Sikh_Soulja Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 i av no idea if sikhs r allowed to go out wid da oposit sex. iv bn out wid 3 sikhs gals but iv becum single now cz i av it in my head dat we r nt alowd to date. is it true? r we only supose to get married? my view is dat if we av galfrends n boyfrends...its only goin against our parents wish.....bt our parents r like our gurus so our parents wish is our gurus wish. das wher i get confused. reply n let me no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAAL Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 This is a very touchy subject sum say u can and sum say u cant. :evil: :twisted: Well the thing is if we dont go out with our own, they will find sum1 else to go out wid! Thats blatent but its true! I think u shud follow ur heart u meet sum1 and they feel the same way, u shud purse it and get married, dnt jus go out datin 4 da hell of it and b a playa. at the end of the day u got ur own family rep to think about and the other person's. But todays society is much on cast, i knw todays parents say its cool to find ur own jus make sure that the person is the same cast! So i dnt think todays parents really mind, unless ur intentions r not to get married and b a player. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaur @ gurus feet Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 wjkk,wjkf. if u want a straight answer, then here it is; no :!: we r told to conduct ourselves in a specific way; ~>treat our elders with the same respect as we do for our parents ~>treat ppl of our own age with the same respect as bros / sisters ~>treat youngsters with the same respect as we would our own daughters / sons. its common knowledge that we should not enter any marital activities b4 marriage, so y do ppl think that its ok to date? :? this is probably wot u guys don't want 2 hear, but its the word of the guru. bhul chuk maaf wjkk,wjkf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAAL Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Yes i agree, push away the 'bad thoughts' and ignore ur feelings, yup, thats the way cause sikhi says no, and guru mahraaj says nufin bout luv, (layla majnu), huuuummm yes u r right we as sikhs, r heartless, and if it does happen we must not, cause guru jee as our father does not knw as we being his kids how our hearts and mind works. Sikhi isnt black and white, with yes and no answers, if it is, it will neva survive in tommorws society, dnt knw how it survived in todays, mayb because it isnt black and white???? :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: Sorry to b patronising, but the sikhi u preech about, isnt the stuff that cums from ur head, its wot cums from ur heart!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Yes i agree, push away the 'bad thoughts' and ignore ur feelings, yup, thats the way cause sikhi says no, and guru mahraaj says nufin bout luv, (layla majnu), huuuummm yes u r right we as sikhs, r heartless, and if it does happen we must not, cause guru jee as our father does not knw as we being his kids how our hearts and mind works. Sikhi isnt black and white, with yes and no answers, if it is, it will neva survive in tommorws society, dnt knw how it survived in todays, mayb because it isnt black and white???? :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: Sorry to b patronising, but the sikhi u preech about, isnt the stuff that cums from ur head, its wot cums from ur heart!!!! ummm... ur heart can tell u to drink booze... does that make it right?... sikhs were a kachera for this reason - for self restraint - to avoid lust - everyone knows that in most cases that any 2 people - who are goin out together - b4 marraige - will end up in bed.... u say that they wont?..... ive only met one person whos been goin out with someone for like 5 yrs and never slept with em.... the yes/no answer is there - u cannot half sleep with someone - u cannot half lust over someoen - its black or its white u cannot listen to ur heart all the time - u have to listen to waheguru and the gurus word... simple Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevak Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 When you fall in love with God. YOu will see God in yoru girlfriend also, until then it is okay to love somone , but not lust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAAL Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Difference between LUST and LOVE, i am on about lust and not love like sevak is sayin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevak Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 I will tell you that if one falls in true love with a person then not even a pint of lust comes in and if one falls in love with God the sameway .. lust is eradicated like as if it was not even there. Truth is not based on rules and regulations (Dont eat meat. Dont go out, Dont do this and dont do that). The Gurus knew all these things well. They left it to the individual. You can see religions that are based on rules/regulations are very bad to there followres, like islam and christanity are very strict. but all these things depend on the individual.. the level of his spiritual progress. his consciousness and how developed it is and how much he wants to meet God. Someone who wants to meet God will not have much of an opinion on these things. He will accept things as they come and someone, then everyone is at there own pace and they are working at there own speed. It is not about competition and it is not about who gets to God faster. As Guru Nanak said that Sikhism is a natural path. The slower the fruit ripes the better it tastes. First the apple is yellow, then green and then red... One need not debate on these things and set up rules/regulations. One just need to take themselves easy and keep going on naturally without any unnecessary forceful suppression of things, which can probably lead to bad problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sikh_Soulja Posted April 25, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 dat wz a very gud reply sevak. evrytin u sed is very true im tryn my best to reach Waheguru n dese fings shud nt matter to me now only wen it confronts u. fanx for dat fateh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harps Posted April 26, 2003 Report Share Posted April 26, 2003 I would say depends on what sort of relaitionship u have. Strictly speaking my head agrees with what kaur @ gurus feet saiid and say basically no. But i appreciate we live in the real world. If u can have a friendship witha girl without any physical intimacy then and decide to proceed from there towards marriage then i would say all seems square - but lets face it when ur going out with a girl by in large u certainly have some lustfull thoughts about her and u may act on them - that dont mean full intercourse but even kissing is physical intimacy that is giving up to lust. No easy answers on this one but in the society we live in its getting harder and harder to remain strictly true to what we have been taught - i dont think that means we should "eveolve" Sikhi to an extent where relaitionships are condoned but again i cant see how it can be stopped. If u get into a relaitionship looking for companionship and marriage then iI personally would say all well and good - if ur getting into a relaitionship cos she looks a bit fine and u wouldnt mind "a piece of that2 then uve already become a slave to ur lust and ur "doing wrong" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vaapaaraa Posted April 26, 2003 Report Share Posted April 26, 2003 I think its a good thing to have a girlfriend.. in my experience, the guru himself gives you a girlfriend and the guru himself protects you from crossing a limit. Also, I liked the opinions posted by sevak and sikh bangle..... PS : you guys write some neat english.. thanks becomes "fanx" !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 26, 2003 Report Share Posted April 26, 2003 khalsa ji.. thats some weird brit slang init?? heheh .. all you brit sikhs... come out of their rude boi language typo's and start typin like a proffie :wink: oh me gotta kiwi slang too..aint no better than you guys... kiwi used to be brit colony aint it??? we all bleedy same init mateee love to copy you guys... :mrgreen: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevak Posted April 26, 2003 Report Share Posted April 26, 2003 for a devotee he can marry a devotee girl. this is a wonderful connection. a company and a saah to go back to God. sat sangha. The Guru will give you the right girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaur @ gurus feet Posted April 26, 2003 Report Share Posted April 26, 2003 wjkk,wjkf dearest khalsa ji, I think its a good thing to have a girlfriend.. in my experience, the guru himself gives you a girlfriend and the guru himself protects you from crossing a limit. im almost 100% certain that guru has written nothin pro girlfriend / boyfriend relationship; i think u've misinterpreted bani which states that after marriage, the couple is "one soul in two bodies" rather then being seperate & individual. plz correct me if im wrong. wjkk,wjkf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 26, 2003 Report Share Posted April 26, 2003 gurbani teaches us to treat women with respect - an older woman should be respect like ur mother - a girl of ur same age range should be treated as your sister - and a younger as your daughter.... it doesnt teach us "girls of ur same age are seen as possible girlfriends" does it.... i dont think people should try to change teachings to suit them - cos its not right - u cannot pick and mix things u like and dislike the anand karaj ceremony is what makes the difference.... where u take vows infront of SGGS ji about the promises to each partner and to god - how u will live ur life as a married person - u dont take an anand karaj for ur girlfriend do u?? the main reason why allot of kids are on a wrong path in life is the reason of lust - people cut their kesh - they go to bars and drink - they do all this other stuff - thats our downfall - people thikn they are right - and not SGGS fateh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sikh_fauge Posted April 27, 2003 Report Share Posted April 27, 2003 dating is a no no. women should be seen as mothers sisters or daughters. and fathers brothers and sons for women. simple as. however,if u love on another,and care for one another,and u love eachother in ever single way (mentally,spritiually,physically,etc etc) then i think its fine. as long as a commitment is made i.e ur parents are told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maha Akal Posted April 27, 2003 Report Share Posted April 27, 2003 1. No halal meat 2. No tobacco 3. No cutting your hair 4. No adultery So wheres the problem with going out with someone you like? you can't be a player and not good to hurt another person's feelings. "women should be seen as mothers sisters or daughters. and fathers brothers and sons for women." That worked back in the old days when you was just given someone to marry but now the way arranged marriges are now I believe it does not apply now. gabbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr akalllllllllllllllllllllll 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 27, 2003 Report Share Posted April 27, 2003 fateh - maha its not about the way arranged marraiges are now - and how back in those days u married who u was "offered" (sorry dont liek that word) its the fact that how u live ur life - one we musted engage in lust right - two there shouldnt be any adultery as u mentioned - outer marital sex - and also premarital sex..... u add 2 and 2 together - going out with someone CAN lead to lust.... can it not?? and in most cases today - CAN lead to premarital sex too... yes times change - but codes of conduct dont - its like saying - 300 yrs from now - we might as well stop wearing our kakars because it applied then - and not now... and anyways - even tho it is said that we shouldnt do so many things - people still do em... no need to even debate :roll: :roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaur @ gurus feet Posted April 28, 2003 Report Share Posted April 28, 2003 wjkk,wjkf dear maha akal. That worked back in the old days when you was just given someone to marry but now the way arranged marriges are now I believe it does not apply now. :? we're not chattin about marriage, we're chattin about relationships with the opposite sex which arn't innocent ie girlfriend / boyfriend. gurbani states what mannerisms we r meant 2 treat the opposite sex with, plz look at my earlier reply. 1. No halal meat 2. No tobacco 3. No cutting your hair 4. No adultery So wheres the problem with going out with someone you like? veerji, i say this with the utmost respect 2 u; believing in sumthins relavence is your opinion & i can respect that. but accept bani / the gurus teachings for what they r. don't purposely pick & choose to try & justify ur thoughts if they don't comply. once again, i say this with respect, not venom; so plz accept it as constructive critism as oppose 2 anythin negative from my part. bhul chuk maaf wjkk,wjkf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kaur1699 Posted April 28, 2003 Report Share Posted April 28, 2003 wjkk,wjkf. if u want a straight answer, then here it is; no :!: we r told to conduct ourselves in a specific way; ~>treat our elders with the same respect as we do for our parents ~>treat ppl of our own age with the same respect as bros / sisters ~>treat youngsters with the same respect as we would our own daughters / sons. its common knowledge that we should not enter any marital activities b4 marriage, so y do ppl think that its ok to date? :? this is probably wot u guys don't want 2 hear, but its the word of the guru. bhul chuk maaf wjkk,wjkf agree with everything u say on this topic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maha Akal Posted May 1, 2003 Report Share Posted May 1, 2003 wjkkwjkf Dear kaur @ gurus feet Why do u have a gf or bf ? hopyfully it would develop and you will go on to get married that why I mension arranged marriages! Where your evidance we can'nt enter "premarital activities b4 marriage" You said it you treat them with same "respect as bros, sisters, mum and dads" What about the one you marry? what happens then? wjkkwjkf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevak Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 Please friends, dont make Sikhi another fanatic religion with pillar like rules and codes of conduct. It is a natural religion. The feeling of falling in love with someone is natural, as long as you are honest with yourself it is okay to have a girlfriend. Some people just misinterpret Gurbani in accordance with there fanatic minds ! The next thing I dont want to see is someone take a sword and kill his son/daughter for falling in love with someone. Everybody is at there own level of existence and learning.. let them develop and ripe at their own pace. who areyou to decide of what is 'wrong' and 'right'. people keep distinguishing between this for the whole of their life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maha Akal Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 AKAL agree with you 100% sevak ji akallllllll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gupt Singh Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 there is nothing fanatical here. people called sant jarnail singh bhindrenwale a fanatic because he preached sikhi. ""women should be seen as mothers sisters or daughters. and fathers brothers and sons for women." That worked back in the old days when you was just given someone to marry but now the way arranged marriges are now I believe it does not apply now." no offence but htat is complete rubbish. i would use harsher words but kiddies probably read this. EVERYTHING guruji has said applies ONE HUNDRED and ONE PERCENT today. you cant pick and choose what you believe. it seems that you dont have complete faith in the guru. there was a maaaasive discussion on this on AKJ website i dunno if its still there, but the conclusion was BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS are WRONG. gurbani says treat everyone who is not your wife like a sister or mother. if you choose to disobey this it is your decision. i hear the most disgusting things today, like "gursikhs" going to ski resorts etc with their "girlfriends" using the excuses of smagams, rensavaes, etc. can you imagine guru gobind singh taking his "girlfriend" out? no i dont think you can. in that case you shouldnt do it either. the problem with sikhs these days is they are too lazy. their 5 sins lead them astray and they say "no! its not lust its LOVE" LOOL! i think western society has gone to your heads a bit. ive been thru the whole bf/gf thing, im not living in a cave, and i can say that from experience those kind of things are: 1. against sikhi as the above quote shows. 2. completely unconducive to spirituality - they hinder you. 3. try to fill a gap that sikhi should fill - just like people use alcohol etc 4. something that a gurmukh would not do or have need for. so neither should you. common guys, have a bit of restraint and stop kidding yaselves. if your 18 and your looking for a wife then fine, even tho that isnt the best way (maybe mix arranged and "dating" together?) otherwise stop staring at girls and DO MORE PAATH!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
double_edge Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 I have to agree with Khalsa paaji.. hard to hear for a Manmukh like me but i cant dispute it. the girlfriend/boyfriend thing is a social norm, which is why we find it so hard to stay clear.. but thats no real excuse .. drink n drugs are a social norm as well. going on Kaam fueled holidays to Ibiza, Aya Napa etc are also socially acepted norms, but we dont see anyone arguing abt that here. no ones about to start a thread saying "is it ok for Gursikhs to go to Ibiza and see how many drunk goriya they can get with?". we sit here saying that we're in control, its about love etc etc.. but would we tolerate one of our own sisters having a boyfriend? the vast majority of us wouldnt. suddenly its a different story. we dont care if u think ur in love.. theres family honor to think abt etc. and of course ego comes into it where we'd rather be able to say that we found someone ourselves rather than being set up by some aunty. so we make excuses and argue that Sikhi is not black and white and we shouldnt be fanatics and judge and so on and so forth... from my limited experience, the biggest problem i've seen in our people is the fact that everyone tries to pull a fast one and use Mahraj's teachings in their favour. even if that means twisting the meanings or only reading part of what is written or arguing that there is no specific quote to cover whatever subject area, and this is no exception. my friends, im probably the biggest Manmukh here, and im not saying that just to sound humble, i really am. if u guys new how i conduct myself, u'd probably give me a well deserved beating.. but even a fool like me can see that there is such a thing as right and wrong. when we argue abt these things, i try n look at it this way: If any one of our Gurus was sat before us, how would we conduct ourselves then? theres no need to answer coz we all know we'd be on the best behaviour EVER, watching what we do and even what we think.. Well my friends, our Guru is always there, always watching. and one day we'll have to face him and justify ourselves. when that time comes, no ammount of wit, akkar or being smart is gonna help. keep that in mind before putting personal opinions before the teachings and examples of our Gurus.. my apologies if i've offended anybody.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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