A letter & request to you my friend (Please read)

[Guest Punjabi Nationalist]

At request i have posted my PM here:

____________________________________________

Friend,

Please forgive me for writing you this long letter but i need to make this confession.

I am not writing in strict confidence so i dont mind if you share this with your moderator colleagues, perhaps it will be an eye-opener. Basically i would like to ask you do me a favor and delete my screen name from your site as i no longer wish to be associated or have my email address registered with it.

I think you are a good guy and mean well but i feel that Sikhawareness site has failed, it has for me anyway.

For a couple of years now i have been drawn to Sikhism. I took an interest in the religion given my family background and family relationship with Sikhism. My father, Devinder, was the first to give slight push towards Sikhism by encouraging me to wear a kara among other things. From there i looked more into the religion and as part of an assignment in sociology class at college i had to give a speech on a religion, i chose to research Sikhism. Since that time i have been very much keen on the faith and i have much respect and admiration for Guru Nanak, who's life story had inspired me to become a Sikh.

So i been attending Gurdwara, have not cut my hair and keep it covered when im out (patka but tied as a bandana), tried to teach myself Gurmukhi, have got myself a copy of the Japji Sahib, attended Sikh functions while i had briefly been at University this year, etc etc, I have cut down on alcohol (Not had one drop this whole year).

At first everything was great, but you know what? When i sit back and clear my mind, everything is wrong. Firstly, i have to say this about your site. While i appreciate your efforts very much the only awareness it has brought to me is an eye-opener on what i already knew in the back of my mind regarding Sikh society. This being Hypocrisy, insecurity, pettiness, arrogance, ignorance, lack of respect, false and unflattering bravado.

Its not just on your site i find this, its in my every encounter with general Sikh populace, and is even more in your face on other sites on the net. You can also see this in Sikh politics. I know more about Sikhism now then i did two years ago, but with everything i learn the more confused i get and the more distant i feel. At the Gurdwara i feel out of place, like i dont belong. Being a Punjabi, no one at the Gurdwara seems willing to teach me anything about Sikhism, they think i should know everything already and even hold back from speaking to me in English, knowing that i understand my mother-tongue (Panjabi) very little. I get no support. All these things combined keep pushing me further and further away.

I wont deny that for long time i have been associated with Muslims and indirectly, Islam has been apart of my life. I did not originally go for Islam because that is not the background i come from and i know the history of Muslim and non-Muslim in Punjab and rest of the World. This was another factor for me opting for Sikhism at first. Well, things seem to be changing for me, i am drifting closer to Islam and its like its so natural, kinda like flowing water.

Unlike the Sikhs, Muslims are willing to give time to introduce the religion. Friendly, open, honest they are. My closest friends are Muslims. The more i compare Muslims with Sikhs, the more i feel like i have fallen into a trap, and want to get out and away from all this madness and hypocrisy that is so prevalent among Sikhs.

None of the Sikhs i know have any real belief in God, instead they worship the profane symbols of a Panth, and a long dead controversial figure called Sant Jarnail Bhindranwala. Most Sikhs i know lack in honesty, consistency, and spirituality. They are so fake! Too caught up in their false set of pride and obsessed with image of what other people think of them. None of them have any real agreement on Sikhism, all have their own opinions (often contradictory) and blindly stick by those. I cant be apart of the madness any longer.

I wont bore you with why Islam is like the light at the end of the dark tunnel im in. But i have decided its time to get out while i still can, and i am prepared for whatever sacrifice (including my family) i have to make to save myself from falling further and further into the darkness.

I regret to inform that i am ending my journey towards Sikhism and am taking a new road that i have no idea where it will take me, or whether it will spin off into different directions. But i am prepared. I believe in God!

In my observation, Sikhism will not survive unless the Sikhs snap out of the shell they are in. And believe me, im not joking, Sikhism is real danger of being eaten from the inside out. The enemies Sikhs so freely make will make this an even swifter demise. You all have alot of sould searching to do and i am not going to enlighten you to what is so dangerously wrong, i think you need to find out yourselves.

I am writing this to you because the impression i have of you is that you are a fair, decent and honest guy. Regardless now of any differences or what you may think of me, i would welcome a line or two from you if you ever cared to contact me, which you can do so at <cut>

So, please do me this one request and remove my account from the site.

Truthsingh, i wish you all the best for the future, good luck with whatever life has in store for you, thank you for trying, and

Khuda Hafiz,

Punjabi Nationalist

[Sherni-E-Punjab]

Wow...That jus hit deep at home..

Left Speechless..

[Beast]

Well, sad to see you go as I really enjoyed your posts.

Also, if you're still visiting this site, I think you've chickened out. Your nick was "Punjabi Nationalist", so you of all people should realise that it is our Punjabi culture that has let us down. Punjabis are determined and resolute, we hate losing arguments. We shouldn't resent this characteristic though - it enabled us to protect our faith in the past from Moghuls.

My friend often says that 95% of the Sikhi that everyone believes in is tha same, but only 5% is diffferent. We only seem to concentrate on that 5%, never the 95%.

To believe in God I suggest you remove yourself from all religion, because religion requires man to be subjected to controls and edicts. Belief in Akaal however, requires man to free himself of the shackles. Guru Nanak Dev Ji taught that in JapJi Sahib. In fact, thats what I believe Guru Ji meant whan saying "Na Koi Hindu, Na Koi Mussalman".

As a religion, "Sikhism" will always be on par with other faiths, so you choosing Islam is fine. But as a universal dharma, I cannot agree that Islam or any other religion (including "Sikhism") can compare to Sikhi. And if you do decide to adopt Islam, then remember that you can still be a Sikh of the Gurus at the same time.

If you are using internet forums as your guide to the Sikhs of today, then you are using a bad model my friend.

Good luck in your journey

[SAadmin]

If you are using internet forums as your guide to the Sikhs of today, then you are using a bad model my friend.

I truly agree with that quote posted by beast veer ji.

If you wish to learn prem then read siri guroo granth sahib ji maharaj, siri dasam granth ji, siri sarbloh granth ji.

Learn from sant/mahatam's we had, Learn from suleman ghost tape, Learn from shaheeds to find true essence of sikhi

Thats all i have to say ji...

Akaaaaaaaaal hiiiiiiiiii akaaaaaaaal

anand hiiiiiiiiiii anand

May vaheguroo bless ya with prema bhakti/bandagi towards him...

[Guest]

Truly sad post. As Beast said, no comparison to Sikhi at a universal level. It seems as if you're basing your opinion and decision on the personal opinions and resulting manner of some Sikhs instead of seeking within the source itself which is Gurbani. You should be concentrating on the source, the Bani, the teachings, and not on how people are behaving and base your whole decision on this. Please reconsider and at least give Bani a chance, and look deeper into the meanings and lives of the Guru's, refer to sources mentioned by Neo Ji.

If you believe Islam will give you peace of mind then so be it, but I think you're being unfair to yourself by not looking at the right aspect of Sikhi, you have made no reference to being affected by GURBANI, which should be the sole reason for you to search and be attracted, not the exterior problems which exist in every faith. Look into this religion you were blessed to find, which doesn't divide the world into groups and condemn one into Hell for eternity despite its good deeds, look into the one which makes sense to you in your heart, which appeals to it, and without knowing and reading and learning from Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, you will never be able to find that choice which gives you peace and tranquility.

I felt the same as you at a point in life, so I feel for you and what you're going through, but please Bro, don't give up on this beautiful faith which is UNIVERSAL and unrivalled in it's tolerance and teachings. Read the Gurbani daily and you feel peace and understanding and most of all, contentment.

Everyone goes through phases of doubt, but at least doubt what matters, not petty things which are never resolved and the Guru's wanted to abolish, and I pray sincerely from my heart that Vaheguru helps you make the right decision.

[Singh Soorma]

It takes a lot of guts to say what you have said. However, I disagree with these comments.

"In my observation, Sikhism will not survive unless the Sikhs snap out of the shell they are in. And believe me, im not joking, Sikhism is real danger of being eaten from the inside out. The enemies Sikhs so freely make will make this an even swifter demise. You all have alot of sould searching to do and i am not going to enlighten you to what is so dangerously wrong, i think you need to find out yourselves"

I think that isn't even remotely near the truth, I have seen some chardi kala singhs in my life, people who are good Sikhs. Perhaps you didnt' meet the right kind, however it is easier to take the islamic root right now.

I noticed surprisingly they have good media that protray them in a good light, rarely looking at the bad things. It's quite funny, how non-muslims are wearing their type of caps, and just in general having those type of beards. Muslims may be the most vocal of their religion, but I dont' see anything for them at the end of the tunnel.

Islam is had 1400 years to do preaching, Sikhism only 305 years starting from Khalsa Panth. If we look at Islam, we see them fighthing with each other, you seem to have a good knowledge of Pakistan; so you perhaps know of the Shia-Shitte problems. I say to you, whatever makes you happy do it. The only thing is to you I think you took the coward way out, Sikhism in pracitce is probably the hardest religion to follow [mentally, physically], but talking with gora singhs, it is the most rewarding.

[A_Singh_but_cant_Sing]

Dear Punjabi Nationalist, I am left speachless. I know my post holds no value as I don't know anything, but! do not base your judgement on opinions of others. As S.Kaur ji said, go to the source. Everything else (peoples opinions) is left to be doubted, but Guru ji is 100% correct. You say that you spent two years researching into sikhi, it wont harm you to spend a little more time to read up on Gurbani and understand it before you make any life changing decisions.

________________________________________________________

pourree ||

Pauree:

keethaa lorreeai ka(n)m s har pehi aakheeai ||

Whatever work you wish to accomplish-tell it to the Lord.

Kaaraj dhaee savaar sathigur sach saakheeai ||

He will resolve your affairs; the True Guru gives His Guarantee of Truth.

sa(n)thaa sa(n)g nidhhaan a(n)mrith chaakheeai ||

In the Society of the Saints, you shall taste the treasure of the Ambrosial Nectar.

bhai bha(n)jan miharavaan dhaas kee raakheeai ||

The Lord is the Merciful Destroyer of fear; He preserves and protects His slaves.

naanak har gun gaae alakh prabh laakheeai ||20||

O Nanak, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and see the Unseen Lord God. ||20||

___________________________________________________________

ham rulathae firathae koee baath n pooshhathaa gur sathigur sa(n)g keerae ham thhaapae ||

I was rolling around in the dirt, and no one cared for me at all. In the Company of the Guru, the True Guru, I, the worm, have been raised up and exalted.

dhha(n)n dhha(n)n guroo naanak jan kaeraa jith miliai chookae sabh sog sa(n)thaapae ||4||5||11||49||

Blessed, blessed is the Guru of servant Nanak; meeting Him, all my sorrows and troubles have come to an end. ||4||5||11||49||

http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=499

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ham avagun bharae eaek gun naahee a(n)mrith shhaadd bikhai bikh khaaee ||

I am overflowing with sins and demerits; I have no merits or virtues at all. I abandoned the Ambrosial Nectar, and I drank poison instead.

http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=5451

___________________________________________________________

Personally I think you have just been tasting rotten apples and haven't really had the chance to taste a ripe one, its really sweet. There is no way you can know the taste until you try it yourself.

Below are some links to katha in english with references to gurbani. Its only four more hours of your life, cant really harm you can it?

Spirituality.

http://socs.qmsu.org/sikh//audio/Bhai%20Sa...uni%20(4-11-03)

Meditation.

http://socs.qmsu.org/sikh/audio/cheemaUncl...0qm(04-02-2004)

Mool Mantar.

http://socs.qmsu.org/sikh/audio/cheemaUncl...heemaUncle).mp3

Anyways Bro, take care and I hope you find what you are looking for in life. Just meditate and ask yourself the way forward, as God resides within you.

wjkk wjkf

[Sasha]

hello ssa, to be honest i think this person is <admin-cut>. No pun intended! Why do I say that, well because I, like the anonymous person who made the initial post just came into Sikhi almost a year ago, and I'm beginning to luv my religion (Sikhism) -- sounds cheeky but its true Now Hypocrisy seems to be a popular word tossed around loosely nowadays hana, and yeah it exists in our culture, but which religion does it not exist in? eh? it has its presence everywhere, I think. Anyway, all I really wanted to say was to segregate Politics from Religion and learn from the history. Choice is yours, but Sikhi nu abandon karna, I find it hard to believe. I'm sorry.

Well good luck to ya.

"A person without the knowledge of its past history is like a tree without its roots." Marcus Gravey.

[girlUK]

PN,

I wish you all the best, we all have our pathways to finding God and we are all individuals. I think, as long as you are at peace- fair play.

How ever, you stated that Sikh society has a sense of:

''Hypocrisy, insecurity, pettiness, arrogance, ignorance, lack of respect, false and unflattering bravado''.

Well I have news for you- you get this is all religions, if not- an element of it. Theres no escaping- its there and always will be - Its human nature.

And you say that nobody is there to teach you about sikhism>..well things dont come easy to us all in this world today- we go out and find it ourselves in most cases.

In my opinion, I might get a lot of people against this, but I see religions of the world- the same- leading to 1 God. Which pathway I personally follow, or dont follow is for me to decide I guess.

[Mr §ingh]

PN man

I hope u returna dn read the PM i sent

u

I would really appreciate if u did

[Morpheous]

I must say im rather surprised at PN's comments, he seems to be an intelligent guy but he is basing his decision on Sikh politics and the sikhs he has met in the last 2 yrs? PN why dont you do the same with Islam, i would love to see your thoughts based on Islamic History.

Why not go to the source ? - Shri Guru Granth Sahib ji Maharaj - why on earth did you think Guru Arjan Dev Ji began compilation of the granth? i believe he knew that in Kalyug people were gonna be unreliable so Guru Ji put his STAMP, his APPROVAL on the Adi Granth(that is what it was called at the time).

There are many reasons why people disagree on Spiritual Issues. Sometimes this is due to different stages of spiritual growth, gurbani is like a flower, you plant one shabad and it grows inside you, when you read it again it means something new, why because it is alive! Guru is living !

PN i used to HATE SIKHS, i thought they were a bunch of EGOISTS with FIXO on thier dharis always asking for money to build an extension on the gurudwara.

PN i made the mistake of judging a religion by its people! dont do the same.

From experience i have learnt that PEOPLE ARE NORMALLY UNRELIABLE GO TO THE SOURCE!!!!!

You said that you believe in god.

A man once said that 'sikhism is not about believing in the existance(some people call this god), its about loving the existance'. What is there to believe, existance is right in front of you, you need not believe anything. belief doesnt come into it at all, its fact.

Also Khanday-o tiki valo nikki - the path is as sharp as a sword and as narrow as a hair. Sikhs you have met are obviously off the path! It is not easy being a sikh dude! but, with kirpa anything is possible! PN if you wish to find god(you have done so, but you havnt realised it) then continue on your journey. BUT BEFORE YOU GO GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER.

Gurfateh

Harpreet

PN if you READ THIS PM ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

[Pheena]

^ That about sums it up.

Waheguru

[Mr §ingh]

Waheguru

Wicked post Harpreet jee

I agfree

if U read mypost

please Pm me ur email

As I'd like to speak to u

and I find it really surprising as U beena member of FFi :shock:

[Shasterkovich]

OK, PN. I enjoyed reading your posts.

If anyone wants to contact you (by phone, email or PM), your first instinct should be to ask yourself WHY. If you don't know why, ask them why. If they don't tell you the truth, tell them (in no uncertain terms, in Anglo-Saxon if necessary) to go away.

Common sense, really. Think about it over your shisha.

All the best,

Shasterkovich

[Morpheous]

Singh what is FFi ?

[SAadmin]

Faith Freeodom International Site also known hate bigotry site.

Site was created to refute islamic claims. Somehow it ended up bashing all the relegions :roll:

[Shasterkovich]

Whatever it is it can't be holier than thou.

[Guest Punjabi Nationalist]

Hello.

I appreciate the effort of members here to contact me. In particular Rochak Malang who has written me two very nice emails. I think i have not made my feelings clear, so i will share this letter you all which i had written to him in reply earlier today.

I hope you will now understand that it is not Sikhism which i find fault in.

It is very long which i apologize for.

_____________________________________________

Rochak Malang Sahib,

First, Thank you for taking some time to write to me. Im sorry that this is an extremely long letter, but i could not keep all that is troubling me short. If you wish, you may share this at Sikhawareness as perhaps i also owe them more of an explanation, as i do care for their feelings, whether or not they care for mine.

It wasnt my intention to make any issue of why i was deciding to end my relationship with Sikhs and with Sikhism, but i felt i owed it to 'The Admin' to explain why i wanted my account removed from his site. In my letter to him he must have felt i raised issues which many other Sikhs have felt before, so he asked i do him a last favor and make that letter public.

Naturally, i have had a look at the responses that letter received. I think there is some confusion, maybe i wasnt all clear. Let me explain to you further. Sikhism has not failed me, and i have found no faults with Sikhism. Quite the opposite, Sikhism has changed my whole life, and in times of need i have found the right path because of this religion.

Everyone wants to belong, to be more than just an individual. Want to be apart of something much larger than yourself. On that level, i have had no one to relate to growing up. I wasnt brought up being religious, and there is much ethnic pride among the other immigrants in the area. So this led me to fall on my Punjabi identity. Anyone who knows about Punjab knows that there is no Punjabi anymore. Punjabism had its legs chopped off at partition, both arms pulled off with 1966 states reorganisation, and was finally decapitated during movement for Khalistan. Still, i chose this identity. As they say, Nationalism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. And yes, what a racist scoundrel i became. Little different from the other ethnic nationalists around here like PKK (Kurds) for example. Identifying as a Punjabi, i would always be at a disadvantage in any altercation or in times of need. There are few others who use this label and we are too small in number to compete or hold our own against the other immigrants. There is nothing spiritual or constructive from ethnic pride anyway, so i looked for new places where i could belong, i found a religion, Sikhism.

As you know, there is alot of sin, temptation, impulse. It is all around us. There are plenty of times i could have acted on impulse or gone for that temptation, but i knew from my faith that this was not the way. It was not a nice thing 2 years ago to get into a dispute on a busy main-road only a few miles away from home. To then have this Albanian guy, probably some illegal or asylum seeker, pull out a gun on you. From standing your ground against an unnecessary aggressive person to then have everything suddenly change for the worse, then doing what you had to do to escape. That was a long, confusing day. We (My friend who i was with) ended up driving to a nearby suburb to decide what needed to be done. There was talk of acquiring our own fire-arm. Not for defence if anything like this happens again, but for revenge against (i suppose) the humiliation of having standing on even ground, to being put into the position of a mouse, completely helpless against a much larger cat.

Why did i not act on this impulse? Well why do you think i put on a kara every morning? Not for fashion, but for faith. I know everytime i put on that bangle why i am wearing this, it is to symbolize restraint and connection to my Guru. The kara itself has no power, its just shaped steel. But there is a reason behind wearing it, which is where the power (will-power) comes from. So i decided not to pursue this vendetta. What was worse about this, was the fact that i (the victim) was the one perceived as the aggressor simply from my extremist appearance. However, i swallowed the lump in my throat and let this pass by.

I had adopted physical appearance right from the very start. Beard, long hair, patka, kara. Admittedly, the beard gets trimmed, but the hair has remained uncut. Perhaps all this was not necessary to begin with. Maybe i dived into the deep end without first having learned to swim. I was enthusiastic about Sikhism, but had no knowledge or guidance on how to make my way down this road.

I found i had isolated myself because of my appearance. People who knew me wonder what change and why, even my parents worry about having the 'son who looks like been in prison', as their fake friends and relatives in India think of me.

Along with the look, came new morals and principles i set for myself. Afterall, if not then why adopt the 'look'?. So, no alcohol, no sex, no more hookah smoking. Even stopped playing cards and dice. It has been so hard and with no support, only temptation. When i am out with certain friends, sitting there while everyone else is relaxed, enjoying alcohol, the closeness of a woman, my only comfort is a glass of coca-cola i paid ridiculous price for. Its just too easy to take one sip of alcohol, give back and get friendly with a woman. But thats not the way is it? I've adopted the religion, the look, so i have to stick to the principles too, as there is little i despise more than a hypocrite. With my new faith, i found i was becoming less able to relate to my surroundings.

Im not bragging, not full of myself. But im not shy of girls, and i can get attention. But i dont act on signals. Why? cos im a young man, i know what id like to do. Tho, with my outward expression of faith, the attention from girls i feel got less. There were a few times at college it just killed me inside to see a single, good-looking girl i had a chance with, now with someone else. However, i had committed to something more than that and was ok with sacrificing all this, and becoming almost a loner.

I went through things like these with no support, no other Sikh to role with. No one really my age at the Gurdwara, few people to speak to there. There are very few Punjabis here, but plenty of Blacks, Greeks, Turks, Iranians, Arabs, so these are who i mix with, and it is not always easy to maintain your own identity among them.

Earlier this year i attended University for awhile. Finally i thought this would be a good chance to get to know other Sikhs, no more isolation, and wealth of knowledge on Sikhism. Big shocker is what i found. Hypocrisy, pettiness, arrogance. Wow, those Sikhs are so insecure, spoilt and fake! Always chatting shit, looking around to see if anyone is looking at them, among other annoying habits. The people i had been at college with were more mature than these degree-level Sikhs.

I join the Sikh society and attend a meeting. Group discussion starts. Some girl brings up a question about Jatts and marriage. From there the whole function basically turns into a Jatt bashing session. It was actually quite funny, not in a humorous way, but funny that here i was attending a Sikh society yet no Sikhs had turned up, only a bunch of Jatts and Chamars! I had wasted my time, learnt nothing on Sikhism, but plenty on caste. Heck, i hadnt even heard of a "Tharkhan" before that day.

Treatment of foreign students by these Sikhs is disgraceful. Some Sikhs from Punjab are studying here. Behind their backs, they are called names like 'fob' and 'freshy', some laugh at their turbans (Air India?) and accents. Girls, especially ugly ones, disrespect them to their face, thinking that these foreign Sikhs are gonna ask them out on a date or something. Xzibit said it best "admin cut, please!". I wonder if this is any different from what their parents went through when they imported themselves to this country. My father tells me of a time when boards were put up outside bars saying "Dogs and Blacks not allowed". At least my father was acknowledged as being a "dog". But these people, dont even acknowledge the foreign Sikhs exist.

Then there are times you go out at night and come across drunk girls sitting on the floor, some of them even lying down looking like they are half dead. They drunkenly shout "Waheguru Ji Ga Khala Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh" to passers by. People walk past laughing, my friends also laugh and curse, only to turn around and ask me "Arent you also a Sikh"?. What an embarrassment. No one i have come across disrespects or makes fun of their own religion like these Sikhs, not even when they're drunk!

My local Gurdwara, it has some very helpful people, but i just feel no connection. Langar? No, its not langar, its a basic canteen. You line up, collect your food, sit, eat and go. No seva. Or, seva has just became something your parents have forced you to do. That or its just a routine.

Thinking about everything i had been through before meeting Sikhs at Uni. Finding a new faith. Deliberately isolating myself from friends, girls, parents with my appearance, belief and principles, when i could have been enjoying life. To then find that all these Sikhs are just a bunch of fakes and hypocrites. Makes me wonder why did i waste the past couple of years when they could have been the best years of my life.

Yes, you could tell me to go read Guru Granth Sahib and a number of other books. But why you think we have granthis and ragis etc. I need someone to guide me, help explain things. I cant do it alone, everyone needs a companion, some words of encouragement, a handshake, a hug, anything. Jesus had the Apostles, Prophet Mohammed had Abu Bakar, Guru Nanak had Bhai Mardana and so on. I too, need a companion who understands me on that level, someone who is prepared to sit down with me and just talk, and i have only found this in my Muslim friends. The Sikhs at Uni, at Gurdwara, and online have only left a bitter taste in my mouth. My parents? Not one word of encouragement have they ever given me. My father did used to tell me i was destined to be a "dust-bin man". Not ashamed to admit that, it brings a smile to my face, as im sure reading that line does to yours. Who do i turn to? My sister? No, she has not been at home for 5 years, currently in Japan. I have no one now. Old friends, they're old news, just my few Muslim friends who are there for me.

Unrelated circumstances, i am not in education anymore and will be two years behind what i should if i rejoin. I am out of work. All my friends are either in job, Uni, college, abroad even. I am at home most days, living almost like a hermit. I have nothing to do, no money, no comforts, no support and with little faith left. So i just sit there in the back-yard, stare at the cloudy grey skies and think. I feel im starting to crack under the knees, so i gone back to smoking shisha through my hookah, which had otherwise just been collecting dust in my room. Its only flavored tobacco, but the affects are there. Sometimes i sit and smoke, not realizing 4 or 5 hours have passed by. Cant then even remember what i was thinking about.

I no longer attend the Gurdwara. My mom only gives me grief. "When will you cut that hair", "when will they give you a job", "when will you get your license", "stay out late we have visitors coming", "Im tired get your own food". What do they expect me to do? I cant just walk in someplace and demand a job, have got no money to stay out all night while they have "guests". Alot of middle-class kids these days are wannabe gangsters, and they carry expensive stuff. It would be just too easy to deprive them of those jewels and pawn these off. But i know this is not the way, even though i am losing my faith. The temptation is there, but my stubbornness, i cant even brake my own principles, cant even go back to being normal by cutting my long hairs! I have grown too used to it now, this outwards appearance of an Ayatollah, but it is all empty, no longer an expression of faith, just a look that im anxious i cant change.

I still believe in the truth and in God, but i dont believe i will stay sane by being alone. There are millions of good Sikhs out there, it just so happened that i only came across a handful of them. I no longer have the heart to go out and find more. This caste, this hypocrisy, this insecurity, lack of spiritually, i want none of it. My principles, i wont brake, i've grown too used to them now, but i need someone there to keep them with me. And for that, i can only rely on the Muslims, who have long left the door to Islam open for me. I can no longer brush them off, can no longer resist this one last temptation. Been too long since i had that sweet taste of a forbidden fruit, but with this bite, there is no principle that has been broken, but there is no going back.

Know that Sikhism did not fail me, Sikhs did not fail me, but they are failing their religion, and i was not strong enough to take this path alone anymore. I owe much to Sikhism, much to the wisdom, it has saved me many times and what i have learnt i will not unlearn. But i am in need of a new path.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to get all of this out of my system. This is the first i have admitted, even to myself, that i am feeling empty inside, alone, confused, and on the edge.

I will end this with a quote you may recognise.

"Physical death i do not fear, but death of conscience is a sure death" (Sant Jarnail Singh Bhindranwala)

I fear this too.

Wish you friend all the best in life.

Khuda Hafiz

[Guest]

You will be Missed. SSA.

[Shasterkovich]

Ayatollah PN, that's a terrible story. Stop telling depressing stories. At least you're not a mullah. Or are you?

Don't become a Muslim just because you're lonely. You should make decisions like that only if you're absolutely sure it's the way forward for you personally.

I don't believe you're just smoking flavoured tobacco. If you're losing 4 or 5 hours every time you hit that thing, it's probably tobacco flavoured with liberal quantities of Nepalese hash.

[Morpheous]

Good morning/evening PN

I sit here in front of my screen and relate your story to mine, i must say that i find it astonishing! We have so many things in common!

Deliberately isolating myself from friends, girls, parents with my appearance, belief and principles, when i could have been enjoying life.

Pahji, Sikhi is all about enjoying life! Guru ji didn't come down here on earth to make us miserable! He came to liberate us(from ourselves, me,my,i,(homai)! Free us! TOO MAKE US HAPPY, balle shava ! 8)

Why are you restricting yourself with principles, DO NOT IMPOSE SIkhi on yourself, it is a very dangerous thing for you to do, i speak from personal experience pahji. I used to try and force myself to do things eg. i told myself you must not look at girls.

This surpression just fed my Kam, in the same way if you surpress yourself and FORCE restrictions on yourself it will damage you. Like a steam cooker, the pressure(from all the restrictions you have placed on yourself) will build up, and eventually EXPLODE. This can happen to people too!

They put so many restrictions on themselves, rules and more rules, FORCING SPIRITUALITY HAS ADVERSE EFFECTS, its like forcin youself to love someone - you cant do it! If i told you love a girl(who you had never seen), you would find it very difficult, you could FORCE yourself to love her, but the more you force yourself the further away she goes!

From personal experience, just let it flow, be an observer! Do not get into a big rush about spiritual and try to force it upon yourself.

2 yrs of searching? i'm afraid PN its been many Jugs!

In Islam they say you will get liberated when you die! So if you do all good deeds you will go to heaven.

Nobody has been to heaven or back, there is no proof of it(scientifically), its like me saying to you, here ill give you a blank cheque(religion), and cash it when you die.

Guru Ji gave us the formulas to achieve mukti whilst alive! they didnt say believe this and you will get this! they didnt offer us a blank cheque to deposit in heaven! they gave us Gurbani and mukti whilst alive! WOW! :yo:

I need someone to guide me, help explain things. I cant do it alone

If you give me your number i will get you into contact with some guides. :thumbsup:

I no longer attend the Gurdwara. My mom only gives me grief. "When will you cut that hair", "when will they give you a job", "when will you get your license", "stay out late we have visitors coming", "Im tired get your own food".

Tell me about it! The best line i had was, 'huppy you look like Hagrid out of Harry Potter'. My parents at one stage suggested that i should re-think this' religious phase' before letting my hair grow - its part of the process PN, parents just need some time to get used to it!

Singh dont get invloved in these thoughts just be like the scientist, obeserve! For example, imagine you have a test tube in your hand, then you heat it. The water then boils, do you start boiling with it! hell no, you just observe.

Along with the look, came new morals and principles i set for myself. Afterall, if not then why adopt the 'look'?. So, no alcohol, no sex, no more hookah smoking. Even stopped playing cards and dice. It has been so hard and with no support, only temptation. When i am out with certain friends, sitting there while everyone else is relaxed, enjoying alcohol, the closeness of a woman, my only comfort is a glass of coca-cola i paid ridiculous price for

PN, i know some people may disagree, but why on EARTH DID YOU FORCE YOURSELF TO CHANGE. Sikhi is inspirational, it wakes you up from inside! Now you tell me if you plant a seed in dead soil will the plant grow, no! In the same way you have to nurish the soil! what with - Love - which can not be FORCED.

Imagine sins we do as a big tree. By stopping ourselves forcefully to stop doing(negative) acts we are just cutting of the leaves. They will soon grow back! Guru Ji has given us formulas to RIP THE TREE FROM ITS ROOTS! (look at Jap ji sahib - its full of hundreds of formulas)

There were a few times at college it just killed me inside to see a single, good-looking girl i had a chance with, now with someone else. However, i had committed to something more than that and was ok with sacrificing all this, and becoming almost a loner.

Singh this is what happens when you force it upon yourself, lemme find a poem for you.

[Morpheous]

I have commented in brackets ()

Driving the Darkness

Intoxicated and frustrated was he

Shouting abusive very freely

he found dark was his room (spiritual darkness/ kalyug of the mind)

Shouted at darkness and caught a broom

Hitting the darkness the furniture he smashed

Struck,smashed, called names and thrashed.

Broom broke he used his hand bare

Fingers were bleeding he didn't care.

He shouted and shouted more did he shout

The obstinate darkness was not getting out

After having made every fuss

He started praying to jesus

Jesus arrived and switched on the light(jugs of darkness disappear with 1 falsh of spiritual light)

The darkness disappeared in a flight,

Everybody is making the same mistake

Desparation is everybodys fate.

We try to DRIVE AWAY WHICH IS NOT THERE

WHY TO FIGHT SATAN,MAYA WHICH IS NOT HERE

Children are not lazy(your 5 vices)

Given worthwhile, interesting they are busy

TELL THE CHILD NOT TO DO AGAIN HE WOULD DO!

What a foolish God was He!

Do not eat that apple thee! Commanded Adam and Eve

It became a SOURCE FOR TEMPTATION( we talked about this)

GOD THREW THE COUPLE IN DESPARATION

AS LONG THE DONTS WITH THE COMMANDS STAY

The people will be tempted not to obey (catch my drift)

Better Don'ts WITH DO's YOU REPLACE

people will do with a happy face

We grope in the dark shame and pity

As there is abundance of electricity

By M S Cheema

Read this poem a few times PN theres alot in it

Time for bed

otherwise tomorrow

i will be the walking dead

by Harpreet Singh

Gurfateh

[Mr §ingh]

Vaheguroo jee ka Khalsa Vaheguroo jee ki Fateh.

I agree with HArpreet SIngh jee veer

and this statement Shasterkovich jee made -

Don't become a Muslim just because you're lonely. You should make decisions like that only if you're absolutely sure it's the way forward for you personally.

Brother AS harpreet veer said - its happened to him, it happened to me , we all go through that phase of life.

I used to be lonely, I used ot have not real good friends -

yes My family doesn't support me all the way either!

Yes I'm the only Keshdhari SIkh in school.

I have been picked at.

and Yes once even considered Islam.

---------

As Harpreet SIngh jee said -

you shouldn't do everything so quickly - don't force it upon yourself - take it easy, holi holi.

From What I've comprehended, one of the main reasons you left SIkhism - WAS that SIkhs fail their own religion, and thats really true, who's to blame? the parents for not teaching . I think you take too much affect on what other Sikhs do.

Want GUidence?

contact either me or Harpreet SIngh jee - WE can sort soemthing out for u.

I have no gyan at all, however

me being almost in the smae situation as you -

with No Sikh friends - no1 to teach me or give me guide.

I had to rely on Kathas, and once in a while go to London and listen to SIkh wek talks

point being - You should take it all easy and take it slowly slowly - you can't force something on yourself quickly....

AS for COnverting to Islam - is that reallly what you WANT to do, or is it simply because you are feeling betrayed by Sikhs?

Deliberately isolating myself from friends, girls, parents with my appearance, belief and principles, when i could have been enjoying life.

Why Isolating urself?

as HArpreet SIngh jee said

the GUru's didn't come to make our life miserable -

Enjoy urself to the fullest, why ahv eu isolated yourself from Freinds?

All my friends are either in job, Uni, college, abroad even. I am at home most days, living almost like a hermit. I have nothing to do, no money, no comforts, no support and with little faith left. So i just sit there in the back-yard, stare at the cloudy grey skies and think. I feel im starting to crack under the knees, so i gone back to smoking shisha through my hookah, which had otherwise just been collecting dust in my room. Its only flavored tobacco, but the affects are there.

Do you seriously think the solution to tha would be converting to Islam?

Sikhi is practicle, and to quite an extend quite individual

its ur OWN spirituality

u do naam jup when u have time -

attend SAngat whenever u can

Yes a lot of BS has been put into Sikhs today - try to get as many on the path as possible - if they dont want to then let them be

in the end

They're gonna be facing DHarm raj and not you

Keep in touch

Gur Ang SAng

take care

GurFAteh

[Guest]

Dear Punjabi Nationlist,

I don't know why, I feel that you were holding bitter truth inside of your heart and didn't get chance to speak it in front of anyone and now at the end you just want to throw it out. Please, feel free to speak your mind. Let's see your true views and don't hold them.

[Jamuka]

I am shocked by your decision especially seeing you hang out at Faithfreedom all the time. Dude leave Sikhism if you must become an Atheist, Christian or even a Hindu but don't end up being a Muslim dude! Have you not learnt anything from Faithfreedom?

Anyway, I enjoyed all your posts. I have learnt more about Punjabi culture from you then from anybody else. Good luck buddy.