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kaam Lust


lostsikh

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Wjkk Wjkf I am in my late 20s struggling with kaam a lot. I do a bit of paath as well and want to take amrit but waiting for things like career to be sorted first. Especially as i am writting this as today i missed my nitnem i feel weaker than before. I have struggling with it since i have been 15 and its getting to the point where i have spent money on webcams,chatlines (my fav girl has been offline for a while) and watching porn. I am now having very strong urges to vist a escort as i am still a virgin.

 

I spent and waste time looking online for one and pics. I am ashmed as i act a gursikh infront everyone but i have this hidden part of me. I know this is wrong but i just want to flush out of my system as i have many health problems like        sinus,migraines,headaces etc. I get very turned on seeing any blonde female and that makes it worse for me my kaam thoughts .

 

Everytime i shoot off or do something like that you know i feel really really bad that i go the gurdwara asap that i take a packet of sugar and £1.25 do chaur sahib over maharaj than i fall in the same narak again and again.

I mean i would like to get married to a gursikh and take amrit but this unfufilled desire is something i need help with.

 

Please help me anyone reading this as i am really ashmed to talk or even metion this to anyone !!!! 

 

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9 hours ago, lostsikh said:

I am now having very strong urges to vist a escort as i am still a virgin.

Welcome to the forum brother. It is good that you have talked about your problems here, which indicates that you have a deep desire to fight this vice.

Let's address the most critical aspect of your post. Apologize for being rude in advance.

Do you know that some escorts also work in the porn industry? Do you want to get infected with some STD (Sexaully Transmitted Disease)? It is possible that the escort (which you choose) could be infected with AIDS. Do you want to get yourself killed with such humiliation? Therefore, bro, I would request you drop the above idea from your mind, immediately and permanently. Don’t end up doing something foolish, for which you will regret the rest of your life. You are not a teen anymore. You should have some self-control in your life.

 

Bhul chuk maaf 

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2 hours ago, paapiman said:

Welcome to the forum brother. It is good that you have talked about your problems here, which indicates that you have a deep desire to fight this vice.

Let's address the most critical aspect of your post. Apologize for being rude in advance.

Do you know that some escorts also work in the porn industry? Do you want to get infected with some STD (Sexaully Transmitted Disease)? It is possible that the escort (which you choose) could be infected with AIDS. Do you want to get yourself killed with such humiliation? Therefore, bro, I would request you drop the above idea from your mind, immediately and permanently. Don’t end up doing something foolish, for which you will regret the rest of your life. You are not a teen anymore. You should have some self-control in your life.

 

Bhul chuk maaf 

Bro thanks i am happy to join and share my daily views. You are not being rude you are 100% correct about STD AIDS. It is the urges get really strong and yesterday when writing the post i was feeling blinded into just paying for the real thing rather than webcam,chatlines etc. I have recently signed up for CBT and said i have urges but i have been referred to another orgainsation and am on the waiting list. 

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2 hours ago, paapiman said:

Welcome to the forum brother. It is good that you have talked about your problems here, which indicates that you have a deep desire to fight this vice.

Let's address the most critical aspect of your post. Apologize for being rude in advance.

Do you know that some escorts also work in the porn industry? Do you want to get infected with some STD (Sexaully Transmitted Disease)? It is possible that the escort (which you choose) could be infected with AIDS. Do you want to get yourself killed with such humiliation? Therefore, bro, I would request you drop the above idea from your mind, immediately and permanently. Don’t end up doing something foolish, for which you will regret the rest of your life. You are not a teen anymore. You should have some self-control in your life.

 

Bhul chuk maaf 

Also bro i have never had a girlfriend in my life and never had a social life no friends. And i even had a weird dream this week that i got married and it was my first time for sex so i was standing naked it was day 2 of my the marriage. and overnight the wife becames very suddenly visbly heavly pregant and it was so messed up. I was like who's baby is it and how is it possible. 

 

 

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12 hours ago, lostsikh said:

Please help me anyone reading this as i am really ashmed to talk or even metion this to anyone !!!! 

Gurparsaad, Daas will post more specific ways to fight lust later, but IMHO, you should not talk about this issue with anyone except Rehatvaan Gursikhs or Saints. Some people might spread that information, which will further lead to more embarrassment.

For you, talking to Rehatvaan Gurmukhs/Sants has two advantages:

  • First, they are in position to help you with your problem
  • Next, they will keep your problem confidential

 

Bhul chuk maaf

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9 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Gurparsaad, Daas will post more specific ways to fight lust later, but IMHO, you should not talk about this issue with anyone except Rehatvaan Gursikhs or Saints. Some people might spread that information, which will further lead to more embarrassment.

For you, talking to Rehatvaan Gurmukhs/Sants has two advantages:

  • First, they are in position to help you with your problem
  • Next, they will keep your problem confidential

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro you are 100% right i have so far never ever discussed this with anyone. Especially any Sikh's at all as i normally talk and act religouis and it would destroy my image as well. I have noticed that if i increase my nitnem it usually is ok. But if i see a blonde female all hell breaks inside me. Like the most closest thing i have done is ask a girl out for a drink and she said no i felt broken like a glass. Also i find myself flirting with female more as well

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Try to follow these tips (from another topic) below. They might help you.

  • First and Foremost - Keep doing Ardas infront of Maharaaj to assist you in fighting this demon (lust).
  • Keep your mind occupied with resourceful activities. In your case, focus hard on your career growth.
  • Diet control - Avoid spicy food, Garlic, eating from outside, etc.
  • Before you go to sleep, recite Sri Kirtan Sohela Sahib jee 5 times, instead of one. Do jaap of Rakheya day shabad. This won't take much time
  • Keep playing Gurbani on an audio player, while you are asleep
  • When you wake up, immediately start doing jaap of Mool Mantar or any Shabad you like. Keep the mala/counter nearby.
  • Engage in plenty of physical workout in a day
  • Maintain a routine in your day, i.e sleeping/waking up at approximately the same time daily, etc
  • Don't oversleep 
  • Shower (including kesh) twice daily with cool water
  • Wash your hands, feet and face with cold water, when sexual thoughts attack or take a cool shower.
  • Start listening to Katha and Kirtan, when sexual thoughts attack. For most people, one can concentrate in them better than Naam Simran/Nitnem
  • Try to wake up and meditate at Amritvela
  • Start playing a game or watching a documentary/reading a book or engage in any other activity, which can assist you in diverting your mind away from sexual thoughts
  • Avoid caffeinated drinks as much as possible. Caffeine affects sleeping patterns, which gives Lust an opportunity to attack. When a person is fully awake, then it is much easier to fight with Lust (and other vikars), as compared to when he is in a semi-awake condition (NREM sleeping stage).
  • Maintain healthy eating habits, so that you avoid having any episodes of diarrhea or constipation. Lust can possibly attack the mind in these conditions too.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

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3 hours ago, paapiman said:

Try to follow these tips (from another topic) below. They might help you.

  • First and Foremost - Keep doing Ardas infront of Maharaaj to assist you in fighting this demon (lust).
  • Keep your mind occupied with resourceful activities. In your case, focus hard on your career growth.
  • Diet control - Avoid spicy food, Garlic, eating from outside, etc.
  • Before you go to sleep, recite Sri Kirtan Sohela Sahib jee 5 times, instead of one. Do jaap of Rakheya day shabad. This won't take much time
  • Keep playing Gurbani on an audio player, while you are asleep
  • When you wake up, immediately start doing jaap of Mool Mantar or any Shabad you like. Keep the mala/counter nearby.
  • Engage in plenty of physical workout in a day
  • Maintain a routine in your day, i.e sleeping/waking up at approximately the same time daily, etc
  • Don't oversleep 
  • Shower (including kesh) twice daily with cool water
  • Wash your hands, feet and face with cold water, when sexual thoughts attack or take a cool shower.
  • Start listening to Katha and Kirtan, when sexual thoughts attack. For most people, one can concentrate in them better than Naam Simran/Nitnem
  • Try to wake up and meditate at Amritvela
  • Start playing a game or watching a documentary/reading a book or engage in any other activity, which can assist you in diverting your mind away from sexual thoughts
  • Avoid caffeinated drinks as much as possible. Caffeine affects sleeping patterns, which gives Lust an opportunity to attack. When a person is fully awake, then it is much easier to fight with Lust (and other vikars), as compared to when he is in a semi-awake condition (NREM sleeping stage).
  • Maintain healthy eating habits, so that you avoid having any episodes of diarrhea or constipation. Lust can possibly attack the mind in these conditions too.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro thanks for replying i am very grateful. I will try to do these step by step. I have never done Amritvela ever in my life. I usually just my nitnem whenever i feel like it. 

 

Also if you don't mind me asking are you single or married ? 

 

These tips given by you are amazing compared to just thinking about sex all the time and dealing with. Like you said Ardas is the best key for it

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20 hours ago, lostsikh said:

Bro thanks for replying i am very grateful. I will try to do these step by step. I have never done Amritvela ever in my life. I usually just my nitnem whenever i feel like it. 

 

Also if you don't mind me asking are you single or married ? 

Also bro, sexual lust is very harmful for your physical body itself. Semen is a very vital fluid for the body and it's retention has many great benefits. When you ejaculate, vital nutrients and energy gets sucked out of your body. For more details, please have a look below.

https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/the-benefits-of-sperm-retentionnofap

 

Gurparsaad, Daas is single.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

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56 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Also bro, sexual lust is very harmful for your physical body itself. Semen is a very vital fluid for the body and it's retention has many great benefits. When you ejaculate, vital nutrients and energy gets sucked out of your body. For more details, please have a look below.

https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/the-benefits-of-sperm-retentionnofap

 

Gurparsaad, Daas is single.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro thanks for the link. After reading it i have got more knowledge on the subject. Like i say at the moment so far in my life i have been lucky that Waheguru has saved me from carrying out my thoughts in real life action. Also it has been thoughts that were and have been creating these urges. 

 

Another thing is that i am afraid that if i did pay for it (sex). It will become a bad habbit like drugs,sharaab,cigerates,gambling etc. So that is another con side that has put me off paying for it. I am a religious person but these thoughts do sometimes annoy me from time to time. 

I did see a good looking dastar wearing girl working in a pizza shop which i was visting. If i was given a chance to marry i would have jumped at it.

Also i wish you do get married and settle as you have been a good friend to me so far to talk about this issue.

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On 10/13/2017 at 4:20 AM, lostsikh said:

Please help me anyone reading this as i am really ashmed to talk or even metion this to anyone !!!! 

The root cause is: Previous Karmas

Solution:

  1. Pray to God to give you strength to get rid of this thing. Don't request him to stop it, because it is you who needs to work on it. God can work with you but NOT for you.
  2. Whenever you get the lust feeling, try NOT to think about it; just start thinking something else. e.g You're standing on the road watching the traffic, you see lot of cars going but you don't start thinking about each car and/or the person sitting inside. Same way, you your mind (road) will always have lot of cars (thoughts), the secret is NOT to entertain the thought and do NOT attach to your thought. Just watch and let it go; just like the same way we just watch the cars and don't get attached to what we saw.
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On 18/10/2017 at 4:57 PM, Soulfinder said:

Bro thanks for the link 

You are right i will look into it. Also i don't have a good relationship with my disfunctional family. I also get angry quite quickly as well. It is like i am meant to be felt like i have no voice. Or that my views are not valued. I give a example i have a few people i really don't get along with at all believe me via family. 

 

Everytime i see one of them or vists at home. I expected to behave in a very friendly way even though after he or she has left my parents make big talks oh he said this she said that. 

 

And if i don't talk in their way i get curcifed as soon as the person has left. 

 

For these reasons i get angry and my mum is the worest one it is like she makes herself a victim in all of this. She makes my life hell over these people saying oh you don't know when we might need somebody. I believe in Waheguru alone.

 

These circle of abuse from home has made me view girls as escorts. Like when going for aranged marriage a boy is asked his wages job education etc. This nasty views by families have created this idea or thought about escorts. 

I have been through a horrible childhood at school and watched abuse at home. 

 

Everytime i would make a mistake as all kids would do. I would be given hell. Mum always says "if you are wrong i will not take your side." "I don't want to make you a theif criminal"

 

This has made me feel horrible as i have seen kids and family members who despite being wrong, their mum and dad don't say nothing. 

 

This has created more hate inside me and towards people i don't get along with. And nowdays it is soo much tension at home and i stay away from they in my room whenever my parents are at home. 

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3 hours ago, lostsikh said:

This has created more hate inside me and towards people i don't get along with. And nowdays it is soo much tension at home and i stay away from they in my room whenever my parents are at home. 

Bro, try to do Sangat of Gurmukhs (at Gurudwaras or elsewhere) as much as you can and start spending more time on Naam Simran, listening to Katha/kirtan, etc.

When one rises in spirituality, one starts to develop love towards people, irrespective of whether you get along with them or not. Along with that, one also develops his ability to ignore things which annoy you. Also, you might notice that once you start following Rehat Maryada (Sikh codes of conduct) and deal with people based on it, most people will start liking you or at least won't hate you. 

Are you in Canada?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

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9 hours ago, paapiman said:

Bro, try to do Sangat of Gurmukhs (at Gurudwaras or elsewhere) as much as you can and start spending more time on Naam Simran, listening to Katha/kirtan, etc.

When one rises in spirituality, one starts to develop love towards people, irrespective of whether you get along with them or not. Along with that, one also develops his ability to ignore things which annoy you. Also, you might notice that once you start following Rehat Maryada (Sikh codes of conduct) and deal with people based on it, most people will start liking you or at least won't hate you. 

Are you in Canada?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro i live in the Uk. You are right i will try to read more gurbani, listen to katha etc. I will also try to find good sangat. 

 

Its just that i have no friends at all. I have been a lonley person since last 13 years. I have no social life. I never go out to clubs pubs etc. 

 

At the local gurdwara i have always get annoyed cos the ladies or sewadar make unpleasent comments and i don't like going there cos of it. 

 

I mean these lustful thoughts come and go and they don't distrub me 24/7. 

 

Luckly i keep my full kes bread and don't eat meat or alchool. 

I do try to do paath but i get critised for it as my mum sister say it is making me more angry hate filled egostic etc.

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31 minutes ago, lostsikh said:

At the local gurdwara i have always get annoyed cos the ladies or sewadar make unpleasent comments and i don't like going there cos of it. 

Try to find a Gurughar, which has many Gurmukhs (spiritually elevated souls). Most likely, you should be able to find such a Gurughar in UK.

For spiritual beginners (like me), one needs to be surrounded by Gurmukhs and listen to their Kirtan/do Naam Simran with them, etc. This will help the mind to become a bit steady.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

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45 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Try to find a Gurughar, which has many Gurmukhs (spiritually elevated souls). Most likely, you should be able to find such a Gurughar in UK.

For spiritual beginners (like me), one needs to be surrounded by Gurmukhs and listen to their Kirtan/do Naam Simran with them, etc. This will help the mind to become a bit steady.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro the only true sangat i found is on here so far. I can say what i am thinking. And katha is good is i like and religious books as well.

 

It is hard to find good sangat but see how it goes

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2 hours ago, paapiman said:

Try to find a Gurughar, which has many Gurmukhs (spiritually elevated souls). Most likely, you should be able to find such a Gurughar in UK.

For spiritual beginners (like me), one needs to be surrounded by Gurmukhs and listen to their Kirtan/do Naam Simran with them, etc. This will help the mind to become a bit steady.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro you are right i will try to listen to more katha and try a different Gurdwara for good sangat

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Oh Waheguru i screwed up again tonight. I got tempted to look at webcams and one thing led to another as my fav girl was online today. 

 

I made the mistake of looking at a escort page and in madness ended up sending her a text for a meet up. But luckly i got no reply as it is late night message and i will block her number just in case.

 

The temptation urges were very very strong she was a blonde just the type i fantise about. 

 

As i shoot my load i couldn't go with it. 

 

Oh i feel so dirty now and ashamed of it. 

 

And i don't have the strength and i can't let my sikh idenity be destroyed by this.

 

These are thoughts are right now that are troubling but only Waheguru can save me

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9 hours ago, lostsikh said:

Oh Waheguru i screwed up again tonight. I got tempted to look at webcams and one thing led to another as my fav girl was online today. 

 

I made the mistake of looking at a escort page and in madness ended up sending her a text for a meet up. But luckly i got no reply as it is late night message and i will block her number just in case.

 

The temptation urges were very very strong she was a blonde just the type i fantise about. 

 

As i shoot my load i couldn't go with it. 

 

Oh i feel so dirty now and ashamed of it. 

 

And i don't have the strength and i can't let my sikh idenity be destroyed by this.

 

These are thoughts are right now that are troubling but only Waheguru can save me

Control yourself man. This pleasure will only last for a few minutes. For a few minutes, you want to betray the Almighty Waheguru for it.

When you feel that the urges are very strong, go out for a jog or start boxing with a punching bag.

Have you thought of getting married?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

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39 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Control yourself man. This pleasure will only last for a few minutes. For a few minutes, you want to betray the Almighty Waheguru for it.

When you feel that the urges are very strong, go out for a jog or start boxing with a punching bag.

Have you thought of getting married?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Bro you are right last night got too much. I will try to control these urges and you are correct after a few mins the pleasure is gone and it feels horrible as it just the build up which is the misguide.

 

You are right last night as i typed her number last night i felt like i was throwing away everything i have done good like my bhagati and good karams. I couldn't go through with it.

 

I don't mind getting married but i think i have a Blonde white girl feitsh as i always get turned on by it whenever i see one outside in public place. I worry even after marriage i will have the same problem. 

 

I have felt like this since last 13 years.

 

The smartphone pc is making me watch this flith and destroying me

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