhism the more I realize how sneaky he is, not to say that he's bad, I actually believe that he carries better than others, I've never sensed anger from him for example, in 3 years that I've known him, and he is all about helping others, and many other virtues... but he still has way to go if he's going to think of himself as a true sikh. I think for example that he should've never approached me now, i think he probably should've tried harder at trying to get his parents involve to find a wife. I've said enough. Thanks to everyone, your words thought me more about sikhism and helped me face the issue better with him. Blessings to all.

In another forum somebody else replied this to me: "In Sikhism we believe that outside of marriage men and woman are to respect each other as brother and sister. A relationship without the commitment of marriage has blurred boundaries which foster feelings of vulnerability and insecurity such as you are experiencing." If he is a white american man, that was born into a traditional or "standar" white american family, how is he supposed to meet woman and start a family? As I said, we do not engage in sexual conduct and we have been together for about 2 yrs. is this wrong? (not for me ofcourse, I'm a buddhist) What do you all think about this person's commentary?

Thank you very much to all. Your words are very helpfull

I have a boyfriend who's an American Sikh, we do not have a sexual relationship but spend a lot of time together. I am not a Sikh, I'm a Buddhist, and we agree on most things. He's has many virtues for sure and does good for a lot of people, He's a good person. There is something he does that affects me a lot, and it is that even though he is really good to me, he likes to look at pretty women when they walk by... all the time, he doesn’t miss one! I've told him that I don't mind if he does that (all man do) but not to do it in front of me it’s all, he argues that beauty is beauty and that the same way it is ok to admire the beauty of trees and mountains, it is ok to admire the beauty of women. He doesn't understand that this hurts me. What could I tell him to make him understand that this is wrong?