HisServant Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 Everything was going very well. Spirituality was at it's peak for me but I started to get very egoistic and everything fell apart. This isn't the first time - spirituality for me is always 1 step forward and 2 steps back. But this is the biggest hit I've ever taken. I feel different types of intoxication at times but for the most part I feel drained. A lot of good things are happening in my life. I landed a high position job for the summer which was well passed my qualifications. I aced a physics exam and finished with a 98 (plus a bonus mark or two). In high school I averaged around 50's on my exams and best case finished with a 70. So many things that I cannot believe on a worldly level are occurring. Every one of these occurrences are pulling me even farther back because they are causing huge amounts of ego and pride. On a worldly level I don't have many friends, so I can't use that to run away from the feelings of down-ness. I've lost interest in Sikhi but I want to keep doing bhagti. But I'm having a hard time getting myself to sit down. Once I start I can lose myself but the initial step has become hard. It's hard to describe but I've hit rock bottom compared to how hard I've fallen before. Has anyone ever had to go through this? How did you get yourself back into things? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CuriousSeeker Posted June 23, 2016 Popular Post Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 Can personally speak to the ups and downs bro. Initially the peaks are and valleys are more extreme, but with time and steady effort they become smaller and smaller, and a more of a steady state is attained. Key is self reflection/inquiry and and understanding the causes of the valleys, and not making the same mistake twice. Also I know this said alot and people have different views, but a sincere ardaas to Guru maharaj ji goes a long way. The mind likes to play tricks and the entices of maya are always attempting to pull, only way to rise above is with effort and his grace. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisServant Posted June 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 20 minutes ago, CuriousSeeker said: Can personally speak to the ups and downs bro. Initially the peaks are and valleys are more extreme, but with time and steady effort they become smaller and smaller, and a more of a steady state is attained. Key is self reflection/inquiry and and understanding the causes of the valleys, and not making the same mistake twice. Also I know this said alot and people have different views, but a sincere ardaas to Guru maharaj ji goes a long way. The mind likes to play tricks and the entices of maya are always attempting to pull, only way to rise above is with effort and his grace. I love this. Thank you 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyDays Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 I agree with what CuriousSeeker said. In the beginning there are lots of ups and downs but they gradually settle. Imagine a meter with a needle. It goes really high then really low. As you stay steady with more experience and giaan the needle does not move far off from the center. Your mind stays steady and there are no more highs and lows. Listening to and understanding Asa Di Vaar played the biggest role for me in steadying my mind. You should enjoy spirituality and not see it as a job of some sort. If a person does not enjoy it they'll always fall off. Find sangat to do naam japna with that's the easiest and best way to start enjoying spirituality. I read you don't have many friends. I think it's very vital to have good people around us. You should form some friendships with good people you can find. Everyone needs friends, they help us stay in a good mood. Just talking to a friend makes a person who is down level himself. I do believe in spirituality but not in ardaas and some force listening to it. I think gurus put ardas to keep sikhs safe from Ahankaar. If you feel all your spiritual gain is thanks to some God then you will stay safe from houmai. Also most health issues are cured so if person does ardas and health returns then their belief in God becomes even stronger and it will motivate them to meditate. However, one of my close friends got a chronic health issue that the doctors could not figure out and for 3 years his mother and father did ardaas and paath day and night. It has been 4 years and he is still sitting at his home with his dehabilitating chronic disease. His parents are questioning their belief in God and giving up. A persons blind belief can become the reason they give up if things don't go their way. It's better to just see it as a process of awakening yourself to reality. There is not some imaginary God that can do kirpa. A living sant could do kirpa on him but not some imaginary force. Guru Granth sahib is our guide but it cannot do kirpa on us in my opinion. You see Gurus refer to the Truth in love as mother, father, husband, all-knowing guide, one who cares for all beings etc. I believe it is a method to develop bairaag and love. Once you have that love you become intoxicated in it, it will take you all the way. Then you realize the Truth which is different. If Gurus just told people the truth straight up they would not understand so they stuck with this method of giving the people some imaginary force to cling to. This is just my opinion from the experiences that shaped my thinking. When I gave up my belief that there is some god, I felt a big weight come off my shoulders and lots of peace come to my mind. I just try to live a good honest life. I see awakening as the only thing with meaning in life everything else is just useless and temporary. Everything is in naam japna. I read or listen to gurbani and katha just to motivate myself to do naam japna. The whole process and awakening is in naam japna. I still enjoy maya though. I see awakening as a science and process with no kirpa involved so I stay steady in my sadhana now to continue the process each day. I believe we need to have a well-balanced life. We must live in maya and enjoy it while being spiritual as well. Some people try to get away from maya and be spiritual only but that is a much tougher road. Like Guru Ji says they leave to the jungles but there mind is still stuck in Maya. Balance is the key. I think it has worked well for me. I'm just stating my view and opinion. I'm not saying I am right or wrong. I have spent much of my time being a philosopher to understand the creation and the mind. Understanding Kaam, Krodh, Lobh Moh Ahankaar through vichar with myself and listening to many different kathas by different people and religions. Asa Di Vaar helped me a'lot. I have built a strong understanding through philosophy to prepare myself to be spiritual. There are many paths and that is the path I took. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragmaala Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 @HisServant You are not alone brother. I too have hit rock bottom and trying to climb up since then. Just keep at it. This is just the beginning, stay strong! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samurai Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samurai Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 If you've got all the material privileges and still feel empty, even to the point that you 'loose interest' in sikhi/god etc i personally see it as a good sign a wave which you must ride, if you really want god..from someone who comes through a lot of hardships and now benefiting from fruits of the material world i would defiantly say without doubt i felt closer to god in those bad times, in fact i sometimes feel i want to go back into hard times to feel the thirst for maharaj/god/vaheguru...as long as you get regular meals and have a secure home to rest your head, count this as a big blessing, really big...thats all we need.. nothing else...its your individual khed so you may or may not find another in your shoes....in low times you can really go deep in yourself, so again i reiterate its a blessing, its not always a case of feeling good via dyaan its also a combination of vairaag from lonliness, down feeling etc.. remember you are not feeling low..so who is?? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisServant Posted June 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 I appreciate the replies. I love this site because I know that I can receive help no matter how bad I screw up. The support aspect is wicked. I have no one else in my life who I can openly talk to about spirituality. From experience - these lows have always been temporary and tend to pick up over a short period of time. It's like muscle memory when it comes to lifting weights. You could leave weight lifting for years, but when you come back to it, you can regain your strength within a short amount of time. I.e. if it originally took you 1 year to build up to a certain amount of strength... even if you lose it all, the next time you train it will only take a few months. My explanation may be confusing lol. Watch a video about muscle memory and you'll understand what I'm trying to say. I feel as if once the hill is crossed everything will be back to normal soon. The biggest thing that has helped me is aiming to keep mantar repetition going within the mind. Not just blankly repeating but doing it in a way that the mind finds it pleasurable and keeps focus. It may not stay focused all the time because you have other tasks to do in the day... but at least keeping that link with meditation. Idle thoughts slowly disappear and the mind becomes stable. The transition I've noticed tends to be like this: 1) Negative thoughts for a small period of time (it's usually very short if I look at it overall. Maybe a day or two... possibly 4-5 at most but it feels like ages and that's why it's tough sticking through them) 2) Then they slowly become more positive and a lot of motivation builds up 3) The positivity becomes a feeling of being neutral and there isn't much of a feeling of good or bad. Everything just is what it is. And during this mindset is where things begin to progress. Someone in the past has told me that without physical sangat this cycle is likely to keep occurring. Where there's no sangat, ego easily builds up and leads to dukh, And this is why sustaining stability becomes difficult. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisServant Posted June 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 Things are picking up now. Had a very good long session this morning. The goal this time is to try more sangat sessions. @CuriousSeeker recently sent me an article. Here is a quote from it that I really enjoyed. Here’s how resistance (Ego) plays it’s role and creates negative emotions: Expectations: Expecting something to happen or a certain behavior from someone and when it does not happen, becoming disappointed, sad or angry. Challenge: Feeling threatened (competition) by something or someone (even family members) resulting in anger or disappointment. Jealousy: Yearning for something that someone else has and feeling sad, hurt, anger or disappointment. Negative mental labels: Blaming, judging, accusing, gossiping, complaining, and needing to be right and then feeling sad, hurt, anger or disappointment Attention seeking behaviors: Demanding recognition for something you did and getting angry or upset if you do not get it, trying to get attention by talking about your problems or giving your opinion when nobody has asked for it, wanting to be seen or appear important. Impressing others: Being more concerned with how others see you (ego enhancers), trying to impress others through possessions, knowledge, skills, abilities, good looks, physical strength and so on. Temper tantrums: Bringing about temporary ego inflation through angry reaction against someone or something because you cannot get your own way, or taking things personally and being offended Most, if not all of these can play into the life of a spiritual seeker while they keep bhagti as the centre of their life. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kira Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 Welcome to the club bro. Relax, it's all his play and we're his marionettes, What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Pray to get back into the swing of things, Beg for it and he will listen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xylitol Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 seek protection of satsangat. do meditation, listen to kirtan, and katha etc in satsangat. This can help rejuvanate a person. at the very least, when they do simran in the gurdwara it kind of forces you to sit there for awhile b/c everyone else is. the valleys are tests to see if you still do what you should be doing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BhagatSingh Posted July 6, 2016 Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Go with the flow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisServant Posted July 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you for the help and sorry for never getting back to this conversation. Everything has been going very well. I've noticed that every time there's a hurdle (no matter whether I pass or fail the hurdle), things slowly get better after some time. The main issue is that when it isn't going well I quickly get annoyed and drop everything in life to try and get back on track. But the issue is that the more you let it consume you, the longer it takes to get back on track. Being around like-minded individuals helps the most so I'm grateful to have the sangat on this website. There are only two things that I focus on when it comes to these times is: 1) Calming down the body. Breathing slowly so the body automatically goes back into it's calmness and keeps a slow paced breath. 2) Bringing the mind back into satoguni thoughts. It seems to be easier to go into a thoughtless state if the thoughts are positive. The mind tends to cling on to negativity for a lot longer. (The worst mindset is the mindset where you expect experiences to happen - you put yourself into an endless cycle). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paapiman Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 On 6/22/2016 at 9:20 PM, HisServant said: So many things that I cannot believe on a worldly level are occurring. Every one of these occurrences are pulling me even farther back because they are causing huge amounts of ego and pride. Bro, please have a look below (the Shabad on the right). Bhul chuk maaf 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paapiman Posted September 17, 2016 Report Share Posted September 17, 2016 @HisServant Reciting Sri Tuay Prasaad Saviye Sahib jee multiple times in a day might help to keep ego in control. You can try the Jaap of the following Shabads to cultivate humility in your mind- http://gursevak.com/gareebishabads Also, have a look at the topic below. Bhul chuk maaf 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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