lostsikh

I hope i understand that the consequences of my actions are bad when ever i have a pervert attack. And look twice in the mirror and contact the crisis line that these are thoughts voices that are going on. 

Thats a really good point which i have never thought about at all. 
 
I mean the sexual stuff is wrong i am now understanding it.
But to me the death suicide beheading executions videos are not wrong at all as its the world that made me like this loving death. I mean death vids are the best i have watched once more than 20 in a row of both suicide and beheadings.
 
I mean surly if this dirty filthy side didn't exist for me i would be happy. But death vids are way better plus i don't have to pay for any of the material.

Thats really nice and good advice my fellow bro. I hope it comes true as i have deceived myself along with my identity. I feel really bad after i commit a sin that its like a loop circle. 

I dont want to jump to conclusions but sounds like you’re just trolling. Reason is because every post you come out with something new you are doing.
First it was porn, then webcam, then hookers, then death videos, then nail polish, liking men etc etc.
Its your life and upto you what you do but dont do it in Sikhi saroop. It is an honour to have Amrit and be in full saroop, dont take the piss out of it. Our father Guru Gobind Singh ji sacrificed everything for Sikh, dont drag it through the mud.
if you really need help then there is plenty available and focus on fixing yourself up. Once sorted then you can think about amrit and everything else.

I am a disgusting human being i have even looked at men walking down the street and finding myself attracted to them. I am a big filthy excuse of a human. 

You are 100 percent right i am all of these things as i need to look in the mirror before i ever do those pervert acts

I feel like everyone is against me on here 😭😭. I mean i am gonna try to improve myself as i haven't looked at porn or any related material since a week now

I am a sinner i admit. I am a false sikh and i hide my dirty secrets from the world. But i need help with my problems. 

You are right i am a c**t especially as i wear the dastar and i am using hookers,webcams,pornos, phonelines etc. And recently i have even started to wear nail polish and started to watch gay stuff now as well. You know how embarrassing it is when to buy Viagra from the chemist as i feel really sad when I have to go to the shit that i do
I also want to take amrit as well but these voices urges kick in then its horrible.

Yes its wrong i know what i am doing its disgusting behaviour especially as i wear seeing them a full beard and turban.
I live in the UK and its shameful that i have done the things i have been doing.

True bro i am banned from sikhsangat from even registering. Those people running it are scum. Its all true the pyscharcist said i got ocd and am stuck in the past due to the ptsd.
 
You are right i am misusing the voices as a excuse especially the behaviours i display 

True you are right bro i do need to fix up. Especially the gundh i come up with is sick i admit. Its just the death vids that i don't want to give up as i feel i am in love with them.
 
I keep my full kesh no shaving or cutting and wear a turban. But still sikhsangat should give me a chance as i like that site.
 

I don't know to be honest as i still love watching those death vids a lot. Plus i don't know what opression means. I try to stop the voices when it comes to the sexual stuff in my head as thats torture 

Well fix yourself up, and stop doing our heads in with your gundh. I don't blame SS for banning you. I have relatives with OCD, they don't do what you do!
Are you keshdhari btw? 

Every few years you pop up on the forum with the same old stuff. Have you made no progress in all these years? 
Have you considered that you might be using the excuse of these 'voices' to do what you want?  

Yes i have seen psychiatrist about it and they have given me cariprazine and  .paroxetine But still i get urges of sexual stuff and death vids

You are right i agree with you. I do need to think a lot about this but then i hear loud voices which are scary to be around. STDs are a scary thing but the voices are worse asking me to look at the stuff i do

I heard about how that as well especially as i usually the reviews on a website 

Thanks for the link bro i will look at it 

Nowdays i have even started to watch gay porn vids along with suicide, beheading material as well. I look at someone to then straight at the throat to strike them like in the vids. 
My desire for sex is still there especially as my last punt didn't go to plan as i wanted it to. 

Beautiful advice brother i am hoping this will help me. 

Thanks brother your advice is correct compared to the mad nazis on sikhsangat who will let me sign up for the site.

https://www.vidhia.com/Bhai Randheer Singh Ji/Unditthi-duniya.pdf
 
read this book bhai sahib

Well i am back now everyone. I am feeling more of a wreck now more than ever especially since i have visited quite a few escorts and one yesterday for which i am now hearing voices about how bad it i have sinned. My moods are at a all time low now. I can't even get a erecation hard on without taking Viagra for sex due to the pills i am taking. Will i ever be forgiven for this sin ? Will anyone from the sangat help me ?

Bro i live in the Uk. You are right i will try to read more gurbani, listen to katha etc. I will also try to find good sangat. 
 
Its just that i have no friends at all. I have been a lonley person since last 13 years. I have no social life. I never go out to clubs pubs etc. 
 
At the local gurdwara i have always get annoyed cos the ladies or sewadar make unpleasent comments and i don't like going there cos of it. 
 
I mean these lustful thoughts come and go and they don't distrub me 24/7. 
 
Luckly i keep my full kes bread and don't eat meat or alchool. 
I do try to do paath but i get critised for it as my mum sister say it is making me more angry hate filled egostic etc.