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The basic problem with arranged marriages...


Shasterkovich
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... is in my view summed up nicely by Bob Dylan in this song:

Go 'way from my window,

Leave at your own chosen speed.

I'm not the one you want, babe,

I'm not the one you need.

You say you're lookin' for someone

Never weak but always strong,

To protect you an' defend you

Whether you are right or wrong,

Someone to open each and every door,

But it ain't me, babe,

No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,

It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,

Go lightly on the ground.

I'm not the one you want, babe,

I will only let you down.

You say you're lookin' for someone

Who will promise never to part,

Someone to close his eyes for you,

Someone to close his heart,

Someone who will die for you an' more,

But it ain't me, babe,

No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,

It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go melt back into the night, babe,

Everything inside is made of stone.

There's nothing in here moving

An' anyway I'm not alone.

You say you're looking for someone

Who'll pick you up each time you fall,

To gather flowers constantly

An' to come each time you call,

A lover for your life an' nothing more,

But it ain't me, babe,

No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,

It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

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I think it is trying to convey that sometimes in arranged marriages, one goes looking for that "compassionate' partners, when the other isn't really that type-of-an-indivdual. Thus, there is a lot of contrast between them - and isn't usually the best-type-of-relation. Like, if I were to arranged marriage- I don't know how that person is, or what that person thinks of life, and etc..or his definition of a relation, and so forth. Its just a blindly match.

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Nah girls. It means you want "someone" with some specific qualities. Does'nt matter WHO that person is, it's just SOMEONE who has the qualities that you want in your partner.

You're not interested in taking a partner on the basis of who they are, for what they are. For all of their eccentricities, faults, habits and whatever else makes them a unique individual.

Kind of like you're looking for a butler who is prepared to do overtime at unholy hours with you.

It's not love. Just a convenient financial and heredity arrangement for people who don't love themselves, and so are incapable of loving anyone else.

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There's no such thing as 'secha pyar'. It only exists in the minds of fans of Hindi movies.

Arranged marriages are I believe ain't such a bad idea. You don't have that 'loveeee booolshit' factor in the way. It's simple contract between two consenting adults and if you ask me it's quite practical.

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There's no such thing as 'secha pyar'. It only exists in the minds of fans of Hindi movies.

Arranged marriages are I believe ain't such a bad idea. You don't have that 'loveeee booolshit' factor in the way. It's simple contract between two consenting adults and if you ask me it's quite practical.

Just speculating, but perhaps you should consider whether your own inability to love someone is the real cause for why you have become a hate-filled anti-Semite intent on whipping up anti-Muslim sentiment? None of my business of course - just trying to help.

By announcing that you are willing to enter into a contract with a member of the human race for sex, you have shown that you have no respect for the sanctity of the human body. God knows what you do with your own.

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Just speculating, but perhaps you should consider whether your own inability to love someone is the real cause for why you have become a hate-filled anti-Semite intent on whipping up anti-Muslim sentiment? None of my business of course - just trying to help.

Wow!! Why are Sikhs like you so judgemental these days? Is this part of Guru Nanaks teachings???

Curious, how did you come to the conclusion that I am 'unable' to love someone? Do you have ESP or do you have a Phd in Pyschology?

FYI, I support the existence of Israel and am a big fan of their accomplishments. Again, how did you come to the conclusion I am an anti semite or is it pretty PeeCee to label someone as such because they disagree with your views?

I am not anti Muslim, I am anti Islam. You are extremely ignorant. Not only that, any criticism brought forth on this cult and you claim that person is trying 'whip' up anti Muslim feelings. Sorry, I was only trying to raise awareness and I do realise it's not too PeeCee to critisize this so called 'Religion of Peace'. Your attitude is quite sad despite many of the Gurus being killed because of this cult. Have they died in vain so that future Sikhs can protect this cult?

By announcing that you are willing to enter into a contract with a member of the human race for sex, you have shown that you have no respect for the sanctity of the human body. God knows what you do with your own.

Ok, wrong use of words. I did not mean it like a business contract, more like an understanding/commitment. Where did I advocate that I claim that I am 'entering a contract with a human race for sex'? Now you're putting words into my mouth or is a relationship to you only constitutes sex? The word 'consenting' does not necessarily mean sex my naughty friend. Shame, shame on you!

Try taking those PeeCee goggles of your face once in a while. The world looks much better without it and you won't go around bumping into lies that will eventually hurt you.

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Jamuka pls.. even I dont agree with some of the stuff in Islam but that doesnt mean its a cult. Thats your opinion yeh I understand that, but not everyone is going to view it the way you do.

Now bout the topic...

I'll probably have an arranged marriage.. ish scares me :| I dont even want it really.. why does a girl always have to get married so early

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Jamuka pls.. even I dont agree with some of the stuff in Islam but that doesnt mean its a cult. Thats your opinion yeh I understand that, but not everyone is going to view it the way you do.

The punishment for apostasy in Islam is death. Kindly tell me which other religion have similar barbaric and inhumane laws. I await your reply.

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Jamuka,

Are you here to learn about sikhism or to bash islam??

I m ****** gettin sick tired of your bashing.. Before I give you another warning...let us know "Why are you here in this site" ?

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Jamuka,

Are you here to learn about sikhism or to bash islam??

I m ****** gettin sick tired of your bashing.. Before I give you another warning...let us know "Why are you here in this site" ?

Dear Neo, I am here to learn about Sikhism. But are all the posters here related to Sikhism? Are you sure that each and every poster is related to Sikhism? There are so many posters here that are irrelevant to Sikhism and I don't see you admonishing any of them.

Please tell me how I have 'bashed' Islam. Whatever I state are pure facts written in the Quran so cannot say I am 'bashing' Islam. C'mon, prove to me your mettle and show me where I have 'bashed' Islam.

Go ahead and give me another warning or ban me if you must. I am merely trying to educate my Sikh brothers and sisters who live in the comfort of a true democracy in western nations. I want them to know what is happening outside of their borders. I feel sad when I see the likes of Daljit Dhaliwall critisizing the Bush administration while closing her eyes to Muslim intolerance around the globe. I feel sad to see Sikhs in the Netherlands marching together with Muslims in protest of the headscarve ban in France.

FYI I have recieved a few pm's from a few members here thanking me for my contribution so you see, I'm not alone. I only apologize for making a comment that is irrelevant to this topic which was about 'arranged marriages'. In future I will start a new thread.

The irony of it all is that here you are a 'pura' Sikh claiming I am 'bashing' Islam and across the globe we've got Sikhs on the run in countries like Afghanistan and Indonesia from intolerant members of this cult.

May also ask why are good members such as MrSingh and KhalsaSoulja banned? I think Sikhawareness have lost out as their contributions were really good. I find it quite appalling that good members are simply banned. If you keep this up, your site will be devoid of any real intellectual posters and lose it's substance.

A great man once said "I may not agree to what you say but I will defend your right to say it" (something to that effect).

'Peace Out'

Jamuka

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Guest Maha_Pavitar

That 'great man' was Voltaire..

I honestly don't feel that N30 Veerji is trying to stop you from speaking up..

Also, those members were not 'simply banned' they had done something which caused for such action..

Let's return to the topic at hand please..'the basic problem with arranged marriages' again either in a way that relates to Sikhi directy or in a societal way, cultural way, etc..

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Ok back to the topic. I for one feel arranged marriages are not too bad because you don't have two people who are disillusioned about 'love' wanting to tie the knot solely on that basis. Believe me when I say this, there is a lot more to a marriage then love. By arranged marriage, I mean where parents introduce to you to someone, you date and see if you're compatible. If not, move on to the next introduction. I don't mean the type where our grandparents got married, meeting for the first time during the wedding.

Before I move on, let's define love. What do we mean by love between two individuals. Is it the type Julia Roberts and Richard Gere portrayed in the movie 'Pretty Woman' or by Leonardo DoCaprio in Titanic? Is that what love is? For me love is understanding,truthfullness,honesty,faithfullness and a whole load of other good stuff. I don't believe in 'love at first sight' or 'secha pyar'. True love can only exist between two honest people.

When we choose a partner ourselves, too often then not our emotions get in the way. We don't necessarily choose a person that is good for us but go for what we desire. The key words here are need and desire. Why do we get married? Simple answer, to build a family so the 'need' to get attached. But what is desire? Desire can be in the form of lust, greed, pride and so on. I've seen so many relationship fail among my friends because of these reason. Two people go out purely because of physical attraction, after living together reality sets in hard. Frequent causes of breakups; not getting along with partners friends, who's gonna do the dishes,finance, not able to get along with family....etc,etc. I've seen it so many times. I had a friend who went out with a girl who was literally a sex maniac. Of course she cheated on him and they broke up. Then there was a time another friend who had his relationship turn to shambles simply because he doesn't have the 'denara'. Those of you who think a marriage or relationship will be like the one you watch in a Hindi movie then be prepared, you will be in for a real shock I guarantee you.

In the end, good old arranged marriages work and this is a fact. It may not be as glamorous as meeting someone on your own neverthless it works. The only reason young people look down on arranged marriages is because western values teaches us that it ain't romantic. And mind you, there can be more love between two people in an arranged marriage as opposed to finding a partner on your own.

I am not saying I am entirely right but this is my view. Any opinions?

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^ very true.

A 'love marriage' implies that the couple courted before deciding to tie the knot. The psychological implications are such that either member can still get out of the relationship whenever they want to during the courting period. This way of thinking 'creeps' into the marriage, hence divorces are more common.

Arranged marriages don't have that get-out clause - the two people in the relationship are commited to making the marriage work *because* they don't know each other that well.

Thats my two pence worth.

However, I would still prefer to have a semi-arranged marriage where I find myself a bird.

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