.

[GurpreetKaur]

.

[BhagatSingh]

My heart goes out to you. It will be difficult to get a good life, but you've already taken the first step by coming to this forum and sharing. That's a big starting step and I believe that you can do it and take it further and achieve a good life that you want.

In order to get that life, you gotta ask yourself, what is the ONE THING you can do right now that will improve your state?

Recognize that your life is ALL Chaos, NO Order. Everything is messed up and nothing seems to be in a good place.

So the idea is to try to establish some kind of order, some kind of rhythm. Try to get into some kind of a structured life and then go from there.

You want to start introducing activities that will provide a much needed structure to your life.

1. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time. Maintain your circadian rhythms. (awake during light, asleep during dark)
2. Get any job that you can get. Any job. because a job will give you a strong structure to build your life.
3. Do you have friends? Start meeting people.
4. Go to the Gurudwara and meditate.
5. Get driving lessons and get used to driving, slowly but surely you will do it.
etc

When you start doing these kind of things that give your life some order that you can build around. It is a like a foundation of a building.

Make it really easy. Pick just ONE THING you can do immediately, right now and start working on that... right now.

[Sat1176]

Saddened to read of your plight, but grateful that in all of the misery you are drawn towards Waheguru ji. We are always sometimes or another faced with hardships in life which we wish we didn't have to deal with on a day to day basis. It may help you to seek professional counseling so you can open up to some one who knows how to help you heal and can be an confidential ear for you to let out all that anguish and overcome these deep sometimes scaring experiences that life throws our way.

Try to reduce the negativity in yourself and not think of yourself as a burden. Always remember WaheGuru put you here for a reason, and that is:

This human body has been given to you.

bha-ee paraapat maanukh dayhuree-aa.

This is your chance to meet the Lord of the Universe.

gobind milan kee ih tayree baree-aa.

Nothing else will work.

avar kaaj tayrai kitai na kaam.

Join the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy; vibrate and meditate on the Jewel of the Naam.

mil saaDhsangat bhaj kayval naam

 

Try and occupy as much time as you can by reading gurbani, do paath or simran. Which ever you enjoy. Use that as a basis to combat these negative emotions you are feeling. Over time with Guru's grace the less time you devote to negativity the less it will have an effect on you. Beat this negative mind with the sword of the gurmantar with full dhyan on the sound as you jap.

Something extremely positive I read a while ago was:

It is often said that only 1 in a Billion meets God. That person will be Me!

[samurai]

I dont mean to shit you up or anything, but this does seem like a typical case of jaadu tuna (black magic). Trust me you are still at a age where you can change but you need to be strong. as in most situations as yourself things can get worse for a while when you start to recite gurbani meditate etc..

I have also been in a similar situation but i was ignorant to the dark forces and invited light energy after a whole lot of damage was done..

If you possibly can let sukhmani sahib path continuosly play in your room (also recite if you can). im not well equipped in gurbani but dukh daroo sukh rog paya ja sukh taam ha hoyi springs to mind....its only worldly pain that gives us ultimate sukh/bliss as this is when we devout and surrender to an energy that has no initial logical meaning..hence you dive into spirituality which is when you start to live less in the mind..

also remember no matter how hard it is there will be a time when you look back at this dark times an take it as a blessing..probably the last thing you want to hear, people used to say it to me all the time..but time is healing..

bhagat fareed says he though his house was on fire but when he stood on the hill he saw all houses on fire...theres deeper spiritual meanings but lets just take the basic physical material world as a meaning of 'we think we got problems but every household has'...trust me theres people in a lot worse situation..be blessed that you in these dark times can recite gurbani and listen to katha...

always look at the guru in everyhing meaning that which brings you out of darkness into light... maybe the so called friends you could have made would have led you into darker habits who knows.. ask your satiguru to bring quality of friends who are god minded... 

your jigsaw pieces seem to be scattered at the moment with satigurus kirpa they will be put in place for you to start seeing a clear pic..

 

[paapiman]

1 hour ago, GurpreetKaur said:

 

Sister, have you take Khanday da amrit yet?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[paapiman]

2 hours ago, GurpreetKaur said:

Vaheguroo ji,

I am a 26 years old female and have pretty much failed in worldly aspects of life. I am very behind than the normal people. I have a fear of driving and no driving license has stopped my life that I can't get a job.

Sister, why cannot you get a job, without a driver's license?

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[GurpreetKaur]

BhagatSingh ji..

I took driving lessons and can drive but it's just fear within me which stops me to get behind the wheel. It's not something I can describe, I might have to get counseling regarding it. I have made it so big that now it has taken over my whole existence.The way I can describe is I have gone though so much embarrassment because of it and still my mind goes into a panic mode every time someone tells me Let's go and start practicing driving. I have to collect so much will power to make my mind to start practicing.I have seen people driving worse than me but they have no fear and It's takes so much will power to get myself to sit in the driving seat and practice. I know fault is within me, it's not anywhere else. One day this fear just like my social anxiety will be gone too but I don't how that will happen.Thank you for replying.

Sat1176 ji..hanji, other posts of yours has deeply inspired me to start reading SGGS ji and I will start reading it. I am sure out of all this chaos, something will come out and might serve me better later on in Future. Only Vaheguroo ji knows what is good or bad, my mind will realize that one day. Can't say thank you enough for your naam simran experiences posts. thank you so much.

samurai ji..I am not sure about black magic, but I do believe in karams a lot. However, I would say that my house environment changed big time after my interest grew in Gurbani. the first bani I ever read was Sukhmani sahib ji and I used to do it a lot and kalesh decreased in the house. Compared to before, there is much peace in the house since I have increased reading Gurbani and remembering Vaheguroo ji. I always believed my dad gets possessed when he used to drink and I would say the power of Sukhmani sahib ji is amazing. The more Path i did and gave water to dad, even after drinking he started staying Calm. I still do sukhmani sahib on and off but when I get into a really dark time then I forget Gurbani all together. I don't know why am I complaining, I very well understand that as we sow, so shall we reap and I have no idea how many bad karams I have accumulated in previous Lives. I need to start doing Naam simran, Lucky are people who gets the sangat of spiritual people. Thank you .

 

paapiman ji..I am not an amritdhari. The house I live in has alcohol all the time. It is kirpa the day it happen, I will accept it. For some people amrit is the first step, for me the first step is to become what Sukhmani sahib ji tells us to, what Gurbani tells us. And I can't find a job because of two reasons, one being that the place I live in, buses does not go everywhere so that impacts alot and the biggest reason is me. My thinking that I don't deserve this or that. This voice within me keep saying nope you won't get it, you don't deserve it. I have gotten so much into a victim mentality and as I talk about it I do realize. I will have to do some deep level of medittaion or Naam simran to see what is that within me which is so big than my small problems.Thank you.

[CdnSikhGirl]

Bhen Ji have you thought about doing some things which might help step you up to bigger things you mentioned?

If driving a car seems to be too much what about maybe learning how to drive a scooter? I see MANY girls riding 'scooties' in India. And even full fledged motorcycles too! A bike or scooter is less intimidating than a car, are easier to maneouver in small spaces etc. and scooters are automatic. Full motorcycles have a clutch and gear though... but its still not difficult to learn (I have my motorcycle license actually) I am not sure where in US you are living, it might only help you in Summer / Fall / Spring if you are somewhere that has snow in winter, but will give you a lot of independence for much of the year still.  Also, learn the public transport system where you are so you can travel around freely, by yourself. Independence doesn't necessarily require a vehicle of your own. Plenty of people use public transport simply because it's easier than traffic etc. and cheaper than parking - like in New York City. And getting a job certainly does not require a vehicle or license unless of course the job is to be a driver. For a job try looking for groups that assist immigrants etc. in your area. Here we have a company that people can literally show up any day of the week, and that company is hired to take care of odd jobs... at other companies, people's residences etc. The jobs can range from cleaning, small construction projects (no experience necessary), moving items, grounds keeping etc. And the jobs are dolled out on first come first serve basis and paid the day of.  It's a system that has helped some of the immigrants here until they could find stable work. See if your area has something similar.  Print out a simple resume, listing your strenghts and your interests. Be sure to state you are interested in anything to gain experience and you are willing and eagre to learn. Print of a hundred of them and drop them EVERYWHERE! Every corner store, gas station, call centre, shopping mall stores, restaurants, hotels etc. Be sure to mention also that you will work any hours. At first you can't be picky. Being felxible will help you. Also see if your area has an employment office where you can make partake in free work training etc. that will help you.  If you take these positive steps, you will naturally start to feel more empowered. I also HIGHLY recommend volunteering in the community (animal shelter, hospital, senior citizen nursing home, red cross, etc). Not only will it give you self confidence, your feeling of being any sort of burden will completely dissappear as you are doing seva, and its a good way to make contacts in the community and friends. Contacts that may also lead to employment opportunities etc.

Finally, you are NOT NOT NOT a failure!!! Don't EVER think this!  Life is not always easy. When things are not good we have the choice to either sit and take it and feel disheartened.... OR we can do everything in our power to change our situation. Be always in Chardikala. Refuse to be in situation that makes you feel like that. As an adult anyway, you have the power to decide your own path. Stay positive! You were put here by Waheguru Ji for a purpose!

 

 

[GurpreetKaur]

Panji..Thank you for replying .Here scooters are not allowed and to be honest I never even rode a Bicycle in india so I think I should have realized that vehicles will become problem in my life. And about job, my parents would not let me get a job which is not for people with degree. Their ego will get hurt, since I do have a bachelor and somehow failed to get into my Engineering master program. But I should not give up, and I should try again since some one of us do fail and I don't know why this failure became my biggest slap on the face. It's just sometime I can't think straight and feel like I need a break from all these Tensions.Meditation should be a regular thing for me than crying i think.

 

[CdnSikhGirl]

 LOTS of people take odd jobs while awaiting their dream job or even related job to their degree! I know MANY Sikh guys who came here to go to University for their Masters etc, and were working at restaurants or call centre in their spare time to make some money to have for recreation etc. Taking these jobs didnt hurt their ego at all trust me! And they were able to make friends, make work contacts, and just learn some responsibility and discipline! For example, if you work in a call centre it will help eventually as life experience even in your career as an engineer because you will take away communication skills. (just as an example). I think maybe trying to find an opportunity to leave your parent's home somehow, might be the way to approach things. I don't know if that's possible, but if you could stay with a friend, or other relatives (or even stay at the Gurdwara for awhile - even a few days a week) would do wonders and allow you to 'find yourself'.  Sometimes aunties at the Gurdwara etc have rooms and will allow someone to stay relatively free until they can start to pay for the room etc.  There are always options. That doesn't mean ending ties with your family btw. But by being away from them even a few days a week will allow you to find who you are, without their continual influence.

 

 

[GurpreetKaur]

Yea you are right, I should explain them things does not always work out and instead of me going crazy over the thoughts, I should take any job. Our Gurdwara sahib ji just one political game they play. I only go there to be near SGGS ji since I have made a shift. Before it was just a chance to wear new Punjabi Suits lol since nobody taught me how valuable sangat is. It's all good, I am learning day by day. Thank you

[paapiman]

On 1/5/2016 at 11:55 AM, GurpreetKaur said:

However, I would say that my house environment changed big time after my interest grew in Gurbani. the first bani I ever read was Sukhmani sahib ji and I used to do it a lot and kalesh decreased in the house.

 

Sister, you can try the Jaap of the following shabad.

 

 

Ref: Shabad Sankat Mochan

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[paapiman]

On 1/5/2016 at 6:35 AM, GurpreetKaur said:

 

Sister, the first thing you need to do, is get a job (as sated by Bhagat Singh jee). This will keep your mind occupied, and most likely decrease negative thoughts in your mind. You might have heard the saying. "An idle mind is a devil's workshop". It is very pertinent to keep your mind busy. At the workplace, if you perform well, you will be praised, thereby increasing your self-confidence.

Secondly, maintain your circadian cycle  (as sated by Bhagat Singh jee). Try to sleep from 8 pm - 3 am (or 7 pm - 3 am). Wake up at Amrtivela, take a shower and do Jaap/Nitnem. When you wake up, immediately start doing jaap of Waheguru Mantar (it's a short Mantar). For this purpose. keep a mala/counter nearby.

Other points

• Keep playing Gurbani on an audio player, when you are asleep. You can keep the volume very low, if you find it difficult to sleep with it.
• Yoga/Physical workout might be helpful too.
• Try to befriend Gursikhs and stay in their company. Sangat can be very powerful.
• Do Parikarma of SSGGSJ. Please listen to Gyani jee below.

 

 

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[paapiman]

On 1/5/2016 at 11:55 AM, GurpreetKaur said:

paapiman ji..I am not an amritdhari. The house I live in has alcohol all the time. It is kirpa the day it happen, I will accept it.

Sister, Daas will humbly request you to take Amrit. As long as you are not consuming alcohol, it should be fine. Khanday wala Amrit is the first/mandatory step to enter into Sikhi. Some people might make Amrit look like a big deal, but it is a very basic/elementary step in the realm of Sikhism. Joining a Jatha on a full time basis, is something a person should contemplate deeply, before doing so, not consuming Amrit.

Additionally, if a Saint/Panj Pyaray recommend you to take Amrit after certain period of Naam Simran, then follow their advice. If no such advice is available, then Amrit must be consumed asap.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[GurpreetKaur]

42 minutes ago, paapiman said:

Sister, Daas will humbly request you to take Amrit. As long as you are not consuming alcohol, it should be fine. Khanday wala Amrit is the first/mandatory step to enter into Sikhi. Some people might make Amrit look like a big deal, but it is a very basic/elementary step in the realm of Sikhism. Joining a Jatha on a full time basis, is something a person should contemplate deeply, 0before doing so, not consuming Amrit.

Additionally, if a Saint/Panj Pyaray recommend you to take Amrit after certain period of Naam Simran, then follow their advice. If no such advice is available, then Amrit must be consumed asap.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

Veerji, How can I take something which does not make sense to me? Which jatha should I join? Which rehatnama should I Follow, the one which sees my gender and tells me I am not trustworthy? . Wait.. How can you even trust me with Amrit, I am a woman ( emotional, mood swing, gossip creature lol). I have respect for people who take Amrit and are growing spiritually. However, I have MAD respect for people who are open minded and don't usually construct themselves and others to one way of belief or thinking. 

The point is, anybody who takes Amrit under pressure can never ever keep it. Children pay huge price when their parents force them into it, everybody has their own calling. And If that's the first step in Sikhi, then it's all good I will stand outside the sikhi school and learn because my Dhan Guru Amardas ji don't care whether I wear 5 K's or not. Thank you for your help. Appreciate it.

P.s: I don't know how you keep digging this post, I posted it in a turmoil state of mind, now I am happy, things are turning well with vaheguroo ji's Kirpa.

[paapiman]

10 minutes ago, GurpreetKaur said:

P.s: I don't know how you keep digging this post,

You can request the Admins to lock this topic for you. 

Anyways, the initial post cannot be read now. So, people wont completely understand the replies.

Good for you sister that you are happy now.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[Ragmaala]

oooo burnnn   lol

[CdnSikhGirl]

Please really think about what you will be getting into if you take amrit. I wasn't aware when I took Amrit how anti-woman Sikhi really is.  I think, in recent times it's been 'fluffed up' to look like it's fair and equal. But it's not. Remove the fluff, and you will see that the Gurus hated us, and thought of us as nothing more than vile, filthy deceitful creatures. I used to think that it was truth. That Sikhi was the true path and that all humans were seen as equal. Thanks to the Singhs on here for opening my eyes to see how much our Gurus hated us and that in Sikhi we are considered so lowly. 

- Guru Gobind Singh considered us deceitful and sluts and wrote at length on it. Just watch as they go through each charitar in dasam granth section. Already second one in a row pushes message:  woman=deceiver and slut / man= the one deceived. Women are painted as cheaters, deceivers, immoral, sluts. The men are painted only as being gullible. Ask yourself which is worse?? Ahhh but they try to say its only about *certain women*? Read on...

- Chaupa Singh is revered as a "Sant" by many. And he was close to Guru Gobind Singh. He instructs men to NEVER trust ANY woman including their own wives! If Guru Gobind Singh was only against *certain women* then why would someone as close to him as Chaupa Singh instruct men to never trust ANY women? We are to be seen as the 'embodiment' of deceit.

- Guru Gobind Singh was not the only Guru who looked so lowly on us. Guru Ram Das also pushes the message in SGGSJ, that men who act according to the orders of women, are considered impure, filthy and foolish (SGGSJ Pg 304) 

ਜੋਰਾ ਦਾ ਆਖਿਆ ਪੁਰਖ ਕਮਾਵਦੇ ਸੇ ਅਪਵਿਤ ਅਮੇਧ ਖਲਾ ॥
Jorā ḏā ākẖi▫ā purakẖ kamāvḏe se apviṯ ameḏẖ kẖalā.
Those men who act according to the orders of women are impure, filthy and foolish.
ਕਾਮਿ ਵਿਆਪੇ ਕੁਸੁਧ ਨਰ ਸੇ ਜੋਰਾ ਪੁਛਿ ਚਲਾ ॥ 
Kām vi▫āpe kusuḏẖ nar se jorā pucẖẖ cẖalā. 
Those impure men are engrossed in sexual desire; they consult their women and walk accordingly.

- But that's not all. We are considered downgrades to men. (being born female is a punishment) If men even think of women at all at time of their death, the punishment is to be reborn as a prostitute (SGGSJ Pg 526):

ਅੰਤਿ ਕਾਲਿ ਜੋ ਇਸਤ੍ਰੀ ਸਿਮਰੈ ਐਸੀ ਚਿੰਤਾ ਮਹਿ ਜੇ ਮਰੈ ॥ 
Anṯ kāl jo isṯarī simrai aisī cẖinṯā mėh je marai. 
At the very last moment, he who thinks of women, and dies in such thoughts,
ਬੇਸਵਾ ਜੋਨਿ ਵਲਿ ਵਲਿ ਅਉਤਰੈ ॥੨॥ 
Besvā jon val val a▫uṯarai. ||2|| 
shall be reincarnated over and over again as a prostitute. ||2||
 

- In fact nearly every mention of women in SGGSJ (save for the one verse from Guru Nanak that seems to be positive) mention women only in relation to men... wives, prostitutes, etc. and never as independent human beings. And even that passage by Guru Nanak which *seems* positive towards women is not. (SGGSJ Pg 473)

ਸੋ ਕਿਉ ਮੰਦਾ ਆਖੀਐ ਜਿਤੁ ਜੰਮਹਿ ਰਾਜਾਨ ॥
So ki▫o manḏā ākẖī▫ai jiṯ jamėh rājān.
So why call her bad? From her, kings are born.

"Why call her bad from whom even Kings are born?"  This message seems like its positive.  But it's not.  She is only being considered good for her ability to produce male leaders (Kings). She is not being revered for her own sake as a woman.  In fact the entire shabad speaks about men's association to women, showing that women only matter by our association to a male. 

- Even natural biological functions created by Waheguru in us are considered impure. Blood is pollution after all. And it's just yet another reason for Singhs to limit what we can do.  I used to think the following passage was being misused, but now seeing how women are actually thought of in Sikhi maybe that was the intention... that we are seen as impure, pollution. (SGGSJ Pg 140)

ਜੇ ਰਤੁ ਲਗੈ ਕਪੜੈ ਜਾਮਾ ਹੋਇ ਪਲੀਤੁ ॥
Je raṯ lagai kapṛai jāmā ho▫e palīṯ.
If one's clothes are stained with blood, the garment becomes polluted.

- We are barred from most seva at Darbar Sahib, its scandalous to ever think a mere woman could ever do seva as one of Panj Pyaras. Boy babies are celebrated in Punjabi families. A girl baby commands condolences. Little boys are given powerful images of strong Singh warriors, and little girls are shown how to wash the dishes (hmmm but can we even be trusted to do the dishes?? Maybe he should do them!). 

- Getting married? You are expected to see and serve your husband as a God over you. He however, doesn't even have to even see you as fully human (and as stated earlier he is to distrust you always). According to paapiman on here, women are only sub-human. Downgrades to a male body. We should bow to husbands because of their higher status over us. (I'm sure the reference came from some 'scholar' he heard it from as most things he posts are).  There is also a shabad where I used to think he mistranslated the tuk (because it takes it out of context of the shabad) but now not so sure. Since Sikhi seems to be very anti female maybe that's how it was meant. 

"Guru Jee says, she who looks upon Her Husband as the Lord, is blessed and has firm faith; great are those wives and they are received with honour in the Court of the Lord."  (SGGSJ  Pg. 185) 

So our only way to Waheguru is to bow to men as Gods over us apparently. It's awesome to be male in Sikhi isn't it!? 

--- Anyway please please think twice about what you are agreeing to if you take Amrit. I didn't know all the above till after I did. I couldn't believe it to be true that we are seen this badly. But it's apparently true. By taking Amrit you are agreeing with all of the above. Just be informed before you make that decision... 

Edit: Forgot to mention some places DID prohibit women from Amrit! Even until recently! They did give a 'consolation' amrit by kirpan so that the food wives cooked for their husband would not be considered 'jhoot'. Some of the Singhs on here believe that amrit was only given to women for this reason (look at the thread about women having amrit in 1699) (so that the men could eat the food without becoming impure and filthy), and nothing to do with women having equal opportunity for liberation. 

 

[Ragmaala]

SOMEONE HAS CLEARLY TURNED PSYCHOTIC!!!!

ADMIN LOCK THIS THREAD!

[CdnSikhGirl]

9 minutes ago, Ragmaala said:

SOMEONE HAS CLEARLY TURNED PSYCHOTIC!!!!

ADMIN LOCK THIS THREAD!

If you disagree with the above then reply with evidence to show they are not speaking against women. I provided actual quotes from Gurbani, so prove to me how they are not against women! I conceded to all of you that fine the Gurus wrote these things about us and obviously they didn't think highly of us. I thought you'd be happy.  They are not even my writing... All I did was summarize everything all of you have been saying for a long time on here. (to be fair most of them I pulled from posts from paapiman over the last year)

[paapiman]

23 minutes ago, paapiman said:

You can request the Admins to lock this topic for you. 

Anyways, the initial post cannot be read now. So, people wont completely understand the replies.

Good for you sister that you are happy now.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

@GurpreetKaur - Dont get me wrong sister. When a person talks about his personal problems, it is possible for other people to be facing similar situations too. Therefore, the replies will be applicable to them and can possibly kick start a change in their lives. In this topic, the initial post cannot be read (which is your decision - it is your choice), so people (in the future) wont be able to completely understand the context and the replies.

Hope you understand.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

[GurpreetKaur]

5 hours ago, paapiman said:

@GurpreetKaur - Dont get me wrong sister. When a person talks about his personal problems, it is possible for other people to be facing similar situations too. Therefore, the replies will be applicable to them and can possibly kick start a change in their lives. In this topic, the initial post cannot be read (which is your decision - it is your choice), so people (in the future) wont be able to completely understand the context and the replies.

Hope you understand.

 

Bhul chuk maaf

I am sorry, I should not have talk that way no matter what next persons belief or views are. I apologize for my Batmizi. I am sorry, I was rude. I deleted the original post cuz I put a lot out there and kinda got worried someone from my area might recognize who am I since I used my real name too ( small world) and then my inner thoughts won't stay inner anymore lol. It's a different thing when strangers read and know your state of mind but when pind dey ppl find out then it's no fun anymore lol. Forgive me for my rudeness. I will be careful next time. 

[paapiman]

11 hours ago, GurpreetKaur said:

I am sorry, I should not have talk that way no matter what next persons belief or views are. I apologize for my Batmizi. I am sorry, I was rude. I deleted the original post cuz I put a lot out there and kinda got worried someone from my area might recognize who am I since I used my real name too ( small world) and then my inner thoughts won't stay inner anymore lol. It's a different thing when strangers read and know your state of mind but when pind dey ppl find out then it's no fun anymore lol. Forgive me for my rudeness. I will be careful next time. 

Don't worry sister.

 

Bhul chuk maaf