Would Like Straight Answers

[W..]

Thats my situation. I am the guy. Been going to Gurdwara for over a year now.

Just wanna know, has anyone ever seen gora accepted by the community. I want to raise my kids sikh... i have absolutely zero problems with the religion... but it seems very much that I am not wanted or welcome. I thought I should just give it time... but its been a long time.

Does anyone know of any situations where this has actually worked?

If my kids are going to be treated like I am... why would I do that to them? I don't want to give to many specifics... but I am in med school, come from a well off family, got her fathers permission from the very beginning... so I know it has to be that I am gora.

I try to stay chardi kala... but its very draining.

I have asked this question, perhaps not so bluntly, on sikhsangat... but I realize now that is a kids site. I thought an older crowd could provide me with better advice.

Thanks in advance, and happy 4th to all US members

-Wales

[Guest]

Wales bro, i just wanted to give you straight answer. Our leaders and some of our people even though pretending to be following sikhism- (Universal dharam)but they were much influenced by punjabi culture and imbued in this self pride- they just can't seem to stand the fact punjabi girl is going out with white person. Unfortunately thats the only thing they see, they are not seeing anything beyond that like your compatibility with Sikhism. It's like some black mens cannot see black girl going out with white boy.

May be solution for you guys to get married and do ardas of taking amrit one day in 3HO gurdwara where lot of white sikh converts and open minded punjabi sikhs are very warm welcoming and accommodating.

I really apologize for your experience, its such a embarrassing situation for Sikhs world wide who are proud of fact that they are there to serve whole humanity.

[shaheediyan]

Have you taken Amrit, are you a Singh?

[chatanga1]

Just wanna know, has anyone ever seen gora accepted by the community.

If you are accepted by Guru Ji, then you will be accpeted by the comunity. What do you expect the community to do? Hound you out cos of your colour?

Bro, the former pardhaan of our Gurdwara has a white son son-in-law, and they bring their kids to the gurdwara. I have never heard anybody say anything bad about them or avoid them or anything.

A white guy comes to our gurdawara every now and again with an indian girl, he even wears a turban, although he has haircut. He looks quite good in it actually.

[dalsingh101]

Anyway, as you're coming from America, where inter-racial marriages seem to be a big deal, like between blacks and whites - I'm surprised at your surprise?

[W..]

Thanks for the replies.

No I have not taken Amrit. I feel that would be a bit premature since I dont even speak punjabi or read gurmukhi (sp?) I have gone to great lengths to learn about the religion. Try to pray japji sahid every morning... etc.

The interracial marriages are not a big deal at all where I live (out west). I would say I see like 10 a day, so its not a big deal because of that.

I am very used to taking flack for dating a punjabi girl and dealing with overprotective punjabi guys. I am just surprised that the raw hate I experience at Gurdwara isn't going away. It also bothers me that when my fiance used to go with me to the catholic church... she experienced absolutely nothing but open arms and friendliness. For a while I just tried to tell myself I was making mountains out of molehills, but other people besides me have noticed it.

The community aspect of religion is very important. I realize this now. How am I supposed to be a sikh, if like 90% of sikhs hate me because I took one of their own. Will my kids be outcast all their life because they are half white? If thats the case what the hell is the point of raising them sikh?

Chatanga that is exactly what I wanted to hear. Maybe when I leave this town to set up practice back east the gurdwara there will be more accepting.

Thanks for replies

-W

[Kaljug]

Thanks for the replies.

No I have not taken Amrit. I feel that would be a bit premature since I dont even speak punjabi or read gurmukhi (sp?) I have gone to great lengths to learn about the religion. Try to pray japji sahid every morning... etc.

The interracial marriages are not a big deal at all where I live (out west). I would say I see like 10 a day, so its not a big deal because of that.

I am very used to taking flack for dating a punjabi girl and dealing with overprotective punjabi guys. I am just surprised that the raw hate I experience at Gurdwara isn't going away. It also bothers me that when my fiance used to go with me to the catholic church... she experienced absolutely nothing but open arms and friendliness. For a while I just tried to tell myself I was making mountains out of molehills, but other people besides me have noticed it.

The community aspect of religion is very important. I realize this now. How am I supposed to be a sikh, if like 90% of sikhs hate me because I took one of their own. Will my kids be outcast all their life because they are half white? If thats the case what the hell is the point of raising them sikh?

Chatanga that is exactly what I wanted to hear. Maybe when I leave this town to set up practice back east the gurdwara there will be more accepting.

Thanks for replies

-W

What gurdwara do you go to? I've never seen anything like that happen in a gurdwara. Even in Amritsar, the worst that might happen to a gora is that curious people might approach you and ask questions about who you are, and what brought you to Harimandir Sahib, and whether you know their grandson Chintu who also lives in London "village".

You may find such problems disappearing once you marry the girl. Dating is still seen as a verboten thing in the Punjabi community.

K.

[dalsingh101]

And mate, don't be under the illusion that white people never hate it when one of their own date out. I dated an English girl once, years ago, and her family were ignorant too. So was the reaction of some whites when we went out.

Plus, given the way white men have essentially used and abused Sikhs over the centuries, I'm not surprised people aren't queuing up to put garlands around your neck personally.

You wanted straight talk.

Edited July 5, 2010 by dalsingh101

[chatanga1]

Will my kids be outcast all their life because they are half white?

absolutely not. Not the way you say you want to bring them up.

[SURYADEV]

And mate, don't be under the illusion that white people never hate it when one of their own date out. I dated an English girl once, years ago, and her family were ignorant too. So was the reaction of some whites when we went out.

Plus, given the way white men have essentially used and abused Sikhs over the centuries, I'm not surprised people aren't queuing up to put garlands around your neck personally.

You wanted straight talk.

LOL DalSingh. you have a way with words. ever thought of a career in counselling or diplomacy??

[W..]

Thanks for replies

I absolutely realize some whites are like this. Its BS from whatever side it comes from. Doesn't bother me at all, but whatever. All I can say is that if I ever saw it I would do something about it and I am sorry you took some hell for it. To be honest, I would even be a bit apprehensive about my sister dating a punjabi guy... not because I have a problem with punjabi guys but because I know for a fact their is a strong pressure from most parents to marry another punjabi and I wouldn't want to see her get hurt. If i knew the guy and his family though.. that would change everything.

Be careful saying "white people" We are not all the same. We don't all have the same history though. I can understand the apprehension though... what with colonialism and hillbillys harassing sikhs and such... but I would hope that if a guy goes to gurdwara for over a year and is always nice and polite... why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Also, I know for a fact none of my ancestors did this... but some times people just group you all togethor. I know some whites who think all brown people were terrorist... so I guess it works both ways.

chatanga, once again that is exactly what i want to hear.

Thanks,

W

[dalsingh101]

As a parting note I'd say this to you Wales. If the kids are going to be raised Sikh, and I mean seriously, then at worst, in time people will understand and accept it. It is a part of our future in my opinion. I have half white nephews myself (though they look as brown as me if not browner), and they consider themselves Sikh, so I know it isn't impossible. Remember this as well. There may well be snobs and jerks who feel no shame in making kids feel bad about themselves. These exist in all communities. Part of your job as a Sikh father is to prepare your children to face such people confidently.

Know that the path you may now tred isn't guaranteed to be easy, but use your faith and devotion as a weapon and shield in these battles. We are accountable to God and our Gurus more than to any other Sikh we may meet in the end.

[W..]

Thanks dalsing. I appreciate the good sentiments. Thats really what I wanted to hear. I guess I need to man up so I can raise my kids confident enough to deal with the people who give them hell.

The purpose of this question was to get some feedback and hear of some examples of this working out. This purpose has been fulfilled. Seems like a good idea for mods to close this so it doesn't turn into my personal sob story.

N30, thanks for the kind words. I didn't respond earlier because I have some serious problems with 3HO. I realize many 3HO people on this site so I didn't want to get into that issue and thus not get my questions answered.

Thanks all,

-W