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Anand Karaj and the Merging of two souls


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Waheguru Jio,

I have posted this here as im more concerned with the spiritual aspects of an anand karaj....doing what i do best..........observe.......lol........ marriage, i find kinda scary......simply bcos...........there is the fear that without truly understanding what contitutes love and marraige and how these both fit in with sikhi............and if one marriages simply bcos............they have "come of age" and marriage is the "next step"..... how can two soul discover each other and keep thier sikhi in tact?

So i guess what im trying to say is.........if you havent discovered your own spiritual light/path/etc.....can you be ready for marriage and its trials and tribulations?

sorry if i sound confusing.........its most likly bcos i am :wink:

waheguru....

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I think it is good for a couple to get married early i.e. 18 to 22.

This is how it used to be (if not a little earlier) and whilst the couple were still relatively children, their relationship was as strong as iron due to them 'sharing a childhood together' i.e. still growing up together, through this their relationship was cemented.

Today we have a whole plethora of sorry exuces for late marriage, by which time both girl and boy have already 'lived' a life and developed individually - this is 'one' reason of many, for todays high divorce rates.

Spirituality, like everything else is developed together. Ideally, both the people have been raised as Gursikhs, if not, then they have become so of their own accord or are ready to, this in it self shows commitment toward serious God-search, and thus create the most important and common goal/interest for the couple, one which will last a life time rather than just a few years.

Getting married early, is also in accord with nature and the couples natural development/needs in all areas. It removes years of confusion, disillusion and mistakes being made. It also creates a purity of mind and heart which ensures the highest quality love and respect towards ones partner due to them being each others first love, in a manner of speaking.

Just some thoughts.

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A very thought prevoking reply shaahediyan pahji, i whole-heartedly agree with your sentiments, but if, for example, when making the decision to marry, one, is still very unsettled within themselves, and is in danger of using marraige as pretext of escaping or covering up the real issues one needs to deal with............... how do feelings and emotions for your spouses remain under control so that your spiritual journey does not become over-shadowed?

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You're not giving out much info Bhenji so it's hard to reply to your post.

What I would say is that getting married is similar to taking amrit, one leaves their old life behind (esp the bad points) and is given a new opportunity/lease of life - a chance to change, to create and put to the test a genuine belief in the divine and chance to mould a new responsible and strong personality.

I fear that most people who get married have issues, it's inevitable in this day and age for most, but those who understand and appreciate this next stage of life and are able to perform a true ardas, can leave behind insecurities and trust that their spouse will treat them well and make them feel secure in every way (obviously this is why we seek a Gursikh partner .... for Gursikh attributes), those that don't understand the purpose of this new stage of life and the responsibilty and opportunity it brings, unfortunately preserve their pains.

If you have serious personal/social/psychological issues, it's best to sort them out first (seek help if necessary) or at least understand their root and cure. Unfortunately we live in an age where childhood has simply becoming a myth and teens/young adults have complex issues created by media/relationships/bad parenting/bad social life to deal with before they are even married.

I see that innocence, contentment and simplicity which existed in my grand parents now virtually extinct in our generation. Our only hope is absorption in Guru Nanak Dev Ji's pavitar charan.

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A very thought prevoking reply shaahediyan pahji, i whole-heartedly agree with your sentiments, but if, for example, when making the decision to marry, one, is still very unsettled within themselves, and is in danger of using marraige as pretext of escaping or covering up the real issues one needs to deal with............... how do feelings and emotions for your spouses remain under control so that your spiritual journey does not become over-shadowed?

You cannot avoid this wave of emotions, all you can hope for is that you are able to ride it out. The emotional attachment that occurs between 2 married couples has its purpose, to build a bond that will last through their life together. But when this bond become a prison and not a medium to build a relationship the down-spiral begins. Like the Moh of a mother must also transform into Love which free the child when he grows up. Similarly this emotional bond must also migrate into the realm of unconditional Love for one another. If both individuals understand the importance of Love and how to love one another then it is a positive sign that these emotions and feelings will rise then fade away when they are ready to do so.

Unless like shaheediyan veer said that 2 individual grew up together, it is next to impossible to eliminate all fears and insecurities before you get married. For the most part marriage is a gamble that requires you to take a risk on issues. Generally speaking I don't think one can ever be 100% certain that this person I'm about to marry is the one for me.

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But when this bond become a prison and not a medium to build a relationship the down-spiral begins. Like the Moh of a mother must also transform into Love which free the child when he grows up. Similarly this emotional bond must also migrate into the realm of unconditional Love for one another. If both individuals understand the importance of Love and how to love one another then it is a positive sign that these emotions and feelings will rise then fade away when they are ready to do so.

Thank You :)

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