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Being A Good Husband


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Found this on SS, thought it would be good to share, and make 'many' peoples lives, that little bit easier, lol. On a serious note, many of us become complacement and unappreciative from time to time, taking many things for granted, so it is good to reflect on our actions towards others (namely family) from time to time...

1. Respect the opinion of your wife and show you are listening and value her suggestions.

2. Don't be moody. Your tone and attitude matter sometimes more than the words.

3. Smile. You don't need a reason, just smile.

4. Avoid anger and avoid speaking roughly or rudely.

5. Give surprises and gifts.

6. Love is broken with harsh words and strengthened by sweet ones.

7. Pay compliments to your wife. Express your appreciation to her.

8. Break the routine every once in a while.

9. Do amrit-vela as well as nitnem or sehaj paath or some bani together everyday. Guaranteed that reading bani together will make your love stronger.

10. Help in the house.

11. Pay attention in raising the children. It is your responsibility too.

12. Don't leave the small problems unsolved or ignored. They will grow otherwise.

13. Eat meals together.

14. Keep her informed about your plans. Consult her on major decisions (personal and family). Do not surprise her on these matters

15. Don't walk away and leave home during arguments. Try to resolve the issue before ending the day.

16. Do not resort to silence when unhappy.

17. Don't dwell on past mistakes or fights. Forgive and forget.

18. Never threaten divorce or separation. Never say you regret having entered the marriage.

19. Don't admonish and criticise your wife in public. Don't tolerate or participate in her insult (joking or otherwise) in public.

20. In front of her family and friends, show her respect and show you value her.

21. Don't reveal your marriage's or your wife's secrets and private details to anyone.

22. Say Fateh to your wife when you greet her upon coming home or meeting her in general. Remember that she is also a Gursikh and deserves the respect associated with that position.

23. Walk on the path of Sikhi together. This means, seva, sangat, simran, kirtan, yatra (this last one is often neglected but is a very good exercise in building marriage relationships).

24. Don't be inflexible. Look for compromise.

25. Understand you are not always right. Be willing to apologise.

26. Physically be delicate with her. Do not be physically aggressive or imposing.

27. Respect your wife's family and encourage her to do the same.

28. Show that you are interested in what she is interested in (hobbies, pass times, etc.)

29. Don't seek marital advice openly. If you wish to have advice, take it only from someone you trust, and is capable of advising properly.

30. Show concern for her health and do not ever put it at risk.

31. Be there for her during difficult times and be sure she knows you are there to listen to her.

32. Share your own feelings with her regularly.

33. Be fragile when dealing with her weaknesses. Do not press the issue.

34. Have good intentions in your heart for your wife. Wish the best for her because her success is yours as well.

35. Speak politely and show courtesy to your wife. Open doors, help carry heavy objects, arrange for her to sit or rest when she is tired.

36. If your wife says or does something minor that you did not like, ignore it.

37. During pregnancy and during her menstruation period, be sure to be even more considerate and patient than usual.

38. Never try to impose upon her how great you are due to your education or job, etc. Do not belittle her level of education or job.

39. Don't say or try to show that your earning income or bringing food is a favour to her. Recognise that only God is the giver.

40. Never betray your wife's trust through words or deeds. All other women are mothers, sisters or daughters.

41. Don't give her the opportunity to think that your love or regard for her is any less than her love and regard for you.

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If we had a list for jananis, it would be much sorter. Top of the list would be:

Ahmay bin muthwal na ponkaya kar.

hee hee

Soch kay moo kholaya kar!

Judh toon period utey jaan wali aan, toon upney ma/peu dey ghar chal ja, jey toon pagalaan mungu acting karni aan.

hee hee

I'm just joking before the feminism wallay jump down my ghurdun!

But we do need a list for women also.........

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Its actually very sound gurmat advice.

Women carry the brunt of lifes work and difficulties on their shoulders - we should have nothing but admiration for someone who takes on the role of a real woman i.e. mother, sister, daughter, wife...

Surprisingly, some bajurg I knew from great grandparent generation, followed most of the above to a T. The woman was the King in the home, the Man outside the home. The days when the man work and gave all his earnings to his wife - out of duty rather than charity, and never mentioned a word. Same way, women would save and spend that money wisely. Arguments would never be had in front of guests or in public and roles were clearly defined hence no arguements etc etc

Today we live in a world where women want men to be women and men want women to be men...

All we can do is reverse the damage that has occured in the last few generations and seek to bring some basic level of consideration back into married life.

The day before I got married, my mother gave me a pearl in terms of advice, she said 'every arguement/khori gal, is like a thorn, they will eventually build up and you will feel the growing cumulative pain, you will never be able to remove these thorns, you will simply learn to live with them'...

For any people out there who are yet to get married, take this priceless advice on board... always speak with respect and love to your spouse, never say hurtful things out of anger to each other...

Men should learn how to make women act and feel women and men should learn how to make men act and feel like men - just like those brave Singhnian that shamed their menfolk (40 mukte) to return to the battlefield or swap their churian for their kirpana.

Thats my 'Aunty' column moment over, lol..

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