Popular Post Shhh121 Posted April 22, 2022 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 22, 2022 Hi guys I hope all is well, newbie here so bare with me. For the past year I practice strict celibacy, I have my reasons but I find I’m a lot better human being, a lot freer and a lot happier doing so, I was a complete mess before doing so, indulging in addictions, sin, lust and I was always lost never felt happy or loved myself. I’m in my mid 30s now, and I wish to get married and I promised myself I will only stop this practice for that special someone, I realised I needed to work on myself and I needed to work on becoming the best version of myself in order to meet my future mate. Long story short after the first 2 months of practicing celibacy this girl entered my life at the gym, she showed me interest to a degree which I’ve never felt with such intensity my whole life, she seems crazy about me. The feeling is mutual and I feel the same way never have I had some one so attractive show me such huge interest. There’s other women do the same but something about her just has me hypnotised. I just tried my best to keep my head down and do me. After 2 months I couldn’t hack it I broke my celibacy due to other stresses in my life at the time and obviously increasing constant pursuing from this girl, it became a daily occurrence. The day after breaking celibacy I woke up and fainted, my eyes looked like that of a drug addict and I lost energy in a huge way. My happiness and spring in my step had some how left me I felt a mess. It is at this point I realised that I must continue with this journey. Months went by and I felt happier and freer and better about myself the more time went on, but always this girl kept getting on top of my mood, I’ve lost count how many times I’ve dreamt of her, I dreamt of her yesterday in fact. The past 4 months I have avoided her now and i think She senses me doing it deliberately, she now back away from me occasionally and it breaks my heart, I do the same back to her now and again it destroys me. There’s other times when she will still keep graviting towards me like In the past, it happened the last time I saw her but I left shortly after. 2 weeks ago after 9pm the I once again broke celibacy out of stupidity, again other life stresses came in and it’s been almost a year now and all I can think about is this women whom I’ve never even spoken to before. It’s really getting on top of me once again, I feel down about the whole thing and I’ve lost my shine and the spring in my step. The problem lies where she is a English white girl, my older brother has married a white lady and I promised myself I will do the right thing and marry a Sikh girl for my parents. Obviously I’m not the most religious person in the world, I do say thank you to god every day and I do show my appreciation, I have always done this even when I lived in sin, I always ask to be shown the right way and to help me become a better man and I feel I am doing that leading the lifestyle I am now. I guess I just need someone’s take on the matter who may have a better relationship with god than myself. My mother is quite a religious lady but it’s not something I can discuss with her, and truth be told only one friend knows I’ve adopted this lifestyle in pursuit of becoming a happier, healthier and better man. I know deep down I am not a bad person I always do right by my friends and family, I have a huge heart and I wear my heart of my sleeve as I’m a cancer start sign so I’m controlled by emotions a lot. I’m just really confused at the moment, I believe in fate and if somethings meant to be it will be and if someone’s meant to be in your life they will be so I slighty confused why god and the universe has bought this soul into my life especially has I’ve never been happier being alone and single for once and I’m happy to wait for the right Person, maybe she is the right person and colour shouldn’t matter, I can’t work this out. Maybe it’s purely Desire and lust I’m giving into here, but I truly don’t lust for her in a wrong or bad way I just feel her energy almost, I’m just compelled by her. any help greatly appreciated, apologies if I carried on abit too much many thanks 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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