gurdwara matrimonial service dilemma

[betterfutures43]

Hello all,

 

hope you are well. I am a sikh male (24 y.o) british- born living in london and have recently been looking at matrimonial services in gurdwaras across the UK because I would like to get married. I would like to get married within the next few years (no rush), but I just know I don't want to live my life alone. 

 

Well anyways, I've been looking at some of the lists of people on gurdwaras matrimonial service and criteria and receiving phone calls from parents of girls family and I'm slightly shocked/disappointed. 

 

Basically, the reason I'm shocked is the gurdwaras allows single people to write what type of caste the person should be, or what minimum occupation level the person should be e.g doctor and it makes no sense. 

 

Doesn't our religion strongly prohibit all this activity?? Aren't we all supposed to be equal? No castes? No whole idea that a rich man is better than a poor man or a person should only marry their daughter to a doctor? 

 

Our whole religion was created to eliminate this but gurdwaras in UK are actually encouraging this inequality and encouraging people to write down these superficial criterion in their partner specification. 

 

Some girls parents literally cut the phone on me as soon as I said I wasn't a doctor. 

 

I admit I am not exactly a world authority on sikhi but even I know this idea of inequality goes against all the core principles of our religion.  Can someone please advise me on best course of action. 

 

 

[Soulfinder]

Its terrible i know exactly what you are going through and its not nice at all. These gurdwara matrimonial are a pathetic system and its best to do jaap of shabads from a katha that i heard regarding marriage.

[GurjantGnostic]

On 8/23/2022 at 8:08 AM, betterfutures43 said:

Hello all,

 

hope you are well. I am a sikh male (24 y.o) british- born living in london and have recently been looking at matrimonial services in gurdwaras across the UK because I would like to get married. I would like to get married within the next few years (no rush), but I just know I don't want to live my life alone. 

 

Well anyways, I've been looking at some of the lists of people on gurdwaras matrimonial service and criteria and receiving phone calls from parents of girls family and I'm slightly shocked/disappointed. 

 

Basically, the reason I'm shocked is the gurdwaras allows single people to write what type of caste the person should be, or what minimum occupation level the person should be e.g doctor and it makes no sense. 

 

Doesn't our religion strongly prohibit all this activity?? Aren't we all supposed to be equal? No castes? No whole idea that a rich man is better than a poor man or a person should only marry their daughter to a doctor? 

 

Our whole religion was created to eliminate this but gurdwaras in UK are actually encouraging this inequality and encouraging people to write down these superficial criterion in their partner specification. 

 

Some girls parents literally cut the phone on me as soon as I said I wasn't a doctor. 

 

I admit I am not exactly a world authority on sikhi but even I know this idea of inequality goes against all the core principles of our religion.  Can someone please advise me on best course of action. 

 

 

Mmmm. With arranged anything the persons needs and wants have to be documented and hopefully matched. 

Here's how it seems to work in Purtan Gursikhi. You get your list together. You find an older succesful woman who's wise and kows the women, you give her your list. She finds you a match. You take it without dating or debating unless there is a huge flaw you did not put on your list. But the acceptance of who they find for you should 99 percent. 

It's okay if everyone else list is skewed with poor criteria, non Sikh criteria, because you do not want to get matched with them. 

You want to match who you actually match and you want to remove yourself from that process. 

[GurjantGnostic]

It's a job position bro. Men and women love each other. It's God we struggle to love. If she loves Sikhi and is at all relatively normal and suited to you, you'll be very happy, very successful, very in love. 

You should put whether you expect you both to work or for the one with lower income potential to stay home. 

And anyone's list you fail? Perfect. Disaster averted. We're only interested in one match. 

[GurjantGnostic]

Who in the Sangat is happily married, produced good sons, the kind you respect or resemble? Has social gifts with people? Find her. Give her your list and ask her to perform the Rishte with little further input. 

[GurjantGnostic]

Side note. We should help the gay folk get Anand Karaj to each other if they want families. They should both know they're gay and only going to copulate for child birthing, if they don't get a full taste for it.