HisServant

Hello everyone, 

I know it's been a while since I've been here but I really needed time to myself to grow and really push myself. I thought I'd post an update now that a few major breakthroughs have occurred. I know some of the terminologies and content may not be easily understood by a lot of people, but I don't want to expand too much on the individual experiences. The point of this post is about getting over plateaus and keeping yourself open minded during your journey. 

1. I spent a few years listening to shabad and looking at Prakash during my sessions. Things were going well and dhoor would even come at times and I'd be blasted upwards. But I was still running into the same issues. I would get to a point where the mind would rise upwards to a certain point but there would always be a thought that came in the way that would bring me crashing back down. Don't get me wrong, life was great. Shabad was and always has been changing my life. I was constantly happy and in bliss. Parkash put me at ease within moments of looking at it. I was completely satisfied physically, emotionally, mentally and tregun-wise I felt absolutely no pain. But I hit a major plateau in terms of my actual spiritual journey and progression towards merging with the divine. 

2. I really stepped things up and started listening to shabad 24/7. Looking at parkash whenever I closed my eyes. Even externally, looking at all the lights and stars and flashes. Even keeping my dhyan on that layer of subtle energy that exists between the eyes and Maya. This had an even greater affect. I felt the same joy and whenever I put my dhyan into shabad. It would completely absorb me. Like sinking into water. But as per crossing the mind over and using dhoor to elevate it, I still had struggles. Not sure if it's because of my age and lack of years of practice (I'm 22 years old, I haven't been doing Bhagti for as long as many people here, I haven't even been alive for as long as a lot of people have been at their bhagti, so I do have a long long long way to go). However, once you're already this deep in, you don't want to waste time running in circles. 

3. Long story short, I even went to the extent of asking people on this site for help. Visiting multiple, multiple, multiple saints. I kept getting told techniques. None of them worked for me. Not sure if it was my own incompetence and inability to understand the techniques (which is highly possible) but either way, nothing was working and I continued to grow "spiritually frustrated". 

4. One day things clicked when someone reminded me of some of the Advaita Vedanta type techniques and affirmations in gurbani ("Tu Kun Re"). And I just decided to sit and watch. This technique had done me wonders years ago and really pushed me to the point where I was experiencing a lot of spiritual experiences before I had the ability to keep dhyan with shabad 24/7. But here's the catch - I had stopped practicing what worked for me because I got caught up in listening to other people instead of listening to my own atam - So all these years I had stopped using this technique because no one else around me was using it. I had become very closed minded thinking it was a waste of time. 

5. Another long long story short - I decide to completely immerse myself into that technique. It came natural to me because I had practiced it pretty intensely back about 5 years ago. Except this time it was a completely different ball game. I wasn't just "the witness" in front of tregun. I used the witness awareness while listening to shabad and looking at parkash. And it was insane. I began using it while walking around. Breaking down each thought. Looking at everything aspect of life and the mind and questioning their origin. Then questioning the body that perceives this sensory information and then questioning the one who processes the sensory info... until tregun was no more. Walked around a park completely thoughtless and lost in shabad (which was LOUD due to how clear the mind was sitting). 

6. Being completely still internally, I walked to a bench where my body just collapsed and I sat down in a meditative posture - no thought taken - no intention to go into meditation - it just happened. Also no intention to do anything advaita vedanta related but naturally the mind asked a few more questions in regards to the internal and on-going shabad and parkash. I'm not going to record those questions because they are still questions I am internalizing today and do not want to share them publicly. But at that moment, life changed forever - there was a big ball of light that felt like it came out of somewhere (to this day, I don't know where it came from) but it just exploded at that point and it felt like it consumed me and there was nothing left of me. My eyes were still closed and I was still sitting on the bench, but it were as if I ceased to exist. Absolutely nothing was left, no time, no space, nothing. But an infinite and formless presence existed. And I did not feel a difference between myself and that presence. So many shabads and analogies in Gurbani just clicked. I understood things in ways I've never understood before.... tu tu karta tu huwa... mujh meh reha na hu...... The only way I can put things into words is by saying "infinite" and "formless" but even that does not do justice to what was experienced that day. 

7. Eventually, I opened my eyes and came back into my body - but even then, there was almost no feeling of time or space left. I live in Canada and it's cold. I had absolutely no feeling of touch or temperature. The only sensory information that was coming in was sight and audio. This was followed by a lot of laughter. A lot of laughter. I don't know why I was laughing so much. Possibly because I realized there had never been a difference between god and I. Everything had always been one. I just felt as if my being was infinite. I had always existed. I stayed in this state for a few hours and there were so many realizations that came to me in that time frame. I really wish I could write them all down but I feel like this post is already long enough. I just sat there for hours contemplating on all of these new realized secrets. I remember at the time my god-sister sent me a video over text and these were the messages I sent her in that moment (note: I was still lost in the experience and was still coming back down into the body so my typing was really off so please pardon the typos, I'm copying and pasting everything word for word): 

- "i cant watch this right now"

- "but waheguru has s everywhere’s"

- "i did simran all fay"

- "i hit something big"

- "waheguru will take care of everything"

"thats it"

8. I later came back down and was completely normal again and was able to send this text message:

"I felt like everything is waheguru. inside and out
and i felt like i could talk to god
and i felt taken care of
and that there was no need to stress over anything 
and that ive never been seperated, god has always been here
and waheguru is taking care of everything 
and i felt like moving forward, I need to take care of the people around me. It felt like it was a seva that was given
to take care of them emotionally, physically, etc
i’ve come back down and into the body and i feel all my senses again. But i learnt so much about myself. But what’s sticking with me right now is that waheguru is here and everywhere. Intellectually we’re told this. But for the first time in my life I felt it
and right now all thats needed is to stay with shabad
and i felt so much love for everyone. and i just wanted everyone in the world to know that waheguru is going to take care of everyone and everyones going to return back to waheguru"

Another message that was sent the next day:

"it was about 2-3 hours. I was walking outside and it felt as if all the trees and leaves were alive. and i was talking to them telling them not to worry, their suffering will end and everyone will go back to waheguru one day. and i didn’t want to touch them because it felt like they were all in pain. and on a religious level i realized there’s no point in trying to preach or debate with anyone. Everyone has their own cloud of ego and talking to them isn’t enough to remove it. and as per life, it felt like there was no need to stress over anything. Just live life day by day. don’t overthink. just let things happen. It felt like god was in control of every aspect and everything in life has happened due to god’s orders. And when i was sitting down with my eyes closed, it felt like there had never been a difference between god and I. At that point i started laughing really hard.:

9. This experience did not stay permanent - I feel like it was a trailer of what could happen if I keep putting in the hard work ..... Or maybe it was God saying "congrats you dummy, you finally came out of your bubble and listened to yourself. 

This happened mid December. There's a lot more I need to say and update on. My everyday experiences are a lot different now and a lot of big things are happening. But I feel like this post is already long enough. Thank you to everyone here who has helped me and continuously encouraged me throughout my journey. Sending you all nothing but love. I hope everyone keeps growing and progressing forward everyday... Although forward may not be the best word... there is no direction in this infinite realm.... no back, front, left, right or centre.... waheguru just is. 

Major experience this morning. I just wrote down bullet points quickly right after on my phone while the memory was fresh:

First the conch shell started getting loud. 
Then it sounded like an airplane was about to take off
Loud screeching noises started happening 
Then it felt like a rollercoaster. or like I was on a jet, or a rocketship etc

Something happened and then I was somewhere with nothing but blue and white. like looking at a sky
At that moment I started hearing multiple instruments 

I don't know what happened, honestly. But this is one of the most intense ones I've had so far. 

On 7/7/2014 at 11:50 AM, Lucky said:

Lately, because it's so hot.. we have the overhead fans on in every room about 18 hrs/day !

I have repeatedly gone from room to room and I can feel the 'waheguru' jap coming from the fan in complete sync with body rom rom !

The crazy thing is that for a few days I was just walking around room to room and changing the speeds on the fans to see if my rom rom reaction still stayed in sync.... and it would do so immediately !

Again, I was getting a little concerned because I thought that I have developed some 'oversensitivity' problem..!

I have been constantly telling myself that it's not rom rom and that i have messed up my own brain wires of sensory stimulation somewhere.

So, i was quite relieved when I heard this video the other day and then re-reading Sat's translation convinced me that I heard it correctly the first time.

 

Just a few days ago, I was even telling my wife and asking her if she could feel it ....I was asking her to really try hard to see if she could pick it up..... but she just gave me a weird look thinking that I'm losing the plot !

 

I can even feel it coming from the pump in the fish tank... but I never told her that bit !!

I am finally starting to experience this. Not to the same extreme but I’m listening to the air conditioning circulating in the house and it’s in synch with it. It’s been happening especially at night when I’m about to sleep. I can unmatch it by changing the rhytm forcefully, but as soon as I stop doing that it automatically goes in synch again. Still needs practice though because it breaks and reconnects at times. 

I had a very very brief moment where I felt rain drops on my skin - happened a few days ago. Hasn’t happened since but I think it’s still a good sign. 

I am also getting moments where my entire focus is absorbing into the rom rom. There is no recognition of who I am, or where I am. It’s complete absorption into the jaap. Those moments are the best. I usually have to set an alarm nowadays because I don’t know how long I would be out for. 

Things keep getting better. However, I have been regretting packing up my schedule so much. Most of the time I just feel like ditching all of my work and just doing saas saas and rom rom. I just need to finish up the last bit of work and then I’ll have complete freedom starting Aug 2 until school starts in september. I think the major gains will happen during that time. 

Kaal is really starting to fight back now. The mind felt stable for so long. But these past few days I have been finding myself in situations that are triggering some thoughts. I don’t know how the idea of “tests” work as per gurmat. But essentially I have been in a few very bad circumstances recently where I found out close friends were doing nindhia/spreading lies about me. Social issues that are over 3 years old resurfacing, etc. So I have been trying to avoid people as much as possible. And then focusing on the jaap if any thoughts arise. The boat flipped over yesterday and I caught myself in some negative thoughts. This hasn’t happened in so long so a lot of concern arose from that. I had to take time off of my studying to just do jaap and get back on track. 

But it’s a very good reminder that anything can happen at any time. You need to be very careful that you don’t slip. I’ve heard you risk losing everything in some situations. 

8 hours ago, EkUtamPanthSunyoGurSangat said:

I am trying to become a doctor too. I am in grade 11 and planning to apply to mcmaster health science next year.It's the most competitive program in Canada. I want to use my time this summer wisely and do some bhagti hopefully with maharaj's grace to walk on this path.

Becoming a doctor in Canada is probably the hardest thing anyone could ever do. But keep at the Simran. It only makes things easier. You’re able to learn information a lot quicker than the people around you. And communication skills really improve. The rest is up to your karam. But eventually the goal of meeting god becomes first priority and everything else becomes irrelevant. You may get in, you may not, but you’re content with the fact that you tried and put in the effort. If things work out, you won’t be super excited, the emotions stay stable. If they don’t, you also stay stable and don’t get depressed over it. The bhagti keeps you at a stable equilibrium.

It’s great. You look back at yourself and reflect on your past conversations/actions and think “why was I so depressed over xyz?” Tregun just literally becomes so irrelevant. It’s like watching a movie. You may have a few preferences on how you want the movie to end... but at the end of the day you really just don’t give enough of a sh*t. Whatever happens happens. And you just go home after it’s all done (this especially applies for the people who are actually able to go into the home of the mind lol - not me though... still have a long way to go until that happens). 

From what I have understood the following are not in your control no matter what 

1. Birth/Death

2. The people you have sanjog with

3. Ustat and nindhia of you

This knowledge becomes more concrete the deeper you go with your simran. You just flow with everything while those three factors are playing out in your life.

This experiences thread is just becoming harder and harder for me as time goes on. I cannot express how life feels. While I’m going about my life, there is a lot more passion when doing things. Even when I’m sitting down to do a difficult mcat passage. There was a time years ago when I would get so frustrated I would want to throw my books out of a window but now the same feeling of contentment exists whether I struggle or succeed. It’s neither happiness nor sadness. All is the same. It’s just a very very deep feeling of peace. It is om shanti om 

And during jaap it gets even better. The experiences may happen but the actual practice itself has become so enjoyable. It’s fun doing the techniques and experimenting to see what makes the mind go quiet the fastest. There are times when the knockout is so hard that by the time I wake up I completely forget who I am. Even today it was as if I had never existed. Once I woke up, I immediately looked at my arms and legs and realized “oh yeah... this is who I am”. It’s literally like you have died during those moments. And once it ends and you’re awake again, you just want to go back. 

27 minutes ago, BhagatSingh said:

 @HisServant

Are you doing any other meaningful activities other than meditation?

(You may pm your answer to me also.)

I live a pretty busy lifestyle but I put meditation at the front because it helps me in every aspect of life. 

I'm trying to become a doctor so this entire summer is just me studying for my mcat. I'm really career focused. I am one of the directors on the board of my local hospital. I was actually probably the youngest to ever join - at the age of 17. And I owe that to the bhagti for sharpening my confidence and helping me approach problems with a lot of patience.

I have also spearheaded/been lead on a few major projects for both the hospital and other healthcare related work. Again - the calmness that bhagti leaves you with is responsible for this.

I have worked in academia, research, published a scientific article on meditation and neuroplasticity, edited a science vs meditation textbook (not released to the public yet but will be soon - the prof in charge will be selling it to profs who teach spirituality courses at universities) etc. Meditation helps you learn and study because you're not easily frustrated when you can't figure something out.

I also work for the universities student union, been the student media spokesperson for the past provincial election. (But as of last week have taken some time off to focus on my test). Really involved with helping the local gurdwara and running its social media (I live in a city which is/was primarily white growing up so got really involved with the gurdwara due to the small sikh population).

I don't know if any of that is meaningful though lol. It probably sounds really boring but I love all of this. Especially the science stuff - I am a huge biology nerd. And I love brains (lol... don't be creeped out)

Plus part of a lot of clubs, services, etc at school. However... no longer part of the sikh student association... essentially banned for speaking out against anything that goes against popular belief. There was a time when I would stay silent and heavily help out. But I couldn't sit around and listen to people talk about topics like "possible sikhi-related solutions to mental health" but not hear anyone say anything about the path of japa - then be told jaap isn't part of sikhi. This is a longer discussion, but you know exactly what I'm talking about with the views of most of the community these days. And I couldn't sit around and watch them pretend like they can't be friends with non-sikhs, or their lack of professionalism in certain academic/career related environments. 

Non-academic side I have a kirtan ustaad - not going to mention his name because many know him - and it would give away who I am. But I think that goes hand in hand with bhagti. Kirtan has always helped me increase love for god and motivate the mind to do more bhagti. 

I used to work out 7 days a week but I am so tight on time these days I fell off of that. Can't start back up until september because I have my mcat on Aug 2 and then I'm back in England until September. But main reason for the 7 days was that it had tremendous benefits on meditation. Back then balancing breath was a struggle and the lifting got the job done. 

Also do cryptocurrency day trading... it's pretty fun. Busy with studying right now so I set up a bot to do it for me.

Socially I would consider myself pretty extroverted. I have a habit of being friends with/starting a conversation with every second person I see on the street. I know a lot of people which is good and bad in many ways. As of now, it's been not the best because someone always wants to go for lunch or hangout but I need to study and do bhagti. But on the brightside - if I do notice someone is not the best sangat, I am able to drop them immediately and never look back. Due to the detachment. Doesn't matter how close they are. Even dropped a 12 year long friendship because I realized the guy is completely immersed in the same sikh-youth mindset as everyone else and I didn't want to waste my time there. I don't care what I say in any situation - I just freely speak whatever is on my mind. Could not care less what people think. I don't see any reason to pretend to be someone else. The meditation has brought on this freedom. 

I love cars as well. I drive a manual audi. Probably my most valued possesion. This one doesn't relate to meditation but I think it's one every guy on this site can relate to. Only thing I can think of is the attachment to it. I did have a situation a little while back where something went wrong... and long story short the mechanic said the price to fix it was more than the car itself. The initial thought was "cool, I'll just sell the parts, buy some cool shoes and start walking wherever I go". Which a year ago, I probably would have flipped and gone into depression. Luckily, I took it to an old friend and he figured out a way to make it as good as new without spending more than $20.

So essentially, I would say meditation is the only meaningful activity I do because none of my other activities would exist/have meaning without it. It has literally created a life of complete freedom where I just do what I feel like doing with no care for the consequences. Which is not a bad thing because with sikhi/gurmat, you never have ill intentions.

When a lot of people talk about bhagti, they say you can't do things you enjoy, or hangout with non-bhagti type people... but honestly 85%+ of my social groups are people who are not Sikh. Less than 3-5% probably do bhagti (I just have this forum and a local simran group that I only see a few sundays a month). 

So all I have to say to people that live in that closed off mentality is... LIVE LIFE. Do what you have to do in tregun on a day to day basis. And then when that's over, learn to connect internally. 

Obviously, that does not mean go drink and party everyday. I still practice brahmachariya, I still restrain myself from indulging in unhealthy food, I restrain from the 4 kurehits, I read gurbani everyday and do kirtan, I wear my kakars. But... I live life in a way that is enjoyable and integrates with western society. You don't have to be "the religious" guy in every social situation that makes other people feel like they can't have a good time (I used to be that guy many years ago). You need to live life in a way where you integrate into society and inspire other people to do jaap. Find what you enjoy in life and be the life of that group. The greater the mental stability, the more you will enjoy the activity. 

And just an fyi - I know a lot of the activities I stated above may not be appealing to most people. I am that weird 20 year old nerd that likes to wear a dress shirt/tie all the time and read science or psychology articles/watch videos on politics. It's just the type of person I am... But I do know people around my age who practice meditation and still do all of the same activities young people do but they remain detached internally. My younger brother for example, he's a huge basketball fan. Even runs a big instagram fan page. Dresses like every other 17-18 year old you see these days. But interally completely silent. He hasn't been practicing for as long but the differences I see between him and his friends are insane. 

I know this was a really long post - but I have very strong opinions when it comes to balancing tregun with spirituality.